An Illicit Love

Chapter 18

Catie had to pull to the side of the road before driving very far. Just as the day it all started, her legs were trembling, and she was having trouble seeing clearly where she was driving. She noticed no passing motorists looking at her, no other vehicles passing. She was concentrating too hard on holding herself together. To not fall to pieces. To not break into floods of tears, which would surely reveal she had been crying when she reached home. To not scream and pound the steering wheel in frustration. She was trying to accept the frustration of knowing only she herself was to blame for the dilemma she found herself in.

How did this happen? She had been looking forward to their vacation since they had returned from the previous year’s break. It was a highlight in her life. She loved going to the ocean. But now? Now it was going to create a separation from Dave. Dave of the warm, deep blue eyes. Dave who brought an involuntary smile to her face every time she thought of him. Which was often. Too often, maybe? No. How could she not think of the man who made her blood flow with lightning heat through her veins? How could she not think of Dave who had wakened things in her that until 35 years of age she had not known existed? How could she not think of the man she loved, deeply and truly? Even though he belonged by law, to another woman.

Catie took her make up bag from her handbag, and slowly tried to repair the damage done by Dave's kisses, and her tears, which although she commanded them sternly not to fall, had overflown her eyes, and trailed silvery tracks on her cheeks, before dripping off her chin. Not too noticeable a touch up she told herself. Just enough to appear normal. To appear ecstatic to be on the verge of leaving on a long awaited vacation. Could she pull it off? You have to, she told herself sternly, waiting for a gap before re-entering the flow of traffic that would take her home. Luckily the stop she had to make to buy goodies for a picnic basket for their road trip afforded extra time for her to pull herself together and try to appear as normal as possible.

When Catie arrived home, the garage door was wide open and Kevin and Bryan were rummaging in the fishing paraphernalia which was kept there. Kevin was carefully counting out sinkers, and hooks and weights, and bait boxes. Bryan was ‘helping’ and because of the excitement, Kevin patiently put-up with his chatter and inept efforts at organizing everything for the big trip. Kevin looked at Catie and asked “Had a hard day love?” and before she could answer he had turned away and started sorting through another bag of fishing must haves. Catie hugged Bryan, then she made a quick escape to the kitchen to begin making supper and prepare a picnic basket for the road.

Catie called her two men in to come and eat and conversation was limited to what big fish they were sure to catch, and what HAD to go with… toys, fishing clothes and such. About an hour after arriving home, ahe found herself starting to look forward to the long awaited break. She told herself it was also the perfect opportunity to sort out her feelings and what was happening with Dave. Maybe, she told herself, she could come back and break things off before they took the final step to making it “an affair” officially. ‘Yeah right,’ said her inner voice, ‘as if that’s going to happen. You’re already in over your head’. Or was that her heart? Catie decided to ignore it as usual, and went to Bryan’s room to start packing. Just after ten, when Bryan was already in bed, Kevin and she packed everything into the car so that they could get away early the next morning without too much still to be done.