I would have preferred being in my room or reading, or even working on one of my devices. But this is the only day in the month that we all get to meet like this.
This is the only day that makes me feel uneasy and makes my heart long for something I know I don't yet want.
A single day in every month, we all get to meet like this over lunch. All four of the Royal families of Anon.
So many years have passed since I sent our people to Atlantis since Inanna almost lost her life in saving Anon.
So many years have passed since I first set foot on Earth, and I keep thinking about that planet day and night.
So many years have passed since I began to build my own life on Earth, secretly of course. Not that anyone will have a problem with that.
Every time I close my eyes, I'm being pulled to go there.
It could be the simple beauty of it. The blue sky that stays proud so many feet above the ground.
It could be the ignorance of the humans that draws me there. They think that they are the only living beings in the universe and that in itself is humorous.
They think that Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune are the only planets.
They even left Pluto out of it because they thought it's not a planet. But it's the closest planet to earth that holds a different species. The creatures there simply live in Pluto instead of on it.
Just because humans can't venture too far into the Galaxy, with their low life span and technology, they think that they are all that there is to the universe.
It could be that naiveness that pulls me to earth.
And although I tell myself this, I feel it deep within me that, that is not it.
I look to mother when I hear her calling my name. They all have their eyes on me. I guess once again, I was lost in my head.
"Sorry mother." I apologize, and she smiles my way although, I can see the wheels turning in her head. She never changes.
"You are not eating." She says that is when I see that my plate is still full whilst everyone is almost done with theirs.
I inwardly sigh and start to eat, ignoring them.
I know mother will start poking her nose in my business. That is what she did with Dominique when Inanna first got here as a servant.
And yes, it helped my brother, but I'm not sure I want to be bothered by mom in that way. Playing Matchmaker.
I listen to them this time, as they laugh and talk about when Eli said his first words, whiles the poor boy looks like he wants to be anywhere but being fed by his mother like a three-year-old, instead of the ten-year-old he is. Adara talks about how she can't wait to give birth since she is also a month through her pregnancy.
It looks to be just a few days ago when the sylv'r faes came out of hiding and joined us again.
It seems like a few days ago since they were declared as a Kingdom of their own, by the name Sol.
And Adonai and his family were declared by the goddess as the fourth royals. But I know how long that has been.
Ten years, that's how long.
And although it is not much when you look at how long we live for, I don't know why it feels so long for me. Every day seems to draw out so slowly.
Umma's words never stopped ringing in my head. Even when I did not want to remember it, it just kept coming back.
It has been ten years for crying out loud, and I still remember her words. Every single word.
"But they need you." She said, "And you will come to need them soon enough. You will be the one to search for them. I can bet you on that."
Those were umma's specific words. I don't want to need anyone so soon. I feel fine just being alone.
I tell myself the same thing I always say when I remember her words.
But looking at my brothers now, each one with their mate, I don't know if that is how I truly feel anymore.
Even Lois found her mate, and they are all happily eating and talking with the rest.
Dominique smiles brighter than he ever did.
Although he is a little more possessive and very protective, he is happy. It can't be helped that he is like that too. He nearly lost his mate, just 24 hours after she gave birth to their first child.
But he is happy. His eyes shine brighter than it did before he met Inanna. And when he looks at his son, there is nothing more... Reviving than the love I see.
And Micca, my eldest brother thought he lost his mate, only to be slapped in the face with the fiercest, sassiest and confident female I have seen, who doesn't take any bullshit, even from her mate.
He thought she died, but looking at him staring at his Queen, I see a different person from the man w***e he once was.
So do I want that?
Do I want what they have?
I still don't know.
There are times that I do, and there are times I just want to continue being alone.
"Are you okay Lucien?" Dom asks in my head, and I lift my head a little to see him talking to Mom as if he is not also talking to me.
"Yes, why do you ask?" I say and continue eating.
"You don't look too well." He says.
I know I don't look too well, I even feel that I am not well. Not physically at least. So there is no surprise in that.
"I'm just a little tired. I have been staying up at night, working on something." I say.
It's not a complete lie. I have been working on something lately.
I need to get everything into the ring before I go back to earth. I can still go without getting all the communications systems in the ring.
"Okay. Try to rest then." He says and I feel him leave my head.
I don't say much to anyone as I try to finish my food.
But I can't, so I excuse myself earlier and head to my room, all whilst I feel everyone's eyes on me, I ignore it. I close the door behind me and let out a loud sigh. Then walk to my bedroom and sit at the edge on the bed with my head in my palm.
This is not good.
I know signs of depression and withdrawal when I see one. And right now, I see it in myself.
I know I don't talk or interact much with my family, but even I see how worse it's getting lately.
I walk towards one of my drawers and take out the ring I keep in a fully secured box with thumbprint and retina scans.
I thought of making it a locket, and keep it around my neck, but it could easily get lost like that.
After spending some time in Atlantis and coming back home, I knew that I wanted to go back to earth.
I did make another portal that I took to Atlantis so that I can bring everyone back when the time came, but that was too big to take out, the humans would see it.
So I made a smaller and portable one.
I have been going back and forth between Anon and earth for so long now, partly to make sure the humans don't find Atlantis, and also for my pleasure and to satisfy my curiosity.
The thing with the ring and the other portals is that, once I step onto earth I can't communicate with anyone on Anon. Not even through the mind link, because I am then millions and millions of miles away from Anon.
That's why I need to get a way of commutation into the ring.
But that can be done another day because right now, I really need to leave Anon now.
I made the ring with Zhanton's crest and a small button on it.
This is a two-way gateway between two planets... To earth. And To Anon.
I touch my thumb to the crest and listen to it hum as it scans my fingerprints.
I always secure every tech I make, so that only I and those I choose can use it.
And like every time, my vision gets dark and I get a bit nauseous, so I close my eyes, with where I want to go in my mind.
I only open my eyes when I smell that slightly tainted scent of nature.
I'm back. I think to myself.
And I feel much more at ease than I was back home.
I don't need to worry about the time difference. There is none between Anon and Earth. That's why we were able to adapt their way of telling time on Anon.
From my penthouse, I can see many people going about their way. Not knowing that they are not alone in the universe.