Piece of me

Restless nights - Chapter One

As soon as my eyes opened I knew what time it was. Every night I wake from the same dream, at the same time. 3am. I spend the rest of the night tossing & turning, my mind too alert to be able to fully settle again...

At best, I might nap intermittently. But this is far more exhausting than not sleeping at all.

I sighed heavily in to my pillow. Why can't I ever get past that part of the dream? I wonder to myself.

I needed answers. I was desperate to find anything that could ease my broken heart. 3 years, almost to the day, since Jay passed away. I haven't slept right since I lost the love of my life.

I never even got to say goodbye. No sooner had I reminded myself of this injustice, than the pain began again, I clutched at my chest with my right hand. Breathing growing difficult, forced & more painful with each in breath. I felt as though my skeleton were trying to escape my body. Every jolt reminding me I am not in control, my anxiety is.

I reach across to grab my phone from my bedside table. I instantly play the mindfulness body scan audio to relax each part of my body, one by one each area begins to fall limp as I follow the short guided meditation. Finally, after around 5 minutes I am able to breathe easy again. If only this worked so well every time.

Altering my position slightly, I prepare to return to sleep. I cuddle my pillow & close my eyes.

Daytime isn't far away now I remind myself. Soon enough sleep follows despite being broken in to several small naps.

I awaken from another short slumber, the sun is peeking in through my silver curtains. Desperate for a wee I make my way down the corridor to the toilet. Upon the return to my bedroom I notice its only 7.30am. I could rest another half an hour, I think to myself. Then again it might result in me not wanting to leave the comfort of my bed. I decide against this, instead heading downstairs to breakfast.

Greeted by my mother's surprise as I turn in to the kitchen, she questions "you're down early today?".

"I couldn't sleep & didn't want to feel groggy all day. I thought it best to just get up" I respond.

"You might just make work on time today then" my mother jests.

"Very funny mother dearest. You'll be doing stand up comedy in no time at this rate" I retort.

My mother smirks at me & takes her place at the dining table with her tea & toast.

I make my way to the kitchen unit, turn on the kettle, then grab the porridge oats & a pan. I make myself a filling bowl of porridge & join my mother at the table while she reads the news on her phone.

I need the extra energy to make it through the day. Fridays were always busy at the cafe. Most businesses let out early on Fridays here, for the managers & execs, that is. Those of us on minimum wage had to work full time with barely, if any break time. Often working right through lunch time to cover the lazy & incompetent managers workload.

"I see the head of the council has given his team another raise" my mother randomly states.

"Well, they work so hard finding more reasons to tax us" I utter the words before I can stop myself.

"The council works very hard to keep our streets clean & safe. They provide us with many services" comes the response.

I should've known better than to speak my mind. Sometimes I felt certain she set me up just to get the chance to have a dig at me.

I roll my eyes as the sarcastic "mmhmm" escapes my lips.

She returned to her reading.

My mother had two main flaws. She believed everything she read or watched. In her eyes, those in power were there because 'they cared & were more qualified' than us lowly working class scum. & she had to have the last word on any subject we disagreed on.

I bit my tongue at the thought that the head councillor owned the local papers & news station. Nothing was published without his approval. It really wasn't worth the argument.

The subject of the council, was in itself, a very touchy subject. You see, my Jay was son of the head of the council. His father, councillor Phillips, had not approved of our engagement. He tried ruthlessly to separate us. Even with the threat of disowning & disinheriting his eldest son. Not that Jay ever cared much for his father's money. He'd already inherited a third of his mother's wealth & some money from his grandmother on his mum's side.

Jay was supposed to marry money though. His father, ever the power hungry gold digger, had been trying to marry him off to an heiress for 2 years before we became an item. His father wanted more business connections to expand his empire. It wouldn't look good for the head of the council, if his son married beneath him. & of course I had nothing to offer, beyond my love that is.

Jay detested the woman his father had picked for him. She was about as interesting as a tick. Totally vain & snobbish.

That was actually how we met. Jay had been trying to ditch the toffee nosed mare all morning by this point. He managed to slip in to the cafe unnoticed & was looking for a place to hide. I was working on my own that day, my manager was off sick (meaning hungover). He offered to pay me £50 if I let him duck behind the counter. Amused by the prospect of the head councillor's son hiding at my feet, I agreed.

