Christmas' Misery

Chapter fifteen

[Christmas]

Beep! Beep! Beep!

“Hmm.” I started looking at the alarm clock in the night table in my side without opening my eyes. As I found it, I turned it off and face back to Duke who is still sleeping. “Good morning.” I whispered, playing my fingers at his naked chest.

“Hey, Baby, stop doing that.” He moaned but I didn't stop tickling his well build chest.

I came closer to him and goes on his ear. “Time to wake up lazy, Mr. Grey.” I whispered.

Duke chuckled. “You aren't really going to stop, Mrs. Grey?” He asked and finally his eyes already awake.

“Not until you wake up,” I said, “But since you already awake, I will stop now.” I added and I'm about to get off in the bed when he suddenly pulled me back in my pillow.

“Where are you going?” he asked while his arm is around my waist.

“I'm going to make you a breakfast, Duke. You are going at your company today, right?”

“Hahaha! Yea, I'm sorry I forgot.” He took off his arm. “Go now and make me some of your pancakes.”

“I will make you pancakes even you don't ask for it,” I said and get off in bed, “I'm going at the bathroom first.”

“Okay, Baby. Better hurry because I'm already hungry.” He tapped his tummy, pouting on me.

I shook my head as I laughed at his cute face. He seems like a kid everytime he asking a pancake for me. I can't denied his childish side is really cute. He always like that.

As I entered at the bathroom, I started my morning routine. I just washed my face and brushed my teeth. That's it. I am already done here in the inside but my feet doesn't want to move. I remain standing here in the sink, facing myself in the wall mirror. I can feel it again. The pain is squeezing my heart again and my thoughts are running wild again.

Knock! Knock!

“Baby?” Duke called me from the outside. “Are you okay there?”

I immediately wiped the tears fell in my eyes and walk through the doorway. I faked a smile as I opened the door. “Yes, I'm okay. Why?”

He shook his head. “You took so long inside that's why I started to worry about you.”

I laughed. “I'm fine you don't have to worry about me.” I placed my hand in his chest, feeling his heartbeat. “I'm going now downstairs. You better start fiximg yourself if you don't want to be late at your company.” I said and before he could talk, I already passed him and left in the room.

Before I could get downstairs, I slightly opened the door of the next room. This is the second and last room here in our house. There is nothing much inside but only a crib and a bed. The wall is painted in sky blue and the floor has this baby floor letter mat. I can see from here the white curtain winding by the cold morning wind.

(Sounds of a crying baby)

A tears suddenly fell into my eyes as I heard her crying again in my mind. It squeezing my heart everytime her cry reminds me how neglected I am. If I can only bring back the time, I will take it back. I will take back what I lost. Before I burst out in tears, I closed the door and immediately headed downstairs. I have a pancake to cook for my husband.

“Yes, go to the factory now Cheena. I will follow there,” Duke said in the other line with his secretary.

I started placing the plates in the table while he still busy talking to his secretary in the living room. I made 6 pancakes with honey on the top, a hot black coffee for him and fresh milk for me. I also prepared a glass of water in case he wants to drink. These are what we always eat in our breakfast everyday and he really loves my pancakes in the morning.

“Are you done talking with your secretary in the other line?” I asked after placing everything we needs in our table.

“Yea, Baby,” Duke answered and walks towards me, wearing his business suit that he always wear whenever he is going at the company.

“When will you learn to fix your tie, hmm?” I asked as I noticed again his necktie.

He chuckled. “I don't know. Fix my necktie for me, Baby.” He took out his tie.

I shook my head and start fixing his red necktie. “You are lucky that I know how to fix this thing.”

“That is why you are my wife.” He help my chin up and our eyes met. “You're the one who will fix it for me.”

I smiled at him and place where his necktie should be. “Let's eat before the pancakes get cold. You wouldn't like it when it's cold.”

“No you are wrong,” he replied and sat in the chair in front me, “I like pancakes wether it's hot or cold, Baby.”

“Really? Then why you didn't eat the pancake that your mom cooked?” I arched my brow while I'm placing the pancake at his plate.

“It because you had different ways of cooking. If you will let me choose between your cook and to my mom's cook I will choose yours. You are a great cooker than to my mom.” He laughs out loud.

“If your mom is here, she will probably throw the plate to you.”

“But she isn't here, Baby. It's only you and me. Hahaha!”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

Duke and I start eating and we eat silently so that we can finish quick. Jacksonville isn't far away from Orlando and Duke needs to travel two hours almost before he arrives at the company. It was pretty in peace to live here but it's kinda weird because all the houses here has only one structured designs. It's a good thing that people here didn't confuse where there house is because I am sometimes. As we got here in Jacksonville, we lived at their house with her mom not far away from here. After the wedding, Duke decided to buy a house here so we can live on our own since we are already married. He asked me if I want to go back in Orlando because my aunt was there but I refused because of Carlos. I don't want to see him anymore.

“Don't forget to drink your medicine, Baby,” Duke reminds me, “I will text you later if I am going home.”

I nodded. “By the way, I'm going at the grocery later at 10. We don't have a stock anymore.”

“Do you want me to call a driver for you?”

“No, I'm going with Lexi. She is going to grocery as well today,” I said pertaining to our neighborhood.

“Okay, take care.” He kissed me on my forehead. “I have to go now.”

“Drive safely.”

