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Chapter Ten (Slave.ry of the Free)

A contradiction in meaning from the video of Fadi and Ernest William after Fadi returned as a black and white in the manner of Rabia Al-Adawiya, not out of greed for heaven and out of a sense of humiliation like a submissive slave. Aref will discover this contradiction

Aref's conditions, which changed recently after Abu Al-Hikma's visit to his sick grandfather, did not last long. Since that dark night, Aref has almost not tasted sleep most nights, and if he happened to fall asleep a little and was overcome by some drowsiness at night while he was in the midst of his thinking, he would wake up to hallucinations and fantasies, as if a dark black nightmare was sitting on his chest, weighing down his breathing and squeezing it and tightening his throat until he felt that he was about to lose consciousness.

He would wake up from his sleep in terror, extending his trembling hand to the glass of water next to him, and sipping a few drops of water from it as if he was on the brink of a pit of inevitable destruction, and trying to cling to his last thread of life, hoping that it would return to him again after he had lost all hope in it. His grandfather noticed this change in him and did not know the reason for it. He tried hard to ask him and give him a chance to speak, but he used to make excuses for being busy with his studies. Aref was studying in a high school on the planet. He loved reading since he was young and studied with passion and avidity. He always read every manuscript that fell into his hands in all sciences and their types. This was the reason for his many annoying questions when he was a child. Today, after he grew up and became a young man, he is studying science in a high school. Their remote area on the planet Antaruto had several libraries and various places for reading filled with topics and manuscripts.

All of them were, of course, under the supervision of Antar’s men, his guards, his followers, and his three preachers. Antar’s men confiscated all the books and manuscripts that talked about things far from or different from Antar’s law, religion, and s*****y, which had become an obligatory duty on the believing slaves.

Antar used to order the burning of those books and manuscripts that contradicted what was stated in his tolerant law (the law of An Turabi) and his holy book, which He embodies the ideas of his law and establishes the necessity and obligation of his divinity and servitude to the point that he imposed on the students in those schools, both regular and higher, the study of his religion, his books and his law and prevented any student of knowledge from succeeding if he did not succeed in studying his law. However, recently, specifically before the period in which Aref’s character changed, a group of people who called themselves (the researchers) infiltrated this region of the planet Antaruto and claimed that they wanted to develop, organize and modernize all the regions, states and countries of the planet Antaruto and that they were gradually roaming the planet to make updates to it and follow up on whether its people needed financial or social assistance or to find a solution to some of the problems that the inhabitants of the planet might face in any region.

They would bring with them to the library of the neighborhood where Aref and his grandfather lived many scientific books and manuscripts.

In order to be able to achieve their goals, they would pay a lot of money to Antar’s men, followers and guards to allow them to display and place those books, sciences and references and to conduct secret tours in the country and the region without Antar noticing. And the men of his palace and the guards were helping them to come at night in disguise in exchange for paying money and keeping the news of their arrival secret. Arif had recently started to frequent the library a lot and his eyes would only fall on these scientific books and manuscripts, so he would stay all night and day holding them, engrossed in reading them. What helped him in this was his passion and intense love for knowledge and learning to the point that he would sit in front of his grandfather while they were eating lunch or dinner and his grandfather would remain an eagle contemplating him without feeling him as if he were in another world. Even his lover and fiancée (Hind) noticed his sudden change and that he had started to miss a few appointments to spend hours reading those books sitting in the library engrossed in them. He often apologized for missing their expected meeting on the pretext that he was busy with his studies or with his grandfather’s illness that was getting worse. For a period of time, Aref was evading the trench of his beloved, who had wished for nothing in his life except that they would be united in one place and get married. He was escaping from everything around him as if he was escaping from something, something new and strange to him, something that had invaded him and stormed inside him and attacked his mind fiercely, then began to insist on him with the force of the sword of sharp doubts that began to attack him with raging crowds of her fierce questions that invaded his mind and thoughts day and night, even in his sleep,

if sleep came to him, which he refused to visit. And it no longer helped him to use the pretext that it was the whispers of Saman, the hidden cursed enemy who wanted to harm him and trap him in the clutches of disbelief and denial of his faith and his god Antar al-Antari. This statement became like a feather that could not even withstand for a moment in the wind of the storms of doubts and his urgent questions that squeezed his mind and took him and made him hate everything and everyone around him except for them. Even his grandfather noticed his change, and even he did not enjoy his enjoyable sessions, evenings, and nights with his dear grandson in the moonlight.

