YOU WILL BE MY BANE

A REASON TO SEE YOU

A.

I get to Uncle Ekene's house very late and the house is very empty.

Uncle Ekene had sent me a message earlier that they would spend two weeks in Barcelona, Spain.

"Now don't get any ideas by inviting girls over. I have hidden cameras everywhere transmitting live feeds to my tab here in Barcelona" Uncle Ekene had texted me. I know that he is lying but I don't tell him that.

I fall on to a sofa in the living room, exhausted.

A 'normal guy' will throw a party, invite a ton of girls and pretend that this amazing duplex is his. But I'm not a 'normal guy' and my self esteem took a serious hit after that horrible meeting with Sarah.

Yemi, I have to resign from Wale, Nuru and Ejiofor firm. That is the only way I can forget about you.

But I can't just resign from the firm without securing another job. I have to make sure that I have another thing going for me before I drop my one month notice.

Uncle Ekene has connections, maybe some of his friends at the country club know firms searching for fresh lawyers.

I have to try at other firms until I can afford to leave the country and move thousands of miles away from you.

I pick up my phone and call Uncle Ekene through w******p. It rings and he doesn't pick. I call again and he picks it, placing the camera in such an awkward position that I can see the hairs in his nose and the tiny boogers hanging out.

His nostrils cringe and his mouth twitches.

"Hey Ollie! This is not a good time. Why are you calling? Did something happen to the house?" He asks.

"No Sir, I um... called to find out how your vacation is going?" I mutter.

"Well your cousin Jide left our hotel room with a white girl since morning and we haven't seen him" Uncle Ekene says, his nostrils flare up, exposing more boogers.

"A white girl Ollie, that bastard left this hotel with a white girl. There are black girls everywhere oh but it's a white girl with 'mammy' water eyes and a long black 'mammy' water hair that he chose" Aunty Ifeoma rages. Her cheeks getting increasingly reddish.

Ever since she became pregnant, her once sweet and calm demeanor have been switched with explosive and sassy.

"Aunty calm down, I'm sure that he will return soon" I try to placate the enraged couple. I can't bring up my job issue right now, I can literally see the veins in Uncle Ekene's head growing by the minute.

"Oh, he will be back and when he does, I will cut off his phallus, maybe he will start thinking with his brain instead. Take care of the house, remember to feed Joan Snow and if you can't cook, call Stanley the cook, he will come over and make something for you" Uncle Ekene says and ends the call.

Joan Snow, their black German shepherd b***h that seems to have a thing against me. Like You Yemi, the belligerent dog only allows me to come close to her when she needs something from me, i.e when I am feeding her.

I go upstairs, take my bath and as I step out of the shower, I hear a beeping sound coming from my sneakers. I follow the sound. It is Precious Cole's phone. It is switched on.

"My birthday day" the reminder flashes on the screen. Precious Cole would have turned seventeen today had it been she wasn't submerged some miles off the Tinubu Marina. That is if her corpse has not been thrashed and shredded apart by ocean waves and creatures of the deep.

"Uh oh" I mutter. Did Jide enter my room and switch it on? Or Uncle Ekene? But he would have mentioned it when I called him. Or did the phone switch on by itself?

I switch off the phone again and I slip into a boxer short and a black tank top.

I go to the store downstairs and I take the dog food.

Woooof! Joan Snow screams at me as I get closer to her cage. The food they placed in her cage two days ago before they traveled, has been devoured, only the plastic wraps remain.

"Why do you hate me?" I ask Joan Snow. She growls. I place her food in a disposable plate and push it to her cage with a long cane.

She paws the plate and begins to devour the meal. I sit a few paces away from her and I stare at her as she eats.

"Why do you hate me Snow? I have been here for more than six months and you still hate me. I guess I've not always been around but you know that it's not my fault that we don't see often. I'm a human male, I have to work. I can't change who I am" I plead and she growls.

"You gotta cut me some slack, you gotta start treating me right, you shouldn't only be nice to me when you need something from me. I'm human, I have emotions too" I tell her and she turns her head to the right and whines. She lies on the floor and places her front paws on her ears.

