Identity Crisis

Chapter Three

The next month whizzed by. I went to school, hung out with my two friends, passed notes back and forth during class and in the hallways, worked on our homework and art projects together, and overall, I tried not to go home. It was great to have friends. We had plenty to talk about and when it was all said and done, they didn't treat me like I was upsetting them in some unknown way. I could rely on them for anything I needed, and they could do the same with me. Then one day, we decided to hang out at the park afterschool, except Bane then remembered he had something he had to take care of, which left me alone with Gedeon. It's not that I didn't like Gedeon, I liked him just fine. It was that Gedeon was a little hard to get along with sometimes. He often sat more in silence, didn't really talk much, and when he did, he was always cynical about it.

"Why do you do that?" I asked him while we were walking through the park.

"Why do I do what?" He asked, looking quizzical as if he hadn't any idea what I was talking about.

"Why do you always talk about things so cynically? Every time you say anything good about anything you have a cynical comment to say about it afterward. You know, not everyone enjoys cynicism constantly." I sat down under a tree and laid back looking up at the branches, luckily it hadn't snowed yet. Gedeon sat down next to me and looked as if he was thinking hard.

"I never realized that I did that. I guess the last few years have just gotten me pretty down. My brothers, sister, and I were happy where we were living before and now here the people are rather rude and often treat us like the homeless beggars on the streets. It sucks here." He sat there staring off into space, his chin resting on his knees.

"You know, I thought this place would majorly suck, as well. I come from the beautiful mountains of Montana. I'd never been to a public school and had no idea how to make friends. The extent of my social life in Montana was family time and running to the store when we needed supplies. Here it's hot, humid, the people are rude like you said, and over all just miserable. This definitely was not my ideal place to end up.” I paused and took a deep breath, “But then, I realized that it wasn't all that bad. I met you and Bane, so, you know, things really aren't as bad as I first thought they would be.” I looked over at him. Gedeon looked genuinely surprised at something I had said. "What?" I asked him.

"You really think we're that great?" He inquired, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Well, yeah, I mean out of all the people in the school that you guys could probably hang out with, you guys chose me. I went from having everyone staring at me as if I were an alien to having two friends, which is honestly more than I'd expected. It's nice. It's not so lonely when you have friends." I said awkwardly, ducking my head and trying not to sound pathetic. I wasn't sure if I pulled that off exactly.

"It is nice to have friends." He said, looking over at me. “You know.... I really like you a lot.”

"Yeah, I know." I smiled.

"No, I mean I really, like you. Like, like you like you." Gedeon leaned closer to me. So, I would be lying if I said I hadn't imagined kissing either Gedeon or Bane. To be completely honest, it was more Bane than Gedeon, but there was something about him that when he said it, I had butterflies. Being a homeschooled shut-in, the only thing I knew about kissing and relationships was what I'd learned from my parents and movies. Not great role models really since life wasn't really a fairytale like that. Not to mention the fact that I had never been kissed, ever. I had no idea what to do, so when he leaned in to kiss me, I froze, trying to remember every kissing scene I'd ever watched, but this was nothing like that. Besides, I needn't have worried. He knew what he was doing. “Relax,” He whispered. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and allowed him to lead me. If this is what kissing was, it was no wonder people did it all of the time.

Kissing was like swinging on a rope over a lake or river, letting go and trusting the water to catch your fall. And yet, it was also like riding a galloping horse and letting go of the reins, throwing your arms out and letting the wind rush past you. Only it was more than that as well. When he pulled back from the kiss, I kept my eyes closed, feeling a little sad at the sudden loss of that feeling.

“Was it bad?” He asked. I opened my eyes and smiled at him.

“No, it wasn't bad at all.” I whispered, clearing my throat, and readjusting myself, suddenly I was uncomfortable.

He cleared his own throat as if sensing this had suddenly become awkward. “So, I've been meaning to ask you.... would you...would you like to go out with me?”

