Split Mind

So embarrassed.

I turned away trying to hide the smile on my face. I sighed a breathe of relief and felt my shoulders slump.

"Do you always have to be negative?"

i asked rolling my eyes then quickly realized he couldn't see me so i raised my hands and waved them about sarcastically. I couldn't see him but i could feel him smile from here.

I heard movement behind me and i knew he was coming closer. A few moments later, he came and sat beside me.

"Hi" he said i turned to look at him. His eyes displayed a new emotion i couldn't quite figure it out but it felt almost like admiration, almost like love but i was probably mistaken. The heat was probably getting to me.

"I'm sorry" he said now looking at the water.

"Its been so long since anyone has actually cared for me i guess i don't even recognize how that supposed to look like." he spoke i didn't interrupt him because this seemed important to him to get out.

"Ever since i could remember I've only ever had pretentious and ill-hearted people around me. People never really cared for me as a person but only cared for the things i could do for them. A few months back i distanced myself from all of them. Its no surprise that I've been alone since...I thought you just wanted the car...but when you left i realized that wasn't true you were only trying to help.. I'm sorry I misjudged you and mistook your kindness for something else. I'm sorry i am the person i am..." he began to trail off i put my hand on his arm and i smiled at him and gave him a reassuring nod. He turned to look at me and smiled showing off his pearly whites.

"I get it. i dont have a lot of people either." i said and he looked at me confused. i decided to explain.

"Well my mom was sick mentally." ... i started. " But when i got pregnant and still in school its like something just snapped and it just got worse. It got so bad she was taken away. I stopped going to school to take care of the house being the first born and all.

When Maggie was born my mom came back and she looked fine so she stayed home and i went back to school and finished. The day my results came the house was so happy. Mom wanted to take us to celebrate but i told her i was waiting for my friends so i could celebrate with them. She and my little sisters and Maggie went out. Dad was sleeping at work that day. I went out had a great time came home and i didn't realize noone was there because i was so baked. i crawled in bed and slept. That night the police came telling me to identify bodies." I stopped tears rolling down my face. Cory scooted closer. We were hip to hip and he put his arm around me to pull me closer. My breathing became steadier.

"Hey hey its not your fault. " I shook my head no because that was not true. It was, it was my fault. Cory took my chin making me look at him. "Its not your fault." he said firmly. i was so lost in his eyes to respond to even register what he just said then his hand slowly caressed my cheek making every single fiber of my being stand at attention. My whole body was filled with anticipation. Then he leaned in his lips seconds away from mine and my heart began beating so fast i knew he could hear it. His lips brushed over mine eliciting a moan from me. Then his lips crashed into mine with a kiss so gentle and tender i melted. I knew i wanted him i wanted him so bad so i began kissing back. My hands moved on their own accord to his neck.

Then with no warning like a tsunami the kiss turned passionate and hungry.

His hand moved from my cheek to the back of my head holding me in place. Our tongues wrestled niether of us willing to pull away from each other. His other hand moved to my back pulling me closer and i gladly obliged opening my legs and sitting on him. His hands began frantically exploring my body then he grab a handful of my hair and jerk my head backwards breaking our kiss. My body instantly reacted to him as my back arched giving him more access to my neck and breast. He did not hesitate upon the opportunity as he started trailing kisses along my neck to my breasts. My hands in his hair, his excitement became clear as i felt something of a bulge on my thigh and i began grinding against it which made him release a sound that made me moist down south. My grinding was interrupted when he found my n****e, my body did not know how to keep its rhythm along with with shivers that came with the pleasure of his discovery of my n****e and he sucked it and when began rotating it between his teeth and a very loud moan escaped from lips.

My knees became weak i couldn't hold myself up anymore and his hand left my hair and went to my back to support me.

Amidst all the movement i saw at the back of me were eyes looking straight at us and i jumped up breathing really heavy now feeling so embarrassed both from the confusion from Cory and Sashas faces.

i wished the ground could swallow me whole.

i turned away from both of them to fix myself. I just can't believe what just happened. I was making out with a guy in the woods in front of my kids. Whats gotten into me. I felt so embarrassed and refused to look at Cory. Now thinking about what he must think of me . All my thoughts went away as i heard footsteps slowly making their way towards me and my body froze not knowing what to do my head telling me to run but my heart telling to stay still.