Find Her

Shadow of herself

Tasha was diagnosed with typhoid fever and she spent almost a week at the hospital. She was not fully recovered but was discharged since she was much better. Her medications were giving her some side effects including frequency urination. She could urinate so many times during the day and at night. On one of the occasions, she could not wake up in the evening to urinate and ended up wetting her bed.

Tobi began to laugh at her uncontrollably. He could not keep to himself what he saw even though his mother warned him. He ended up spreading the news as he got to school.

The news spread like wild fire and the kids in the neighborhood began to make fun of her. Ms Betty did not spare her son. She really punished him for what he did.

A week after she was discharged from the hospital, she recovered fully and was ready to go back to school. Tasha was not happy that her mates at school did not visit her whiles she was sick. Her friend Nuna who lived in the village with her was the only one who paid her a visit and also brought her some fruits.

When she got to school, class was already in session because there was a delay in their journey. There was a heavy downpour the previous night and parts of the road got flooded. This damaged sections of the road which was already not in good condition and it had deteriorated. This made their journey through that route impossible and they had to return and take another route.

The moment Tasha got to her classroom, the whole class could not control their laughter. Tasha was shocked because she was expecting a little bit of sympathy from her mates because it had been two weeks of being absent from school due to sickness and her teachers were made aware. She could not understand what their laughter was about.

They started calling her names before she realized that the bed wetting incident was known to her mates.

Apparently the students from her village had also spread the news when they came to school. Tasha was really furious with her brother Tobi for what he did. And promised to deal with him when she got home.

She was able to put herself together and mastered courage not to react to the negative attitude of her mates.

The day went well with less incident and Tasha was also able to get some sweets from the canteen during lunch break because she did not consume all the money that was given her by her dad when he last visited her school. She hid the money from her mother and siblings, so within the two weeks that she was no able to come to school, she kept it save.

Mr Oluwa promised to send some money to her daughter's teacher so she can use it during lunch break but she did not hear anything from her dad.

Her dad visited her when he heard of her sickness and admission. Her mother called him and narrated the ordeal to him so he urgently visited the clinic. The little he had was spent at the clinic. Mr Oluwa called the family when his daughter was discharged from the clinic and Tasha was happy to hear from his dad. So Tasha figured out that maybe her dad had run out of cash and she cannot call him to demand for anything.

Mr Oluwa was really having a bad moment. After he had spent a lot at the clinic when his daughter got ill, he was met with another disaster. There was a heavy rain the previous week which affected his home. The strong winds ripped off his roofing. This was a big disaster and he was lucky not to have been injured. Many houses already were affected by this disaster. So he had to use the little savings he had to roof his building again. Most of the stocks of books meant for the shop were kept at home and they all got destroyed by the rain. He could not salvage the books because they were papers and all got wet immediately the roof was taken off and the water entered the room. He was able to salvage the pencils, pens, and some other items. But most of the storybooks and notebooks were damaged. He could not dry them because even if he did, it will amount to little. She could not believe that his money in the form of stock had gone down the drain. How would he raise another capital; he laments. The nearest disaster management agency was not located in the town but in the city. He thought of going there so he could get some assistant in the form of his building being roofed and the provision of other things. But he did not want to worry himself because of the bureaucracy that he had to go through. He decided not to even waste his transportation but try and figure things out on his own.

So the little he had, was used for all these and he was left with nothing. He was only lucky that he did not take a loan from the microfinance company to invest into the business. Because it would have been a great loss to him but this was his savings so even though it was a great loss, not as terrible as a loan.

He called Ms Betty and narrated all that happened. She was horrified by the incident and sympathised with him. Mr Oluwa did not know where to seek help from. He asked some of his friends for some grants to inject into the business again but they could not help much. He also asked his brothers but all he received was promises. He was almost running out of options. He gathered courage and asked his Ex wife for an urgent grant. She did not have enough money with her at home but promised to get him something when she comes to the bank since she had some little savings there.

Two days after their conversation, she went to the bank at Shai and withdrew some money and gave to him when she visited him at home.

Mr Oluwa was so grateful for the help and promised to turn things around with the money.

Ms Betty returned to the village immediately she was done with what she came for. She did not waste much time because she went there not for any other thing. She was able to get back to Agasa very early. She did not go to school that day because she was on a one week leave.

Ms Betty narrated what had happened and Tasha really felt sad for her dad. She wondered why her dad was always there to help others but when he gets a need, there is no one to help him.

Weeks after the incident Mr Oluwa's business began to take shape again. He was able to stock his shop again. But this time he kept the rest of the stock in a safe place in case the disaster repeats itself.