"Yeah, that's what I thought, go on and ignore me. That's what you do best. Have fun with your friends who have returned from London but don't come crawling back to me when you have accidentally killed a squirrel and need somewhere to bury it's bones" I tell the dog and she looks at me with puppy eyes.

"Sorry dear" I apologize.

"Those weren't meant for you" I say and I go into the house. I enter my room and I fall on my bed. It doesn't take long and I am snoring.

B.

I wake up very late the next day. In the last few months, saturday has been my favorite day of the week. I get to go to the gym with you and we will end up at the stadium where you run behind girls who are exercising and watch their bums dance rhythmically as they run.

I would point out a few girls to you, "Damn, that girl is packing it" I would say and you'd laugh.

"That girl's breast is humongous!" I would say.

"My man!" You'd scream.

But today I don't get any message from you.

No 'Hey Nate, ready to flex those hamstrings?'

It can only mean one thing; your friends are back from The UK.

I go down and I feed Joan Snow again. She doesn't bark when I approach her cage. I drop her meal and she gets to work. I try to touch her and she growls lowly without looking up.

"Baby steps, baby steps" I say and I go back to the house. My phone beeps and it's a message from Diana. She has been texting me non stop and I have gotten tired of deleting her number so I just saved it with 'Baby Diana'

Yeah Yemi, it sounds weird but I had the best intentions when I chose that name.

"Hey Nate, Mom's Christmas party is today. The theme is Biblical characters. You know it's Christmas, so dress like a character from the bible and come. I was thinking that I'd dress like Eve and you'd dress like Adam. I'm looking forward to seeing you," Diana's text reads.

How do Biblical characters dress? Did the bible describe the fashion styles of the characters?

I heave a sigh and I sit on my bed and I fight this rising urge to attend the party.

I am trying to forget you, I am trying to move past you.

I should have other friends apart from you. I have been in this city for more than six months. I should have known more people than just you and my cousin Jide.

My wardrobe creaks open and my eyes fall on the Hermes costume. I look away towards my dresser and then my eyes fall on my hand. I see your watch.

I should return your watch but I should not go to the party, I am not going to the party because of you, no. I'm going there to return your watch.

I never should have picked it up that day. I officially took obsession to a whole new level when I picked up your watch. I should return it.

I will go to the party and I will not be in Biblical costume, because I am not going there to party. I am going there to return your watch.

How I intend to do that without making it seem like I stole from you and later had a change of heart, eludes me.

I throw on a blue 'v-neck'polo and a black trouser. I effortlessly slide into my white sneakers and rush downstairs. I take the dog food from the store and top up Joan Snow's food. She doesn't growl, bark or even huff.

She just lay there, lazily wagging her tail and yawning.

Great, the silent treatment or does she want a walk? I am not interested in fraternizing with her right now.

I leave the estate and get a taxi.

One hour later, I am standing in front of your father's house.

C.

"Yeah, who are you?" One of the gatemen barks.

"I'm Nate, I'm here for the party" I say.

"Can we see your e-vite?" Another gateman asks with his blood shot eyes fixed on me.

"I..I.." I stutter.

You must not have sent me the e-vite because you thought I would go with you. A part of me is happy that you actually planned a future with me.

No! I'm doing it again.

What do I do now? I can't go back home! I just got here.

Just then, my phone beeps and it's Diana.

"Are you still coming? I have your Adam's animal fur, it was made from an endangered species of bears, so rare, just like you" her message reads.

Great, how do I deal with this obsession? Then an idea strikes me.

"I'm stuck at the gate, come buzz me in" I text Diana and I don't have to wait long for a reply because three dots appear and then a barrage of texts which includes;

"Oh for real?"

"I'm on my way to the gate"

Five minutes later the angry gatemen open the gate.

"Welcome sir" they mumble and I ignore them.

"Oh my gosh, you totally made it" Diana squeals and takes my hand and like a news presenter leading her celebrity crush down the red carpet, she leads me into the house.

I don't need to fight hard to hide my awe at the interior decorations of the house because the ridiculous costumes of the scattered guests are hilarious.

This may be probably why people don't try to dress like those from the Bible.

A chanting from a Christmas medley of Pentatonix is blasting all over the house. The echoes are like those in a Cinema room.