The expensively dressed woman looked very put out at his disappearance. She entered the cafe after a few moments & approached the counter I was stood at taking an order from a regular.

"ahem" Came the condescending tone.

I continued serving the regular customer, despite feeling the daggers pointed directly at me.

"Excuse me" she interrupted.

"Madam, I am just seeing to this gentleman first. I will be with you shortly." I gestured as I returned my gaze to the man in front of me.

If looks could kill I'd be stone cold by now I thought. Unfazed by this rudeness I finished the man's order & then smiled at the fancy lady in front of me "how may I help you?"

"You can start by giving me the name of the person in charge" she demanded.

I pointed to my name tag & smiled again. "I'm in charge today". It was true. Unless the manager miraculously showed up on his day off, I was in charge.

Visibly annoyed she asked "Have you seen a man with short brown hair, designer suit? Perhaps he came in to use the facilities?"

"I haven't I'm afraid. Only the regulars have been in so far today. Can I assist you with anything else?"

The woman turned on her overpriced heels & swiftly left the cafe, without another word to me. "you're welcome" I loudly annouced as I watched her disappear around the street corner, before signaling that the coast was clear. Relieved Jayden Phillips stood up, thanked me & extended his hand holding the money.

"oh, there's no need, really"

"Take it, honestly, you've saved the rest of my day. Please, take this & treat yourself to something nice" he insisted.

"Ok, thank you". I wasn't exactly in a position to turn down money when it was within my grasp.

We held each others glance momentarily as I accepted the money. He had the most beautiful clear green eyes I had ever seen. Awkwardly I moved away & continued my work, afraid he may have been able to read my thoughts.

He loitered a moment, seeming deep in thought. Finally he walked towards the exit, calling out "Thank you again" as he left.

"Not a problem" he was already too far away to hear me though.

From that moment on he became a regular visitor to the cafe. He must've tried half the menu before he managed to convince me to agree to a date with him. I smiled at the memory. That was until reality crept back in. I finished my porridge & went to make a second cup of tea. As headed back upstairs to get ready, I couldn't help but wonder, where would he be now if our paths had never crossed? I quickly shook the thought away & began to put on my uniform.

Sitting at my dressing table I brushed my hair back in to a tidy bun. Then preceeded to apply a light amount of makeup. Just enough to hide the fact I was severely sleep deprived. My boss would have a fit if I came in sporting my exhausted zombie appearance. I'll save that look for halloween I thought.

It was now 8.33am. I didn't have far to walk to work. I made up another cup of tea in my travel mug & yelled goodbye to my mother as I headed out the door. I didn't wait to hear her response. I wanted a quick breath of the sea air before I was rushed off my feet whilst stuck inside the same four walls.

The tide was out but the view was breathtaking as always. Crystal clear sands & the beginning of a bright sunny day. The beach had a great pier that extended a good distance in to the sea. & a reasonable sized port on the other side. The town surrounded the beach. It was only cheap to live here because the fishermen needed to be close by. They supplied the local cafés, restaurant & fish & chip shops. & when I refer to this place as cheap to live in, it is purely by comparison of how the better half lived & not an actual representation of affordability to my class.

All the businesses & homes were owned by the middle, to upper classes who lived up on the hillside. It was a gated community. To keep the likes of us out. All fancy oversized houses & expensives cars. Like its own little town really. Overlooking the peasants. Just to remind us they were above us.

It wasn't a massive place this town, but we had everything we needed & it wasn't that far from the nearest city. It made up for its size in stunning views & activities.

After a short walk on the beach I turned in the direction of work. Breathing in the last of the relaxation the fresh sea scent could give me, I mentally prepared myself for the day ahead.

As I approached the cafe I noticed the owners car was in the car park. Great, just what I need. Today was going to be stressful to say the least. The owner was a wealthy woman. She owned several of the touristy shops & the doughnut stand on the pier. She wasn't exactly a kind woman. That's putting it mildly. Neither was she great at running a business. She was however brilliant at reminding you of how many people were crying out for work & making you feel insignificant. If one could call that a skill.

As I entered the door I was greeted by the owner checking the clock to see if she already had reason to admonish me. She looked slightly disappointed as she realised I was infact 9 minutes early. Defeated for the moment she nodded at me.

