Take My Hand

"We will not have coffee-based drinks yet until 10 am."   The girl behind the counter gave her a half-sympathetic, half-irritated look. Sam was sure the girl had to repeat that multiple times today. It was probably not her fault that their espresso machine was broken but it was not Sam's either so she did not appreciate the condescending tone.   On other days, she would have told the girl off, who looked more than five years younger than her. She settled for a chocolate shake, making a mental note to go around the neighborhood for a different coffee shop. Sam hated sweets. The girl thought putting caramel on the topping was a good thing, and Sam almost threw the thing to her face but she stopped herself before she was sued for violence. She had no plans of getting deported prematurely. Seething, she left the coffee shop with the broken espresso machine. She placed the tall cup on the compartment in her car and drove to her new apartment slowly, because she had a sense of direction as good as a broken compass.   Sam was told to move far away from Gangnam as possible. She considered moving to the Yeouido where it was closer to her workplace. However, it was bad enough that a certain company that she had nothing to do with would interfere with her life and year-long relationship, that she decided to do the exact opposite of that. She looked for a place in the same neighborhood, a few blocks away from their company's headquarters. She thought there would be no better hiding place than in plain sight.   She did not have much stuff to move in with since she already sent her furniture a week beforehand, which was so unlike her to plan ahead. There was not much to move anyway, since she only owned a handful of things in the previous place she left. For a change, she wanted to be able to move in stress-free, after all that she had been through for the last two weeks. More challenges awaited her as it was only a month before her finals for her Game Programming course that she was taking online, and she was far from being finished with her project. In addition to that, she had to work night shifts at her job at a radio station as one of the Junior Audio Engineer. If not for the 2-year contract she signed with that company, she would already be either back in her home country or in Japan.   Sam arrived at the apartment building and realized her bad day was far from over. First, on the parking space that was supposed to be reserved for her car (as she was told by the building manager), parked a black van. It was one of those ones that celebrities use to move to their locations. She did a double take and almost reversed her car immediately, thinking it belonged to someone she recognized (and was hiding from). Could he have found her already? Maybe it was not such a good idea to hide in plain sight, after all.   When the driver got out of the car and she did not recognize the person, she heaved a sigh of relief and parked right next to it. CH Entertainment, although currently the biggest one or so articles say, was not the only company that could afford those types of vans. She then remembered the building manager telling her that a Korean boy group (she forgot which one among the many she met, thanks to her job) lived in the same building and asked her to respect their privacy and not to post anything on any social networking sites (SNS for short). Sam assured him that she would comply. She did not want anything to do with ANY celebrity at all. Goodness knows she had enough of that.   Picking the lightest one among the three boxes she brought with her, which summarized her life in Seoul, she went inside the building.   "That looks heavy," commented the guard, whose name Sam could not remember. "Let me help you with that."   "It's okay," she said politely. "It's not really that heavy."   She went to the elevator and found her third mishap of the day. The word "Maintenance" stared back at her and she mentally punched herself for refusing the guard's offer. When she looked towards the guardhouse, the man was not there anymore. Sighing, she turned to the stairs, questioning her life decisions as to why she chose to live on the third floor instead of the first.   She carried the box which was starting to get heavier with each step, up the flights of stairs. She was almost on her floor when the bottom of the box gave way and all the things inside fell out. There were clangs and crashes as three framed photos bounced on the steps. It was a good picture of how she actually felt the last couple of weeks--broken.   "Seriously?" she groaned loudly. What a cherry on top of her day.   Sam started to pick things up, feeling her eyes sting. She fought the tears back, though. She was not going to cry alone in a stairwell looking all pathetic. The last thing she needed now was self-pity. The first thing her hand reached for was a photo of a guy with the brightest smile she had ever seen. The glass was shattered, just like she felt her life was at the moment.   "Come on," she muttered to herself. It was not some Korean drama where she would stare at that stupid photo and pick it up in slow motion as flashbacks of their happiest moments played with a really mellow background music. "You're too cool for that."   