I Am Not Uptight!

The House part 7

It had barely been a week since Josh moved out of his last apartment, so when he left the office that afternoon, he had to consciously remind himself that his “way home" was on a different route. However, he still passed the bakery and bought some mini muffins to take home. Suddenly being single and unattached after years of being in a relationship made him realize that he had a lot of love to give; but now that his only object of affection turned out to be a cheating bastard, he figured he would just redirect all of that energy to others—in this case, the bunch of strangers he ended up living with who were always excited by food. They had their flaws but at least, he thought, they didn’t have the capacity to betray him like how Perry did. They were also a lot more thankful.

Josh looked at the paper bag from the bakery in his hand, wondering if there was a way to shove into his ex-boyfriend's face the fact that he was doing great. Well, not great, but fine. He was okay. That morning, he blew up, but he would still consider himself relatively okay.

He let out a sigh as he fixed his glasses. He could feel his chest tighten. Who was he kidding? He was not, in any definition, okay. Agreeing to live in a house with strangers—out of spite—didn’t make him any more carefree or flexible. If anything, his interactions with his housemates were just proving Perry right. Maybe he really was just a plan, boring and uptight person who would always be insufferable to be with.

His phone rang just in time to pull him out of that whirlpool of negativity. He slowed his pace and picked it up without checking who it was.

“Tell me, quick, what’s the color of a banana?”

Josh held the phone away from him to read the name on the screen. It was Daniel—the messy one who owned the house. It was an odd question to ask over the phone, but Josh answered anyway.

“Yellow?” he didn’t know why he sounded so unsure.

“Hello to you, too!”

“I—” it took Josh a moment to process what just happened. He was not expecting such random ridiculousness, that it made him smile and lightly shake his head.

“Made you laugh! Or smile, at least.”

Josh stopped walking and straightened himself. He looked sideways and behind him, searching, when Daniel said, “Straight ahead.”

Josh whirled around again and there he really was, jogging towards him. Daniel waved as he hung up the phone.

“Oh, hi,” Josh said, a little confused to see the man still wearing the same sweatpants from that morning. He wasn’t carrying anything, so Josh couldn’t figure out what he was outside to do.

“You look so official with the briefcase and the tiredness,” Daniel observed, taking a step back to fully take in his appearance.

“Thank you?” Josh asked. He was not sure if Daniel meant it as an insult, but he delivered it like it was a compliment. “Are you…” he pointed behind him, as if to ask if the man was on his way to somewhere.

“Heading home, actually,” Daniel answered. He turned around so they were both facing the path back to the house, then he began to walk. Josh, albeit confused, simply followed him.

“I remember you said your work ended around this time and it's in the Hendrick building. I figured this was your route,” Daniel explained.. Josh looked at him with his eyebrows lightly raised, and Daniel let out an embarrassed chuckle. “I didn’t mean to make that sound so stalker-y.”

“Of course,” Josh responded, despite thinking otherwise. “Did you come from somewhere?”

The way Daniel scrunched his nose reluctantly was answer enough. “No,” he said, then quickly and quite defensively added, “but I just wanted to thank you for cooking and to apologize for this morning. All in behalf of the others.”

“Oh,” Josh muttered. He had just been thinking about that. The tightness in his chest returned again, but he cleared his throat and focused on putting one foot in front if the other. “That’s fine,” he quietly said, his voice breaking a little, ‘I did overreact. I can be a bit…”

“Uptight?” Daniel asked a little too quickly. Josh stopped in his tracks at the sound of the word, and Daniel immediately noticed his mistake. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—Josh. Oh my—” Daniel began to panic, and Josh knew why.

He quickly removed his glasses and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Josh was not one to cry—and a little mocking or teasing never made him shed a tear—but for some reason, all the heaviness he had been shoving down his chest the past few days just decided to come up. He didn’t cry when he found his long-time ex cheating, or when he was overwhelmed by his new housemates, and yet he was tearing up because of a measly word. In the middle of the street. With a man he barely knew.

“s**t, sorry,” he said, lightly laughing while continuing to wipe his tears away. He couldn’t help it. It was just so stupid. And there was Daniel, looking at him with concern and confusion, which only made the situation even more ridiculous for him.

“Are you… are you okay?” Daniel asked, unsure if Josh had finally snapped with the simultaneous sniffling and chuckling he was doing.

The typical Josh would’ve said yes, apologized, and said some lame excuse; but he was tired—physically and mentally from work, and emotionally from everything that had happened the past week. So, he let out a scoff and sarcastically answered, “Do I look like it? Of course I’m not!”

Daniel was stunned to silence. The quiet new guy was finally biting back.

“If everyone’s saying it then I really must be uptight, huh?” Josh bitterly asked, waving his paper bag and briefcase around. The tears were gone but all that remained was anger—towards others, but mostly himself. “My mom, Perry—everyone just thinks I’m some boring, control-freak, so I guess I really am! But of course, I couldn’t accept that, so now I’m in a house living with a bunch of strangers that can’t even cook breakfast or clean up after themselves, just because I wanted to prove people wrong. I wanted to look so goddamn ‘carefree and spontaneous’ out of spite, so instead of renting a proper apartment for myself like a proper adult, I’m living with a couple of irresponsible kids who don’t respect people's boundaries, and my ex-boyfriend is probably shacking up with the hot supermodel!” he let out. Immediately, the weight he felt was lessened—enough that he could take a deep breath. Enough to make him see straight for a second to realize that he was dumping emotions onto the wrong recipient, and that he had just managed to insult five people in one go.

His eyes widened as he heard what he said—none of them he could take back. Meanwhile, the only expression he could read from Daniel was that of surprise. “s**t, sorry,” Josh said in a panic, “I didn’t mean that you—"

“No, no,” Daniel raised a finger to keep him from talking. “Technically, you didn’t lie. We really can’t cook or clean up after ourselves, and we are like kids that bicker.”

“Daniel, I’m really so—"

“No more apologies needed.” Daniel assured him. Despite the direct insults, he seemed to be completely fine—much to Josh's confusion. “It’s alright, so let’s just restart, okay? This won’t solve all the issues you just said, but the others and I should really try to be more responsible and keep your boundaries in mind, but you,” Daniel loosened his tie a little then patted his shoulders, “would also have to learn to… let go a little more. How’s that?”

Josh frowned down at his tie then at Daniel. “Let go?”

“Like it or not, you’ll be part of our crazy for a few months, so you might as well learn how to loosen up and prove—who was it?—your mom and that Perry wrong.”

That did not make a lick of sense for Josh. He had been that way for more than two decades—the need for control was inherent, and the lack of it only led him to… well, outbursts like this one.

Daniel took his silence as passive compliance, so he smiled, nodded, and continued walking. “Good. We'll start tomorrow and we’ll make it a house trip!” he excitedly said.