Love after marriage....is it possible?

JADE'S P.O.V urhhhhhh my life sucks you must be thinking why right?. Because my mom is behind my life I swear sometimes I feel like running away. But I don’t have any other option but to bear her... Now you must be thinking what she had done Hmmmm from where should I start FOR GODS SAKE I am f*****g 20 years old mature girl but she treats me like I am 2 always telling me what’s right for me and all that I should find some job... JOB and me no frigging way But today she crossed her limits she told me to move on in my life and get MARRIED She didn’t asked me to make boyfriend but get f*****g married NO WAY IN HELL... what happened what that last night was Saturday and I was out with my 2 best friends piya and Sid we went to some cool club and I came home drunk so what dude I am 20 years old why can’t I get f*****g drunk... Ok I must admit that I get to emotional I am drunk so WHAT!!!I must have cried on my mom’s shoulder about missing love of my life Nate... Ya when i was 16 in high scool my boyfriend Nate died I miss him a lot... So when I got up at morning with killer headache she started that jade you are broken you need to move on a blah blah blah I was not interested in her talk so I just ignored her. I don’t care about anyone since Nate died... Ya you are thinking right I am spoiled heartless and rude b***h well that’s what people call me and I don’t care because they are right I am heartless Nate took my heart with him when he died and no one can take his place I am never going to love anyone else So let my mom do whatever she wants I am never going to move on... ok you must be confused right let me tell you in detail my name is jade sparks I live in Florida its small town we are quite rich my dad owns towns best cafe its popular place teenagers hang out there all the time it’s called sparks cafe I know lame name but my dad couldn’t name any better I live with my daddy mom and my 15 year old sister Cody well I am daddy’s girl or I should say was after Nate’s death I don’t even remember when I hugged or even talked to him I know he is hurting since I was too close to him before Nate died same with my sister Cody she’s was my best friend we use to share things do gossip sleep together she used to tell me all her secrets and same with me I know she was only 9 and I was 14 but I told her first when Nate purposed me ... and she use to tell me about all her crushes but now things are different I am rude to her and my mother because they have some pity in their eyes for me and I hate it that they know my weakness Cody has also changed she now back answers me if I talk rudely to her and it hurts but I will never show dis to her... I love my family but I will never show them because I am scared that they will leave me just like Nate... that’s why after death of Nate I leaved my high school I left my studies I left my home and ran away to die but my dad and Sid my best friend found me and saved me But I was dead inside and still am... from that day I started drinking clubbing never listened to my parents and left high school by threatening them that if they will force me I will kill myself and they listened I also started messing around with boys had s*x with them and tried to forget about Nate but nothing worked I am player and I am not ashamed since I don’t believe in love and feeling so I just do s*x for fun and i don’t remember most of them since I am always drunk when I do it and I am glad. But I have never kissed any guy on lips it was only Nate and always will be my first and last kiss but when Nate died I was virgin We were together for 2 yrs. and he was my friend since we were 6 but he respected my decision and never forced me... I lost my virginity when I was drunk 7 months after Nate died but to Sid He was my best friend but I was hurt he was just helping me and there were no feeling attached we now also fool around but only for fun...he had become my rock after Nate died I only show my feelings to Sid he is only one who knows real I emotional sweet caring is me from inside that’s what he says... But I don’t believe him since I am rude heartless b***h and that’s what I want people to think I am..