First Love, A Second Time Around

Ten Years Later-Whitefish, Montana

Ally

Today was the day Ally both loved and dreaded at the same time; kindergarten graduation. The time of the year when she has to let her babies leave her nest and fly away. Ally loved to see them fly, loved watching the transformation from the children that came to her at the first of school to the confident children they become after a school year with her.

Ally and the other kindergarten teacher, Andrew Chase, made sure the celebration was a happy and fun occasion. The day started with each class putting on a short show called "Thanks for Letting Me Grow." It was only a few minutes long, the children singing a song for their parents with hand and feet movements telling their parents that they are growing every day, and they tell their parents thank you for being there for them. It is always a tear jerker for both the parents and Ally. She suspected it was for Andrew as well, though he claimed allergies each year. Then the children went to their parents, and they all watched a slide show of the kids from their first day until yesterday. Permission slips for video and pictures were handed out at "Meet The Teacher Day" in early August. Both Ally and Andrew were diligent about taking the pictures and videos all year, and Ally's best friend Gemma, who followed her to Montana, made the slideshow for them. Because it was a small town, and kids in the other classes were friends and even relatives, they did most of the activities together for Graduation Day.

After the slide show, the classes broke up, and each class spent time in their classroom, taking pictures with her and Andrew for the parents. The school also took an "official" picture of the kids to put in their graduation keepsake with their diploma, which were in a fake leather bound book like folder, similar to what seniors get when they graduate high school. Those were handed out at the end of the graduation. After pictures and visiting, Ally lined up her kids and gave them their graduation gowns that she sews each year for Andrew's class and hers. She also makes them graduation caps with little tassels out of cardboard and black fabric. Then, the children line up in the hallway one last time, holding hands with their parents and walk back to the small gymnasium to receive their diplomas.

Ally's children lined up in alphabetical order, and Andrew's did the same, one on each side of the gym. There was a small wooden bridge in the middle of the little stage. Ally stood on one side, and Andrew was on the other of the bridge. They took turns having their kids walk across the bridge, symbolizing their journey from kindergarten to officially starting elementary school. The child was presented with their diploma and allowed to stand on the bridge briefly for pictures.

The last part of the day was the reception. There was juice and cookies and cupcakes for the parents and kids, and one by one, they left with their parents, hugging her as they left. When last child was gone, the refreshments that were left over went to the staff lounge, and the sanitation crew cleaned up the floors (you know, 5yr olds but the parents can be just as bad, with no excuse!) and put the folding chairs away.

I returned to my room and collapsed into my desk chair. This day was always draining. Making sure the slideshow included all of the children. Washing the graduation gowns and splitting them up by class. The caps. The cookies. The tears of missing my class and being proud of who I was sending to first grade.

"Are you ready to go?" Andrew asked, popping his head into my room. It was a half day for the kindergartens, and we were able to leave early too. Next week would be the daunting task of tearing the rooms down and cleaning. It always took the entire week, even though Andrew and I tagged teamed our rooms together.

"Yeah, I just need to grab my purse and keys." I grab both from my desk, lock up my desk and the classroom, and we are out the door until Monday.

We say goodbye to the ladies in the front office, and I catch them talking in low tones as we walk by. I sigh and look up at Andrew and smile. Everyone in this tiny school and small town thinks we are together. Andrew is a year older than I am and a transplant from another state, Middletown, OH, to be exact. We are always together at school, and our classes tend to do activities together. We take our breaks at the same time because our kids have their art, music, gym, and library at the same time in the day, even though not the same activity together. We leave together and hang out together nearly every day, doing lesson plans and non school things like catching a movie or shopping.

The truth is, I really didn't want to date, not after the "incident " as I refer to it and never speak about it. Andrew did ask me out persistently the first year we both started at the school. It was really hard to say no. He is extremely good-looking with his dark hair and smooth dark skin, caramel colored eyes, and tall fit body. I finally had to tell him about "the incident," and besides, we worked in the same hallway in the same grade. If we broke up, it would just be awkward.

So, instead, we became best friends. I was right to be cautious about dating him because every girl he dated was never what he was looking for. He said his standards were too high, but I knew it was because he did not want to commit, not yet. He had his heart broken hard in college, and I know he didn't feel quite ready to go all in with someone. Though his present girlfriend, a beautiful girl named Olivia, has been around a much longer time than anyone else. I have even met her, and I've never met the others, so I guess there is hope for him after all.

"So what are you up to tonight?" he asked as we got to the parking lot.

"Probably just ordering a pizza and binging on Netflix with the dogs," I say as we get to my car. I knew he and Olivia had plans, and Gemma and her boyfriend Jack did as well.

"Ally, you have got to get out more! You're 28, not 80! Go out, have some fun, and dance with a guy whose heart you'll break at the end of the night by not giving your number out."

I hear this all the time. When we do go out dancing and having a couple of drinks, we always go a couple of towns over because who wants to run into their kid's kindergarten teacher having their third shot of whiskey? Usually, at least when he's been single, Andrew finds someone or a few someones to dance with. I usually find a seat at the bar and just people watch. Once in a while, I will dance with someone, but never for long, and I never give my number out. With Gemma, it's the same, except she and I will dance together and decline any offers to dance.

I know Andrew understands my heartache, but we handle it differently. For him, it has been dating around. For me, it's not dating at all. Well, I can't say at all, I have tried, but my heart has never moved past Danny, even with his betrayal. Ten years is a long time to hold onto feelings, but I thought I would have a lifetime of them. Now I have to learn to let go of the life I thought I would have to get to the life I was destined for.