I proceeded to remove my coat & bag placing them in the staff cloakroom. Put on my apron & began opening up the shop. This was when she chose to spring some last minute changes to today's menu on me. Not only this, I was required to work longer today because we were catering a last minute work party this evening. We didn't often stay open later, except in cases like this. However bookings typically had to be made in advance to allow for preparation. Mrs Taylor had clearly taken a handsome cash in hand payout over this.

The cafe was a very good size & sometimes held themed meal nights. It was one of the most popular places to eat, with the exceptional service & cleanliness, plus location, it was the choice place.

For all her shortcomings the woman knew how to rake in great earnings. She was also adept at saving money by not paying overtime or fair wages. To be fair, the wage was slightly higher than minimum wage & we did get tips. However working unpaid over time over fear of losing the job had to be the worst part of this employment.

Regulars consisted of those who worked in the village. We offered unofficial specials to regulars to keep their custom. Thus earning the owner a great reputation amongst the working class. For tourists prices were different. Higher. This was where her money really came in. For the rich locals, they were also overcharged, unless they were her connections, in which case they also received the unofficial specials. I was responsible for knowing who they were. Failure to do so resulted in the mistake being rectified by my wages being docked. I quickly learned not to make that mistake.

Despite the fact that locals had local rates, we still were supposed to fuss over the rich & the tourists.

Glancing over the sudden surprise extra workload, I questioned whether we had enough supplies to cover this with the Friday rush.

"You'll manage. Send Beth to the supermarket if needs be". A thought seemed to cross Mrs Taylors mind before she asked "where is Beth by the way?"

"She starts at 9.30am on weekdays, she has the school run remember".

"Not good enough, she should come straight after"

"It was agreed in her contract" I carefully replied.

"She should drop them off earlier then"

"School doesn't start till 9am. She can't leave them unattended in the school yard. She gets here as soon as she can." I was fairly certain that I was going to bear the brunt of a rant at this point. I had overstepped my mark, even if what I said was true. Mrs Taylor was known to be unreasonable in her work expectations.

"That's not a very good work ethic for either of you. Your job should come above everything. There are 12000 people crying out for work in this town. You're not indispensable you know".

"Yes Mrs Taylor, sorry". I apologised purely because this would allow me to start my day. Even with the judgy eyes of my employer looking for fault, I was eager to just get through this day. I knew my place. I was also aware that Mrs Taylor could not bring herself to be here for long. She despised doing anything that felt like work. She had merely come to ensure the weeks earnings got logged & taken to the bank. She did not trust her underpaid workers with this task. Those who were so used to robbing others, expected to be robbed themselves.

Mrs Taylor then went & sat at her favourite table giving the books a quick going over. She wasn't great at account keeping. That task fell to me as the assistant manager & the manager himself. Depending on who was working at the time. The main manager was also pretty lazy when he could afford to be, he was however a nice enough man. He was paid slightly more than me with better hours. Probably because the owner had no idea he often ducked off earlier than he was supposed to. I didn't mind too much. He had been kind enough to let me leave early occasionally when things were slow & without me losing pay. He was a 'us working class have got to stick together' sort. I couldn't really fault him. He did however like to drink at the weekends. That's why he was often late on Saturdays & Sundays. The owner never came in on those days. She was always busy partying with her rich friends over the weekends.

That's another reason she made sure to stop by her businesses on Friday's at some point. She needed to ensure she could get herself some new posh outfits. The rich did not wear the same outfit twice in front of their rich acquaintances at least. Mrs Taylor however, was incredibly tight money wise. She resold all her designer outfits on the internet so that she didn't lose so much money on them.

As I was serving Joe, a regular, mrs Taylor suddenly started tutting. I knew right then & there that I was about to be questioned over the expenditure. In her eyes, I should be basically getting the ingredients for free. Short of shop lifting, I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to manage that. I was sure she would actually have me do that if she could get away with it. I was however raised right. Stealing is wrong. I learnt that early on, when I was 5 years old I attempted to pinch a chocolate bar. My mother caught me & embarassed me in front of the entire shop. She made me hand it to the incredibly large security guard & apologise. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. She made it clear if I ever did it again she would have her police officer friend lock me up in a cell. Needless to say I never did it again.

