Finding Her Inner Wolf

Who Is Carmen Paige?

     I awoke early.  Ready to get day started.  My phone was blown up with notifications, f*******: emails and updates for the usual.  Had a few text messages from Xandra having a wardrobe crisis is what I could gather.  The next one was from Greg about covering a shift tonight.  But the last was from a number I didn't recognize.

     I opened it up and figured who the sender was " b***h you will pay" but how did the idgit get my number?  Guess I'll have to deal with him thinking he's intimidating me.  I rolled my eyes at the thought.  I groan and flop back arms at my side. My phone was still laying in my right palm. Well I couldn't just lie here all day. I had to get my brain jump started. First I really needed to get my body upright. I kneeled in front of my clothes, I decided on my black ripped jeans and a white V-neck tee with the saying "Save a pitt bull euthanize a dog fighter" on the front.

After going through my gymnast routine of getting dressed and taming my hair to the best of my abilities, I crawled out of my tent and slipped on my boots. It was time to head into town and follow a few leads. I hoped I could figure out where Carmen's land lord was, at least I hope she's still around. So Sherry James ready or not here I come. I climb on Luna and head into town. Figure I'll google Sherry and see if pops up. Maybe I should hit the library to see if there are any photos from when my mother was charged so at least I'll have something physical to look at.

I had a game plan, today was going to be my day I hope. After hitting city limits and going down Main Street, I decided I would hit the library first. It's about 9 A.M. when I park in front. I walk in and ask if they had newspapers going back to the 80's.

"Why of course sweetie, why do you need to go back that far?" she puzzled

"I have some research I'm working on." being vague.

The short older woman with graying brown hair walked me over to the microfilm and showed me how to work it and how they are organized. I thanked her and started looking in October 1987, as I carefully scanned through each film I was bombarded with the usual small town news and was getting so bored I almost went right past the article. Unfortunately there was no picture. But I decided to read the article to see if there were any tidbits that my file didn't have. I was getting bored with the article until I noticed that it mentioned the whole family.

*Lincoln Paige was from Tennessee, but had moved to South Sioux City Nebraska where he met his future wife Carmen Reynolds.

*Moved the family to Valentine for a job opportunity and small town living. Lincoln was world class tech mechanic. Carmen was a stay at home mom to her 4 children.

*During the time of the investigation Lincoln's whereabouts were unknown. Had left in the middle of the night approximately 6 months prior.

*Carmen had filed a missing person report, and an investigation founded nothing. No foul play, just left on his own.

*Carmen then became bartender to make ends meet. Filed several complaints on the deceased due to his alleged behavior. Police looked into the complaints but no evidence to follow up with.

*The morning the victim was found, or what was left of him, Carmen claimed to have closed the bar and went straight home.

*She had been in a very large verbal argument with the victim at the bar in the night in question.

The rest of the article talked how they had arrested her in her home and had CPS workers taking custody of the children and contacting what family they could be placed into their care.  They never mention his name at all. 

     "Hows the research coming dearie?" The librarian startled me.

     "Well I'm finding some information but still working on it." I smiled.  "Thank you for asking"

     "Is there anything I could help you with? I've lived in Valentine my entire life." You could tell she was extremely proud of this statement.

     Not that it was a bad thing.  Valentine is a small town tucked away from big city life.  I felt comfortable here.  But I'm not sure how open this lady is going to be with me.  Small townies dont like bringing up the locked closets of their past.  But I figured everyone was going to figure it out at some point.

     "My name is Shaytanna Paige.  My mother was-" I was cut short.

      "I knew I had seen your face but couldn't fir the life of me place it." She gasped.

     I thought for sure she would get the villagers and their pitchforks together. My head hung in defeat.  I started to gather my things.

     "I guess I should lea-" cut short again.  Have to admit it was a bit annoying.

     "Now why would you leave? You came to the perfect place for information. I would be happy to help you in any way I can.  I'm sure you have questions and I can do my best to answer them.  So whenever you're ready ask away." She beamed confidently.

     "I'm sorry.  After what had happened whatever it was I'm sure she wasn't too welcome around here.  So one of her children coming to town would open old wounds I figured noone would want picked at.  At least that's the general feeling I had gotten so far from the few people I have talked to.  I do appreciate you being so open about this with me Miss, come to think of it i never got your name?" I stammered.

     "Oh my goodness, where are my manners?  The name is Miss James, Sherry James. " She replied apologetically.

     I about jumped out of my skin.  My mother's landlord worked at the library.  How amazing is that?  This was fate!  She would be the most help yet, I could feel it.

