Finding Her Inner Wolf

Making Amends

Tap, Tap, Tap. “Shaytanna, I know you’re in there.  Answer the door already! I’m not leaving until you talk to me!” Xandra demanded.  Tap, Tap, Tap.

    The knocking was annoying.  Didn’t really feel like getting up yet.  I reached for my phone to see what time it was.  Picking up the phone and looking blurry eyed trying to focus my eyes to see. Groaning that everything looked like a terrible version of a kindergarteners finger painting.  I rubbed my eyes and tried again, pulling the phone at arms length and slowly bringing it closer until it finally focused and the screen clearly said, 6:48 AM.

    “Aw f**k me!  What the hell is she doing here so early?  Damn it!” I growled.

    For as long as can be remembered, I’m dangerous without my coffee.  Xandra was about to find out how dangerous if she didn’t stop that damn knocking.  She may or may not lose a hand. I sat up and slid towards the foot of the bed. I grumbled and cursed under my breath, how dare she show up this early, especially after the blow up we had.  And now after the assault, there was no way I had the energy to deal with anymore hell at this point. It seemed the slower I moved the louder the knocking became.

    Tap, Tap, Tap.  “Girl you better answer this damn door!  I mean it. I have nowhere else to be and I can do this all day long!” Xandra demanded loudly.

    Growling as I stood and stretched.  “Damn it Xandra! What the f**k are you doing here?  And at this hour no less?” I cursed loudly.

    “I knew you’d be up.  Now get your ass out here already!” She laughed.

    Oh I swear I’m going to strangle a b***h.  It was Tuesday, she works Monday through Friday 1st shift.  What the hell is she doing here? Privacy, is that so hard to ask?  I needed to get to the bottom of this and lock everyone else out. Slowly I shuffled past the bathroom into the kitchenette.  I flipped the power button on the coffee pot. The button lit up, and creepy smile slid across my face. Just the thought of coffee is something that can make a shitty morning into a great one.  The continued knocking was reaching an all time short in my fuse. I unlocked the door and flung it open.

    I’m guessing by the shock white complexion Xandra had I looked as if I wanted to murder someone.  Which at this point was not far from the truth. I didn’t say a word, just gave a look of hate. After the blow up we had, I was not ready to forgive her just yet.  She just stood there eyes wide, mouth hanging open quivering as if she was trying to gather the words. I crossed my arms and continued glaring at her as if telepathically sending messages to her to speak now.

    “Hey I’m sorry, I really am.  You know how I get pissed so easily, and I’m an attention w***e!” Xandra spewed out quickly, and tried giving me a pouty puppy dog face.

    “Ok, well thanks for stopping.”  I said flatly. I took hold of the door and started to bring it shut.

    “Hey, you’re not going to shut me out girl.” She took hold of the door and wouldn’t allow me to shut it.

    “I have nothing else to say.  I don’t feel like being social.  And I sure as hell don’t feel like being someone else’s sounding board!” Growling through clenched teeth.

    “Shay, I’m not here to have you listen to me.  This is quite the opposite. I heard what Andrew did.  I’ve been worried sick! I talked to Grant and apologise to him.  He made me promise not to bug you yesterday. I have been freaking out since I heard, and haven’t been able to see you or talk to you at all!  So please just let me come in and talk or not talk. It’s all up to you. OK? Please?” Xandra pleaded.

    I groaned and pushed the door open, then waved my hand gesturing for her to step in.  Xandra held the door and stepped inside, giving me her sly smile. I really wanted to reach over and thump her.  I was flat faced, or resting b***h face, if you prefer. I stepped aside and made sure the door was shut after she had found the dining table.  I turned without looking or speaking. I slowly shuffled my feet toward the coffee pot, which had just beeped its warning that it had finished and there was a full pot ready and waiting.

