YOU WILL BE MY BANE

THE ATROCIOUS LIST

A.

I should have had some sort of emotional growth by now. I should be able to handle whatever sort of emotions that come my way by now.

But how can I grow when the game keeps changing everytime! How can I grow when people like Kingsley keeps making it hard for people like me to figure their shits out?.

I walk back to the open office, sullen and feeling forlorn. I look at You and You are busy directing a few other barristers on what to do.

"Oh my gosh Tope, this is so disgusting. You think you know men and they surprise you everyday"

Ugochi, a short but nicely shaped barrister says.

"I heard that he has released three videos already and one contains the sextape of Melancholy Emela" Tope says to Ugochi.

I can see the disgust written all over her face. I wonder what she will do to me if she finds out that I am one of those "disgusting men".

"Melancholy Emela, the soul singer?" Ugochi asks askance.

"Yes of course. He is a soul singer, what did you expect before?" Tope says with her show of disgust showing more with each word.

"No wonder most of these musicians have baby mamas. So that they can plug their disgusting sticks into any hole they see. I thought it was an avenue for them to have different female lovers and not get judged but nah, I now know better" Barrister Ugochi says.

"Of course, I have always said it. A true man would never have a baby mama. He can cheat around but he will always be committed to one woman. But you see this concept of baby mamas? Nah those downlow faggots invented it!" Barrister Tope spews with so much hatred showing on her face.

Ugochi squeezes her face in disgust and spits dryly into the air.

B.

"The world is ending soon, I tell you. These are signs of the end of days!" she adds.

I swallow hard and I look at you again. You catch my gaze and I try to look away.

Too late.

"Nate! Could you come here for a minute?" You ask and I nod.

"Hey" I say standing timidly besides you and avoiding your infernal gaze.

"Hey, um... Look at this atrocious list" you say and wave a sheet of paper in the air.

"Atrocious list?" I stutter mildly.

"Yeah, the list that the Kingsley guy released. There's a name here, ValarMorghulusEvenYou99. Isn't this your sss address?" You ask me. Your eyes are on me, I see anger and hate seep through them.

I try to avert my eyes from your thundering gaze but I can't. I stutter again and muster the last of my courage to look away.

"Cat got your tongue mate?" Sami asks in a deep British baritone accent .He raises an eyebrow and dims his mischievous eyes. What is he still doing here? He is not even a lawyer. Wait, is he a lawyer? Is he going to be working here? Can my life get any worse?.

What do I do now? Is this the moment where you find out about my dark alter? Is this the part where you find out about the real me?

I have to think, what do I do? That is the new sss account I opened specifically that night to create a Grindr account.

I should have used another name and not the one that looks like my original sss address.

What do I do now? How do I get out of this quagmire?

I can tell you that I conducted a legal business with him. He contacted me to represent him. But you would want to see the case file and number. You would want to know why I didn't tell you, my mentor about it. You would want to know why I took a private case when it was stated clearly in my contract that private practice is not accepted as long as I am working with the firm!

"Um buddy, can you hear me? I asked if this sss address belongs to you?" You ask with your eyes narrowing.

"That's not my sss address Yemi. Mine is ValarMorghulusEvenYou98, this is 99" I say.

I look at your face as your eyes dim further and further, then like someone who just took a recreational drug, you begin to relax. You nod and smile.

"Oh, yeah, of course. I remember. Wow. You almost had me worried there for a moment. I mean I know you, you are Nate. If it had been you, I would have lost my fate in humanity" You say.

"Yeah. It's sickening that you would even think I would do such a thing Yemi, after everything we have been through together" I say.

"I'm sorry man, it's just that you don't know who is who anymore. You remember that I told you that this s**t runs deeper than the eye can see. You don't know who is infected. Imagine Melancholy Emela is one. How disappointing is that?" You say.

C.

"However disappointing that is, It doesn't bother me as much as the fact that you don't even know me well after everything we have been through these past months" I tell you. My legs are shaking in fright, my heart is judging me and calling me all sorts of names.

Betrayer, fatal lover, self-hating punk!.

"I'm sorry man. I'm really sorry" You say and extend your hand for a shake. I hesitate and then I shake you. The warm tingling sensation I get each time we shake, touch legs while sitting or bump arms while in the elevator, is gone.

