Chapter 12: Selfish
2016 Words
"Medium?" I answered.
I was not about to disrespect a cow from its deliciousness, regardless of the situation I was in.
"You seemed startled," he observed, "I hope I didn't wake you from a good dream?"
"Not at all," I think I was half lying.
I knew that the sizzling smell of the steak was half to blame, but nonetheless, I was happy to have awoken up from that dream. The cold sweats I wore were no longer noticeable. I recollected myself and got up to stretch.
"I leave early tomorrow to get Khloe," Jay reminded, "If you need me please let me know?"
Wait a second...
"How did you know where to find me that time?" I asked out of curiosity.
"You have a distinct scent to you," he answered.
What?!
I began to feel myself becoming self-conscious and lifted my arm to smell my arm pits.
"Not like that," he stated.
Was it worse?!
"That look on your face," he said with a dull expression, "It's not that either."
Oh, thank god! I mean...
Jay continued, "It's like the smell we get from a newborn puppy's breath, or the distinct brand-new shoe smell. Everything has a distinct smell to it, hard to explain."
"So you just found me because of my scent?" I asked.
"Not quite," he added, "But yes."
"But yes?" I interrogated, "There's something you are not telling me."
"Okay," he sighed, "I inserted a micro-tracker I got from the ship and inserted it into your skin."
"YOU PROBED ME?" I began to panic, looking for it.
"It was for your safety," he assured me, "The smell of the city burned my nostrils so that it was hard to pinpoint you. This way, however, I can make sure you will be safe tomorrow."
"Take it out," I demanded.
"Why?" he asked nonchalantly, "Is the person you're meeting up with such a secret? I thought I was your secret."
What is going on?
"Not exactly," I reminded him, "Everyone knows who you are when you are with me, just not what exactly you actually are."
"Do you think anyone will find out?" he asked.
I thought for a moment, "I don't think so?" I lied, knowing that Detective Syrus was on our case.
Ding!
My eyes shot back to my phone on the bed, I raced on over to get it.
"Why do humans rush towards such a negative creation?" he asked.
"It's not all negative!" I glared, "Yes, there are useless and brain rot videos, but there are useful things online that people can benefit from."
"Like that male friend of yours? Frank?" he chuckled.
My eyes widened in disbelief, "You went through my phone?"
"Nope. But your eyes did," he looked away.
"You probed my eyes?!" I felt my blood pressure rising rapidly.
"Not exactly in your eyes, but behind your ear," he corrected, "The tracker does more than just tell me your location. It can pick up vibrations from your nerve cells to project a visual into my domain."
"First of all," I stood up, "That's an invasion of my privacy. I want you to no longer do that to me. And second, why? Why would you do that?"
"Because of your health-"
"And so what about my health?" I spat, "I am very much aware of it. I don't need any reminders of the little sand I have left on my hourglass of life okay?!"
Jay was taken aback. But he did not say anything.
"I didn't mean t-" I tried to apologize.
"Save it," he firmly spoke.
Now, I was taken aback! I never heard him this stern towards me, there was a bit of raw emotion of how frustrated he was.
Jay shook his head, "I won't be eavesdropping on you. I wanted to make sure this Frank guy was safe. But, I promise not to interfere unless you need me."
"Jay, I-"
"Save it," he set my plate of food down with a perfect sear on the steak, "I'll go to Anita's tonight."
"I don't think that is a good idea..." I admitted.
"Why not? That's how I perceived your meeting with this Frank guy," he retorted.
"Are, are you jealous?" I asked.
"Whatever that emotion could be, I can happily disagree with you. I'm just showing that I care, at least the way you used to for me," Jay grabbed his coat and opened the door.
Before he left he looked over his shoulder, "If you need me, just press the button behind your right ear. I can't guarantee that I will be available, but that's an option. I have to figure out things for the body I am using. If I can't do good for you, then I at least have to do something good for this Javon person."
I wanted to stop him. My heart was angry but hurting. I didn't mean to talk to him like that. I felt so selfish and looked away. Jay exited and slowly closed the door behind him.
I was left all alone in my apartment.
This is how it was supposed to be... I thought to myself.
Before Jay came into my life, this was how it was supposed to be...
It was just going to be me, alone. Again.
But, it wasn't like I wasn't used to it, right? If Jay had never existed then this news about Frank would have thrilled me. I wouldn't have a second guess about meeting with him.
But, now I do...
Those words Jay said stung me harder than a hornet's barb.
I can't even be selfish without not blaming myself. I just wanted to experience a normal part of my life. I had to conclude that being with Jay was nothing near normal. But, as much as I thought about how my life could be without him, I began to swell tears imagining it without him too.
This sucks!
::3rd person POV::
Anita opened the door and was taken by surprise that her ex, Jay presented himself.
She was not pleased, "And what do I have the pleasure of having you here tonight? You don't get Khloe until tomorrow."
