My Other Half

People always say there’s a rainbow after the rain. The rainbow represents hope—hope for happiness, freedom. Our own freedom. But… why is it that for me, it’s just rain after rain? No rainbow ever seems to appear in my life. Or maybe… there is one… “Krishna! You’re going to get sick! Stop it!” I whined right in front of him, giving my most pitiful look. I wanted to bathe in the rain. I even invited him, but he refused, so I decided to go alone. The only problem? He wouldn’t let me. He stayed by the gate, holding the umbrella over me. “That won’t work on me, Krishna… stop it. You’ll get wet. What would your parents say if you came home soaked?” He had a point. “Okay, next time! I’ll bring extra clothes. Towel… shampoo… soap… everything.” I chuckled. “Come on, let's go. If we wait for the rain to stop, it would've been night time by then!” “Your shoes will get wet. Your feet will hurt if you get soaked…” “We don’t have a choice, Pangilinan,” I said, pouting, even though I was secretly thrilled that he cared so much—even after just a month together. “We do. Do you want me to carry you?” “What!? That’s embarrassing, Felix!” I glanced around. A few students were still out, enjoying the rain. Most had gone inside, but… “Felix Vinson…” “Yeah, I know… just kidding…” He pointed to some rocks at the edge that we could step on. “I’ll stay by your side. I’ll keep you under my umbrella,” he said, uncertain where to hold me. So I made the first move. I took his hand. We stared at each other. I smiled. We stepped into the rain. Not once did the raindrops touch my head—he was so careful, shielding me completely. He didn’t let go of our intertwined hands. When I tried to pull away, he pulled me closer. “Krishna, don’t let go. It’s slippery.” “Uh-huh…” I did the opposite. I yanked my hand out of his and stepped out from under his umbrella. His jaw dropped. His eyes widened. “Krish!” Chasing after me, he accidentally let go of the umbrella. The wind carried it away. I grinned. He shook his head. “You’re so stubborn.” He scolded me, grabbing my arm. “That’s your fault for dating a junior high, Pangilinan!” I laughed and ran even further from him. Now I felt guilty too—he’d gone through so much to protect me. And now he was soaked as well. I faced him. He was smiling in my direction. I pouted and ran into his arms, smiling, and hugged him—a move he clearly hadn’t expected. “I’m sorry…” “Your clothes are wet, Krish.” I grinned widely as his hands slid from my waist to my back, holding me tightly. When did all this happen? Just for a moment. Like a rainbow. Beautiful, but fleeting. Felix made me feel happy. He sheltered me from the rain. The question is, would it last forever? If I could rephrase it, I’d say… there’s always rain after a rainbow. The rainbow symbolizes the brief euphoria—the sheer intensity of joy, even if it’s short-lived. Moments of pure laughter, even at the simplest things… Then the rain comes. Hard. Representing hardships, grief, loneliness—the lowest points in life. Rainbows are fleeting. After them comes rain… sometimes even storms. So why would we expect happiness and freedom to last longer? But… just this once, let me enjoy Felix’s downpour of love. I closed my eyes and whispered, “I hope it lasts forever.” And for a while… it did. Until the storm began. — “Davis!” He immediately stopped and looked around. I fiddled with my hands as I made my way toward him. His eyes widened. “Krishna!” He looked surprised but quickly regained his composure. “Uh… what do you need?” “I was looking for… Felix. Were you with him earlier? He hasn’t replied to my messages.” He scanned the area before answering. “I haven’t seen him. I think he—” “Davis! You’re taking so long, damn it. We’ve been waiting for the change—” Felix’s friends froze when they saw me behind Davis. Felix couldn’t even look at me. “K-Krishna, hi!” “Hello… Have you eaten lunch?” I shifted my gaze toward my boyfriend. “Uh… yeah, we just ate—” “Yeah, we finished! Davis was so slow. We were supposed to work on a group project!” Franco gave him a glare. They seemed to communicate with just their eyes. Something felt off. “Good for you… can I borrow Felix then?” I approached with a smile, clinging to my boyfriend who had been so busy. “Can we talk?” He glanced at me and took off. Everyone was staring at us. I waited for Felix’s answer. “I’ve missed you. Can we have even five minutes?” I scrunched my nose, smiling. I reached for his hand—but before I could, he pulled away. My smile faltered. Davis gasped. Lucille looked away, as if we were ridiculous. “Our class schedule is hectic. Many culminating activities are happening. We’re part of the student council. I don’t have even five minutes to spare,” he said, looking indifferent. “B-Bro, it’s okay, you can go—” “We have too much to finish, Franco. We’re too busy for this.” “Yeah, Lucille’s right,” Felix agreed with his friend. I stepped back, lips pursed, trying to gather strength after that embarrassment… caused by my boyfriend. “Is that so… w-well, uhm… if you’re not busy, you can just chat me later.” My lips trembled. That was all I could say. I tried to be mature. “Good luck! I’ll go to class!” Good luck? i***t. “Bro, you have time—” “You’re being too harsh…” I heard someone mutter. It was fine. I understood. That’s how relationships are, especially with someone older. He was about to graduate. Once, we crossed paths in the garden with the council. Only him and Lucille were there with the other members. I avoided his gaze and hurried away, remembering our last meeting. Even as I walked away, I felt someone following me. I