Changing Positions (Brooks Haven Bears 3)

Chapter 10 - Blue Line

Hans

Lance and Jason surprise me by barging into my apartment instead of heading straight to their own houses. No texts. No calls. Total social media blackout. A night-time arrival with suitcases straight from the airport. Assholes.

“You could have called. What if I wasn’t here?” Exasperation drips from my voice. Our team won tonight, but it doesn’t feel like a win. There’s that gaping hole that continues to stretch wide within me, and I don’t know what to do with it. It has never been like this. My life is supposedly perfect.

“Where would be the fun in that?” Lance asks, ruffling my hair as if I was his little cousin again. Yeah, he’s taller and older, but I’m not a child anymore. Annoyed, I pull his arm from my head a little too aggressively. He continues prattling, unfazed. “Besides, you’re boring. You’d more likely be home after a game.”

He’s not wrong. I’ve tried a few times, only when there’s something interesting going on, like Greg mooning over Bianca, even when she was right damn there in front of his face. I can’t judge. I’m no better, and the two of them are together now.

“Why are the two of you here?” I ask, going back to the mat platform table where my physical therapist, Mauro, waits with his usual deceptive poker face. He rattles a mile a minute, given the chance, but not right now. He’s probably star-struck by these two idiots. He’s almost done with my shoulder, at least for tonight, but I still feel like hell. A lot of it comes from the inside.

“Nothing. Just hiding out a bit, I guess,” Jason says. “We’re here a few days early. We’ll make it to your graduation.”

“I’m not attending any graduation. I’m just getting my diploma,” I mutter. “You could have at least asked.”

“Are you serious? You probably would be the class valedictorian.”

“Lance, if you were actually paying attention at school, you’d know that Brooks Haven never had a class valedictorian.”

I think.

I just don’t care right now.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. You’re going to be summa c*m laude. That’s a big deal. I’m proud of you. That’s coming from a B student,” Lance says.

“Who has to be boosted from a C sometimes,” Jason adds with a laugh.

“Thanks,” I say, not expecting the earnestness in my cousin’s voice. “I don’t want to make a speech if it comes down to that. I want my transition to graduate school to be as quiet as possible.”

The rules still allow me to play hockey with the guys, but I still don’t like the idea of putting the spotlight on myself. I don’t like people thinking I’m clutching at the position so hard, like I’d never let go. Rumors will spin about me not going pro. Well, I can just imagine that.

“We can have the party on graduation night,” Jason suggests.

“None of my friends are graduating, Jason. It’s just me. I’ll probably celebrate when Ed and Enzo graduate.”

Mauro finishes what he has to do and I mumble my thank you as he quietly gets his stuff ready to leave. I’m actually thankful that I stayed in tonight. I sure hope Lance and Jason didn’t watch my last game.

“Okay, sure. You know Emily is on the fast track. She’ll start sophomore courses next term. She’ll graduate in no time.”

I bite my tongue. Emily doesn’t need to be on the fast track. She needs to slow down and take care of herself. I hate having to let her go with Enzo, but I want her to make decisions for herself. If she ever chooses me, I want it to because she’s sure and not because I’m the only one who’s there. Pain shoots up again when I remember what she said. She likes him and wants to see things through. Good for her. For me? Not so much.

“The party can still happen on graduation night,” I say as nonchalantly as possible.

“Yes!” Lance says, pumping a fist.

“Jason, don’t you think you should be at your mom’s right now?”

“Actually, dad said to stay out for a little while. Then, when her mood is a little stable, I’ll go home. Don’t want to give her a shock right now.”

Jason tries to keep his tone light, but I can hear the worry there.

“Is she okay with Emily being on her own?”

“Weirdly enough, yes. Mom’s pretty proud of Emily.”

I feel warm inside. At that very moment, my phone buzzes and it’s her, and she wants to come over.

Talk about wrong timing.

**

“Explain this to me, Blom,” Jason says, sounding a little confused.

“Told you there’s something about Blom and your sister,” Lance says, sounding like the asshole he is.

“Don’t mind them, Ems. Rest on the couch,” I say. “Believe it or not, you two, she probably trusts me more than she trusts the two of you. She’s just a friend. My little sister. Your words, Jason. Or was that you, Lance?”

