YOU WILL BE MY BANE

DELICATE THINGS

A.

I am in hot soup. I have always known that this day would come but I never imagined that it would be this close and this dehumanizing.

The whole country will find out that I prefer men to girls. I can almost hear you questioning the logic of how I would prefer men to girls that have big succulent breasts and nice cleavages.

Girls that are the first wonder of the world and without which the world would be boring as ever.

I can almost see my father's face and his voice rings in my ears.

"Don't bother coming home. Just don't bother. I don't have a son"

A panic attack hits me. I can't breathe, my chest feels heavy and my vision blurs. I place a hand on my chest to calm my racing heart but it gets worse.

I am going to be a pariah very soon. I am going to be a laughingstock to you very soon.

I can't let that happen, if Kingsley has decided to ruin my life, I don't have to stand around and watch him do it. I can run away, disappear.

How much do I have in my account? If I rush home now, I might be able to pick a few things up, rush to the airport and disappear into any nearby African country before Kingsley releases my video.

My video! It feels weird thinking that out there, there is a video of me and a man alone in a room, about to kiss and eat the forbidden fruit!

What was I thinking? Opening that stupid account and going to meet that mentally deranged lunatic in a cheap ass hotel?

I try to stand but I can't feel my legs, my hands are shaking. Beads of sweat are racing down my body, glueing my shirt to my body.

My breathing is irregular, flashes of my father's face awashed with disappointment flickers across my face.

"Abomination! Shame! Taboo!" I can hear him say. Suddenly my fears begin to creep back in. I am shaking, my fingers and toes are tingling.

B.

"Oh damn, Sheik Adetunji has come out as gay. It's trending on Twitter. It seems like he doesn't want his video out there" Barrister Ugochi says and again, everyone's face is on the screens of their phones, tablets and computers.

"Oh no! He has been lynched. No! I can't watch this" Barrister Tope says and stands up quickly.

"God! That's just horrible!" Barrister Tochi weeps.

I go to my Twitter account and check the trend table for Sheik Adetunji. There are horrific videos of his bloody corpse lying in front of his house, battered beyond recognition. A few boys with matchetes are chanting angrily in front of his house.

I check another tweet ; "Wow, I guess you can never know anyone really. He was condemning gays a few Fridays ago, now he has come out to tell us that he is one." The tweet reads.

"I always suspected him. He once smiled at me and called me 'cute' when I was just ten years old! He was a sick man!" another account tweets.

Yemi, it is really true that in the court of public opinion, everyone is a saint and free to judge others as they seem fit.

"The Catholic archdiocese of Lagos has suspended Father Desmond until they are done with their investigations into his leaked sextape" A tall beautiful Female barrister says and everyone agrees that it is the right action.

"That pathetic pedophile should be in jail now cooling off. He shouldn't be allowed to walk free, he is a foolish man who has gone against everything he stood for" Barrister Wale barks.

Pedophile? He slept with Kingsley, they had consensual s*x. Kingsley isn't a minor.

Oh Yemi, I want to scream at Barrister Wale. I want to tell him that someone who is as exposed and as learned as he is, shouldn't talk so mindlessly.

Even a secondary school student should know that there is a difference between p********a and homosexuality.

I look at Barrister Wale and this anger wells up inside me. I swallow hard and close my eyes.

Yemi, Kingsley is everything wrong with being gay. He is so deluded that he would go to any length to prove his point.

Detective Awolabi was right. This is is a delicate issue and delicate issues should be treated as all delicate things are treated; with carefulness and gentleness.

I was so worried about how our story would end that I didn't see this coming.

How will I explain this to my father? How will I tell Uncle Ekene and he will understand?. Will Aunty Ifeoma even talk to me again? She might say that I am the one corrupting their son, because to most straight people, being gay automatically makes one a pedophile.

Barrister Wale just confirmed my suspicion.

I bow my head and draw in a long breathe. I beg my legs to work so that I can run out of here.

"Oh my God! Can you imagine this?" Barrister Larry asks as he draws towards me.

"No I honestly cannot imagine today happening" I tell him.

"They say that God made them this way but what God will create someone to be an outcast, a pariah, so different from the rest?" Larry asks.

"You know Larry, I don't know much about Christianity but I know that we can't presume to know the mind of God" I say.

"The bible, the bible is the mind of God. You are not..." He gasps.

"You are not possibly supporting these horrible monsters , are you?" He asks me with his eyes hauntingly staring into my head.

"Of course not. Of course not. I'm just saying that this is the 21st century. We have more things to worry about than two grown men kissing" I say.

"Well, their choices don't affect only them. They affect everyone around them and related to them. Look at Sabastian, the first guy whose video was released five hours ago, he was sacked from work, his wife was sacked too and I am sure his lovely son is being made jest of at school right now" Larry says.

