Finding herself

Chapter 13: My whole life is a lie

I went and grabbed the journal from Maya's hands. She had a paper open, that was slightly browning, from the time that passed. It was a handwritten note and I would recognize the handwriting anywhere.

Dear Robert.

All this pretending is getting exhausting. I don't think I will be able to live like this much longer. These past ten years were too much. I dream about your touch every night that we're apart, longing for your sweet kisses.

I know we agreed that living with our partners is the best thing for both of us, and I would hate to break poor Noel's heart, but you're my one true love, my mate, and the father of our daughter. I hate seeing her grow up, not knowing who her real father is, not knowing what she can do. I hate that she doesn't get to be an alpha's daughter, which is her rightful place. Her birthright.

I will be waiting for you tonight at midnight, in our special place.

Love you, forever and always,

Maria

I put the journal on the table and quietly walked out of the office and across the hall. I walked to the nearest wall and punched a hole in it. I heard Maya yell from the unexpected sound and she ran out of the office to check it out.

I was pacing back and forth, pissed. How could they lie to me? How could they lie to my dad? He isn't even my dad now. It has all been a lie. For what? Two minutes of pleasure? It's disgusting. I feel disgusting. I should have never been born.

How could they lie to dad like that? If they were mates, they should have been together properly, clearly, they loved each other, but going behind his back like that is just too mean. Poor guy didn't deserve to be made fun of like that.

"Hey, are you ok?" Maya stepped towards me and hugged me. It took me a second, but I hugged her back.

"I guess. What happened, happened. Can't change the past now. I just can't understand why they would do that to my dad. He always made sure my mom and I were happy, cared for us, and everything a guy should do. And what did he get in return? An unfaithful wife and a daughter, that wasn't even his." I wasn't as angry anymore, just sad. If my dad knew, I know it would have crushed him.

"The mate bond is a strong urge. I don't know how they could resist not living together or being together all the time. I'm not saying it's right what they did, but it was surely very hard. When my wife was still alive we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves." Jeremy mentioned and I left Maya's embrace.

At least now I know why my eyes never change color. Or why I don't feel the need to obey commands from others. But what did my mom say in the letter? What I can actually do. I wonder what she meant by that.

"Hey Jeremy, you knew the alpha. Did he have some kind of power I don't know about? Mom mentioned something in the letter and it's bugging me. Something about what I can do." I walked back into the room and I saw Jeremy reading the letter. He looked up at me and nodded.

"I know of one. I never really saw him do it, but he could control other wolves' minds if he looked into their eyes. He used to brag about what he would do with it once he got it when we were younger. Either I never saw it or he did it so casually and effortlessly, that I never caught on. You have to practice a lot, I guess. And I have to say, I'm sorry you had to find out this way. If I knew, I would have told you. But I guess they were very good at keeping it a secret from everyone." I knew he would have told me. But that isn't important right now. What's done is done and we must move forward.

"It's ok. What's important now is to get back to the pack. We found out what we were looking for, but I still want to look at every book in here if there is something else we missed. Also, I saw some fighting techniques in one of the books that could be useful. I suggest we pack the books in the car, go to sleep and take off bright and early." I looked at them and they were both smiling. I scrunched my eyebrows at them. "What?"

Jeremy was the first to answer. "How could I have missed the alpha blood in you? The voice laced with power and commands that make you do what you are told. You truly are an alpha's daughter, like it or not."

I was taken aback by his words. "Do I command everyone all the time? It didn't seem to me like I do." Maya answered me this time, crossing her arms on her chest. "I see it now too. But it's so subtle, you can't even detect it. You make us want to do it. And now I don't know if I should be impressed or scared of you." I heard the sarcasm in her voice and the smile on her lips showed me she was kidding.

"Well, maybe someday, you'll have me as your alpha and then you'll have to listen to me." I smiled and winked at her and she laughed.

This time, Jeremy had something to say. "If you end up with my son, you can be the alpha you were meant to be." I forgot about his son. "That's right, your son. When is he coming home again? I can't wait to meet him if he's as great as you say." I wonder what he looks like. He must be very tall, just like his dad. And good looking.