Back at Agasa, there was misunderstanding in the house of Ms Betty. Tobi and the other siblings are of age and Tasha felt it was high time they began to help in the house chores. The work load on Tasha was becoming too much. Especially on Saturdays, she uses the whole day to wash everyone's clothes, cleans the house, bath and toilet, fill the barrels with water, etc and finally prepares dinner. She could not understand why all the work was left for her to do. She really wished there was someone to also assist her. Tobi and the other siblings were becoming very lazy because they virtually do nothing in the house. This behavior was endorsed by Mr Boku, Tasha's step dad. He just does not want them to do any work in the house. Ms Betty was not happy with this behavior and this led to many quarrels in the house.

She does not want her children to become good for nothing or useless but Mr Boku insisted. The quarrel went on frequently and Tasha felt she was the cause of all that.

Ms Betty realized that if she wants to heed to the desire of her husband, she will end up raising rascals. She immediately apportioned chores to the rest of her children including Mr Boku's son. Tensions were high in the house but Ms Betty was determined to make the right choice for her children.

The terminal exams was approaching and Tasha needs to prepare for it. Her reading ability has improved compared to the previous times and she was a little excited.

She wished there was enough time for her to prepare for the exams because she was determined to do better this time around.

The exam week finally arrived and Tasha wrote all her papers with hope and anxiety. The student were waiting for their examination results before they go on vacation or school holidays. The final results were pasted on the notice board and everyone was rushing to take a glance at their result. Tasha was able to master courage and checked.

This time around she was not the one at the bottom but someone else. At least she was the last but one.

Abena and her friends still made fun of her but she was not too worried. At least i did better than the previous time; she said to herself even though she still was not happy with her performance. Even though she still felt like a failure, she was glad to climb a step ahead.

The academic year came to a close and the holiday was a long one. Most students in her village just use the free holidays to help their parents on the farm. Ms Betty was not a farmer and this meant that Tasha will spend most of her time at home. She had already spent a few days at home and was getting bored. She wished to spend the vacation outside the village. She wished to experience new things because she had almost lost all the life she knew in the village.

She pleaded with her mother so she could speak to her dad on the phone.

She spoke to her dad about her plans to spend the holidays with him but her dad did not give her a positive answer.

Her dad told her of how he was planning so she and her siblings to come and spend the Christmas holidays. She was happy for the news but was still disappointed about her idea not to visit her dad.

She was just tired of the village life. She was just tired of the many house chores, she was just tired of everything and needed to get away from all the bad energies and negativity around her. She just needed peace and she thought leaving the village for a while will be the best medication for her. And the most important for her was to get away from the kinds of Mr Asiba who were disturbing her in the village.

Tasha was facing many problems but kept them away from her mother. One of such problems was her home tutor. Tasha was not getting interested in the extra tuition again on weekends due to what she went through in the hands of her tutor. She was doing all she could to avoid him.

As a teenager she had developed breast and other features so definitely those things may attract the opposite s*x. Mr Mark who was a college graduate and employed as Tasha's personal tutor was looking for opportunity to sexually abuse her.

Tasha mostly had her class on the verandah of the house, but one afternoon, there was a heavy rain and it was not conducive to stay on the verandah because of the wind that was blowing. Her mother was not around and her siblings followed her step dad to a nearby village. She wanted to go with them, but she was reminded to stay because she had a tuition appointment with her teacher that afternoon.

The class came to a halt as the wind became very strong and they had to take cover. The both sook refuge in the room.

Mr Mark knowing that nobody was around and no one can hear them due to the rain, decided to take advantage of Tasha and sexually abuse her. He then asked Tasha to rub the tip of his manhood with her tongue. This was a very scary moment for Tasha as she felt helpless. She tried to scream and opened the door but it was locked. She was really afraid of what was going to happen to her.

Mark fondled her breast severely and also inserted his fingers into her v****a whiles she was helpless. He did this to her for many minutes and finally asked her to suck on his manhood and she almost threw up.

She hesitated but he threatened to hurt her if she does not. She obliged and sucked on his manhood until he ejaculated. When he was done, he promised to kill her if she ever told anyone about it.

This incident had been a burden in her heart but she kept it from her mother. Since the incident happened, Mr Mark had not been able to conduct the extra classes for her frequently because he was afraid Tasha might have told her mother about it. He mostly gave excuses for not coming.

Tasha did not want to see him eye to eye. she acts strangely anytime he comes to the house and this made Mark uncomfortable. He once called her to the back of the house when her mother was not around. He apologized to her and said he regretted his actions. He told her, he did not intend to do what he did and he could not tell what came over him. And Tasha could not hold back her tears and she wondered why this had to happen to her.