Aref was evading even confronting his grandfather with these questions that brought him back as the persistent child who was very skeptical, thoughtful and questioning, that child whom Aref tried to remove from his imagination to confront or stand up to the hordes of his questions and doubts that attacked him since the day of Abu Al-Hikma’s visit. The strangest thing about the matter is that he knew that everyone in their country in this part of the planet Antaruto looked at Abu Al-Hikma as just a foolish or ridiculous man who raved about whatever words came out of his tongue, and most of them considered him half-crazy, even the preacher would leave him raving as he described him if he commented or spoke some words in a comment on the religious lesson while he was giving it to the believing slaves.

The goal of leaving him and saying as he pleased was to make fun of his words and laugh and have fun with them to relieve some repression or concern from the concerns of life, even Antar the ruling god and his men knew about Abu Al-Hikma, the half-crazy as they described him, and they said that leaving him was no problem and the dust was on him, as he was entertaining and worked as a safety valve to prevent an explosion. The internal human beings, I mean the faithful slaves, and leaving him unharmed is evidence of freedom in the land of the god Antar and evidence of accepting opinion and other opinions, as if he represents an opposing side to you with conditions, a sarcastic, light-hearted side afflicted with dementia or some foolishness so that the matter would be nice and have some comedy in it, as they say.

But despite all this and that, Aref did not see these qualities in Abu Al-Hikma, but he often felt angry with him and his words and his paradoxes and sarcastic comments, because they raised questions in Aref’s mind and moved his strong faith and awakened him from his deep sleep in a desperate attempt to undermine the strength of his faith, which was unshakable like a mountain or a huge giant. But in the midst of this rejection of everything Abu Al-Hikma was saying, there was one question that was raised: Why did Abu Al-Hikma deliberately say that? And why is he not like the rest? Why do I notice a strange determination and confidence like the confidence of someone who is certain in his eyes and a fiery gleam that pierces my mind and thoughts whenever I see him talking about some of his sarcastic paradoxes??!!! He does not seem to me like a madman or even a half-fool as they say.

These confident looks do not suggest that to me? Why can't I believe that he is like that? Why don't I see him like the rest and be satisfied???? This is what was always going on in Aref's mind, but he was quick to kill the poison of these obsessions that were running through the dam of his pure faith to defile it by assuring himself that faith is more important than everything and anything, and that when a person loses his faith, he loses everything, and when he finds his faith, he finds everything!! Especially since faith is a part of knowledge and the more the believing servant learns, the closer he will get to his God and the more he will know Him. Knowledge and faith complement each other, for God is not worshipped through ignorance, as the preacher (Shaher) always used to say to him and to other students of knowledge and religious preaching, who always brandished the sword of knowledge and covered it with the luminous, divine, and compassionate aura of faith so that the light of knowledge would shine and spread thanks to the strong aura of faith. Aref quickly became comfortable with these promotions, which were justifications or rather explanations for what sometimes simmered in his head from Abu al-Hikma’s sarcastic words,

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so he quickly forgot the matter and the light of the divine, compassionate, and compassionate faith would shine in his heart again. They wanted to extinguish the light of the god Antar, but he completed his light, even if the thinkers hated it (I mean the cursed infidels). And soon everything would return to normal. But why did Aref find himself standing confused this time, as if he were between a hammer and anvil?? Why couldn't Aref silence the screaming voice of Abu Al-Hikma in his mind this time? Why did he get overwhelmed by torrents and storms of all these doubts that fell on his head like snow and torrential rain on a stormy night whose deterrent light and lightning flashed and whose roar echoed in the corners of his mind and he began to wander around, loiter, frolic and play wherever he wanted like a drunken reveler who never ceases to calm down or remain silent about his fun and revelry whenever and however he wanted! Were his words and stories influential? And why?