     "This has got to be my best day ever.  I was told you rented my mom a house.  Did she by chance leave a forwarding address?" I rambled with anticipation.

     "No she didn't dear, I'm sorry but there was no need at the time I gave her the deposit refund in cash.  She was such a great tenant and I always enjoyed her company." Her eyes were soft and saddened.

      I could tell how sincere she was about the words she spoke.  I hoped I wasn't causing too much grief about this subject.

     "I understand, I'm still grateful for your help and kind words.  In the files I have and even the newspaper articles there are a lot of gaps.  Did my mom have any clue where my father had taken off to?" Hoping to finally get some answers.  I had a pen and notepad handy to jot down any information possible.

     "She had told me that he came home one day from work and had read a letter from his father.  He got really upset crumpled the letter jumped in his truck without a word and left.  She didn't hear from him again until a few days before she left town herself.  She said she never knew what the letter had said and was always curious about it." Sherry looked confused herself.

     "I've always wondered why I was left in foster care while my grandfather took my brothers." Jealousy creeping into my voice.

     "I can tell you that dearie.  Your grandfather made a big deal about only strong Paige men was all he was after.  His lawyer had no problems getting him custody of the boys.  Your mother begged that he take ALL of you, but he refused." She was very disappointed with that answer as much as I was.

     "I wish I knew why he didn't want me.  I always knew growing up that I wasn't wanted.  I hated being thrown away like trash by so many families including my own." Tears had already started rolling down my face.

     "Oh sweetie your mom wanted you so badly after she was cleared but when your grandfather and his lawyer went to court they made sure she would never get any of her children back.  She unfortunately signed paperwork before thoroughly reading it first.  She was broken after she realized what she had done." Sherry even had to fight back a few tears now.

I vowed at that moment that my grandfather would pay for his cruelty. As god as my witness I would make him pay. Not sure how but I would do it. Never been a religious person but any witness was good enough to make that man pay for his sins.

"I guess I never really thought about it like that. I wish I knew where to find my mom. I really want to find them and start somewhere in building our family, get answers directly from the horses mouth so to speak." Again feeling the jealousy and sadness mixing deep within my soul. "Anyway, who was this victim that they thought my mother could have shredded like an animal?"

     "His name was Adam Bunker. He was someone that kind of showed up one day in town and caused a lot of problems. Harassed women, mainly your mother after your father left. Couldn't take no for an answer. He was friends with your dad, and when he left town Adam stepped in to what he called help. When your mom tried explaining she appreciated his help but wanted nothing more than friendship he went too far. Carmen filed complaints with the police but that never did any good." Her face was scrunched at the thought of this Adam moron.

     "I can't believe that the police thought my mother, a human, could've done something as far as I read was clearly an animal attack." I was confused. "I guess it must have been one hell of an argument that happened at the bar for them to automatically jump on her."

     "Well it actually was quite the show. I would say the insults you sling at Andrew are nothing compared to what she would throw at Adam. She would have the entire bar in stitches. Adam on the other hand was nowhere as amused as everyone else." She chuckled at the memory.

     "Good to know I inherited something useful from my mother. Andrew hates my mouth, but he's still giving up. Somehow he got my number and sent a ridiculous text. I'm ignoring it as best I can." I almost growled.

     "Keep one eye open around fools like him.  Your mother would be so proud of the woman you've grown into.  I remember you were never really a girly type. Tonkas and hot wheels, mixed with blood and mud.  If I recall correctly. After your father left I would help out watching you kids.  Spirited bunch you were.  I remember her saying she missed friends from the Sioux City area, and her father in law lived down near someplace called JVille in Tennessee. Other than that she didn't talk to much about family." Sherry sighed.

     "Well you've given me more to work with than I've had on my own.  I've tried looking online but there's too much to sort through." I almost whined.

     "I guess you've been searching a long time then.  It was horrible what you and your family has had to endure.  I do hope you find your answers. But I really should get back to work.  Stop in again if you need anymore help." Sherry smiled.

     "Thank you for your kind words and the help. I really do appreciate it. I guess I'll be going." Thanking her.

     I gathered my notes and walked out waving at Sherry as I left.  I walked out of the library and was greeted by the bright sun.  I squinted and reached inside my pocket for my sunglasses and slide them on my face.  Walking down the steps I had a spring in my step.  Sherry was a wonderfully kind woman.  I can see why my mom liked her.

     It was almost noon when I got to Luna.  I didnt have to be to work for a couple hours.  I had time to hit the shell station to use their shower.  I needed more toiletries so I would hit ALCO before I went.  Eventually I would find my home and family.  When that day came I would plant my roots and never leave.  I loved the travelling but it was time to find a home.