First Love, A Second Time Around

10 years later-Western NY.

Danny awakened at 4 a.m., just like he was accustomed to from his military service. It was a habit, even though he could not sleep anymore as nightmares plagued his mind. Nightmares of Afghanistan. Losing his best friend. Losing part of his thigh and having his knee replaced. Nightmares of sirens going off in the middle of the night. Gunfire. Bombs. IED's. Loss.

Danny lay back down, but he knew sleep would not come easy. Or at all. He instead propped himself up on a few pillows and turned on the TV. Morning shows were about to start, but he didn't hear them. He just stayed there, staring at him bedroom wall, wondering how his life became what it is.

Ten years ago, this was not what he imagined. Of course, signing on in the military, he knew there was a possibility of deployment. In his eighteen year old mind, it was a distant possibility. All Danny thought about was getting through boot camp and AIT and marrying Ally. They were going to get married before he went to his duty station. She was going to continue her college classes, become a teacher, and they would be together just like they always talked and dreamed about.

However, 10 years ago, on his boot camp graduation day, Danny lost the love of his life. Miscommunication, teenage stupidity, and Ally was gone, and he never saw her again.

It was 7am, and Danny decided to get up and face the day. While in the military, Danny was a field medic. When he was discharged, with awards and honor, he decided to pursue a career in nursing that he would turn into becoming a PA. Currently, he just finished his bachelor of science in nursing along with being a NYS certified RN. The GI bill paid for college, and the money he earned while in the military he mostly saved, so he had a good nest egg to live off while he completed his studies.

Danny was enrolled in the PA program at RIT for their fall semester. He was able to use several of his nursing credits to reduce his schooling from 5 years to 3. He would still have 7 years of schooling behind him since being discharged from the military 3 years ago, but Uncle Sam was paying, and after the 3 years of hell he spent in Afghanistan, Danny thought that was the least they could do.

As for today, it was the start of summer, and he was meeting a few friends at the beach to celebrate graduation. Danny didn't want to particularly go, but his best friends Eli and Jania convinced him to at least make an appearance. Men were the minority in nursing school, so he and Eli became fast friends. Jania started sitting with them in the library while they studied, and before long, they were a trio.

Eli and Jania knew about Ally and lately started encouraging him to move on. Ten years was a long time to mourn a relationship even if they were considered the love of your life. Secretly, Eli and Jania both wondered how someone could find the love of their life at 18, but he knew that they didn't know Ally.

Danny dated a little in the last few years, even had a girlfriend for 6 months, but no one lived up to Ally. He measured every woman against her, and no one came close. After his failed 6-month relationship, Danny stopped trying.

He packed a cooler with soda and some snacks, grabbed sunscreen and his sandals, and left in his pick-up truck. He did not want to go to this gathering at all, and the closer he got, the more anxious he became. While being near the water was soothing, the sand could sometimes trigger unwanted memories. This was something he had not confided in his friends about. They knew about his military service, being deployed to Afghanistan but they did not know about his nightmares, how a car back firing made him hit the ground, how the smell of diesel fuel put him right back into one of the convoys he traveled in for protection. Danny sighed and made a U turn at the next stoplight and headed back to his apartment.

Once home, he unpacked and drained his cooler, grabbed a beer, and sat out on his small terrace. It was the middle of the day, the sun was high and warm, and just for a moment, he tipped his head back to feel the sun on his face. He allowed himself to drift into summer memories of long ago, when he and Ally felt as free as the wind. They swam. They hung out with friends drinking beers they were too young to drink. They would get into his truck and just drive with no destination, find a spot to park, get into the bed of his truck and cling to each other until they had no choice but to go home.

Those days seemed like yesterday, even though so much time had passed. He ran his hand through his hair roughly in frustration and tipped his head back, finishing his bottle. He walked inside, leaving the sliding door open with the screen to get some air indoors. He put his bottle in the sink, grabbed a bag of chips, and sat down on his couch, absently flipping through Netflix. He settled on a series and munched on his chips absently.

A few text messages came through from his friends cajoling him about not showing up. He tossed his cell phone on the couch next to him and ignored them. None of them understood his struggle, and he thanked God every day that they didn't. Inside his mind was a living hell at times, and it was so hard to come back from when the memories and nightmares started.

At some point, he fell asleep because when he woke, it was dark outside. Danny stretched and turned off the TV. He grabbed the bag of chips and put them away. He went back outside and sat at the small bistro set on his terrace. The night air was calming. It still carried a little morning heat but cool enough to be comfortable.

A familiar longing filled his mind, and he sighed, wishing he could somehow move forward. He felt the need for closure. If he could just talk to Ally, let her know what a big misunderstanding what happened 10 years ago was, even if she still refused him he would at least have had a chance to make things right.

He knew she was not nearby. Danny and Ally's parents were once best friends and were still friends, though not as close. His parents told him that after she finished college, she received an offer to teach out of state, where he did not know. His parents stopped making inquiries about Ally when it became clear that her parents were deeply hurt by her move and that they blamed him for her leaving. His parents told him that she did not want to constantly see him when he eventually came home, and though it broke her heart and her parents' as well, she left for a "fresh start". After that, their parents began to drift apart, and now they rarely talked though they both lived in the same small town. So there were two relationships Danny felt responsible for ruining his own and their parents' friendship.

Staring up at the sky, Danny thought about all he had gone through since that day ten years ago. He felt that loss deeply every single day. To some, high school sweethearts rarely stayed together, let alone got married, but in his world, in the world Ally once knew as well, they did. He wanted that. He had it, and then it was gone. The thought came to his mind as the familiar ache in his knee and thigh started, that he knew what he was going to do.

Danny didn't care what it took, how long or the cost, he was going to find HIS Ally.