The two sit on the couch across from the loveseat Emily chooses. They watch her like a specimen in an experiment.

“What the hell are you two doing?” she asks, sounding grumpier than usual. She didn’t expect those two, either. I’ve seen how startled she was when her brother came out of the guest room, followed by Lance.

“What are you doing here, young lady? It’s almost midnight,” Jason says solemnly, leaning forward with his hands on his knees.

“Past her bedtime,” Lance agrees, nodding up and down.

“She’s in a guy’s apartment, alone near midnight!” Jason can’t believe it.

“Not really alone,” mutters Emily, but the two don’t seem to hear.

“Since you two said she’s like my little sister, then that shouldn’t be a problem. Shouldn’t it?” I’m testing them both now.

“Oh, f**k you, Hans. You know what I mean.” Jason shoots daggers at me and his eyes seem to say, “Remember our little talk a few years back?”

“We’re just friends. She’s here to talk about another guy,” I say, quickly followed by Emily’s protest. “I’m not!”

“I mean, Jason, it wouldn’t be so bad if they, you know -.”

“Really, Lance?”

“God, you two.” I scrub my face in exasperation right before I sit on my mat platform. The place smells like the liniment Mauro applied on my sore shoulder. I smell like an old guy, not exactly a romantic scenario for any girl to barge into, even if I were alone.

“We’re friends,” Emily finally says. She’s saving this situation, but it still hurts. “I came here to talk about his teammate. I was out on a date with him.”

“Out on a date with a hockey player!” Jason roars, and it sounds so overdramatic and fake. It’s then I realize the two are finding the whole thing amusing. The two burst into laughter. “We’re just kidding about the 18th century s**t, Emily, but you’re still not allowed to date.”

“Says who? Mom’s okay with it, without the s*x, of course.”

“Of course, or else someone’s d**k will fall off,” Jason says, nodding sagely while Lance continues laughing soundlessly.

I would have spluttered if I were drinking. I don’t know if I’d be used to the Parks. I knew them since I was born, but they’re still zanier and less formal than my family. Lance is an exception. He’s the self-proclaimed black sheep.

“Too bad you’re already dating someone else, Ems. I would have volunteered my cousin. Admit it, Jason. He’s the safest bet. There’s no way he can escape. Our families are tied for eternity. If he hurts Emily, he’ll be shunned forever and would have to take the mark of Cain or some crap like that.”

When has Lance decided to be a matchmaker? There’s a glint in his eyes that hasn’t been there. These two better not be high or something. I didn’t smell dope when they came in.

“Tell me, Hans, how would you feel about dating a girl you grew up with?” Jason asks, putting me right on the spot. His brown eyes are on me. He has always been an easygoing guy, but some of it is gone. It must be because of their mom. On the other hand, my cousin seems happier. These two seem to have had a recent personality switch. Then again, we’re talking about Jason’s sister, Emily. Of course, he’ll be uptight about it.

“W-well…”

“He’s dating someone. A girl from my school. So, you don’t have to bother him anymore, Jason.”

“Interesting. So, both of our young ones have grown up. We’ve been gone for a minute and this is what we come home to?” Lance says, but his blue eyes–so like mine–don’t really buy it. They bore into mine even as he wears his happy-go-lucky smirk. I know him so well, and he knows me just as well, if not more.

“I’m not dating anyone,” I protest. I don’t know if Emily is simply making a cover story for me or if she truly believes in what she just said. Her eyes flicker to me, confused. There’s something else there. I know I would have found out what it is, but these two showed up and whatever she had to say seem to have backed up inside her.

“No? Remember my offer,” Lance says. Jason and Emily look at him suspiciously, and I can’t blame the two. My cousin knows I haven’t had s*x yet, and he’s eager to get me out there. “No strings.”

The thing is, I’m curious. After all, if I find a girl who likes me as much as I like her, I would want to know what to do. The best time to do it is when I don’t have any commitments yet.

Porn doesn’t help. So unrealistic. When I commented about that to Lance, he only responded with, “Unrealistic if you don’t know how it’s done.”