I smiled at him, "I think it's a great idea." The rest of the day, we walked through the park. Gedeon didn't waste any time. He immediately grabbed on to my hand. It became a challenge to have him let go, even for just a minute. Bane met up with us just as I was getting ready to hop into my car and head home. The initial look on his face was surprise mixed with something I couldn't quite identify. He and Gedeon shared a look, which resulted in Gedeon digging his toe into the grass. Then suddenly the atmosphere shifted, and they were both smiling.

The next day at school was pretty strange. It was different to walk through the halls holding someone's hand. I marveled that the stares suddenly stopped, well mostly. There were a few glares from other girls and some guys as we walked past them. I didn't let it bother me. Bane still stuck close to us. Only now it seemed that things had changed between us. It almost seemed like he was trying too hard to get my attention.

A week passed by. Zif hadn't talked to me in that time. He ignored me and pretended that I wasn't there, especially when Gedeon was next to me, which was most of the time. By Saturday I decided I should probably bring the guys home to meet my parents. They constantly asked me questions about the two of them. When they learned that I was dating Gedeon the silence was audible, but then they just shrugged and smiled, telling me it was about time.

So, I invited the guys over for dinner. When they showed up, my father and Zif were less than welcoming, but not rude, so I suppose it was a start. My mother welcomed them in and got us all situated around the table. It did not go unnoticed that My mother intentionally sat both boys across the table from me. I felt like I was living in the 1800's when people were still doing the whole courting thing and couldn't go anywhere unsupervised by a chaperone. However, by the time we started eating the tension began to dissipate.

Obnoxious laughter and corny jokes flew around the table. My parents also asked all of those embarrassing parental trivia questions. Bane and Gedeon took pretty well, answering every question. When dinner was over my mother handed out our vitamins. I had told her that I'd forgotten it before. She wasn't happy at all and gave me a lecture about responsibility and how if I wanted her to trust me to be responsible, I would have to prove to her that I could do so. Gedeon and Bane watched the exchange with odd expressions on their faces. Suddenly, the tension returned as if it had been there all along, lurking in the shadows and waiting to pounce.

It was time for them to leave. They excused themselves saying they'd been gone too long and that their parents probably wouldn't be very happy if they were out much longer. Gedeon wasn't shy about kissing me goodnight and Bane gave me a hug. If I didn't know any better (and I really didn't), I would have said that I almost felt violated, like they were marking their territory.

They'd just walked out the door when my brother rushed out after them and grabbed Bane's shoulder to turn him around. “You better take care of her. Do you hear me? She's not a toy.”

I half expected to see a fight. Bane, instead, grabbed my brother's hand and shook it, “No worries. She's precious and we'll all be good to her. I can promise you that.” Bane then looked back at me, grinned, and headed to his car. Zif walked back to the house and stared at me for a moment, I almost thought he was going to say something. Then he shook his head and brushed past me into the house.

That night, as I got ready for bed, I decided I should tell my parents goodnight and maybe try to talk to them, but when I got to their bedroom door, I could hear them talking. I stood against the wall, trying not to breath, and listened in, “It's time, George. We can't hold back any longer.” My mother said calmly. In my mind's eye I could see her sitting at her vanity and looking at my father in the mirror as she brushed her hair, preparing for bed.

"It can't already be time, Darla. We haven't been here that long, couldn't they let us have just a little while longer? Why does it have to be so soon? She hasn't even graduated high school. She only has one year left." My father sounded pretty stressed.

"You know what the deal was Gregory, we have to let it happen. They are together now, there's no way we can stop it. Even if we wanted to. This is bigger than all of us." My mother sounded soothing like she did when I was little and had woken up screaming after a nightmare.

"I know, I know, but there's got to be some way we can postpone the event. I wish things were different. Why did it have to be us, our child?" My dad sounded almost as if he were close to tears. I had no idea what they were talking about and I had a feeling that I really didn't want to know.

"It's the only way we can have peace between our people, my love. It's our duty." My mother began saying other things about it, but I stopped listening and went back to my room. I didn't know what to think about their conversation. I know they were talking about me. I'm not stupid after all. I just didn't understand what they were talking about exactly. It had something to do with Gedeon and Bane, but I had no idea what. I crawled into bed and worried. Sleep came eventually and took me away.