*Chapter 14
1146 Words
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I continued to spiral alone in my room.
What was I doing? Why was I pushing Jase away? And not just Jase, his whole family, who had shown me nothing but kindness. Actually, they’d done so much more than that - they’d literally rescued me - a girl they barely even knew, and yet here I was shutting them all out, quite literally.
Because you don’t belong here, Ellie. You don’t fit into his world.
My answering thoughts were unwelcome, but they rang true.
But still, deep down, I knew Jase didn’t deserve my ire. The logical parts of me knew that, however fearful I may have been. Which only made me want to scream louder.
He had been the first and only human to show me true light and kindness. The only one in so very long, to actually care for me… To show me what my heart feared was somewhere in the realm of… love. Even just a basic level of love that I had gone most of my life starved for.
But this whole situation was insane. I was insane. I didn’t know it was possible for me to feel more broken outside of the orphanage than I ever had inside. But I also felt more alive than I ever had… It was almost torturous to feel so broken and so alive at the same time, and I found myself realizing that this boy and his world would likely be the death of me.
I rolled around on the bed like a child, and I may or may not have also kicked my feet like a toddler. But I couldn’t help it. I should have been a blubbering mess over the circumstances with my brother, hell, with the state of my entire life - there was still the whole homeless and penniless problem that I had zero ideas about finding any sort of a solution for - but was I upset about any of that? No.
Instead, I was acting like a mental person, filled with confusion and angst over a boy I’d only known for a few days.
I decided to hold onto my anger instead of the other emotions welling up within me, though. Anger was easier. I was mad at him. So mad.
Wait, why was I mad at him?
Oh yea.
For that i***t putting himself in danger, and then having the audacity to come in there and call me those strange and random terms of endearment, asking me if I’M ok?! And what the hell was that whole “babe” thing about anyways?! And why did I not totally hate it??
And why am I even still here?!?
Unable to stop myself, I screamed again, far too loudly this time, and prayed no one would come running. I needed a few moments alone to think, to process. I needed to breathe. I needed to sleep. I needed to cry.
And cry, I did.
I sank down to the ground beside the bed, and finally let all the tears I’d been attempting to withhold flow freely. I released the attempts to control and conceal the aching in my chest, my body sagging to the floor. I curled my knees up to my chest, my arms hugging them again, and sobbed for what felt like hours. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
The release of so much pent up emotions left me feeling raw and drained, but it also came with its own sense of relief. Like the tears that had built up inside of me for far too long held significant and actual weight inside my body. It was as if letting them spill out of me and into the world somehow took physical pressure off of my mind and body.
When there were finally no more tears left, I moved from the floor to the chair in front of the window and looked out into the endless Texas sky, now fully clear of the thunderous rain storm that I had watched earlier through the glass that encased the courtyard. It had left as quickly as it had come, as summer storms in Texas often did.
My mind was beginning to try and process all the events that my newfound freedom had brought about, and the bizarre direction my life had taken. But just as I started to allow my mind to recall some of the events of the past few days, an unwelcome yawn rose from within me and I rubbed the ache in the back of my neck subconsciously. It was so sore and tender, surely a result of lying unconscious on Callen’s floor for God knows how long.
But that didn’t matter now. I needed to figure out how to get through this… how to handle the cards fate had dealt me. How to handle whatever this situation was with Jase and the Cross family.
I had so many questions… And I needed answers. Just when I thought I might be able to pull myself together and face Jase and ask for answers, since his family apparently knew more about my brother than I did, a second yawn escaped, betraying my desire to remain awake.
I had resisted sleep for as long as I could, and found myself lying on the mattress once again. This time, I had no fight or tears left in me, and I just laid there as my tired mind brought to the surface the insanity that had become my life. I had finally found my brother, only to realize that not only did he not remember me, his own sister, but he was also, apparently, a very bad guy. One who was still involved with Claudia Stone, that disgusting excuse for a human. And he could also, what? Hurt people? With a thought or a wave of his hand?
Every time I tried to process how that could even be possible or if I were truly, actually losing it, my brain hit a brick wall. My mind tried to re-focus on the things that were more tangible. The things that made more sense than other-wordly abilities, even though none of that made much sense either. But at least they were factual. Rooted in the real world.
Callen didn’t remember me. He had abandoned me.
He doesn’t want me.
That thought revealed that there were somehow still a few unshed tears left within me, and I was powerless to hold them back, as some of the previous heaviness I thought I’d released returned. I squeezed my eyes shut and desperately searched for a sliver of hope in this new twisted version of my life that I never could have predicted or imagined…
The moment that search in my mind began, I heard a soft knock at the door.
“Ellie, can I please come in?”
Jase.
- Writer