"In two months. He decided to travel across Europe for a while since his duties will be here when he returns. We plan to teach him everything he needs to know about being an alpha so I could finally step down. He's almost 30 now and I've had enough excitement and duties for a lifetime. It's my time to travel and enjoy life." I was baffled by his answer. He is planning to retire already? What if his son is a d**k and an incompetent alpha? I just joined this pack and now I'll have to listen to some dumb kid who doesn't even know what he's doing?

'Chill out, it's not going to be that bad.' Onyx remarked. About time she said something.

'How do you know? You don't even know him. He's just going to hold his head high and look down at us because his father took pity on us. And not to mention, we'll have to listen to him or get out of the pack. And frankly, I don't really want to be an outcast anymore, I'm done running.' I was pissed already and I don't even know the guy.

'His father is a good person and I'm sure he is as well. Besides, he has known about us for a long time and that if they found us, we would be living with them. Give the guy a chance, it can't hurt. And if he betrays us, we'll hurt him and take his pack from him. Double win.' She's right. Again. This is becoming annoying very quickly.

'Fine, but when we get a knife in the back, it will be your fault.' I told her and started carrying books into the car. Meanwhile, I had something else to ask Jeremy.

"When are you planning to retire? In a year or before? Sorry for asking, but it's bothering me a little not knowing. I just joined the pack and now everything will change again." I opened the trunk and dumped the books in.

"Don't worry, it's not going to happen in at least a year and a half. You can't just become an alpha without knowing what you're doing. I mean you can, but not a good one. That's why I won't leave the position without being sure one hundred percent that everything is in good and capable hands." He walked out the door and put a stack of books in the trunk. Then he walked towards me and patted me on the shoulder in reassurance.

----------------

After we carried all the books and journals to the car, we made dinner. It was already dark out when we ate and we decided to go to sleep early, so we could get back home sooner.

Jeremy informed me that if we had gone on foot as wolves, we would be home sooner than by car, but he anticipated that I would want to bring home something. Just that he didn't think it would be a bunch of old books.

It made me laugh when he said he thought the trunk would be full of stuffed animals. I almost fell out of the chair laughing.

After dinner, I stepped outside to watch the stars and listen to the wildlife. Crickets were always very loud this time of year, and today is no different.

I suddenly thought of Sebastian and I decided to see if he was up.

'Hey, you asleep?' I imagined he was right there next to me and I was talking to him, just like Maya had told me.

'No, I've been waiting for you. How are you? Did you find anything?' He answered and I immediately felt better just hearing his voice.

'I've been better. Tough day. We found a lot I'll tell you tomorrow. I just wanted to hear your voice.' I admitted to him and my cheeks flared up to the color of ketchup.

'That's nice to hear. Finally, admitting you like me huh? Took you long enough.' I could hear the smugness in his voice. It annoyed me a little that he knows. This was just supposed to be a fling. But now it's turning into so much more, at least on my part. I like him a lot and can't wait to see him.

'What took long enough is this trip. Tomorrow, when I come to your place, I expect a bath to be ready for me. And you'll join me, of course.' I had to tease him a little. Just so that he doesn't forget what's waiting for him tomorrow.

'Of course. Anything for my queen. Does your majesty prefer roses or lilies?' Now it was his turn to tease me. A queen? Yeah right. Of a kingdom of one.

'Roses. Red. And you, naked on my disposal.' The air around me was getting hotter and hotter. I couldn't help myself but imagine what it would be like to touch his body right now, caress every muscle, lick every inch of him.

'I like the sound of that. And whatever you just made me see, I like that too.' He caught me off guard.

'Wait, you saw that? How?' I felt the chill of the summer breeze on my skin again and the moment was gone. Not for long, since we'll see each other tomorrow, but still disappointing.

'I did. I don't know how you did it, but it was very nice. Can't wait to see you. Now go to sleep, you'll need it. As soon as you get home, come to my place. Food will be waiting.' I guess my ability exceeds my father's, he could only tell people what to do. I can show people what they see? Now that's badass.

'That's all I needed to know. See you tomorrow. Bye.'

'Bye, babe.' He finished our talk. Again with the babe. I'll have to ask him about that because he must be confused.

I walked back inside to my makeshift bed and fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.