A Desire to Be Solved

II. The Holy Matrimony

I feel the brightness of the sun glistening in my eyes. Should I get another hour of sleep, or should I get the day going? Decisions. My stomach is roaring for some food, so I guess I'll get up. After all, today is the wedding day. 

  I get up and see that everyone's already gone. Where to? I know Helen is off getting ready, and I won't see her until the ceremony, but everyone else? I have no idea, but I know I have to prepare for the ceremony at noon. I walk towards the kitchen and feel the nice, warm breeze. As I get closer, I hear pans rattling and wonder who it could be.

  "I hope it's a mom; I'm f*****g starving," I said to myself. 

  "Parker! Everyone's out getting ready for the big day today." 

  I notice the sarcasm when he says, "big day," but I brush it off.

  "I had nothing better to do, so I came to raid your fridge. You want some food?"

  "f**k yeah!" I said, excited. "Chef Laurence is starting the day off with a great meal. What are you cooking us?" I asked.

  "Us? I guess I'm a chef now. You're a grown-ass man about to get married. You can make your damn food. I'm eating all those eggs. Sorry. You should go hunt a deer."

  I squint.

  "Cereal it is!" I said in a sarcastic tone. 

  I grab my flakes and make a bowl of cereal. I can feel the apathy coming from Laurence as he's cooking, avoiding eye contact, making sure he never faces me and keeping his head down as he walks back and forth. I try to lift the mood with some small talk.

  "Such beautiful weather today, and the entire village is getting together to celebrate us. It's going to be a great day. Are you excited?"

  He groans.

  "It's been a while since everyone's gotten together. I'm glad that we all have the chance to gather today. I have big plans for the family."

  "Oh yeah?" He says. "Are you going to throw a big graduation party for Helen too when she finishes school?"

  "I didn't know she was in school, but I can add that to my list of things to do."

  His voice started getting louder. "Helen is not in school, and she hasn't been in school like she should be." He says, irritated.

  "Well, college is a choice," I mentioned in my defense. "And Helen's never mentioned anything about wanting to continue her education."

  He turns off the stove and puts all his eggs in a tortilla.

  "f*****g finally." He said as he bit into his burrito.

  "Are you going to sit down?" I asked.

  "No." He says with a mouthful.

  I got up and opened the door. The sun shines all through the kitchen, and you can hear the birds chirping and the roosters crowing. I leaned on the door and faced the outside. I looked around and noticed a broken plate shattered on the sidewalk. 

"Oh, I bet you can't wait until you f**k my daughter. I can see it in your face. I had that same look when I saw my wife naked for the first time. Eyes open wide, peeled over my head. The best titties I've seen in my life to this day." Laurence said, nodding his head. "That or you just did some coke. Are you using drugs?" He frowns.

  "No, I don't do drugs. I was thinking about what today would be like, and I'm excited. I'm happy."

  "Let me ask you something, son. Helen first told me about you three months ago. How long have you two been seeing each other for?"

  "I think today marks three months," I said, questioning myself.

  "3 months to the day, and you're ready to get married?!" Laurence asked, almost fracturing his neck as he turned to me.

  "I know it seems crazy, but I am in love with her. She's a beautiful woman, and I feel like we will have a great future together", I exclaimed.

  "Do you know how old she is?" He asks.

  "Now that I think of it. No. I don't think we ever really cared to share each other's age. We just got along so well right away. It was like love at first sight. I'm sure of that."

  "She's 14, Parker"

  "She's what?!"

  "That's exactly what I said when I found out she was getting married to you. How old are you?"

  "I just passed 28 a few months ago…." I said in a low tone of voice.

  I face him and make eye contact as he nods his head.

  "I would never have gotten married to her if I knew she was so young," I said and looked towards the broken plate. "I didn't know."

  "Your eyes are peeling again, son. Are you some perve?"

  I relax them.

  "Well, it's too late to call anything off. Everything's already paid for, and I have already invested my share of the money. Half my damn savings, by the way." He says, shaking his head. "You know I thought you were about 18 or 19. I was excited for her. But 28? That's too much. You're taking her innocence away."

  I keep my head down in shame and stay quiet.

  "We're keeping this ceremony because I don't want to break my little girl's heart. Everyone's all too invested in it, and so am I." He assures me.

  "You're invested in it too?" I asked. "How so?