After serving Joe, mrs Taylor beckons me over. I stand next to her table awaiting the pointless queries.

"Why is the food order budget so much higher for the week of the 5th?"

I wracked my brain trying to find an answer. I grabbed the book by the till & browsed through it. "ah, that week we had 2 parties & it was super busy Friday as I recall. We ran out of a few things & I had to send Beth to the shop to cover the orders for the rest of the day" I offered her the book to double check, knowing how distrustful she was.

"mmhmm" she wrote a few notes, suggested I ensure we have enough on the supplier order next time to cut costs & swiftly left. The irony was not lost on me.

Beth arrived shortly after. She was bang on time. Mrs Taylor would've most certainly had something to say about that had she not already left. She expected you to be early so that the removal of your belongings & slipping in to your apron did not eat in to her time.

"Morning Emma" Beth announces.

"Morning Beth, you were lucky. Mrs Taylor left just before you arrived".

"Oh, already? She's picked up early today".

"She wanted to ensure we're ready for a last minute party tonight". I warned her.

"I can't work past 6.30 Em, afterschool club kicks out at 7pm."

"No worries I can manage. Ted will be in by 11am anyway & he'll just have to stay on with me tonight."

"Didn't Taylor notice he wasn't in?"

"She was too busy finding reasons to lecture me. She couldn't get away fast enough though. I think she's in a hurry today".

Beth took care of the next customer while I continued cooking the breakfast orders & serving each one as it was ready. We served all day breakfasts. Ours were the biggest & best value on offer here. We offered a lot of variation compared to most places here. Plus mrs Taylor also owned the bakers next door so all our cakes were baked fresh from there. They were very popular here. & it was convenient for any customers who really enjoyed the cakes to order more next door if they so desired.

The morning dragged on, it wasn't excessively busy yet. Mostly local builders & other skilled workers called in at this time.

Ted finally rolled in just before 11am.

"Morning Beth, Emma, Mrs Taylor will be along any minute. Have you got the weeks profits & books ready?"

"She's been early today Ted" Beth replied.

"Did she say anything?" he asked.

"She was preoccupied Ted, I don't think she noticed. She's set us up with a last minute party". I informed him.

"Not again, did she at least leave money for the extras needed to cater for it?"

"Yes, after a brief reprimand about not ordering enough to manage these last minute parties" I laughed.

"Beth, are you able to cover tonight?" Ted probed hopefully.

"Sorry Ted, I've got to leave at 6.30 to pick the twins up from after care" Beth expressed regrettably.

"No worries, me & Emma can manage it. It might even wrap up early it being Friday night".

"Cheers Ted".

I made up a list of necessities for Beth & handed her enough cash to cover it. "You'll have to be sharpish. The rush will start soon enough" I reminded her.

"It won't take long. See you soon."

"Grab a couple of butties if they're on reduced" Ted requested. "It's the only chance we'll get to eat" he added.

Other than me, Ted & Beth there was only one other worker here. Kate. She was part time & mostly worked on other workers days off. I rarely ever saw her. She typically covered my days off. She was 17 & mrs Taylor employed her purely because she could pay her less than she paid us, due to her age.

Beth arrived back just before the rush started. As was the usual practice on Friday's we scoffed so quickly we barely had time to chew.

The rush started around 1pm. All the higher bosses came in to grab a quick dinner before going about the rest of their work free day. During this time we couldn't afford to even visit the toilet. These people did not appreciate being kept waiting. Fortunately, for the most part their orders were usually quick to make. But you did have to put up with their rudeness whilst handling each order. Sometimes a customer would just send the order back for no real reason. They just made up some issue with it just because they disliked us. They assumed we were stupid because we worked in a serving job. What they didn't know was the procedure for handling returned food. Unless there was a legitimate reason for returning it, we were to just rearrange the food slightly so it looked different. We did laugh about this afterwards. It was the owners rules. She wasn't one to lose money.

The first rush ended soon enough. It was such a relief. Not Long after the school rush started though. Parents would often bring their children in for a treat meal on Friday's.

By 5pm we were to start preparing for the party, despite still being busy. We had a separate area for parties. Beth had helped me set everything up when it was quiet, inbetween serving orders.