"I'm not here for her just yet," Jay admitted.
Anita was confused, "Then what are you here for Javon?"
"To speak to you," he ruffled his fingers inside his front pockets, "If you'd let me."
"Javon," she paused, "You're not trying to woo your way back into this family. You've been gone for too damn long."
"My intentions are not to hurt you," he assured, "Maybe I just came for guidance."
"Trouble in paradise?" she lifted an eyebrow.
"She's nothing like that," Jay dully answered.
"I didn't say nothing about her," she dismissively looked away, "But come on in."
Jay stepped through the door, and he had to purse his lips together and hold back on the tears that were forming in his eyes.
What is this feeling? This emotion... was it something that humans reminisce from? I don't understand...
Jay felt that the vessel he was occupying was crying out. He didn't understand why, or what for, but the body was definitely crying out.
"Nothing much has changed," Anita snapped him back into reality, "And she is sleeping, so keep the noise down."
Jay looked over to the half-opened door where he saw Khloe fast asleep, 'May I?"
"You better not wake her up," she growled, but signaled for him to go on ahead.
Jay walked over and peered into the doorway.
Again, he felt the vessel began to pulse a stronger outcry.
This body seems to react at this specific point. Is it the room, or is it this offspring?
Another urgent pulse shot through him.
The offspring...
"You know..." Anita began, "It took a while for her to get used of not having you help her to sleep."
"What were the procedures that I did to accomplish that?" Jay asked.
"Don't be using no real estate vocabulary on me," Anita sassed, "In this household you used to understand my slanguage."
"But I am no longer in this household," I pointed out.
"Right..." Anita realized what he meant,
"But," he sighed, "I'm just needing some proper guidance for Khloe, and I's day tomorrow."
"Why didn't you ask your friend?" she asked.
"Katie has nothing to do with our lives. And I understand you have been with her throughout my absence. The least I could do is get useful instructions from the one who survived it," he said.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she narrowed her eyes.
"Just stating that you were alone, and enduring all the pain on what is supposed to be done as a duo," Jay looked away.
"Is that your fancy way of apologizing?" Anita asked, putting her hands on her hips.
"Why do I sense so much aggression from you?" he added.
"Well, maybe because I survived being left alone and when I was with you?" she pointed out.
"What have I done to you?" he asked curiously.
"Where do I start?" she huffed.
Anita paused and then turned to Javon who was just standing there. She tilted her head in curiosity, "You're actually gonna listen? You're not gonna gaslight me or interrupt what I have to say?"
"Not at all," Jay spoke, "If I am to repair my bond with my offspring, the first step is to build a rapport with her mother."
"Sit down," Anita gestured to her couch, "It's going to be a long road down memory lane."
So she talked for hours. Jay observed her and listened attentively. It was like we were going through the events right then and there. She expressed a variety of emotions, and her story did get side tracked multiple times. But, it all meant something to her. She cried, she sobbed, she laughed, and she joked. Jay could not understand the rupture of such emotions, but he did feel a similar feeling towards the times when she was sad.
The vessel wanted to cry with her, but he kept his composure. Anita finally sighed with relief and wiped the tears from her eyes.
She began, "I know that it was a lot, but I had been holding that in for such a long time."
"I see that it has lifted your emotional burden," Jay assumed.
Anita nodded her head, "You know what? You're right! It did."
"So explain to me a bit about how Khloe has been feeling," Jay turned his focus to Khloe's room.
"Well," Anita sighed, "What can I say? She was daddy's girl. And without daddy she was a lonely girl. She hasn't been able to make any friends at school lately. I think she might be depressed."
"Studies show that doctors recommend capsulated medication for that," Jay added, "Has she gone to see one?"
"Not everything can be solved by chucking pills down your throat Jay," Anita side frowned at him, "I know her remedy is you."
"Me?" Jay was surprised.
"Yes you!" she explained, "Khloe needs you."
She needs me...
Jay felt the need to overcome this obstacle with Khloe. He nodded and got up from the couch.
"Where are you going?" Anita asked.
"Home," he replied.
"You are home," she cut herself off, "I mean, this WAS your home."
"Maybe someday it could be," he bowed his head respectfully, "Good night Anita."
Accepting her defeat she nodded and mirrored his words, "Good night Jay, we will see you tomorrow?"
"This life is no longer about our selfish needs, it involves her. So, yes, I will be seeing you all soon," he walked towards the door.
"For heaven's sake at least say y'all." she playfully rolled her eyes.
"The correct term is you all," he countered.
"There's the old Jay I knew. Always had something to say," she plopped onto the couch.
"And there will be more of it, tomorrow," he winked.
Before he left, he witnessed her mouth barely dropping, her eyes lit up. He detected that there was a sense of hope in those eyes.
But the vessel is dead, Jay was just its parasite.
- Writer
