My Little Wolf

The Tears

Jaxon’s POV

I’ve lost control. My wolf is in control. He is tearing through the pack house in wolf form. Things are crashing around me whilst he whimpers. He is scared. Heck, I’m scared. I’m trying to reason with him that destroying our home won’t help the situation even though it feels like it’s helping release this internal rage I’ve been keeping at bay for so long. I just want to run but I know that I can’t. I charge down the corridor, still in wolf form, to go to my bedroom but suddenly come to a halt.

River is stood in the doorway, in wolf form. I can see her wolf looks nervous at the fact she is standing up to the alpha. I start to walk backwards and bow my head to show her I mean no harm. Of course, I mean no harm, she is my sister after all but with all the turmoil that my wolf is going through, it’s understandable that she’s nervous. I change back into human form. River bows her head down as I stand there naked in front of her. She moves to the side and walk past her and enter my bedroom. By the time I finish getting dressed there is a knock on the bedroom door. River opens the door, now wearing a dressing gown. She still looks nervous. I point the chairs in front of the bay window, gesturing her to sit down. She does so. I take a seat opposite her.

“Jax, I’m sorry for standing up to you then. I… I just didn’t know what else to do to get you to stop.”

The words come out almost inaudible. All I can do is smile at her. My sweet sister. She has been through so much as well and sometimes I forget that. Sometimes, I forget that River and Luca both lost their mother and Etta. They know the pain I’m going through.

“No, River. I’m sorry.”

She looks shocked.

“I need to keep a better handle on my wolf. Charging around won’t help get Etta and Luca back. I need to think straight. Thank you. But...”. As I finish the sentence, I let out a huge sigh and tears form in my eyes.

River instinctively leans forwards and touches my knee, eager to know what’s going on. I explain to her that the reason I was running around the pack house in such a state was due to the mind link that I received from Etta about their escape plan and her blocking me out. River just sits there with an open mouth.

“I’ve tried mind linking her, but she is blocking me out and I can’t get in. She didn’t even let me respond to the mind link. As soon as she sent it, she blocked me out. What if I never hear her voice or see her again?”. As these words leave my mouth, the tears start to stream down my face. There is a chance that that may happen and if it did, I would never be able to forgive myself. How could I go on knowing that it was my fault she was in that situation in the first place?

My wolf begins to come to the surface and my eyes changed but they quickly change back as River holds my hands in her. In the caring way our mother used to.

“You must trust her Jaxon. She wouldn’t put herself or Luca in danger if she didn’t truly believe it was the only way. She will find her way back to you. She has tried in the past despite not knowing who she was running to. You must trust her and believe in her. Do you?”

Her statements were true, but her question threw me off guard. I sat there and pondered but I knew she was right. River was always right. I take a deep breath in.

“Yes River. I do trust her. I do believe she will come back to me, but I worry about her safety and whether she’ll come back in one piece. I worry about Luca. I worry about my ability to be alpha. How can I be a strong alpha when I can’t control my emotions?”

River leans back in the chair and stares at me intently.

“This is what makes you a strong alpha. This is what makes you a great leader. You care. You fight for what you love, and you stand up for what is right. It’ll all work out in the end and once it has, I’ll be able to turn to you and tell you I was right.”. She lets out a little giggle at that last sentence and I couldn’t help but smile.