All that remained was to finish the cafe orders & clean up at 7pm, ready to receive the party of 22 at 7.30pm. The cafe typically closed anytime between 6 & 7pm. If there were people who came in at 6 we were to serve them up until 6.30. So we could clean up & be closed up by 7 in case of any parties we had to receive.

What a day I thought to myself. It was exhausting & my sweaty feet were aching. Beth left at bang on 6.30pm leaving me & Ted to manage the rest. The party would be the worst bit. That many people to cater to & after such a long day. I had switched to hazelnut flavoured coffee at this point to give me an energy boost. Ted was an avid coffee drinker. Even he had to double up on his caffeine intake to make it through the next couple of hours.

The party arrived, loud & obnoxious as expected. What I wasn't prepared for was who was in the party. Councillor Phillips & son, the younger son Hudson. A notorious playboy who's sole existence was to party.

This was the councils party. They had never bothered coming here before. Mrs Taylor no doubt deliberately forgot to mention this detail. I wouldn't have worked unpaid overtime for this had I known. Now I was forced to provide excellent service to these vile & greedy villains. My blood was boiling but I managed a smile as I showed them to the elegantly laid out table. Soft music was playing in the background. The candles were lit. A royal blue table cloth, & fancy gold centre piece laid centred, surrounded by gold candles in silver candlesticks. Beautiful pale blue napkins accompanied exquisite white china plates also lined with gold around the outer circle. Placed inbetween a number of fancy forks & spoons. More than one could possibly need for a meal. But that was how these parties were catered for. The blue & gold colours signified how much better than us these people were.

A part time chef from another one of Mrs Taylors establishments, generally came in to cater for the special parties & themed nights, unless it was a last minute booking. & Then we had to make do. We had the correct training & qualifications to manage & certain things were made up in bulk, in advance so that we could cater to last minute additions. But it was never an easy task to manage these things between just me & Ted.

The night was eventful to say the least. Mr Phillips treated me like a stranger, no surprise there. His youngest son however got too familiar, I almost dropped a handful of plates due to his over friendly hand. Which was met with disapproving remarks about how simple waiting on tables is & how useless I was. I held my tongue hoping for tips. But I knew it was unlikely.

The food received plenty of compliments. The service was critiqued somewhat. But overall it went well, ending at a reasonable time. Since we were both rushed off our feet the time passed quickly. Once everyone left & we had cleaned up we decided to grab something to eat before leaving. The left over cakes weren't much to go between us, but we felt justified in at least getting something. Thankfully not all the party had ordered pudding. & the cakes served were to always be fresh. We weren't actually supposed to take leftovers. It was typically sold reduced in the bakery, however with it being late it would go unnoticed.

Ted & I said our goodbyes after splitting the tips of the day in to 3 & taking our weeks wages. Beth would claim hers tomorrow while the twins were at home with their dad, he only worked weekdays in the shop so Beth could work weekends & get tips.

I got home as quickly as I could walk. I didn't like to hang around at night. Especially on weekends with all the drunks about.

I realised as I unlocked the door that I'd forgotten to tell mum I was stuck working late. She wasn't best pleased I could tell from her expression.

"Your teas cold"

"Sorry I'm late, I had to cover a last minute party for the council".

"You could have called" she retorted.

"I was rushed off my feet all day. I did bring back some left over cakes though" I offered.

Upon seeing the cakes my mother seemed to soften. She accepted them as a peace offering & went back to her tv show.

I reheated my food, ate it fairly quickly, said goodnight to mum, took my trazedone & headed to bed. I fell asleep quickly. The meds at least helped with that. It didn't stop my disturbed nights though.

"Em", the voice came. I turned around & there he was again. Standing in a graveyard. It was a large patch of land next to the woods, with a picturesque view of the coast below & a good sized church. I had no idea of the place Jay was buried. Commoners weren't allowed there. "Emma" he repeated. I was aware I was dreaming but I could not will the dream to go how I wanted it to. "I need you Emma" the voice was already fading as my outstretched hand reached for him. His face changed again, like it always does. A ghostly figure with bruises & bloodied disfigured features stood before me. "no" I cried, "not again". The graveyard became dark & eerie. Jay started to fade before me & I was filled with that same state of dread again. "Don't leave me again" I beg. As if I am being rapidly ripped from the dream I jolt awake. Tears fill my eyes. "Not again" I cry.