Begging for survival

Chapter 17 - Amelia

Amelia POV

I Get up in the morning, get ready, have breakfast, make useless pointless conversations with pack members just because I’m their future Luna, no, not alpha, although I’m the only living heir and I have alpha blood, but I’m a female and females can’t be alphas, they are too weak, it’s never heard of, the few that did become alphas were killed and lost their pack, these are all the excuses they use to justify their bullshit, f*****g misogynist community… where was i?

Yeah, my daily routine, after I finish the pleasantries with the pack members I go see my dad who always asks when will I reject the asshole, aka Dean, and I always answer with “not yet”.

I then do anything and everything to distract myself until it's after lunch, then I sprint to the usual spot, our spot, where I pretend that I don’t notice him, or even feel his presence, it’s a facade that I can barely keep up anymore and part of me hope I don’t.

“It’s going to fall apart soon, you are a horrible actress” my wolf Amal says, her name is ironic as f**k, it means hope in Arabic but she is the gloomiest b***h I ever met.

“Maybe because you are keeping me away from my mate, b***h”

“You are the b***h… b***h” okay, that was weak.

“Oh, how original” she mocks and I can’t disagree, I’m not good at insults, where was I again?

Yeah, today was different, I couldn’t even wait till lunch and I just head there as soon as I get out of my dad’s office after our daily disagreement, I don’t know why was I so anxious to get there, maybe it was the dream?

I dreamt of him all night as always, but this time it was the type of dream you require a shower after, if you know what I mean, wink wink.

“Really? Winking? Are you a child?” okay, she is in a mood today, it’s best if I ignore her.

I’m almost there so I stop like always to catch my breath and fix myself like I wasn’t running to get there, like I didn’t even care and start strolling to the cottage.

I finally reach the cottage, he is not here yet, maybe I should practice my drawing today, I try to pick up new hobbies to keep me distracted, so I decide to sit on the grass leaning on one of the cottages' walls while I doddle some s**t, it’s always the same s**t, no matter how hard I try to avoid this s**t, I somehow end up back to this s**t,

“Enough with the s**t, you starting to smell like it just by how much you’ve mentioned it”, just ignore her, she will come around eventually.

He is here, just act like you don’t give a sh- a damn, like I don’t give a damn.

 I really do use the word “s**t” a lot? because I’m starting to smell it…wait…rogues.

“I wouldn’t come closer if I were you” I warn the piece of s**t rogue without even looking up from the masterpiece that I’m attempting to draw.

“And why is that, you think you can take us down little wolf” he says chuckling, getting closer.

“No, not me, him” I say as I continue my drawing, I’ve warned him.

“And who wo-” the poor thing didn’t get to finish before Dean bet his head off, I finally look up to the ferocious beta living up to his reputation, as he tears through the rest of the rogues in under a minute, I mean there were like five of them!

“f**k, that’s hot” , yes, that’s f*****g hot indeed, we finally agree on something.

Dean shifts back, and it’s like someone turned on the heat because it became f*****g hotter.

“Look at those abs” I tell my wolf.

“Look at that d**k”

“You horny dog”

“I’m a wolf dumbass”

“I know, it’s an expression” why do I even bother with her.

“Amelia, are you listening or are you going to keep staring at my d**k” Dean says smirking, s**t, one of his warriors throws him a short all the way from up there and he catches it without even looking, Dam!

“Here goes the view” Amal whines when he wears the shorts, horny. f*****g. Dog. But I can’t blame her.

“Amelia” he shouts.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” I say clearing my throat, I wish the earth would split open and swallow me whole right now, it would be less painful than this embarrassment.

 “I said, why didn’t you even move? Couldn’t you smell them? And where are your damn warriors?” he asks looking around.

“Oh, I smelled them, but I knew you were there, and I dismiss the warriors when I come here, I like the privacy” I say and try to draw anything like I’m not mortified.

“Well, that is stupidly dangerous, what if I wasn’t here” he says all angry and annoyed.

“Your warriors are, I know you tell them to keep an eye on me” I say pretending to be focusing on whatever s**t I’m drawing, what the hell am I really drawing?

“I don’t tell them to do anything; they are just naturally protective of their beta female” he says like it’s a fact, will f**k him.

“I’m not their beta, I’m an alpha” I say finally looking at him, 

“But you are not though, you could have gotten hurt”, 

“But I should be, I’m the only living heir thanks to you and your brother” I glare at him and he is taken aback by it.

“Amelia, it was not our fault, you have to believe that, you are punishing me in the worst way possible for something that I didn’t even do” Dean says with pain lacing every word and I feel.. no, I can’t let my emotions control me,no.

“They were there for you; you should’ve been the ones to die not James” I yell pointing a finger at him.

“Amelia, it-” Amal tries to defend him, but I’m not having it, not when it comes to James.

 “SHUT UP” with that she whimpers to the back of my mind.

“So you wish I was dead?” he honestly asks, just the thought of him gone, physically hurts.

“I wish you weren’t my mate and I bet you are not a fan of this arrangement as well” I say as I compose myself.

“Being your mate is all I’ve ever wished for since I was five years old, Amelia” he says with a broken voice and it breaks my heart, but I can’t be vulnerable, I can’t give in to the bond, he is the reason why my brother is dead, it’s all I’ve been taught, all I believed in since I was young.

“James wa-” he cuts me off,

“James was an amazing person and he was going to be a great alpha, I loved him as much as I love Derek but he would have done what he did if it was anybody else, not just me or Derek, that’s how great of a guy he really was”Dean says, 

James was the greatest, he died protecting them from hunters, he was always that selfless, he was my idol and he died because of them, I have to remember that, always remember that.

“Yeah, but the fact is, it was you, you can’t change that and I can’t change how I feel” I stand up and gather my things.

“Amelia, please” Dean tries to stop me, but I can’t continue this conversation,

“Goodbye, Dean” I say as I rush to the pack house.

On my way I trip on a fallen branch and all my staff scatter on the ground, my drawing book falls open and I see what I was pretend drawing…it’s his d**k, f**k!

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okay guys, what do you think about Amelia?