  "Did you not just hear me? I put half of my damn savings into this. But you're going to pay me back."

  "Of course, I'll pay you back. When I go back to the United States and start work, I'll be sure to send you money every month."

  "I don't want any money." He says.

  "You don't? Then what do you want? You name it, and I'll do my best to give it to you."

  "I want you to suck my dick."

  "What...?"

  "I'm kidding. I want to go to America with you." He says.

  "Oh, thank god. I was about ready to kneel." I said in relief.

  "I would love that." He nods. "But yes, I want to go to America."

  "Well, you can ride with us when we leave at the end of the month. And then when we get to the border in Sonora, we can sneak you through." I described it to him.

  "No, no, no. None of that. Then risk getting deported and fined? I want you to fix me and my whole family papers."

  "I can do that," I assured him.

  "I'll wait here and get some things done around my land in the meantime." He mentions.

  "That's great. I'll be sure to get to it as soon as we get there." 

  "And I want you to send me money every month until we arrive."

  "We're going to be family. I'll be sure to take care of all of you the best I can."

  "That settles it then!" He says, letting out a big smile. "Congratulations, Parker. You're going to be a married man today. I couldn't be more excited for you!" He says, patting my shoulder. "I'm going to go home and get something to eat. I'll let you jack off and get ready." He mentions as he starts walking down the road. "It's going to be a great day today!"

  "Yes. It is." I sigh. 

  I turned inside and started fixing up another bowl of cereal. I open the fridge and lift the weightless gallon of milk, hitting it on top of the refrigerator.

  "What the hell? It was just half empty. Goddammit." 

  I tossed the gallon over my head and strolled towards my room, eating spoonfuls of dry cereal.

  "It's going to be a great day."

 *     *     *     *     *     *

As I stand in front of everyone, patiently waiting for Helen, I look around and notice how many people there are. A lot of familiar and unfamiliar faces; so many mouths to feed. Everyone is here to celebrate my wedding with Helen, but then I wonder, what if none of this was here? People come to these events ready to eat, gossip, dance, and get drunk; It all makes me think about the roles people have in my life. To be honest, I could give a s**t about the majority of these people, but the thing is, I don't. I love everyone, and I am thankful for their presence at my wedding, but they have no significance in my life. However, it's a great feeling to see people celebrate you; you're the occasion! It's a fun concept. You invite many people, in my case, the village, and we all get together to dance, drink, socialize, and have a great time.

The majority of the people in Tecolapa know that I come and go to the United States. Most people know me for all the cement water troughs I've built outside the village. Of course, they're all made for my animals, but a ton of people go out there to swim because of this crazy Mexico heat. Several people try to let themselves into my life to see what I can give them; the sad thing is, they don't care how obvious it is that they only want something from me.

For years now, I've been asked for money, jobs, to be a coyote; one guy even came up to me and asked for me to marry his daughter for papers. I was all for it until I saw what she looked like. Then it made sense why he was begging in the first place. It all surprises me to think that this is all just a show and after it's all over, I'm more than likely never going to spend time with a majority of these people.

I can't help but wonder who will ask Helen and me to baptize their kids. Would it be f****d up to say no? We might help some kids and families a lot, but it's not my job to do so. 

The doors open, the audience rises, and the f*****g funeral music starts.

"It's going to be a great day," I whisper to myself.

Helen and Laurence walk in together. She looks gorgeous. An e-white satin with a fitted, boat-necked bodice, long sleeves embellished to the elbow with tiny buttons, and a full circular skirt with a demi-train sweeping the floor. Her lips are glossy, and her blue eye shadow stands out while some of her curls are coming out of her fascinator.  Everything around me zones out; my focus is on nothing but her and how beautiful she is in that dress. It's almost like observing a painting; I notice so many little details while my eyes flow over her.

I can't help but think about the conversation Laurence and I had earlier. I see Helen's innocence; how happy she looks to be the center of attention with a big smile on her face. I can't believe she's only 14. Now that I think of it, I'm probably her first everything. First boyfriend, first kiss, first date, I don't doubt she will lose her virginity to me; I'm practically going to be raising this girl! What have I gotten myself into?

As they approach, Laurence nods and gives me a big wink while his lips touch both of his ears.  A smile that definitely fools everyone; he seems happy to be letting his daughter go into my hands, but only I know its motive.