You motion to Larry who had just returned from calling Barrister Nuru, to come

"If there is nothing else Barrister Yemi, I will be in the open office with the others" I tell you and walk away. I can feel my legs getting weaker under me.

I walk to the Open office and I stand with Tope as they try to figure out if any of our clients are on the list and If anyone on the list needs legal representation.

The list, the dark list, the romp list, the atrocious list!.

Oh Kingsley, If I can get my arms around your neck right now, I will choke you until you pass out. But then again, you might actually enjoy that, you sick sick bastard!

Sami looks at me, his gaze indifferent and intent indecipherable.

He walks towards me and just as he tries to walk past me, he stops.

"There is something about you mate, I don't know it yet but I will soon. I've got a nose for bullshit and back there?..." He points to where I just denied being ValarMorghulusEvenYou99.

"...I call bullshit. Absolute hot bull crap" Sami says.

"I got my eyes on you. Black is too trusting, but me? I'm..."

"Paranoid? Psychotic? Deathly allergic to good manners?" I interrupt him and he smiles wickedly.

"I got my eyes on you mate, trust me" Sami says and walks away.

"I'm not your mate you despicable f**k!" I bark after him but he is already gone.

I slump onto a seat nearby. My heart begins to beat faster than an addict who just overdosed and is having a cardiac arrest.

The elevator dings and Barrister Ejiofor steps out in a hurry.

"Ollie, Olileanya!" He calls and I stand.

"Barrister!" I answer, running to him.

"Come with me quickly, we need to get in touch with Chief Olu" Barrister Ejiofor says as we head towards the open office.

"I hope everything is alright sir" I ask.

"Chief Olu's name is there. I don't think his political opponents have discovered but this will destroy him. Get online, on Twitter, check if anyone has made the connection and gaslight them. But first find a way to connect with his PA in Victoria Island. It seems like Chief Olu is currently outside the country" Barrister Ejiofor says and I bring out my phone.

I text Chief Olu's PA.

"Have you seen the news? Barrister Ejiofor thinks Chief Olu's name is there. But it seems like people haven't found out yet" I write.

He replies immediately!

"Yes, we are on it. We want to hire someone to say that he is the olu in the list so that people will not think of chief Olu" he replies.

"But won't Kingsley be mad? Won't he be angry? Won't that violate his terms and make him release the video sooner?" I write.

"We will take care of Kingsley before that happens. Our IT personnel are already tracking him even as I write to you" he replies.

Oh Kingsley, you have made powerful enemies. I hope you know what your stupidity will cost you!

The television is still showing Kingsley's speech, over and over again.

"Oh God! He has released a fourth video!" Barrister Larry screams from his cubicle and everyone brings out their phones.

"Oh no, is that Father Desmond?" Tope groans in disgust.

"Awolabi, can't someone arrest this bastard already?" Barrister Wale screams in anger as his detective friend laughs wearily at Kingsley on the screen.

"Well no one knows where he is, I heard that both EFCC and The Nigerian police have mounted a manhunt for him" Detective Awolabi says.

The EFCC and the Nigerian police force are trying to find him for releasing s*x tapes? Good Lord! How many influential people did he sleep with? How many powerful and dangerous people are hidden plainly on that list?

"He is just ludicrous. However, his grievances are sort of understandable, the method he employs to bare them are just pathetic. Outing people forcefully? That's just pathetic. This is a delicate issue and as all delicate things, should be treated with wisdom" Detective Awolabi adds.

"I hope he gets caught and I hope he spends his whole life in prison because I can count more than three laws he has broken. He would wish he had contracted AIDS like his fellow gays and died horribly" Barrister Wale says rancorously, as his nose flares up in anger.

I look at him and I feel paralyzed. I can't move my legs. If my video ever gets out, I won't just lose my job, I will lose my freedom. I stare helplessly at Kingsley on the screen as I watch my life spiral out of control.

I have two choices now; Come out of my closet and lose everything I have, my job, my freedom, You. Or wait until Kingsley releases the video of where he attempted to kiss me and I push him away. But you won't see it as such, you will judge me.

The question won't be if I pushed him away, the question will be why I went to his hotel room in the first place.