Hidden Revenge

Every little girl grows up wishing for that ultimate fairytale. They wish that their prince charming would come up riding on a beautiful white stallion and save the day or that a fairy godmother would come in and grant all their sweet little wishes. Unfortunately my life has been far from a fairytale. My prince charming hasn’t came in to save the day and most likely never will.. Nor have I found a fairy godmother to grant all my wishes and make all of those dreams that I’ve had come true. My life has been like walking through a very dark forest without a flashlight hitting every tree known to man or tripping over every route and face planning. And all I’m trying to do is make it through the forest or my life. Whoever assigned me my life before I was born did a hell of a job picking it out. I know what you’re going to say that everyone has their struggles or that life is complicated. In my 20 years I’ve seen a lot of stressful situations. This is why I have made the decision to go to college far away from home to try and change my life. Go to a place where no one knows me. No one knows my face or how I act. A chance for me to make new friends. Maybe even find a new love. I would never know if these things would happen to me unless I took the shot. I can’t count the number of schools that I Applied to just trying to make this dream come true but finally one day in the mail that acceptance letter came and I felt like I was wanted somewhere. When I got to college I quickly realized that a little thing called tuition was very expensive. So in order to pay for school I had to get a job. I was lucky enough to find a job right on campus at Sal’s coffee shop. From the moment I took that job I swore to myself that I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that I was going to change my life for the better. I often find myself wishing that I was from a wealthy family, that had enough money to buy everything I wanted or needed. Maybe even born into royalty. Hell I would love to be a princess, that way I would never have to want for a single thing in my life, but that just wasn’t in the cards for me. I guess I should give you a little backstory onto why my life was so rough. When I was eight years old my dear old mother decided to run away with the neighbor leaving me behind with my father. Leaving me and my father defenseless. Well maybe it was just me that she had left defenseless. I never really could wrap my mind around why a mother would leave her child but if I did then sadly I would end up like her. That was somewhere I just did not want to be and as for my father decided to pick up the bottle and he hasn’t put it down since. I can’t tell you how many times we have received calls from jail or the bar to come get his drunk ass. I guess that would put him in the same boat as my mother abandoning their child. I was 10 years old the last time my father was arrested for a DUI. Because of that situation My mom sister thought that it would be a better idea if I came and lived with them until my father got his life together but sadly for me that never happened. A matter of fact I’m pretty sure he is sitting in jail right now for a DUI I’m not quite sure why they haven’t taken away his license yet. But I guess the state will learn someday right.. So I moved to a farm in the middle of nowhere. Then in high school I decided to become friends with the wrong people. Which led me down a long and twisted path of disappointment and hurt. Fights and parties and drinking and drugs the things that teenagers should not be doing I seem to find myself right in the middle of. Which intern did not make my living situation very good. At some point I looked up from the situation that I was in and I decided that I needed to change I needed to make the difference in my life. So needless to say when I graduated high school I didn’t have any of the same friends that I did when I started. For me that was a struggle to make all of my friends over again. It was like being the new girl. I tried everything in my power to be normal but it just didn’t work out for me. So that’s why I moved so far away. No one would know me if I was 1000 miles away from home. No one knew what was in my past and that’s the way I wanted to keep it. I learned from a very early age that there was no one I could depend on besides myself. That I had to stand up for myself. Learn to fight for myself and learn how to support myself. Which is no easy task when you weren’t given the skills you needed to fight for yourself. All I known my whole life was pretty much abandonment. I will admit my first year at school was not easy at all. Between studying and work I was overwhelmed but by the end of it I finally figured it out somehow. Now I’m working halfway through my second year and I’m really enjoying the way my life is going right now. Heck I may be even able to move out of the dorm soon and that really excites me. I will be able to have my own space. My own freedom. The best thing to come out of this college experience is my best friend Collin. He has shown me that I can truly trust someone. I depend on him for more than he will ever know. Even in the short time that I have known him she has been there from my dad being arrested multiple times to my uncles cancer diagnosis and everything in between. Unfortunately for me we are on the same team in the love department. So I am still on the hunt for my prince charming. And boy in this day and age looking for love is hard. Guys my age just aren’t looking for the same things. I’m looking for that kind of love That is perfectly imperfect. That love that makes you feel the tingly is in your toes. Or the big butterflies when you see their smile. The way their hand feels in yours. How their perfume or cologne hangs around after they are gone. The way your pillow smells like them after a long night of cuddling. I guess you could say that I am a hopeless romantic. Or just seen one too many romance movies from the 80s. Which is not a bad thing may I add. Don’t judge me! I believe that there is that one person for everyone in this crazy world but I was starting to come to the realization that maybe my perfect person just wasn’t out there. Maybe I just wasn’t looking hard enough or I was looking in the wrong place. Whatever the case may be I was really struggling on my path to find what I Think is my perfect love.. I hope that one day that perfect person can just fall into my lap heck if it could happen for the most random people why couldn’t it happen for me? This question plays over and over in my head. I see people on the street and I constantly wonder if it could happen to them why can’t it happen to me. Maybe I’m wanting it too bad. Maybe I’m fighting for something that should come naturally. This is something I will never know the answer to but Come hell or High-water this will happen for me. I will get what I want. Even if it means fighting for years to get it. It will happen right??