"His wife was sacked?" I ask , askance.

"Yeah, it's on Twitter. Apparently she is a teacher in a mission school here in Lekki. Honestly if I were a homosexual? I would literally put a bullet in my mouth and end it all. The stress ain't worth it and after passing through all these s**t here on earth, you still go to hell when you die. Damn it man" Barrister Larry says and I swallow hard.

What do I do now? Even if I can get over my panic attack and make my legs to work. I can't afford to relocate to any country right now Yemi. You were right when you told your sister that I am broke. You were right when you broke shamed me. I am broke and I cannot afford to flee for my life.

An Igbo adage says that it is only a tree that hears that it will be cut down and yet it stands fearlessly.

I am no tree Yemi but right now, I wish I was one.

C.

"He has released another sextape. I thought he said he gave the men 48 hours to come out of their closets?" Barrister ifeoluwa from fourth floor says. She looks sad.

"I think the forty eight hours were up some hours ago" Barrister Larry says.

"Oh, but still it must not be easy being given the horrible choice to either come out or get your sextape leaked. It's a horrible experience" Barrister Ifeoluwa says.

"Oh please, it's men. They will always be men! Heterosexual men do release sextapes of girls who jilted them, whatever made me think homosexual men would be different is what I don't know!" Barrister Tope says and scoffs.

The other Barristers nod on agreement.

If there was one thing that both gay men and straight men shared, it was their disgusting attitude of leaking sextapes.

Yeah Barrister Tope, you are right. That's the only thing that they share in common. Their shared humanity does not factor into this.

"This Kingsley guy is such a horrible fellow. Doesn't he know the sort of havoc his actions will wreak in the lives of these men?" Barrister Ifeoluwa asks but no one cares to answer. Everyone is on their phones now, some are watching the news on the television while others are discussing and also staring at their phones.

"How many of our clients are that list?" Barrister Ejiofor asks.

"Two so far" Barrister Wale replies.

'If they weren't paying clients, I would have suggested we stop representing them" Barrister Wale adds.

"Yeah but they are among our top clients. We can't drop them. I wonder why they got involved with this stupid boy" Barrister Ejiofor asks.

"Look at him, he looks rich. Didn't he say that he dedicated 5 months to sleeping with men? That shows that he has time and money. He might not be a popular socialite but that doesn't mean that he is poor" Detective Awolabi says and the senior barristers nod in agreement.

"How do we get to him? We need to make sure he doesn't release the names of our clients" Barrister Wale asks.

"Detective Awolabi, can't you help? We will pay you for it. Find that bastard and let's have a 'word' with him" Barrister Ejiofor fumes and demonstrates the word 'word' with his fingers in the air.

"My contact in EFCC says that he is masking his IP address and bouncing it around routers before he posts. So he must be someone with knowledge and background in computer programming" Detective Awolabi says.

"Find him sir. I am sure that others are looking for him too. We can't let bad people get the tapes, it won't bode well for our clients. Blackmailers are quite greedy these days" Barrister Wale says as he and Detective Awolabi head towards the elevator.

"Nate, have you seen any tweet about Chief Olu?" Barrister Ejiofor asks me.

"None sir. How did you know that his name is there if he didn't use his real name?" I ask.

"He used his real name alright, just not the popular one" Barrister Ejiofor says.

"I got hold of his PA, he says that they will take care of it" I tell Barrister Ejiofor and he shakes his head and chuckles.

"Just keep scouring the internet for any mention of his name while I try to get a hold of him" Barrister Ejiofor says and heads towards the elevator.

You walk towards me. I can't be near you right now Yemi. I can't smell nor see you now. I don't want to do that.

I try to stand but I can't, I am literally paralyzed by fear.

"Hey Nate, are you alright? You look green" you ask.

"You told your sister that I am poor" I tell you immediately. This isn't the best time but I have no idea what else to tell you. We can't talk about Kingsley and his dramatic ultimatum.

I don't even know when the words escaped my mouth but I am glad I said them. Hopefully it will scare you off.

Hopefully you will become a memory, the one that got away. However twisted that sounds.

"What? I didn't do that"You say.

"I guess little Diana is a liar then" I snap at you.

"When did she say this? Now Nate, that's a serious accusation" You say.

"When I came to return your....I mean I came for your mother's Christmas party" I tell You.

How do I tell you that I stole your watch but I came to your house on 31st December to return it?

"I didn't steal it for the monetary value, I stole it for sentimental reasons" I can hear myself say in my head.

Yeah, that doesn't sound creepy or scream "stalker".

"I never told Diana that you are poor. I'd never do that Nate. You are like my bestest friend. You know more things about me than anyone. I could never do you like that" You say and I feel all warm and buttery inside.

No! I can't let you draw me in and enthrall me again. I have a pressing issue now.

The whole country is about to watch me almost kiss a man!