I watched Duke enter at his car. He drives it out of the garage and I remained standing here, watching the car till it gone on my sight. I closed the door of our garage and I was about to go back inside when I saw Lexi, watering her garden. Lexi is only two years younger than me and she is living alone–no she isn't alone. She is with her huge dog, Bolta. She is still studying at her last year in Jacksonville State University and she is a law student. She doesn't have a class today that is why we are going at the grocery. Lexi is the only friend I got here and I wonder how was Kashia. I never heard any from her since the last time we had been together.

“Lexi!” I called her and waved as she looked at me. “Good morning.” I greeted and walk closer to her so that we can hear each other.

“Good morning, Christmas,” he greeted back, “Is your husband gone?”

“Yea, he is now heading at the company.”

She nodded. “You are really lucky, Christmas. I'm envying you.” She chuckled.

“What?!” I said as I surprised, “You shouldn't be, Lexi. There's nothing special in my life. I'm the one who is envying you here. You are already at your last year in college and sooner or later, I will see you as a lawyer.”

“Hahaha! If I will graduate this year.”

“What are you talking about? Of course you will graduate! Unless of you don't want to.”

She laughed. “Okay, okay. Let's stop talking about it. It makes me feel nervous everytime I am thinking the graduation thing.”

“I'm sorry if I brought it up. Hahaha!”

“Not a big deal. I'm going to finish first cleaning the house then we are going at the grocery,” she said.

“Okay just take your time. I'm going to clean the house as well.”

Lexi and I talked a little more things before we decided to clean inside our own houses. It's 7:30 a.m. now in the morning and we had still more time to use. I am all alone here in the house and I hate this kind of situation. I always get tempted to go inside that room but I don't want to because it will hurt me again. This guilt inside me is killing me time to time. Even in my dreams, it is haunting me. I don't want to feel it. I don't want to rememb–

(Sounds of crying baby)

I dropped the broom as I heard her cry again in my mind. No! It wasn't on my mind. It is came from the upstairs! I quickly took my medicine that I left in the kitchen and drink one tablet of it as what the doctor prescribed me. I closed my eyes and heaved a sigh when the sound is finally gone.

“I'm sorry if I didn't become a careful mother,” I apologized, holding the glass tightly in my hand. I'm afraid to say this but I failed to be a mom and that is the most hurtful thing I will bring forever while I'm still alive. I can't take back what I lost anymore.

I was supposedly to clean the house right now but I chose to lock myself here in our room. I'm already wearing my denim pants and plain black off shoulder and I'm just waiting for Lexi to call me if we are going to go. At this moment, I was just stupidly sitting here in the corner, looking in the open window. I am imagining things if my child is only here, what would I be right now?

Ring! Ring!

“Hello Christmas,” Lexi started in the other line as I answered her call, “Are you done cleaning there?” she asked.

“Ahm, yea, I'm done,” I lied, “Are we going now?” I stood up.

“Yea, meet me here in my house. I'm now putting Bolta's collar in her neck.”

“Arf! Arf!” Bolta barked in the other line.

“Okay, I'm coming in a minute,” I said and ended the call.

I locked all the doors here first in the house before I headed at Lexi's house. Her car is already outside of the garage seems I am the only one she is waiting for. The windows are tinted that is why I didn't know if Lexi and Bolta are already inside.

“Christmas!” Lexi called me as she and Bolts goes out the house.

“I thought you and Bolts are already inside,” I said as they came closer to me.

“Hahaha! I just putted the car outside,” she replied, “Let's go now. I have to send Bolta first at my mom before we at the grocery.”

“Why are you going to send Bolta there?” I asked in curiosity because Bolta is the only one she had in her house.

“I will not be around here in one week. I'm going to stay in our boarding house that's why I'm going to buy my food so that I have my own stock,” she answered and opened the door of the backseat for Bolta.

“I see,” the only words I replied.

Lexi entered at the driver seat while I stayed beside her, in the passenger seat, and Bolta is chillin' at the backseat. We are now heading at the grocery store that is only 30 minutes away from our house.

“By the way, Christmas.” Lexi broke the silence. “Are you okay?” She asked sounded worrying.

My forehead knotted. “Yea, I'm okay. Why did you asked?”

“Because you look terrible earlier and as a friend, I am worried.” She glimpsed on me.

I smiled a little. “I'm okay, Lexi. You don't have to worry about me.”

“Okay but if you need someone to talk to about your problems, you can come to me or call me. I will listen.”

I replied a smile only on what she just said. I appreciated her kindness but I don't want her to be involve in my problems. As much as I can handle this, I will never tell to anyone. This thing is only between me and my husband, Duke.

We stopped first at the house of her mom and she really left Bolta there. As we arrived at the grocery store, Lexi and I split up to buy what we needs to buy. I am with my cart now and I almost contained it half on my list. Whenever I am buying our foods, I always make it sure it will last for two weeks. I'm too lazy to have grocery everyday!

Blag!

“Damn! Can you just look in your way!” yelled of the woman as I accidentally bumped her cart.

“I-I'm sorry for being careless,” I apologized, trying to see her face. I am here now at the can goods section and I wasn't myself that's why I bumped someone.

“You really are carele–” The woman suddenly stopped as she faced me. “Oh, Christmas, it's you!”

My forehead knotted. “How did you know my name?”