I never thought I would be moving forward in a small town in Montana. After leaving SC and the mess that ended my relationship with the love of my life, I continued with my studies for early education. I continued at the local community college and then transferred to a four year college to complete my degree.

After graduation, I wasn't sure where I was going to land, I just knew it wouldn't be anywhere near Oakdale. It was hard enough trying to keep Danny's parents at bay and even Danny when he came home from leave, but my parents were firm about it. They saw me crying when I got home from the trip. They were there for me unconditionally, even though Lauren and Danny Sr. were their best friends. They would not allow them to come over when I was home, opting to go to their home instead. The three of them tried to get my parents to listen, but in their eyes, I was hurting, and that was all that mattered. Once I moved away from home for school, it was easier for them. I didn't want to come between them, but I just couldn't handle hearing them try to "reason" with me either.

I listed my resume online and had several letters of recommendation from professors and teachers that I was a student teacher for. The most interesting inquiry came from Montana. Their elementary school was losing several teachers as they were retiring, and it just happened that both kindergarten teachers were retiring. Getting teachers to their school was hard because the town was small, the weather could get dicey, and this just wasn't appealing to everyone. I, however, loved small town life. The weather didn't bother me because we had harsh winters, too. When I went to Whitefish to interview, I was taken aback at all of the beauty, the lake, the mountains, and, of course, the locals. At my interview, I was offered the job on the spot, and I immediately accepted. I was at the beginning of my next chapter.

I dropped Andrew off at his apartment and headed for mine. It is a cute little house near Whitefish Lake. From my bedroom balcony I can see the lake and the mountains. It is beautiful, especially in the evenings, and when it snows. I love this area, I take my dogs, two Golden Retrievers named Bonnie and Clyde (cheesy I know) to the state park for hiking, and we visit the beach during the summer All three of us love the snow, and they come with me when I cross country ski or snow shoe on the trails in the winter.

Today, however, is going to be an evening of relaxation. I pull into my garage, closing the door after I park and enter the house. Bonnie and Clyde are happy to see me, likely because they need to do their business outside. I open the patio door, letting them out while I get changed from the day. I change into a flowy maxi dress from my work clothes. Normally, the PreK and kindergarten teachers don't dress up for school and keep our wardrobes pretty casual. We can do anything from crayon, playground dirt to kids, wiping noses on our pants or shirts to occasionally kiddos throwing up in class. I always keep extra clothes at school for this reason. Today, because of graduation, I dressed up in a pair of light grey pants and a light pink short sleeved shirt. The maxi dress felt soft and free.

I grabbed my k****e and a glass of iced tea and sat outside on the patio while the dogs played. The air was warm, but I made sure I sat under the awning so I didn't burn. It was around 3 in the afternoon, so the sun was pretty high, but that did not stop the dogs. They were running and playing in the backyard, loving the sun, and stopping just to drink water, then off to run again! I watched them as I sipped my tea, wishing I had their energy.

Two hours later, I was halfway through my book, and the dogs were lying at my feet. My stomach growled, and I realized I had not eaten since juice and sweets this morning. True to my word, I ordered a pizza and flipped through Nextflix while the dogs ate their dinner. I flipped through social media and found a picture Andrew posted with Olivia an hour ago of them hanging out by the lake. This girl definitely has his heart. He never posted previous girlfriends online, and I couldn't be happier. Gemma and Jack, I knew we were going out to eat and catching a movie. They've been together a little over a year, and I have been waiting for the day she shows up squealing and showing me her engagement ring.

The pizza came, and I settled in on my couch with a familiar comedy movie and a glass of red wine. I continued to read on my k****e as well, the movie I'd seen a hundred times, it was more background noise than anything else. The dogs settled at my feet, and I continued to read until the glass of red wine and the early hour I'd been up this morning started making me yawn. I put the pizza away, rinsed out my wine glass, and let Bonnie and Clyde out for the last time before bed. I got myself a glass of ice water, locked all of my doors, and brought the dogs in.

Upstairs, I threw my hair up in a ponytail, did my skin care routine, and brushed my teeth. I put my pajamas on and looked out on my balcony, deciding to sit out there for a few minutes.

I opened the old-fashioned French doors and walked outside. The balcony was not big, just enough room for a small bistro set and a plant or two in the summer. The view, as always, was so beautiful, and once again, I felt myself thinking how lucky I am to live in such a beautiful place. I missed my parents, but we talked all the time on the phone, we would video call, and we each made at least 2 trips to see each other a year.

Gazing out on the lake, where the moonlight and stars danced on its surface, I found myself slipping into old memories. Summer nights like this one were the nights Danny and I loved most. Before we could drive, when we were best friends first, we would hang out on each other's decks, laughing, having fun until one of our parents playfully chased us home. As we got older and fell in love, we would ride around in Danny's old pickup truck with the windows down, country music playing, and find a place to park. We would put blankets down in the truck bed and lay there, looking at the sky, talking about our future, holding each other and kissing, and loving all over our bodies. Teenage love felt so urgent and passionate. We were always in a hurry, because we had curfews to keep, but we made promises to each other that after Danny was done with boot camp and AIT we would get married and have all the time in the world to love on each other. Promises that never came true because of one stupid kiss and lies behind it.

"Damn you, Danny!" I said as I openly cried over him for the millionth time it seemed. He broke my heart, betrayed my trust, and even now, the memories held me prisoner. Maybe it was time I listened to Gemma and Andrew.

Maybe it was time to finally leave the past behind.