Strange Addiction

Sabrina I was sad, drowning in shock but I couldn't bring myself to cry as I stood there so I just stared wordlessly at my mother’s headstone while my aunt Martha bawled nonstop beside me. Boldly written on the headstone was my mother's name “Stella Brook” and how long she had lived too. I had been like that since the last two days when I returned from school and was told my mother was dead. Her body had already been taken to the morgue before I returned so I didn’t even get a chance to see her for the last time as a farewell before she was taken away and I still didn't cry. I felt numb all over, like it was hard to accept the fact that my mum was gone forever and I was never going to be able to see her again. It still felt like I was going to see her, busy baking and humming like she always did most afternoons when I returned from school… but it wasn't so this time. The house was empty when we returned from the graveyard and slowly, it was beginning to dawn on me that my mum was really gone and she was never coming back… but I still didn’t shed a tear. Aunt Martha slumped on the couch once she closed the door behind her then she looked at me where I stood staring at her with my hands tucked in my pocket. Her eyes were red, her face was swollen too and she looked utterly sad and devastated. I could imagine how it would feel to lose your only sister to a kidney infection. She waved at me before sniffing into her handkerchief which was all soaked with tears. Then she looked back up at me and forced a smile on her face and that broke my heart. Seeing her trying to make me feel like all was fine broke my heart because it wasn't and she knew I knew it too. I hated seeing her try so hard. I decided to leave her be for while so I walked off to my room to get my box and any other thing that I probably left behind. I walked into my room and the door wouldn’t stop creaking so I just closed it before going to get my box. Then I looked around my room for the last time since I was moving away to stay with my aunt. She was going to put the house up for sale and add the money she got to my college fees. She said it would help us live with the memory of my mum better. I didn’t really understand what she meant by that but I also liked the idea of selling the house because nothing was bringing me back to this place. I had always dreamt of moving somewhere new because I had lived here all my life and everyone knew the story of how my dad left my mum before I even got to know him and I hated it because their eyes were always filled with pity when they looked at us and their words were filled with forced sympathy that we didn’t ask for so I always hated it and wanted to go somewhere far and new where no one knew me or pitied me because of a man that I didn’t even know. I switched back to the present and I sighed deeply to myself before I dragged my box along with me to the living room where aunt Martha waited. She sat up on the couch once saw me and I gestured toward the box. “Ready,” I said and she nodded before walking out of the house and I followed her. I followed her to her car and I placed the box in the trunk before I sat in the backseat and I put on my headphones then I rested my head against the window glass to watch the cars passing by while aunt Martha drove. The drive spanned for more than an hour and soon, I had fallen asleep until aunt Martha arrived at our destination, the front of her house and she woke me up. Slowly, I opened my eyes and I looked around. It took a while for me to get used to the environment and when I did, I realized we had arrived and I got out of the car immediately. She went off to open the door to her house while I pulled my box out of the trunk. I followed her inside. I looked around once we were inside, and I loved how simple she had set the living room. It wasn’t a big house so the living room wasn’t too spacious. I could even see the kitchen from where I stood but it looked welcoming and felt warm. She stopped when she got to the middle of the living room and she looked back at me as I closed the door and faced her. “C’mon, I’ll take you to your room,” she said and I just nodded wordlessly before I followed her to wherever she was leading me to. We got to a room at the end of the hall and she opened the door for me. “This is for you, I already had all your things moved so you can set up all your things in your room the way you like it. You can also come to me if you need anything too, I’ll be around today” she said and I smiled at her before nodding. “Thanks, aunt Martha,” I told her and she scoffed while waving me off. “It's Martha, Sabrina, please. You don't have to address me as an aunt,” she said and I grinned. “Okay then… Martha, it is then” I replied and she nodded in satisfaction before she came closer to me and she pulled me into a tight hug, then kissed me on my head. “I’m here for you kid. We’ll be fine” she said even though it sounded more like she was saying to herself to affirm that she would be fine even though she just lost her only sister to a kidney infection disease. I hugged her