A large Christmas tree sits beautifully at the far end of the large living room with boxes of presents around it.

"Look up Stud" Diana says and rolls her eyes.

I look up, there is a mistletoe above us.

"Uh..." I say and take a step back.

"Oh, I can't wait to introduce you to Anna, she will be so jealous" Diana says and rolls her eyes petulantly.

"Um....Diana, where is your brother? I have to talk to him" I say.

"You want to see Yemi? But you haven't seen your costume yet" Diana cries.

"I'm sorry Diana but I didn't come here to party, I came to give your brother his umm....I came to speak with your brother" I tell her.

"Fine! He is in the west wing with his mean friends" she points towards a beautiful corridor. "I never get to have anything I want" Diana cries and runs upstairs.

I walk towards the beautiful corridor. The walls are round like a submarine's interior. Large bouquets of rose flowers hang in strategic places along the tubular corridor.

I see a door at the end and I walk towards it.

I see a winding staircase and I climb, I hear voices and Migos' Is you ready' is blasting from above. I walk towards the sound.

I reach the end of the stairs, a small living room is to my right, a long corridor is on my left. I look into the living room and there is no one there but the television is on, and Migos'Is you ready' is playing on the stereo underneath the fifty inches television.

I turn towards the long corridor. There are about six doors, three on each side of the large hallway.

"Um... Yemi" I call out.

I should go. I should just give the watch to Diana and go home. If I am to overcome this feelings I have for you, I need to see you less. Isn't this why I want to quit working for your father?

The room at the end of the hall way is open. I enter and it seems like I have entered another world. A cold sea breeze air hits my nose and sends a warm fluttery feeling down my stomach. The large bed in the middle of the room has a Chelsea football club duvet on it with about six pillows.

A large television is opposite the bed with another stereo system under it. I look to my left and I see a large wooden wardrobe fit into the wall with different doors. From the opened doors on top of the large wardrobe, I can see different sneakers and cooperate shoes. Different colors of cooperate shirts, polos, trousers, Denim jeans, shorts, different colors of sweaters , sweat pants and other cloth items line the main wardrobe.

They are hung in groups, in a round iron rod standing at strategic points inside the large room-like wardrobe.

It is like I am in heaven but for clothes. Wait, what sort of a wardrobe is this?. it is almost as large as the room.

I walk towards the wardrobe with my jaw dropping faster as I approach the clothes.

I must be in heaven but for clothes. I stand on the edge to the entrance of the wardrobe and I see a shiny material in a round lighted glass box a few poles away from me.

I try to touch the glass and then I hear a voice behind me.

"Who the f**k are you and what are you doing in Black's closet?"

A deep voice with a British accent barks behind me.

The voice is so deep that I wonder if the words were played from a recorder.

"Oi wanker! I ain't gonna ask you again. I've got my gun here. Who the f**k are you?" The voice drums.

I freeze and raise my hands up.

"I am not a thief, I'm a friend of..."

"Oi! What are you doing with me mate's watch! Drop it wanker or I will drop you?" The voice says.

"I didn't steal it...I...." I stutter.

"Hey, what's happening?" You say as You walk into the room.

"This wanker came here to rob you" the voice says.

You laugh.

"Oh Sammy stop. He is my friend, Nate" You say.

"Nate, it's alright, you can turn around" you say and I turn around.

"Oi, you the bloke Black's being hanging out with, huh?" The boy says and I look at him. He is probably the the most handsome man I have ever seen.

He is very tall and has an inquisitive gaze. His dark grey eyes look mischievously enthralling and comically large.

The black sheen of his skin seem reflective of the lights overhead.

I look at his hand searching for the gun but instead I see a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Hey Sammy, meet Nate, Nate Sammy" You say.

"Hi Sammy" I mutter inaudibly extending my right palm for a handshake.

He looks at me and narrows his eyes.

"Oi, Gab, come see. This bloke looks like a low budget Rome Flynn" Sammy calls out.

Another tall boy who looks like a younger version of Jason Derulo walks into the room. His afro hair is curly and blond.

His lips is as red as cherry, second only to Sammy's thick lips.

Who the hell are these guys Yemi? Greek gods? Models? Fallen angels?