    Opening the cabinet above the counter I reached for my coffee cup with the most sarcastic saying I could find, “Schuh Da Fah Up” with a hand flipping the bird on the bottom.  Xandra just kept her mouth tight lipped and watched me quietly. I reached in the fridge for my chocolate caramel creamer and poured a good splash into the bottom. After replacing the creamer in the fridge I topped off the mug with coffee, then used a swizzle straw to stir.  Grabbing my coffee, I walked to the opposite side of the table and sat down.

    Xandra cleared her throat and folded her hands.  I just glared at her and brought my mug to my mouth, slowly blew the steam rising from the contents.  Taking a small slurp, mmm yummy sweet soul fuel. Xandra is just looking at me, she knows not to disturb until I have had at least my first cup.  Anything before that, I’m not responsible for the poor language that comes out.

    “So, not going to wait like an i***t for you to slowly fuel up.” Xandra lightly treaded.  Holding her hands up as if in a defensive maneuver. She’s got balls, who would’ve thought.

    “Hmm, well out with it.  Since you’re being so brave.” I spoke with a bit of venom in my words.  Still sipping on my coffee. Really feeling the need to reach across and throat punch her.

    “Well, I wanted to tell you how much of an i***t I was about not getting your attention at the bar.  I was being, I don’t know.” Xandra rambled.

    “An i***t, a toddler, having a temper tantrum.  Shall I continue?” My voice deep with resentment.

“Cranky much?  I admit it. Ok?  Please forgive me?” Xandra didn’t do begging very well.

I gave an annoyed smile and pointed to my cup.  Literally the only way someone will get polite of any possible magnitude is waiting for me to get at least one cup of coffee in my system.  I slowly drank my caffeinated fuel, and made her look anxiously at me waiting for an answer. I already knew I would forgive her, but she didn’t know that and I was going to make her work for it.  

After the last drop passed through my lips, I set my mug down and gave a satisfied “ahh”.  Xandra’s eyes looked at me hopeful. She looked as if she was extremely nervous and sweating bullets waiting for me to give her the answer she was begging for.  I started to get up from my seat to get a refill, but Xandra had already bounced up and poured coffee into my mug and set the creamer next to it. I internally chuckled at how badly she wanted in my good graces.

Xandra found her seat again after replacing the coffee and creamer.  She sat quietly while wringing her fingers together. She looked as if she would explode if I didn’t speak soon.  I stirred my coffee, and placed my spoon back on the napkin. Taking a long slow sip, I hummed. Xandra’s face lit up, knowing her wait had been worth the torture.  

“So let’s get this out and over with, I had pretty much forgiven you right after it had happened.  I love ya girl, but damn get some reigns on those hormones of yours.” I spoke with a smile and a giggle.

We both looked at each other and couldn’t help the roar of laughter that ensued.  The laughter sounded of a couple of hyenas at the zoo. There was even a snort or two, which made the laughter become louder.  Soon my sides ached and my stomach felt as if it were on fire. I threw my hands up in the air as if to say I surrender. Xandra nods her head in agreement.  At this point we are both on the floor.

“So we’re good now?” Xandra was breathlessly trying to lift herself up onto her chair.

“Yeah we are, only if you promise not to freak like that ever again.  At least on me.” I reply taking just as much oomph as her to get back in my seat.  Happy to see I hadn’t wasted my coffee.

“Of course, now I have a new target.” Her expression looked quite devious.  I knew whom she was speaking of. She was going to have to wait in line for that one.

“So the whole town knows?” Venom creeping back into my voice.

“Of course Shay!  This is a small town.  Everyone knows everyone else’s business.” Xandra’s voice carried a tone of pride to it.

“Just f*****g great!”  I was wanting to go on the warpath of the moron who opened their loose lips. “Who’s the running mouth?”

I was almost seething.  I wanted to rip their heads off.  This was embarrassing and I didn’t want the looks I knew I was going to get.  Some would be of pity, which I didn’t need at all. The others would be of hate.  Those would be the worst. Andrew after all was the golden boy. His family owned this town.  Money is what it takes to make the world go round. He said She said.

