UnWilling Luna

Episode Seven

I spent a long time on the ground of my room, trying to calm myself down. I was hurting, in so many ways. I was hurting from Blake being my mate, and me wanting to reject him. I was hurting from having to stay in this Pack. I was hurting from the exhumation of being overworked. I was hurting from making my mother worry. I was hurting from hurting Jasmine. There was just too much.

Eventually, I drug myself up to my feet and wandered to my closet to get changed. Since I slept in the Pack house so often, I didn’t have a lot of clothes here. They were mostly my nice ones that I didn’t trust to leave other people alone with. I settled on an outfit that I wore to my mother’s graduation ceremony, a simple white dress with frills and lace on the hems and sleeves. I tied my hair up in a bun, though it was messy and obviously half hazard, since I didn’t bother to brush my hair.

I wandered back downstairs to the kitchen to dig through the fridge. My mother always had an abundance of food in here from our time as Rogues. She didn’t want anyone to ever go hungry in her house again. The thought of me rejecting Blake, forcing her to become a Rogue again, made me tear up. I bit my lip, angry with myself for being so weak.

I stood in front of the fridge for several minutes before reaching in and just grabbing a juice box. It wasn’t food, but with my stomach doing gymnastics, it probably wasn’t the best decision to eat right then anyways.

After awhile, Mom came home. She didn’t say anything as she passed me sitting on the couch on her way to the shower. When she came out, she was dressed down in plain pajamas with messy, wet hair that she let hang out.

“So, Blake,” she said simply as she sat next to me. I managed a nod. “You could have told me.”

I didn’t bother to ask how she knew. It was probably obvious. “I was scared,” I whispered, looking down at my lap in shame. I knew I should have told her, but I just didn’t know how.

“Of me?” she sounded hurt, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her.

“No,” I whispered still, bunching my hands up in fists, clenching the fabric of the dress between them.

“Of his father,” this time it wasn’t a question. It was a statement of understanding.

I nodded, trying not to cry again. I was scared of so many things when it came to Blake being my mate, and his father was at the top of the list for certain.

“You can still reject him. We could leave before it got out of hand,” she said quietly, after a short pause.

For a moment, I considered it. It would be even better for me if Mom and I left together, but I know how unhappy that would make her. She’s tried so hard to fit in and make a life here. It would be selfish of me to expect her to leave it all for me.

“No,” I muttered, giving a sigh of defeat. “Like you always say, the Goddess chooses our mates for a reason, right?” I forced a smile as I looked at her, fighting back my anguish.

She looked at me uncertainly before patting my head. “You’ve never acted like you believed it though, and you were so certain you were going to reject him on your birthday.”

I shrugged, looking away from her again. I knew that she knew why I was saying now I wasn’t going to reject him, but I didn’t want her to feel bad. It was my decision, and my choice. “Yeah, but things change.”

“They should only change if it’s for your own happiness.”

I shrugged again before leaning my head on her shoulder, like I did when I was little. She wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on mine. We were quiet for several minutes until she got up and said she was going to cook for me. My stomach growled with joy since it didn’t know the last time I’d actually had real food.

“Okay Mama. That sounds good,” I smiled softly as I followed her into the kitchen.