THE JOURNEY OF A FRACTURED HEART

BORN ON 13TH OCTOBER 1972 IN KINGS COUNTY HOSPITAL NEW YORK CITY TO A PUERTO RICAN FAMILY, MY EARLY LIFE MY MOTHER HAD ME AT THE AGE OF 16, WHILE LIVING WITH HER GRANDMOTHER ALONG WITH HER SISTERS AND BROTHERS,MY FAMILY WERE POORMY MOTHER LIVED WITH MY GRANDMOTHER WHO WAS POOR AND LIVED OFF OF THE GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS THAR WERE FOR LOW INCOME FAMILIES WHO COULDNT PROVIDE FINANCIALLY,MY GRANDMOTHER WAS A STAUNCT ILITERATE,BUT SHE WAS VERY TALENTED AND SHOWED ME HOW TO SEW AND ALSO SPEAK SPANISH THROUGH HER I LEARNT FISHING,SHE TAUGHT ME ABOUT GOD TOO, MY MOTHER MARRIED MY FATHER ,AND MY FATHER JOINED THE MILTARY I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD WHEN MY MOTHER CONCEIVED MY SISTER AND WHILE MY FATHER WAS STATIONED IN SEATTLE WASHINGTON DC,IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT FOR MY FATHER BEING DARK IN COMPLEXION WHILE BEING IN THE MILITARY THEY DESCRIMINATED AGAINST HIM AND HE HAD TO WORK EXTRA HARD TO PROVE HIMSELF AND I WASNT AN EASY GIRL TO HANDLE, SO I WAS STATIONED ON THE MILITARY BASE WITH MY PARENTS I WAS ALWAYS VERY MISCHIEVIOUS, I WAS AT THE HEAD STATE SCHOOL AND A LITTLE GIRL DIDNT WANT TO SHARE HER BOTTLE WITH ME I TOOK A PENCIL AND JABBED IT IN HER EYE IT ENTERED THE TEAR DUCK, I WAS TAKEN HOME AGAIN BY THE MILITARY POLICE I WAS WHIPPED SEVERALLY, MY FATHER BECAME ABUSIVE TOWARDS MY MOTHER AND MYSELF AND I UNDERSTOOD WHY BECAUSE HE WAS UNDER PRESSURE FROM THE MILITARY AND HE HAD TO WORK REAL HARD TWICE AS HARD AS A DARK SKIN MAN, He was an E4 Specialist: I remember I had a play room with all of my toys and my mom was a nurse at the time so she was at work and I went into the closet and found a switch blade knife and i cut my finger so bad I was afraid to tell me father because I knew he would beat my ass so I hid in my room and wrapped it up with toilet , I also had a pet cat that I tried flushing down the toilet, My sister was a baby so when my mother returned home she came in and found me hiding under my canopy bed and called out my name: And I came out of hiding and she saw the injury to my finger and she gave me home made butterfly stitchesAt a young age I knew so much my parents would go over to another couples house to spend time with and I would play with their children But i remember they were using drugsThey were sniffing white powder And drinking, Well the physical abuse became so bad towards my mom and myself that my mom called cooked my father a meatloaf dinner and grounded glass into it and as he sat down at the dinner table to take that first bite the sun peeked through the window and the meatloaf shimmered from the glass and he got up and threw the chair back and said to her b***h your trying to kill me And he went towards her I got in the middle he struck me then he grabbed the broom stick and my mother got in the middle and he started to choke he with it as she was trying to protect meThat same night she reached out to my uncle Victor who was married to her sister my aunt and he drove to Seattle and as my father slept we left like thieves in the night We went to far rock away New York and stood with my aunt and my uncle with her children which she had 4 and she was raising my aunt’s 3 boy’s her name was Carmen My first loves name was Jason Garcia He was Puerto Rican he was also a drug dealer and he lived with us grandmother and this was in Brooklyn New York on new lots aveBut this was later on when my mother met my step father RaymondWell at the age of 9 we lived over a check cashing place and that was where I had my breaking point my mother was heavily using drugs and I was ironing a pair of red jeans and they had lint on them so I went to get a razor to shave them off of my pants and I heard the voiceThe voice that said to me open it up take the blade out and did and then I started to cut my wristAnd I fell to the floor as I bled and my mother came home saw that wrapped my wrist up called the ambulance they took me away Sabrina Ortiz: Well the second attempt I tried to take my life was when i heard the voice and I went into my aunts medicine cabinet and took a bottle of Valium and swallowed all the pills they found me unconscious they called me uncle because they were afraid they would take me and put me away in a mental institution so my uncle had me drinking milk and made me vomitFrom that point the had me see a psychiatrist and they put me on medicationNow moving ahead my mom moved back into an apartment that my grandma had it was a one bedroom apartment room and we all shared the bedroom it a living room with