Were they logical? Did he see in his stories what I wanted and threatened the throne of his faith or shook it from its place? No, no, of course not.. It is just a story.. An ordinary story that does not deserve for a person to stop at it or even think about it? But this weapon that Arif was resorting to soon began to fall and fall dead in front of the questions of reason and awareness in front of logic, each colliding with the other, causing a c***k in the wall of Arif’s faith, the faith that he maintained throughout these years.. the years that he spent in the arms of his grandfather Nasr (who raised him after his grandmother died and after his mother died who moved away from his father and separated from him after disagreements and differences and quarrels between them when Arif was a child and he was very attached to his mother who he lived with away from his father who died two years later and Arif was then a child of five years old and he continued to live alone with his mother and his maternal grandfather and his grandmother until his mother died who fell ill after the disease killed her and his grandmother followed her shortly after and he was left with only his grandfather Nasr who devoted himself to raising him completely and he was always afraid for him when he was young and especially from his peers when he studied in the town’s book where they cheated and Arif was exposed to bullying repeatedly And repeatedly,

he was young, away from his peers and colleagues, because he was always lonely and withdrawn, he loved to sit alone, communing with his loneliness, reading, then reading and learning. Reading and the love of knowledge were better and dearer to him than anything else, to the point that he preferred that to playing with his peers, the young boys of his age, until Aref grew up in the arms of his grandfather, who feared for him, especially because of his many questions and inquiries, which often caused his grandfather to become bored, and even tense and anxious about this little boy, until Aref grew up and approached the preacher Shaher, and his faith grew stronger, who tempted him with knowledge without him finding any shame or surprise in that, and he became a believer, or rather one of the believing slaves, but what happened to him now?

!! He himself does not know or does not know anymore? Suddenly, a question flashed before Aref's mind like a flash of lightning, which is: How did his sick mother die and why did the god Antar not heal her? She was a respectable lady with high morals and respectable behavior. She was never bad in her life, and the evil one did not harm anyone or deceive anyone, except that she did not believe in the god Antar only because she did not know him at that time and he did not reveal himself and at that time no one knew except a few and many were skeptical of him, as they did not know about him except that he was the tyrannical, unjust, dictatorial ruler Antar and they were not sure of his divinity at that time.

Do you think he is punishing my mother because she did not believe that? She was just not sure. Then why did faith not enter her heart if he was able and capable? She was a good, poor woman?! Everyone at that time was new to the alleged divinity of Antar and his maternal grandmother was like his mother in everything, or rather his mother was like her. What was their fault? Is it their only fault that they did not know Him yet?!!? At that time He had not sent many of His messengers and envoys as is the case now. Everyone was new to Him and His divinity that suddenly surfaced.

Do you think He deliberately made His mother and grandmother infidels and wanted that intentionally!! Isn’t He saying that He controls everything and that He is capable of everything and that everything that happens in life is by His command and knowledge and He is the One who makes the infidel in Him an infidel and wants and desires and who makes the believer a believer and wants this and desires. Isn’t He saying that He has ruled and commanded everything that happens and that He has the right to say on the infidels who are not believing slaves? He bought it intentionally and wanted to pour the disease into the body of His mother and then his grandmother so that they would die infidels in Him. Is He that evil? Or perhaps He could not prevent the disease from ravaging them. So is He unable or incapable? So why do we call Him a god then? If He is in a form other than the one He describes Himself in!! Or is He able but wants to do that? So he is evil and not merciful and compassionate as he describes himself in the Holy Book. And in the law of my holy Torah and its books that they studied and memorized by heart throughout these many years, the past payment!!