“I want to ask, but I probably don’t want to know. Now, I think I need to take my sister back to her apartment,” Jason says with a sigh as he rises from the couch.

Emily looks at me, but I can’t read her. She’s definitely not smiling, but I can’t tell if she’s disappointed or pissed–or both. I want to sit next to her, ask her how her date with Enzo went and why she ran here after it was done even when she insisted that he never hurt her in any way.

“Oh, I bought you some, uh, paracetamol. Then again, I saw your PT setup, and it’s just so unnecessary, I guess. I also got you some yogurt and pretzels. Unsalted.”

Her words make me feel lighter and my sore shoulder is almost completely forgotten. She remembers my favorite snacks and brought something to ease the pain. For a moment, things seem to blur around her. She looks exhausted and could have just gone home, but she came. I imagine my brain cells are all starting to die as I cling to hope that maybe I do have a chance. Then, I remember we have an audience.

“So, Lance, maybe we need to get Hans linked with whoever it is,” Jason says, but his eyes are on his sister. She ignores his probing stare.

“Of course. I already have it arranged. She’s just waiting for the date.”

“You two are disgusting,” Emily huffs, catching on to the conversation.

“I’m ahead of you here, Hans. Got you covered. You don’t have to like it,” Lance says. This time, he seems determined and strangely enough, he’s looking at Emily now, as if trying to gauge her reaction. Hell, I’m trying to see where this is all going, but I feel a shift. It’s still vague and possibly imaginary, but it makes me want to shove these two out of my apartment to ask Emily what she feels.

But I’m still waiting for a definite clue. A lifeline.

Maybe I don’t have to be that sure all the time. Maybe I have to take a risk even if the game seems like it’s going against me, and I may lose her if my intuition is wrong because my intuition right now is telling me to go to her and tell her she’s been invading my dreams too much lately. That it’s not really ice hockey that’s keeping me here. Not the Frozen Four. Not the Brooks Haven Bears. But her. Yes, her. It’s why I’m taking graduate studies to be with her. To understand her.

“Masters in Psychiatry? You sure about that?” Harford asked me the other day. “Most athletes go for kinesiology. Business. Few even take Master’s degrees.”

“I’m sure.”

My dad would have a fit. He had always wanted me to take premed classes, and now I'm taking something so close to that but with the wrong intentions. To stay with Emily. To play for the Bears. Not to become a doctor like him.

Emily may choose another guy over me, but I’ll make sure he takes care of her. Know what he’s in for, just as I’m ready to take this challenge on. The challenge of her.

“We’re going, Emily.”

“Can’t we all hang out here, Jason?” she asks, her voice flat and emotionless at first but her brother's name comes with an edge.

“There’s no room for us. I’ll call Dad to let us in quietly. Or I can stay at your apartment tonight.”

She reluctantly rises and glances at me, and leaves the Kwik-Trip bag of supplies on the loveseat.

“Bye, Hans. Bye, Lance.” She smirks. She has always found our names a bit funny, although when we were younger, Lance’s temper would get the best of him and call their names ordinary.

"Look who's talking. Emily and Jason."

“Bye.”

After they leave, Lance fixes me with a look.

“Now that Jason’s gone, you can tell me the truth.”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“Right. Prove it to me by f*****g that girl I’m setting up for you on our party.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Of course I am. What have you got to lose? Oh, right. Your -.”

“Save it,” I say, feeling tired.

I take out my phone, no longer caring what Lance thinks. He's starting to slump on the couch, anyway. I'm pretty sure I'll hear snores soon.

ME: Thanks for the snacks and the paracetamol. Do you want to talk?

A thought slams into me, breaking the euphoria I was feeling earlier. What if she wants to talk about Enzo?

There's a long, dark pause in my head.

Okay, I’m also in.

I just want to know her thoughts. See how that brain is wired. How she feels.

EMS: Yes.

ME: Name the time and place.

EMS: After the party. Focus on your last few days in college first. I’ll be there, too. Don’t tell them.

I know I won’t be able to sleep for several nights. Moving forward or backward will tip the balance to one of two possible results. Either one will change my life forever.