All Roads Lead to You

Amerie October 2024 I sighed deeply before pressing the call button and placing the phone to my ear. I was about to put the phone down after three rings when she picked up. I heard soft laughter in the back and the clanking of dishes. Soon after, there was silence and the only sound was both our breathing. "Hi Mum," I whispered, hoping she's the one who answered. "Hi, darling. How are you?" I heard the worry in her voice. "I'm fine, really. How are you and Dad?" "We're good. How’s Mari?" "She’s fine. Harris just picked her up." A pause, then: "Is there a reason you called? This is unlike you." "Yeah... I was wondering if I’d still be welcome for the holidays." "What kind of question is that? You’re my baby. Of course you’re welcome!" "Thanks mum" "Of course. I'll speak to you later" "Bye" "This is a good idea," I told myself, hoping it was true. Mari deserved a change of scenery, and maybe I did too." ~~~~~~~ I picked up a cute pink and white mug with bow drawings and placed it in the cart with the other things. It was perfect for Mum—she drinks tea like it’s a ritual. The rest of the cart was filled with gifts for everyone back home, because apparently, Mum decided to make a public service announcement about my return. Typical. As I pushed the cart to the self-checkout, the festive decorations caught my eye—twinkling lights strung along the aisles, a Santa statue near the entrance. It was almost enough to lift my spirits. Almost. I stood in line behind a woman struggling to keep her kids in check. I have always hated shopping. Harris used to do all the shopping when we were together. It was a bonding activity for both him and Mari. The line crawled forward at a snail's pace, my patience wearing thinner with every second. When the woman ahead struggled to corral her kids, I couldn’t help but groan. She turned to me and looked at my finger and gave an expression like I couldn't understand what she was going through. This was the last thing I needed from a stranger. "Maybe if you stopped begging them to behave and tried being stern maybe they would behave, but what do I know?" She turned to face me and pointed to herself. "Yes, I was talking to you" "Thanks, but I don't need advice from you", she replied with a scoff. "And I don't need you wasting my time, but here we are." "There are other lines, you know?" "And this one was the shortest." "You’re so bitter, maybe it’s because you’re single." I chuckled, more at the irony than anything else. She wasn’t wrong—I was bitter even when I was married. As she marched off with her kids, a pang of regret settled in my chest. Did I really need to pick a fight with a stranger? Probably not. But bitterness is easier than feeling anything else. Feelings are messy, unpredictable. They reminded me of the person I used to be—the one who believed in things like love and forever. ~~~~~~ November 2024 I put the last of our bags in the trunk and closed it before getting in the car. I put on my seat belt and adjust the mirrors. I see Mari in the mirror, and she's pouting with her arms folded. "Baby, what's wrong?", I asked, turning to face her. "I want to stay here with daddy! Why do I have to go with you?", she sniffed, not looking at me, and my heart broke a little. I knew they're a bit close, but I didn't think she would react this way. "We're going on a vacation, just like you've always wanted. I promise it is going to be fun even without daddy" "No! I want to stay here with daddy, you're not being fair!" She shouted the last part and went back to staring at her feet. I faced my front and put on the car. We had a long journey ahead of us. The trip should be at least three hours long. I'm not going to spend an hour explaining why daddy can't be here because we were already late, and that was daddy's fault too. I pulled out of the driveway and started driving down the street. I heard soft singing coming from the back and I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw her watching cartoons on her tablet. That should keep her occupied for a while. "This is a good idea, maybe sometime to ourselves is all the bonding we need", I thought to myself as I reduced the volume of the radio. ~~~~~~~ I looked up at the welcome sign that read "Welcome to Maple Ridge" and a feeling of unsettlement and nerves swarmed my stomach. The last time I saw that sign it read, "Leaving Maple Ridge". The sign looked newer, and had a different color and design. Maybe I was not remembering correctly. Before I left, there was a debate on whether it should be remodeled, and it was agreed that it didn't need changing, just polishing from time to time" ~~~~~~~ "Do you really have to go?", I asked again as I pulled into the gas station. She had this habit of saying she needed to pee and when we stopped for her, she'd buy stuff instead of peeing. "Yes mummy, I promise", she replied, trying to wiggle out of her car seat. "Okay, hold on. I'll park the car now" I shouldn't have given her that fourth juice box. I turned off the car and came down. I opened the door, and she hopped out immediately, running towards the store. How did she undo the belt? I followed her into the store and saw a young girl sitting behind the counter, blowing on the gum in her mouth, while scrolling through her phone. I rolled my eyes internally as I approached her. Teenagers. I was a teen once and trust me, I would not want to have an encounter with me either. "Hi, is there a restroom she can use?", I asked with a smile. She looked up from her phone and looked me up and down. "There", she nodded towards a door at the back of the store with no sign whatsoever that said "restroom" or "toilet". "Is it clean?", the last thing I wanted was my daughter getting an infection. "You can check it out and let me know I guess" "Excuse me?" I was about to let her have it when I felt someone pulling on my dress. "Mummy! I need to go. Now!" I lifted Mari up in my arms and marched towards the toilet. I'd let her have it when we were done. I pushed the door open and to my surprise, it was actually clean. There was toilet paper and running water and the water in the W.C was clear. I put her down and brought the disinfectant out of my pocket and wiped the seat before allowing her sit on it. I always carried a small bottle of disinfectant with me for situations like this. Harry used to say I was being paranoid and germaphobic. I helped her wash her hands and we stepped out of the toilet together. She freed herself from my grip immediately the door closed and ran to an isle containing Snacks and juice boxes. "Mummy, can I get these?" "No, love. You still have so many snacks in the car" "I know but I want these ones too" "You already have some, I packed more than enough for the drive. You can't buy everything just because you want it" "I wish daddy was here, he would have said yes" "Well he isn't. Let's go, I want to be in Maple Ridge before it gets dark" She stampped her feet before reluctantly returning the chips and juice boxes, and walking towards the entrance. The Cashier watched us as we made our way out and I so badly wanted to slap that look off her face but that was unnecessary and could get me in trouble. We were just an hour away, nothing could go wrong. ~~~~~ As I stepped out of the car, the sight of the house hit me like a wave—its familiar outline bathed in the soft glow of the porch light. It looked the same yet different, like a memory blurred by time. My hands tightened on Mari, her small body a comforting weight against my chest. The house held so much—love, pain, laughter, and silence. And now, I was back, unsure of how to piece it all together. I struggled to bring the last of the bags down when I heard the front door open. I looked up and saw someone walking to me. Her face came into view as she got closer and I realised it was not my mother. "You must be Amerie", she gave me a wider smile. I looked her up and down before returning the smile. She looked oddly familiar. "Yes, I am. And you are?", she chuckled lightly as she lifted some of the bags off the floor. "I'm Jodi" "Oh OK. Are my parents home?" "Yes, they're upstairs. I heard a car drive in so I decided to check it out" "oh, I see. Thanks for helping" She nodded at me before walking up to the house. I held Mari closer before picking up her bag and closing the door with my foot. I trailed behind Jodi, following her into the house. The house looked so, different. My parents were known for keeping things the same way forever so I was surprised they renovated the house. Or maybe it all looked different because I hadn't been back in a while. "Is that Amerie? Oh my girl", mum walked down the stairs and I saw dad behind her. "Hi mum", I chirpped with a smile. "She must be tired", she placed a kiss on my cheek before taking Mari out of my hands and rocking her gently. "Welcome Home, my love", Dad opened his arms and I walked into his embrace. It felt good to be home.