Or if he was able and could prevent the disease or evil but wanted it to happen by his own will, then he is evil if he deprived him of his mother whom he loves very much and this god caused him to become an orphan and did not have mercy on his condition and his suffering in his life. He only thought about his divine self and that was enough.

So he is not merciful as he always says or says about himself.. and if he wants good and does not want evil and does not want the disease but cannot prevent it, then the disease is more deadly than him, so he is not able and does not control and does not know everything and the most arrogant and tyrannical is that he cannot control a mere disease or incurable illness! So he is not a god? Is there a god who is not able and incapable?!! So what is the difference between him and his believing servants?!! Aref tried hard to silence this screaming and sobbing inside his head, but to no avail. He tried in vain, and all his attempts went down the drain. The pinnacle of patience is to remain silent while there is a wound in your heart that speaks, and to smile while there are a thousand tears in your eyes!!!!!

A time will come when your chest will be filled with words. If you let them out, they will hurt you, and if you keep them in, they will hurt you. Aref tried that over and over again, then he tried and tried... he believed, then he believed and believed... he believed in his faith and always gave everything he had for it to please his mind first and then his beloved grandfather. He truly became a righteous, faithful young man, defending faith and the great god Antar. He always saw faith as an important part of the knowledge that he had always loved, and this was the reason for his strong faith and his interest in religion and religious preaching and his constant devotion to it. But now, suddenly, the time has come to ask...?

As if his mind had prepared a court for him... then he began to hold him accountable, sometimes and reproach him at other times. Aref tried hard to get his mind to escape from him, but it was pursuing him and insisting on pursuing him and besieging him with many questions. His mind continued to pursue him throughout this period in a desperate attempt by Aref to keep him away from him. Then this damned mind grew closer and closer to him and besieged him with its logic and knowledge more and more. In vain, he tried to expel it or confront it with knowledge, as it had existed for the first time, or rather, he had noticed that there was a line or a dividing line between the two of them, as if each of them was walking on a path or two paths, like two parallel paths that never met at one point. Rather, they now appeared to him as two enemies called (knowledge and faith). They had changed towards him after they had been friends, or so he thought, and then he found them far from each other.

Suddenly, in the midst of his thoughts, Aref felt as if a dark black cloud had begun to clear from above his eyes, and then he saw something he had not seen before. He could not see and understand what he did not understand or refused to understand at all. It was as if this mind and that intrusive, intrusive logic were insisting, while insisting on him with its questions, to increase the torments that it was throwing on his shoulders, tired from the long road.. a road in which Aref had given a lot of faith and honesty... but he suddenly found himself in the midst of a sea of ​​his thinking and his struggle between his mind and his faith-based emotion that he linked to his mind, or so he thought, and he did not see any difference between them.

And all of this was thanks to the preacher (Shaher), who was the reason for his love for faith-based knowledge or scientific faith linked to culture, science, and the disturbance, I mean scientific jazz, especially when he always used to say in his lessons that God is not worshipped through ignorance... and now he saw different things that he had not seen before or did not want to see, as if a dark, opaque cloud was overwhelming with masses of its dense clouds over the space of his mind until it tightened its grip on him so that he no longer saw or heard anything but it.

And suddenly those clouds that were gathering in the space and sky of his subconscious mind began to dissipate, and it seemed to him as if a glimmer of a new light, strange to him, began to appear timidly and with features of overwhelming confusion that brought back to him all the memories of his childhood past, insistent and fluid, unconcerned with reward or consequences Where all he wanted at that time was to know and understand without any restrictions of fear or greed panting after a desire. He is now extremely comfortable tired!!!!

Yes, it is comfortable tired!! If Aref felt for the first time since he put it on years ago of his life that he got rid of the restrictions that were weighing him down while he did not feel their weight but rather welcomed them without being aware of that weight thinking that it was necessary, his fatigue and confusion in the recent period became like a new door that began to open before him gradually and very slowly to leave him to discover for himself and search for a solution to all the puzzles in his mind behind this mysterious unknown door. Several days passed while Arif was alone in his room’s balcony watching the sky and the movement of the stars.