the kitchen together and a bathroom of course We were poor but ate like a rich person because my grandma would go fishing everyday and I went with her we would catch crabs and blue fish, red snappers, flounder’s, porgies, shark, eel,octupus,[2:35 pm And we ate seafood every other dayI use to fish using a soda can with the line on it and a hot ok and the weight and cast it out and catch fishI use to go to the beach with my grandma and go into the ocean and feel for the crabs that were under my feet and dive and catch them with my hands I can swim like a fish,Ok well while living with my grandma my mom went to work in a factory that made toys and that’s when she met my step father Raymond and fell in love with him he was DominicanHe was a very good stepdad but my mother had a severe drug problem she became pregnant with my baby brother,She found a little house that was on the same block that my grandma had her apartmentWe lived there for only a short time because the house got broken into and as my sister and I slept the man r***d my mother She didn’t make a sound because she didn’t want the man to hurt me or my sister he was a white man and I’m pretty sure it was the owner of the little house,When he was done he left she woke up and I knew something was wrong so grabbed the iron as we left the house and she cried and held our hands tightly walking towards my grandmother house,About how i became addicted to drugs myself About how i overdosed 4 times and god brought me back About how I lived I an abusive relationship for 27 year’s with the father of my two children, How I was an alcoholic and numbed myself from the pain how I was bleeding inside of my heart from the words that were said to me from someone I thought loved me My dark moments are the most terrifying onesThose are where my thoughts are dangerous, That’s when Sybil comes out she’s a wicked b***h she’s tough as nails she’s a defender a warrior she tolerates no s**t from no woman from no man She developed when i couldn’t tolerate the physical abuse the kicking in my stomach my back the hair pulling and the choking,When the words were said I was s**t I was a f***** moron I was a disgusting fat b******* And no man would love me I lived with a monster,He had me addicted to drugs it’s how he controlled me and he sold them to me,[3:17 pm, And no man would love me I lived with a monster He had me addicted to drugs it’s how he controlled me and he sold them to me Me the mother of his kids At the age of 11 I was sent to puerto RICO to live with my grandmother who had moved there and remarried and lost her husband, But before that happened while living back in Brooklyn on new lot’s avenue while I was dating my first love Jason my mother I could say ran away from home leaving me and my little sister and baby brother alone in a furnished room it was up to me to figure out how to feed us and Jason would buy us food until my stepdad came once he came he took my little brother and took him to his sister house the next day. I didn’t know how to cook so I made a box of macaroni and cheese and I put it into the refrigerator because my step dad asked another person who was living in the room next to ours to cook so I put it away . He left because he was a huge drug dealer that he ran out of a corner store. So as I was in the bathroom about to take a shower he came back and asked me through the door if what was in the refrigerator was mine I said no because i didn’t know what he was talking about so I had my bath robe on he kicked in the door And came towards me and hit me in my ribs In the window was an iron rod I took it and beat his ass Broke his arm in three pieces Then ran out the back door hopped over the gated fence and wrecked his car, Broke his mirrors broke his windshield tore his plate off Ran back hopped back over the fence called the police and told them what had happened and that he had a sword off shotgun they came took the gun did nothing because he served in the military After that I hid upstairs in the landlord apartment word was spread in the streets and my mother came back, Only to steal my jewelry from where I had it hidden along with my boyfriend pistol and sold it She was using crack cocaine and it controlled her and was using heroine injecting it,She disappeared I had to walk down to the police department to report her missing They took me and my sister and separated us placing us in a children shelter Until they got ahold of my uncle he came and picked me up from the all girls detention center in Brooklyn and went to get my sister who was in New jersey in a child protective custody center