Prologue
PrologueJulian decided he needed to tell three people before it became real. Not that he doubted his feelings. There was no hesitation in his mind that he was male, even if his body sometimes disagreed. But there were some mornings, like at the beginning of high school, where he would wake up and feel as if nothing had changed—in the good way. He’d make it to the breakfast table with a smile on his face and sit down to toast and think everything was fine. His hair was just right, his Black Sabbath T-shirt fit snugly across his chest, and his jeans were clean from the wash. He looked good those mornings, and he was never afraid to look at himself in the mirror.
As he ate buttered toast and his father looked at the stock market, Julian believed himself to be his parents’ son. The pictures on the wall of his house were of a sister who had been sent away to live with a long-distance aunt. And Julian was just the golden child who remained. He got to stay behind and live at home, with all of his parents’ attention focused on him.
Everything, for a time in the early morning, would be right with the world. Today, the first of December, was one of those mornings.
“Julia, come on now. You’re going to be late,” Julian’s mother stated firmly. She placed a sandwich in his lunch bag and then raised her eyebrows when he didn’t respond.
Julian felt his cheeks turn red. He remembered, like an old scar on his body that still sometimes hurt, that his life was never quite as easy as he thought it was.
“All right, all right. Just give me a sec. I’m almost done.”
Julian lowered his eyes and watched as the butter congealed on his toast. He ate three more bites before he felt too sick to continue. His father soon finished his coffee and left his paper behind on the table. He smiled at Julian before heading back into the bedroom to finish getting ready for work. Alone in the kitchen, things felt right to Julian again. But he knew all too well that it would only be a matter of time before this peace was interrupted.
Three people? Julian thought with despair. How am I ever going to find three people to tell who understand while I’m still here?
Julian got up from the table and grabbed his bags. “Okay, Mom. I’m ready to go.”