She heard a faint sound of one of the apartment doors on the second floor opening and closing. There were footsteps and soon a guy came to the stairs, making her blink back tears that were starting to betray her. It was one thing to cry on a stairwell, and to be seen doing that was another. She kept her back to whoever came while she picked up a black jacket and a black snapback. There was a sound of broken glass being stepped on and it made her turn.   "Oh, I'm sorry."   Sam recognized the guy standing at the foot of the staircase. It was a member the new boy group, SkyHigh. Their group came as a guest to their radio station last month to promote their recent comeback, but she could not remember his name. The only person she remembered from that group was Jake Chen, and he was not even Korean. He had stepped on a framed photo of the same person.   "It's okay," she assured him, forcing herself to smile. "Don't worry." I'm going to throw that away, anyway, she almost added.   The guy picked it up and carefully handed it to her, but not before taking a quick look.   "Aiden Park?" he said, recognizing the person on the photo. "You must be a fan of Laplace."   Sam just smiled awkwardly.   The guy looked around, noticing all the stuff on the floor. "Oh no. How did it become like this?" He started picking things up one by one.   "I'll do it," she said, coming down the stairs to go to him.   "Let me help," he insisted.   Sam got a good look at him now that she near him, since her eyesight was as good as a bat's. Up close, he looked better, his fair skin making her feel conscious of the zit on her forehead. He was in casual clothes, and judging by his messy hair, he must have just come out of bed, which explained the faded jacket hastily put on over a low neckline grey sleeveless shirt. His shirt revealed his chest whenever he picked things up and she could see a dot in the middle of his chest. Realizing where her eyes were, she quickly looked away. She just broke up with a celebrity boyfriend and should not be ogling at a freshly debuted one like a perverted fan.   She took the stuff he handed her and realized that she had nothing to put them in. The box had literally become bottomless. He did not know that yet and kept on gathering her pitiful Laplace merchandise.   "You must be a really big fan," he mumbled, noticing he was only picking up Laplace merch: A limited edition Laplace Handy Fan, Laplace headphones, Aiden Park posters, Laplace printed pillows, and a Laplace shirt signed by Aiden Park.   Live with a Laplace member secretly for a year and you'll get them for free.   "I was, yeah," she answered.   "Was?" he repeated.   Sam had met enough celebrities and knew the right words to tell them. "Now, I think I'm now a SkyHigh fan."   The guy blushed, which was visible because of his fair skin. "Thank you," he said, bowing slightly. "I thought you did not recognize me."   No kidding, she thought inwardly. "I'm Sam," she said, introducing herself when she remembered her manners. "I'm moving in on the third floor unit."   He nodded knowingly. "Matt," he answered, extending his hand out of habit. "Nice meeting you."   Sam was used to that gesture and took his hand absent-mindedly, just as Matt realized it was more of a custom in Korea to greet by bowing. He hastily pulled his hand back, making the air around them a bit awkward.   "Sorry," he muttered, scratching the back of his head. "I grew up in LA, so..."   "Really?" She did not know that. Then again, the only group she used to care about was Laplace. She switched languages from Korean to English, finding a kindred spirit. "I'm a foreigner, myself. It's nice to meet you, Matt."   It was his turn to be surprised. Her accent was almost like a native that he naturally thought she was from Seoul.   The door for the stairs opened again and out came another SkyHigh member. This one, Sam easily recognized.   "Why are you still here?" Jake Chen asked Matt.   After that, he spoke in fast Mandarin and that was the last of Sam's linguistic skills. She was part Chinese, herself, but the only Mandarin she knew was limited to numbers, asking how much is the price, and how to haggle. She did think she heard Jake say the word "flirt" among them, though. He put an arm around Matt and turned to Sam.   "Hi, I'm Jake."   This one did not hesitate to shake her hand. She replied in English again. "Sam. Nice to meet you."   Matt flicked Jake's snapback when the newcomer refused to let go of Sam's hand, embarrassed by his friend's forward actions. That was when he noticed the box Sam put on the floor. She saw his eyes and tried to cover the label on the box, where a huge "TO BURN" was written.   "She needs another box," Matt said. "I'll go get one." He went back to their unit, leaving Sam and Jake there.   "What happened her?" Jake asked, looking around. "Did Matt do this?"   She shook her head and waved her hands in front of her. "No, no. The box gave way while I was on my way up and Matt was trying to help me."   Jake blinked at her, confused when she switched languages. Sam had not been able to speak to English to anyone that much since she arrived in Seoul, which was why she was excited to use it on these two foreigners, but habit made her speak in Korean. She forgot English was not as widely used in Korea as it was in her home country, that it was not common to have good English skills there. She knew Jake was from Hong Kong.   "I'm from the Philippines," she said, meaning to explain that she should normally speak English. In the end, it confused poor Jake more.   "But you speak better Korean than me," he said.   "I try," she answered shyly.   Her unusual linguistic skills had been frowned upon by her friends. Sam was known to switch from Filipino, to English, to Korean, and to Japanese while speaking, and only her closest friends were accepting. Others gave her judging looks and consider her a show-off. None of them knew that after learning too many languages, she often had hard times searching for the right words. Now, she came face to face with two people who also spoke at least three different languages, and suddenly she was not so weird anymore.   "Wow, so many Laplace merch," Jake further added. "You must be a REALLY huge fan."   She just nodded at him, not trusting her words.   "I hope you check out SkyHigh, as well," he said. "We recently had a comeback."   "Jake, stop flirting."   The door opened again and Matt came with a box. It was a lot smaller so not all of her stuff could fit in, but it was the biggest one he found in their dorm. He brought a roll of duct tape with him, instead. He handed the box to Jake, signaling for him to pick the things that were on the floor, and started taping Sam's box up.   "Thanks a lot," Sam said, taking the box from Matt when he was done. He helped her put the rest of the stuff inside.   "Where's your apartment?" he asked, taking the heavier box.   "Huh?" She did not expect him to ask that. Besides, she was not in the mood to further socialize. As much as she tried not to compare, these two people remind her of Laplace. She would want to be alone at the moment so she could mope. "It's fine. I'll just come back for the other box."   "Jake," Matt said, turning to his friend. "Can you go tell JT I'll go to the convenience store later?"   "Now?"   "Yes. Immediately."   "But what about Miss Sam's boxes?" Jackson started to protest but nodded a second after as if understanding something. "Fine. Sam, it's nice meeting you."   "Nice meeting you, too," she answered.   "Be careful around Matt," the guy said, laughing when Matt glared at him and went back to their dorm.   "Third floor?" Matt asked her when Jake was gone.   Guessing turning Matt down would get her nowhere, she nodded as an answer to his question. The two of them made the way up the stairs. Matt led the way and Sam followed him quietly.   Matt felt really bad stepping on a good picture frame and cracked it. He felt even worse when he saw the hurt look on the girl's face. He was sure her eyes glistened with tears when she turned to him. To his surprise, she said it was okay and smiled at him. The smile did not reach her eyes, however, and for some reason, he felt a twist in his gut. He later noticed the ruined box that she had been carrying was labeled, To Burn. He wondered if it was just a coincidence. In any case, Matt was sure he had to help her at least carry the box up the stairs or he would not be able to sleep it off that night.   It was not usual for him to be curious. Matt never usually cared about other people's business especially if it did not affect him in any way. Yet he hated it that he seemed to have made things worse for her and added to her pain when she saw his foot stepping on the photo. Knowing she was also a foreigner in the country, he felt some sort of kinship.   Even though Sam told Matt to just leave the box by the door, he went out of his way and brought it in.   "Are you going to hang these up, somewhere?" he asked, noticing there were posters. He looked around the house and noticed how empty it was, reminding him of the first time he, himself, moved to Seoul. At that time, he only had his carrier bag and had to move in with five other trainees, with only one of them able to speak English.   "I won't," Sam answered. There was no point explaining she was going to actually get rid of the stuff. She was thinking of selling them online so she could make some money off of them. Most of them she got free, anyway. However, she was too scared that it would be traced back to her, since some of the fansites already targeted her before...   There was a bark, and from a room out came a Shi Tzu, running towards her. This dog was a gift from Laplace member, Kyle. She had considered leaving Peachy with the person she lived with before, but figuring he would barely have the time to take care of it, anyway, she took it with her. The problem would be after she finished her contract with KBC Radio and would need to go to Japan. Peachy frantically ran to her, wagging her tail so forcefully, Sam was afraid it would fall off.   "So cute!"   The girlish squeal did not come from Sam. She turned to see Matt on his knees, hand stretched out as he petted Peachy. The dog immediately left Sam's side and played with the new friend. Matt let out a high pitched laugh, which she did not expect from him, when Peachy reached up and licked his face rather passionately. It was different from the bored look he had back then on the stairwell.   "No more dinner for you, Peachy," Sam said to her dog. "You're eating his face really fast, leave some for later."   Matt found it funny and laughed again. Now, Sam could see more life in his eyes.   "You like him so much, huh? Why don't you go live with him?"   "What's her name?" Matt asked, lifting Peachy up and setting the dog on his lap as he sat on Sam's floor. She almost told him she had yet to clean the house, but he did not seem to be bothered. Another dog person, huh.   "Her name's Peachy," she answered.   "She's cute," he cooed.   Sam took a bag of treats and handed it to him. Matt's eyes brightened as if the treats were for him and she could not help but crack a smile. He took one treat, playing with it expertly before actually letting the dog have it.   She felt her chest tighten at the recent decision she had made. She already talked to Kyle and they agreed that he would take Peachy back and make his sister take care of it. With Sam's schedule and Laplace's, none of them would be able to actually take care of the dog. Peachy was a sensitive one and needed constant care so it was best they let a normal person take it in.   Sam leaned over and petted Peachy as well. "I'll have to say goodbye to her soon," she told Matt.   "Why?"   "I live alone," she explained. "I have a full-time job and a full-time student at the same time. I won't be able to take care of her as much as I want to. Peachy's pretty sensitive, so someone else will look after her."   "Where is she going?"   "Kyle's older sister," she answered, then realized her mistake. She saw Matt's eyebrows furrow, then look at the box he left by the floor, and back at her. He put the information together.   "Laplace's Kyle?"   She nodded. It did not feel right to lie to him. It was not like he and Kyle knew each other anyway. Matt was lucky enough to sign with WTN Entertainment, which was a way better company than CH Entertainment in terms of work ethics and values.   "You know them?" he asked. It explained the limited edition merchandise.   "I used to volunteer at a vet's clinic," she explained. It was true. Partly. "And I met Kyle's sister there."   "I see," Matt said, nodding knowingly. He had a feeling there was much to the story, though, but he kept quiet. He got up and handed her back the bag of treats. He knew enough not to give the dog too much. "I didn't mean to pry."   She shook her head. "No problem."   He gestured all around him. "I don't wanna keep you from unpacking, or whatever you were doing."   "Thanks for helping me," she said as she led him outside.   "If you need anything, we'll just be down there."   Sam bowed her thanks.   "Bye, bye, Peachy," Matt said in a cute voice as he got out. The dog was not paying him attention, though, when it found the boxes they brought. Peachy found a black snapback that smelled familiar and started chewing on it. Sam had to run and take it away. "Okay, ignore me."   Sam closed the door after him, and she was suddenly faced with how empty her house was. This was it. She finally moved. At last, she got away from Aiden Park and CH Entertainment. It was such a big house but it was the only one she found that fast, and fit her budget.   She should have asked Matt to stay longer. She could have made him talk about anything that did not concern her, anything that would not remind her of him. She felt so empty now that she was left to unpack all her stuff on her own.   Unopened boxes were all around her, but she reached for the one she brought with her. Would she really be able to burn them? Would she really be able to erase him?   They had always been careful to hide any pictures of them together. She never posted anything about Laplace on any of her social media accounts. She even erased a couple of those accounts when the fansites started getting wiff of her. They thought they could hide it.   There was nothing that could have escaped CH Entertainment. In the end, she was a nobody, who only got in the way of a very talented artist.   Her phone rang and she answered it without looking at the caller's name. She regretted it as soon as she said, hello.   "So you really left, huh." His deep voice was too familiar for comfort. Sam almost ran to where he was but she knew she should not. Not anymore.   "What do you want?" Sam's voice cracked and she realized she was close to tears.   "Where are you?" he asked, voice tinged with anger. "Answer me."   "Don't look for me," she told him. She heard a loud bang on the other line and she knew he hit something, as he always did when he was mad.   "Are you really going to do this?".   "I already did. I'm not coming back."   "Where are you right now?" he demanded. "I'll go there right now. This can't be it, Sam. You have to talk to me. You can't just leave like that."   "Don't." She took a deep breath to compose herself before she spoke again. Just hearing how frustrated he was made her want to run to him and wrap her arms around him to tell him everything was going to be okay. But she could not because everything would never be okay. "I'm busy. Don't call again. I'm hanging up."   Sam ended the call before he could say anything else that would make her change her mind. The farther he was from her, the easier it would be for her to make herself believe she made the right decision. She went back to unpacking, knowing that house would never feel like home. She felt more alone now after that phone call.   There was a crash as Peachy toppled the other box full of Laplace stuff. Sam could see another one of those framed photo of Aiden Park again, smiling at her. Now that she was totally alone, she felt her knees give way and she let herself slide down to the floor as she let all her feelings out.