This incident had put a great fear of insecurity into her life. She did not know what will happen to her next and began to withdraw from certain people. She became afraid of the male gender because she thought all of them will do to her what Mr Asiba and Mark did.

Her mother noticed that attitude but she thought since she had always warned her about getting too close to boys, that was the reason for her discomfort when a man is around. She did not know that it was something worse than that.

Tasha became very suspicious of everyone including her step father. She always acts with fear when she was alone with him. Tasha and her step father did not have that father and daughter relationship. She had never disrespected her step dad but she had not been enthused with him either. She respects him because he was also her father and her mother's husband but she had not created that relationship with him. She does not laugh at his jokes, she does not run to welcome him with joy when he comes back from work like her siblings do neither does she sit to have discussions with him. Their relationship was more of a master and servant one. She just serves him because she had to.

There were many times that fear griped her when he enters her room probably looking for something or just to call her. There was a day that she almost screamed when she noticed someone entered her room in the evening while she was asleep. She almost run and hid under the bed before she realized it was her step dad.

Mr Boku was confused what that attitude was but thought maybe he just scared her since the room was dark.

Tasha had been restless in her spirit wishing to talk to someone about what was bothering her but she was scared her mother may blame her for all that happened or someone may get to know and spread it in the community. If everyone will get to know about this and tease me then i better keep it to myself; she said to herself.

The trauma had made her become always absent minded. She became more timid than ever and always blamed herself for all that had happened. She could not trust anyone anymore. Her mother noticed a strange withdrawal from her daughter and thought she was becoming stupid. She mostly told her to stop the stupid behavior and get serious.

She just wanted some peace outside the village and became so disappointed when her dad rejected her offer to come and spend the school holidays with him. The holidays were becoming too boring; she thought.

Tasha really loved drawing and football. That was what she uses to entertain herself. She becomes more rejuvenated after painting or having a football game but she was not interested in none of these this time.

Since her dad rejected her offer, she confined in her mother if she could allow her spend the holidays with her aunty who was in the city. Her Aunty Ms Sophia seemed like a nice person. She once visited them in the village and the children liked her because she brought them gifts.

Ms Betty did not agree to her daughter's request because the journey was too far and it was not safe for her to go alone. She promised to take her there at another time. Ms Betty did not understand why her daughter was in a hurry to leave the village. She suspects her daughter just want to avoid the house chores.

Nuna was Tasha's best friend in the village but due to the vacation, she also traveled to another town to spend the holidays with her aunty and this made Tasha more lonely.

In few days time school will resume and Tasha could not wait. For the first time she was really looking forward to going back to school because she was just tired of the village.

Mr Oluwa promised to buy some new school stuff for Tasha to make up for how he disappointed her. At least she was happy to go to school with new bags and other stuff.

School finally resumed after a week and Tasha was ready for school. Mr Oluwa had a talk with Ms Betty about giving some money to Tasha for school. And he promised to send her some money for Tasha's feeding fee at school. There was excitement in the heart of Tasha because she knows how sad and intimidating it feels when other students were buying things from the canteen and she cannot. It was a big relief to her because she will finally feel accepted by her friends. All that she wanted from her friends was acceptance.

Mr Oluwa was contemplating of also transferring Tobi from the school in the village to the where Tasha was. He was not having enough money but he really wanted a change for his children. Tasha was not really happy with the idea when she overhead her mother having a discussion with her dad about the transfer. She knows her brother was such a loud mouth and anything that happens at home will definitely find its way into the school. This will mean a lot of shame and humiliation for Tasha because her friends will use those events to laugh at her.

Ms Betty was finally happy about the transfer because this was what she wanted all along. From the beginning when Mr Oluwa proposed to send Tasha to her new school, she was not pleased because she wanted her daughter close to her. She wanted to keep her in check and monitor her moments. She felt her daughter will be exposed to too much freedom if she was allowed to go to the school in another town. It was her wish that Tobi would go instead of Tasha. But Mr Oluwa was aware of the practice where the male child is always favoured over the girl child and he was prepared not to repeat this with children.

Tasha resumed school with full energy because she got new school bag and footwear. She was feeling a bit confident in her new attires. She was happy to see Joan her sitting mate, Joan was equally happy to see her.

All along Tasha had been living in the shadow of herself. She had not been able to live the life that she wanted. She was unable to express herself neither was she able to stand up for herself.

She lived at the dictate of others. Her life was crafted around what people say about her and she indeed lost who she was. She was not happy with the fact that she cannot own her life but she felt, it was too late she she was too weak to fight back.