the forgotten sister

Marie was the best liar, she fooled a lot of people into thinking she was this wonderful person, kind and sweet to everyone else but me she manipulated everyone to think I deserved the way she treated me, and I thought I did too. For some reason, nobody thought that this was wrong not my sister, not her friends nobody they all thought this was normal the way she treated me they thought it was normal because my sister would be sweet to my face and then as soon as everybody left she was the bully she was the one that humiliated me the one who abused me I mean like hit me abused me she would call me names bad names I was really confused because I didn't know why she treated me the way she did she didn't treat anybody else that way but me she made people feel she was the victim and she played on that feeling because she was supposed to be my sister and she treated me like a piece of dirt on the ground. I believe that she never really cared about me and never loved me she just wanted to bully me and make her feel good about herself Marie was the best liar, she fooled a lot of people into thinking she was this wonderful person, kind and sweet to everyone else but me she manipulated everyone to think I deserved the way she treated me, and I thought I did too. For some reason nobody thought that this was wrong not my sister, not her friends nobody they all thought this was normal the way she treated me they thought it was normal because my sister would be sweet to my face and then as soon as everybody left she was the bully she was the one that humiliated me the one who abused me I mean like hit me abused me she would call me names bad names I was really confused because I didn't know why she treated me the way she did she didn't treat anybody else that way but me she made people feel she was the victim and she played on that feeling because she was supposed to be my sister and she treated me like a piece of dirt on the ground I believe that she never really cared about me never loved me she just wanted to bully me and make her feel good about herself for the longest time I would cry myself to sleep at night wondering why she hated me so much what could have done for her to treat me the way she does. Marie has brown hair and is a little overweight she has an I'm better than everyone attitude, it's her world we're just living in it and I honestly believe she thinks that's true. Marie is my older sister, now I no she had to be the second mom because my mom worked but she took it too far she never treated me like her daughter or her sister but her enemy my boss. I remember when we were kids, she always told me how worthless how no one loved me and no one wanted me, and never will, my relationships always suffered because of the way she treated me I thought since if my sister could treat me so coldly then everyone would include men, I was so scared to start a relationship because I was afraid that they would leave me and it would be my fault. I regret letting Marie treat me the way she did cause my kids would see it and think I was weak, I don't know why I never stood up to her or why I let her bully me. I felt like a caged bird banging on the cage that needed to be free but was so scared I wouldn't be I needed to break free I just didn't knock how she messed with my head so bad I was convinced that if I moved out I would never make it on my own. I was her maid whenever she wanted anything I had to do it if I said no she would make me feel so guilty, I cooked and cleaned but it was never good enough according to my sister the house was always dirty, and the food I cooked was always not good enough to eat but she would say it was disgusting, she always called me a bad mom because well I don't know why she called me a bad mother because I was a good mom I was caring concerned and I loved my kids more then anything or anyone when I moved out she convinced them I chose my boyfriend over them I didn't I never would I chose moving out I would never choose anyone over them, that how she finally stole my kids she didn't want me I know this because she was never there for me but always there for my kids now I'm not being selfish but she doesn't was my sister first, I wanted a sister who was supportive of me always there for me just being a big sister well I can dream can I. Despite the way she hated me and treated me I loved her she was my family, after all, I remember when my daughter got bad grades when she was younger she had people make fun of her calling her stupid, I mean that was her niece how can u say she love my daughter but have people call her stupid because she got bad grades. I mean all that was going to do was make her feel stupid I know that cause Michelle came to me and told me so since that day she has cried every time she gets a bad grade she used to get terrified to tell her about her grades, Marie would yell at her or make her feel stupid.suffer from depression I get so depressed all I do is cry on those days all I want to do is not be here anymore to end my life, and then I think who would find me and I get terrified it's one of my kids then I can't do it so my kids saved my life, I told my sister that because I thought if I told her something personal maybe we would become close, (I was so wrong ) she just said" you'll get over it I don't have time for your whining I felt much worse after that so I went into my room and cried and thought did she even want me as a sister cause how can u treat a sister that way and not realize that. so I just kept my feelings to myself from then on. I was so used to this because it seemed like all my life she was like this she thought she was better than me like she was the queen of the universe and everybody had to do what she said or it was wrong, it was like she had to control someone and she chose me, she controlled me so much I felt like I couldn't turn left if she said to go right for fear she would be mad at me. I moved in with her because I didn't want her to be mad at me even though she would laugh at me so I got used to keeping things in because I was tired of being laughed at I was tired of being the forgotten sister the invisible sister, tired of feeling like the family fu$$ up whenever I got the nerve to tell her I want to move out she would manipulate me into thinking I was the bad one for wanting my own life. I know she was using me for my money because I paid for everything I paid the rent and the bills, so she was scared I would leave and she would have to pay everything and I was scared if I left she would hate me or beat me up when we were kids we got along ok, I mean she was ok but when my mom died it was like she changed she was mean and it was like night and day she grew to hate me I think she blamed me for her death. See my mom took her own life and to this day we still don't know why I think it was cause she was depressed so depressed she left her two girls, my mom died when I was 13 and Marie was 17 so she had to became the mom so maybe that why she blamed me for taking her childhood way I mean she was so busy taking care of me she didn't have time to date go to parties she couldn't do anything her friends did and I felt guilty and bad for the longest time I felt like it was my fault she was right to blame me for my mom's death. Sometimes I think maybe my mom had the right idea because she didn't have to go through the pain I go through, she is free, but then I feel guilty because my mom is not here anymore and I miss her I miss the way we used to talk about anything I miss her laugh and I miss her smile. what Marie doesn't understand is I lost my mom too I'm mad at her too for dying too but I'm not taking my anger out on her I don't treat her like I want nothing to do with her like she's invisible after all she puts me through I still love her she is my sister after all, I will defend her no matter what my friends tell me all the time she treats me like sh$$ and I know she is but I still defend her by saying she's not that bad she is my sister after all. I think of my friends as my family, in particular, my best friend Michelle she is like a sister to me more than my sister I tell her everything she is the person who the extent of my sister's abuse and I trust her that she won't say anything I trust her with my life we've been best friends my whole lives she treats me better than my sister I know she won't laugh when I talk to her about how I feel no matter what it is she understands she listens to me and if I need advice she will give it to me if we get in a argument we talk it through instead of her yelling at me or calling me names like Marie would I'm not scared of making the smallest mistake and her getting mad at me and me feeling guilty because I made her mad I mean she did give up her teen years to raise me. she uses that guilt against me I think that's why I let her walk all over me it's out of guilt my guilt over