Before that time, he pretended to want to go to sleep so that his grandfather would not worry about his condition, but as soon as he entered his room and was alone, sleep refused to visit him. He quickly got up as if he was choking on the breath of his breath and went towards the balcony of his room while contemplating the vast space around him in a weak, dim light emanating shyly from the moon. Then he began to wonder: Where can I buy the truth? Where can I find the answers to what is going on in my head? Should I believe Abu Al-Hikma’s nonsense and paradoxes that he throws and hurls into my mind as if he is aiming sharp arrows at it, then pretending to joke and mock? Should I ignore what I started to think and tell myself, as everyone says, that he is just a half-crazy person and that his nonsense is of no importance except that it is for laughter and entertainment??!!

He asked himself many questions as if he was searching for an answer in this vast universe, or perhaps the answer fell upon him from among the folds of the scattered stars that he saw shining in the expanse of space here and there. Are these the whispers of Saman, this cursed devil in disguise, whom everyone thought was an ascetic and a righteous man, and whom they sought to draw near to in the past?

Is there, is there... but there is a safe and responsive one. Aref's life in the recent period continued in this manner for about several months, during which his grandfather was very confused about him and was unable to know the secret of the change that had suddenly occurred to him, so that when Abu Al-Hikma came to visit them, Aref did not receive him as usual, nor did he bring him the tea he loved from Aref's hand, but rather he would sit, confined and absent-minded, in his room. Abu Al-Juma and his grandfather often tried to knock on the door, hoping that he would come out of his sudden isolation.

Aref would not open the door for them, claiming that he wanted to sleep or that he was tired and needed rest. Even the lessons and sermons of the preacher (Shaher), which he used to care about and attend regularly, he had recently stopped paying any attention to and avoided them, citing any reason, until that day came when Aref was sitting alone in the library of the town where he lived in one of the countries of the planet Antaruto, busy searching for a scientific book to read, hoping that it would quench his thirst for knowledge, or perhaps this book would restore the rift and mend the c***k in the wall of divine faith that had become Fragile and weak as the roof of a house about to collapse, and suddenly a hand reached out stealthily to his shoulder while he was searching among the books, then he heard a faint voice whispering in his ear, saying confidently: I have something useful for you, and I think it is what you are looking for among these obscure patchwork books.

Aref suddenly turned towards the voice as he felt that hand slide smoothly over his shoulder and found a young man who was among one of the researchers who appeared in the library recently, and with him another group, about three young men, standing behind him, looking contemplatively and with a silent, gentle smile as they contemplated Aref.

Before Aref could say a single word, this young man who was talking to him approached him and sat in front of him quietly, while Aref was standing silently, stunned, contemplating him and those with him, and suddenly the young man said to him: We know that you love reading and learning, and we have often seen you here in the library, but we were watching you stealthily. Aref added with apprehension: Stealthily.. And why stealthily? I have never seen you before. Who are you? And my refuge brought you here to me, this is the first time I see you.

The young man added with a kind of regret and a tone not devoid of deep sadness and sighed, saying: Unfortunately, we come here secretly and at times when no one is around. Then he turned to Aref, staring into his eyes, except for you of course. Unfortunately, these were the conditions.

Aref: What conditions? What are you talking about?

The young man, sighing and exhaling a long sigh from which came out violent winds of sadness: They are the guards (I mean the angels of your god, the great god Antar). Doesn't he claim that they are his angels who always guard him? They were his guards, so he made them angels for him, working in his service and carrying out his orders. He assigned each of them a task that is specific to him. He trembled while smiling sarcastically, or did he not tell you through his preachers, messengers and envoys that they are assigned by him to bring down rain, blow winds, take souls, and other works and tasks if Antar orders them to carry them out, they rush immediately to carry out the orders. Now they are deceiving and betraying him. Aref stood up and in great astonishment added: They are deceiving him!!!!

How? And what do you mean? Please do not arouse my curiosity and confusion more than that.. I do not understand you.. What are you talking about