knew it was Felix. I knew his every move. “H-Haven’t you been busy?” I confronted him. “I told you, I’m busy.” “Then why are you here? Why did you follow me?” “What about you? Why are you here?” What about me!? I just wandered around! I didn’t expect to end up in the garden too! “I was just walking around! I didn’t mean to—” “Are you sure, huh?” I barely recognized him. Felix stepped closer, his face angry. “Why can’t you understand that I’m f*****g busy!? Why do you keep—” I stepped back. Tears threatened. He reminded me of Mom when she yelled. “I’m your girlfriend, Felix! Yet you make me feel like I’m just decoration! Like I’m useless!” “My problems are piling up! You’re just adding more! I’m so f*****g confused and having you here—” “Having me is what!? A burden!?” “Yes! You’re a burden to me!” “B-But… haven’t I been helping? I’m not hindering… let’s fix this together. I understand you. You know I always—” “I don’t need your understanding.” “My love? Don’t you need it anymore?” He looked away. I reached for his cheek; he pulled away. “Felix, we love each other. Maybe you’re just stressed… please, take a rest—” “You’ll never understand me. That’s why I don’t need you! You’re nothing but a little girl, Krishna. You know nothing. You’re sixteen, stop acting like you’re my age. You can’t understand.” I grabbed his polo. “What do you mean I know nothing… you know I’ve endured all the pain since childhood. Felix, you know it—” He gripped my elbows, trying to stop me. “Why do you become the person who hurts me the most, Felix?” I couldn’t stop crying. I struggled as he tried to hug me. What’s the point of comfort after pain? “Am I the one at fault? What did I do wrong? I just loved you… I just sought your presence because…” I swallowed. “Because…” Too hard to say. I feared he’d dismiss it as trivial compared to his struggles. “Because?” he asked. “Tell me.” He shook me when I didn’t answer. “Because what!?” I wiped my tears and pushed him away with all my strength. He looked at me… tenderly? Or was I imagining it? “It’s just a little thing. Don’t worry about it.” I smiled, quietly. I bowed and walked away. “Krishna…” His voice was soft. I faced him. “Go back to the garden. Sorry for disturbing you.” He didn’t follow or speak. I avoided him wherever we crossed paths. Better this way. This is what he wanted. I am just a little girl, huh? Then why court me and make me believe he’s nothing like I feared? I walked slowly to the terminal, heading home. Cold pillows and my bed felt perfect. In a house like ours, I had no comfort besides my room and the chill of my bed. That house was like a devil’s den. I’m Krishna Ellie, the youngest and only daughter of Kristoff Exel Lopez and Georgina Priscilla Lopez. Sounds perfect, right? Like a beautiful family, perfectly bonded. But if you could watch us at home, you’d see a bird trapped in a cage… and a tiger trapping me. It never wanted to let me go, never wanted me free from its manipulation. I’m sixteen, yet I’ve never known familial love. Even if someone tells me, “They loved you back then,” I’d just laugh. I have no memory of it at 2, 3, or 4. Did they show it? No. I have two brothers. Mama dotes on them. Whatever they do, she’s happy. Whatever mistakes they make, she still accepts. Papa… he’s indifferent. Quiet. He doesn’t intervene with Mama's ways. Sometimes I feel he’s silenced. But he’s a grown man, a father, a husband. He should know better... — “Ma!” I came home excited. Only silence greeted me. That silence, as a child, reminded me of my emotional burden. “Ma…” My energy sank when I saw Mama frowning, sewing my brother’s uniform. “What now?” She glanced at me briefly. “I’m competing in DSPC next week, Ma… Ma’am Lovely trained me! I’m the youngest in our batch but… I'm the... best.” My voice faltered. “Oh? So what?" She turned to me, lazily. Then my eldest brother appeared. I stepped aside. His excitement was everywhere, matched by my envy as Mama praised him for his Biology grades. My eyes dropped to the floor. “You'll graduate soon along with your brother.” She said lovingly. “Where’s Kennedy?” “He’s going to be late, Ma. They have something to do.” “Oh, okay. Change your clothes now, Krishna,” Mama called. Reflexively, I obeyed. Kevin scoffed, challenging eyes. I did nothing but follow… hurt, as always. — I was thirteen then. Bitter still. I grew used to it. But now, at sixteen, glimpses of love made me long for more. Greed is a deadly sin, but can God forgive a love-starved sinner? Just this once… I wouldn’t be ungrateful. Whatever life gives, I accept. But… I wanted love. Is it wrong to ask for it? Isn’t it normal to be loved? Or am I truly unlovable? I was a child, asking—begging—for love. Then came Felix… My Felix. He entered my life with gentle hands, like he had the tools to fix me. I wanted to believe I could be repaired… that if he fixed enough of me, I’d finally be worthy of love. He saw my cracks and tried to cover them with affection. He heard my silence and filled it with lectures and reminders to “be better.” To him, I was a little girl. Damaged, moldable. And me? I tried to be easier to love. I told myself he was my rainbow… my rare chance at freedom. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was never waiting for the rain to pass. Maybe I was the rain itself—scattered, stubborn, loud, never enough. Maybe I was the storm everyone tried to silence. And maybe… the rainbow was never meant to save me. Maybe it was only meant to lead me to someone who won’t push the storm away, but dance in it with me. Someone who won’t fix me… but kiss my flaws and accept them as they are.