The priest starts talking, and honestly, I have absolutely no clue what he's saying. There are so many thoughts racing through my head. I'm looking at Helen, and I can tell how excited she is.

Before I know it, it's time for our vows. I go first. 

"I vow to be an honest, faithful, and loving husband for the rest of my days," I said as I started slipping the wedding band on her finger. 

I grab both of her hands and continue, "I vow to protect you from harm, to stand against your troubles, and to look to you when I need protection."

A blue tear starts building up in her eye. Slowly, it rolls down her face; I wipe it off with the knuckle of my finger and rub her cheek like a feather. 

"I love you," she mouths, biting her lips after.

"I vow to always be with you through the ups and downs and believe in you in your most challenging times. Just as I give you my hand today, I vow to provide you with all of my efforts, strength, and support."

"You may kiss the bride," The priest demands.

I grab her head and bring it close to me. Before I close my eyes, I see everyone in my peripheral stand and clap. We kiss. I feel her soft lips press against mine. As we part, we make eye contact and smile at each other.

She grabs me by the arms, and we walk down the aisle together.

"Isn't it such a great day today? It is so beautiful outside," I say to Helen.

"It really is," she says, "It's our day."

*     *     *     *     *     *

It's warm outside, the live band is on, everyone is drinking, eating, and having a good time. The one thing I never liked, though, is when it's so loud, you have to shout in each other's ear to listen. It's only 10 pm, the night is still young, but I've been around all day. I need a break.

I open the front door and go inside. I shut the door and acknowledge the faint music from inside; it's so loud it's shaking the cement walls of the house. I look around and see a load of kids sleeping on the floor. Quietly, I tiptoe past them and find a quiet room at the far end of the house.

"I can finally hear myself breathe," I say to myself. "At least no one can hear me,"

I pull down my pants and let loose; I've been holding it all day. I heard it's not healthy for you. 

Even though I'm tired, I'm having a lot of fun, but I still need to dance! Now that I'm 10 pounds lighter, I'll be ready to go.

"Parker, are you in there?"

"Yeah, what's up?" I ask, trying to recognize the voice.

"Helen is looking for you. I'll tell her to come inside to wait for you."

"Sounds... good?" 

Couldn't it wait?

I clean up and exit the bathroom. As I walk out the door, I see Helen waiting for me impatiently with her arms crossed.

"Hey, my love! Are you doing okay? Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"I think I'm ready to go home." She says, with a frown on her face.

"What? The party still has a lot of life left. We still haven't even danced together."

"I said I'm tired, and I want to go home." She said, raising her voice.

"Helen, we still haven't danced together. It's part of the party! People are going to want to see us dance. And we'll be getting our pictures taken."

"Take me home, or I'm f*****g walking."

That escalated a little too quickly! It made me really irritated. Besides, she's the one that wanted this whole ceremony.

"Are you serious?"

She nods.

"Fine. Let me get my keys, and we'll go."

I walk outside and grab my keys from the table.

"Where are you going?" Jerry asked, shouting in my ear.

"I'm taking Helen home for a little while. She's not feeling too well. I'm just going to drop her off and be right back. Keep one cold for me."

"Will do! Drive safe!" He shouts, raising a Modelo bottle then chugging from it. 

I walk towards my car and see Helen facing away from the party with her arms crossed.  

"I'm not sure what's gotten into you? Is there something you want to talk about?"

She turns back to give me an angry stare and turns away. I really have absolutely no clue what's wrong with her.

We get into the car, and she fiercely slams the door.

"Whenever you're ready to talk, I'm here. I'm going to drop you off and be back here to watch the party."

"No. I want you to stay with me."

I'm thinking she maybe wants to have s*x for a second, but with that look? I don't think so. Unless she's a masochist? It can't be, so I cross that option off the list. I stay quiet.

We get to the house, and I stop the car, keeping my foot on the break. She quickly steps out and walks towards the front door until she realizes I'm still in the car. She comes back and lifts her arms up.

"I'm going to give you your space because you're obviously upset and don't want to talk. When I come back later, if you want to talk, I'll be ready to talk."

I put the car in reverse and slowly started backing. I break eye contact with her to check the rear and get blindsided by a punch. I slammed on the pedal while going reverse and saw Helen hanging on and trying to hit me.  

I had no clue what to do. I repeatedly slapped her until she finally let go and drove off.

"Why didn't I just stop the car?" I asked myself.