crazy

I have to escape this life I can't endure it , what I've been has killed me. what I have done, how people treated me ,what should i do? I sit there smoking my spliff(w**d)reminiscing over the past, feeling sick and tired. the only thing that comes to mind is God. no person, no material things ,just the one who made me. I hope I'm doing the right thing because when I die I'm scared I upset God, but the pain is too much I just don't want to feel anymore. I'm in this hostel because I have nowhere to go. my life is in ruins a past tarnished with sin. I see this guy.....I feel aggitated by his presence,he's irritating to me.why I do not know,maybe he stood out because he acts different. I felt a connection from the first sentence he uttered,he didn't know me nor I him but we were to b