I knew he was guilty, and he sure as hell knew he was guilty.  The problem was going to be making sure everyone else knew he was and paid for it.  I’m sure my facial expressions changing from anger to a bit of fear were reading clear on my face.

“Shay, hey! Shay I swear you better not lose it right now!” Xandra was almost shouting at me while snapping her fingers in my face.

“Sorry, lost in thought right now.” meekly replying.  By the look on her face, I could tell she was getting really worried.

“Alright, here’s the plan.  I’m going to go into town, get some supplies, and then I’m coming back here.  No news, do you understand? The news crews have invaded, and you’re not going to freak yourself out anymore than you already are. Got me?  We are going to have a movie marathon and forget the outside world exists.” Xandra had real authority in her voice.

“Aye Aye, Captain!” I saluted her.  

Almost instantly we broke into giggles again.  We quickly got ourselves composed. Xandra stood up and walked toward the door promising to return.  As soon as she was out the door I locked it. I was still really steamed about finding out that the whole town knew.  I slammed my fist on the table. I wanted this nightmare to be over and it hasn’t really truly even begun.

“So much for getting out of here quietly, DAMN IT!” I growled to myself.

I grabbed the remote, and pushed the power button.  The screen lit up with a buzzing sound. The channel already sounding off was the local news channel.  I didn’t even want to think about what the news could be reporting already. Before I had the chance to change it, the first nonsense to come out loud and clear are what they think they know about what that bastard was about.

“It’s all BULLSHIT!” screaming before throwing the remote at the television.

I was really hoping Xandra didn’t take long, otherwise I would fail at the promise I had made.  I paced the camper slamming my fist into whatever surface I felt necessary. I was very close to blowing up.  I was cursing and muttering to myself for at least an hour before my thoughts were interrupted by knocking. I quickly stopped in my tracks and slowly crept to the door.  Peeking through the blinds, it was Xandra. I quickly unlocked and opened the door. The anger on my face was very plainly written.

“Shay, what happened?” Xandra questioned quietly.

“I turned on the damn television.” I whispered.

She quickly placed the bags on the table and wrapped her arms around me.  The tension and anger quickly turned into sobs. My body shook, my sobs broke me to my core.  Tears poured from my eyes like rivers. Xandra shushed me and held me tighter, assuring me that no one believed him.  The town was on my side. Whether or not it was true I had to believe it at this moment. She kissed my forehead, and without thought I raised my face to hers and our lips crashed.  I expected to be pushed or slapped, but to my surprise and I’m sure of hers, she returned the kiss deeply smashing her mouth into mine. A small moan escaped from mine into hers.

Our embrace tightened.  Slowly she slid her tongue between my lips and I parted mine as to invite her in.  Tongues intertwined, as if in a dance. For what seemed like a lifetime we finally parted and looked deeply at each other breathing heavily.

“I-I don’t know why I did that, I’m sorry Xandra.” I almost begged.

“It’s ok.  Don’t apologize, I’m not going to for returning the kiss.”  Xandra breathlessly said.

I could only sheepishly smile.  I was cursing myself silently, I shouldn’t do something stupid like this with a friend.  Things could go wrong and she’d never speak to me again. At this moment in time I needed all the friends I could get.  I stepped away from her, I needed all the distance between us that I could get at this moment. I don’t want to send the wrong signals to her.  Xandra stood there with a look of confusion mixed with hurt. I had to explain myself and quick before my only friend ran away from me.

“I know you said not to apologize, but I don’t know why I did it and I don’t want to ruin my only friendship.  And as soon as this trial is over, I’m leaving. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” I spoke slowly to keep the sobs from breaking through.

She looked at me as if I was speaking a foreign language.  Great she’s pissed and going to run. I didn’t know if I could take the rejection from her at this point.

“Shay, listen, I’m a big girl and I can make my own decisions.  If I was afraid of getting hurt I would live a very sheltered life.  Now, we are going to enjoy the next couple of days of doing whatever we feel like doing.  Even if it starts and ends with us naked. Understood?” She smiled and took a step towards and winked.