tighter to let her know that she wasn’t alone and I whispered to her gently too. “I’m here too, Martha. We’ll get through this together” I told her and I heard her sniff. Then she let me go and smiled at me. ‘Go on and set your room kid, I'll go ahead and make dinner for us” she said and I waved her off. I watched as she walked away and I sighed to myself for probably the hundredth time that day before I entered the room she gave me and began to arrange everything. I took my time to set up the room the way I liked it then I hung my clothes in the wardrobe and I was done. I fell back in my bed to take a moment to rest from the exhaustion and I just stared at the ceiling as memories of my mum from as far as I could remember rushed back into my head at once. I sat up in my bed before I took a picture of us from the drawer and stared for a long time. We looked so happy in the picture and I could remember everything that happened that day vividly. I missed her so badly already. My mum was my backbone and pillar, the only best friend I had that understood me completely. We had our differences sometimes, that was normal, but we couldn't go for long without each other so we always made up almost immediately. Remembering suddenly made my throat feel clogged. My eyes began to burn behind their lids and I began to gasp for breath softly because my chest was beginning to hurt. The hurt and pain from feeling her loss was beginning to pour in at once and I hated how I felt. I wanted it to end but I didn’t know what to do so I just let the tears pour, I bared out all my despair and sorrow until all I felt was emptiness and my eyes felt heavy too. I sniffed and cleaned my tears then I left for the bathroom to rinse my face. I looked in the mirror once I was done and I stared at my face. I took my mum’s features and I was always glad I did because I didn't want to look like a man that didn’t even care about me in the first place. I stared at my light brown eyes, my cheeks that always looked chubby when I smiled, and my pouty lips too… they all reminded me of my mother and I was sure that anytime I looked into the mirror, I was going to be reminded of her. It was kind of a relief that I wouldn't forget how she looked. I left the bathroom and went back into my room where I packed my hair up in a ponytail before I began to browse through my wardrobe for the clothes to wear after I took my shower and a knock came on the door then Martha peeked her head through the door a little. “Dinner is ready Sabrina, you should come and eat,” she said and I closed my wardrobe. I decided I was going to take my shower after dinner and then take a walk before going to bed because I knew it was going to be a long night for me, I was probably not going to be able to sleep. *********** I and Martha ate our dinner in silence and from the look of things, it was obvious that we both didn’t have the appetite for dinner but we didn't want to say so because we were trying to keep up the front of being strong enough to bear with the loss and absence of my mum. The silence was getting too much, the food tasted more like sawdust in my mouth and I couldn’t take it anymore so I dropped my spoon and looked at her. She had been watching me. “I’ve had enough for dinner so I want to go for a walk now”. I told her and she just nodded before she stood up and took the leftovers to the kitchen. “You should see the town before school starts after all,” she said while emptying the contents of the plates into the bin and I nodded before I went to my room and took a quick shower first. Then I wore a sleeveless flower patterned dress and brushed my hair all to the back. I looked in the mirror and I couldn't help but wonder why I was dressed so seriously for just a walk. Well, I wanted to make an impression on my first day in the town. I wanted to be remembered as someone pretty. After taking in my appearance, how the dress clung to my wide hips and accentuated my slim waist, I grabbed my jacket then I left the house. I had walked a few feet away from the house when I remembered that I left my phone behind but I just shrugged it off and went ahead with no destination in mind, it was going to be a waste of time to go back for the phone anyways. I closed my eyes and I let myself relax as I felt the soft night breeze and I loved how it blew over my skin, helping to soothe the ache that I felt in my chest. I opened my eyes and looked around. People were just walking around and doing their business. I didn’t see anyone that looked my age and I wondered why there weren't any of them around because I had hoped to meet at least one person that would probably be attending the same school I would be going to. I had figured that maybe we would get acquainted and become friends when the new semester began. I sighed to myself as I walked on and I guessed they were all probably busy with something more interesting to occupy their time. I decided to find the nearest grocery store and get myself some chips and ice cream before I retired for the night. Maybe I would be able to learn one or two things about the town.