Her chosen mate (The change series 2)

Chapter 28: What have I done

Kai

F.uck, f***k, f***k! It felt too risky shifting back to human form here, but I had to get rid of the body. I changed as fast as I was able, and then I dragged her body further into the woods, I was trying to work out how I was going to dig without a shovel when I heard movement from within the trees and bushes, I squinted trying to see what it was, but I couldn’t see a damn thing, I sniffed the air and both relief and dread filled my body, Grayson.

He was the stealthiest and best hunter of us all, the fact I both smelt and heard him at all meant he wanted me to know he was there.

He walked out from the bushes and I just stared at him.

“Kai?” He held his hands out to me and walked slowly, keeping low down so as not to spook me, “it’s ok Kai, it’s just your alpha, your friend, I’m here to help you alright.”

When I neither moved nor responded he came closer until he was able to lightly touch my shoulder, when I still didn’t move he grabbed me into a hug, holding the back of my neck while I buried my face against his shoulder and broke down.

“Ssh, it’s alright, I’m here, it will all be ok,” he soothed.

I breathed in his scent, the smell of pack, home, of my alpha helping to soothe me.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to kill her, I didn’t want to hurt her, I just, I j-just wanted her phone to prove to Tasha that I love her, I only want her!” I sobbed, I had not cried in a very long time, but I couldn’t stop myself, this wasn’t like when I had killed the mutt who had hurt and kidnapped Natasha, Claire hadn’t been an evil person, she didn’t deserve to die.

Grayson quietly held me and made soothing noises until I was calmer, I was so damn grateful for him in that moment, he was cold, and he did not like affection or showing it, not to anyone besides Lara and Natasha, along with Leo I was the rare exception he made to show his affections to when needed.

When I was no longer crying and freaking out he let me go and patted my back, “come on, we should leave her like this, if we bury her, it will only make the authorities see it as foul play, and you will be on their suspect list because you knew her.”

“We can’t just leave her here,” I hissed.”

Death had never bothered Grayson, he could kill a man and sleep like a baby after, he wasn’t evil he just didn’t have the same empathy and thought patterns as a human, he thought more like a wolf, like an animal, they didn’t get upset like people did, they simply moved on, a wolf might mourn a pack member, but it wouldn’t care about another living being dying, why would it? And that’s how Grayson’s mind worked, so I wasn’t surprised to see him standing there cold and unemotional as if it were no big deal, he thought and worked on logic, and he was only being somewhat sympathetic for my sake.

Grayson shrugged to my response and said, “we have to Kai, they will chalk this up to an animal attack, a starving stray dog perhaps or f***k knows, but it won’t look like a human killed her.” More gently he said, “you ate some of her didn’t you?”

Unable to look him in the eyes I nodded.

“I don’t mean to sound like a cruel b.astard, but that’s a good thing, to the police it will be some hungry animal she stumbled upon, and they will come up with their own story, they won’t be thinking werewolves and they most likely won’t even think wolf. Come on.”

“Her house might be a bit suspicious,” I mumbled as he led me away from her body.

“Suspicious how?” He asked.

“I tripped over her coffee table and knocked her dinner tray too.”

He snorted, “you’re as clumsy as Natasha sometimes, alright, let’s go clean up.”

We did, we picked up the tray, the plate, and cutlery, even put it back halfway over the edge of the table, Grayson made sure we wiped down anything I might have touched too, it wasn’t really necessary, werewolves had strange DNA, even our fingerprints didn’t work the same way humans did, but we cleaned up anyway, we were always thorough not only to have nothing traced back to us but also to make sure our blood or DNA didn’t spike the interest of humans in testing it and finding out what it was.

Halfway through I looked over at Grayson and said, “I didn’t want to kill her.” It was the third time I had said it and he looked over and gave a small nod, his eyes letting me know he knew the truth even if I didn’t want to admit it or believe it, that some small part of me did want to kill her. I think maybe the realisation of it all showed on my face because he came over and held my shoulder, “I would have done the same, I would do anything to protect my family, my mate, and that’s all you were doing, we can’t compare ourselves to humans, we aren’t like them, we don’t think like them or feel like they do, not when it comes to the instinct to protect our pack, you’re a wolf, and you felt threatened by Claire, I understand that more than you know.”

I nodded and for the first time tonight I felt a little relief, Grayson would never judge me on this, as more wolf he understood it and that made me feel better, he had the excuse of being more wolf and I used to think that I didn’t, but now I finally think I did, I had grown up with Grayson, I had spent more time with him than anyone else had, he had taught me the ways of the wolf, we had hunted together, trained together, I had been an omega, and so I was more empathetic, the last time I had cried had been when Grayson had both asserted his dominance and embarrassed me in front of the pack back when I had taken a slice of Amber’s bacon, I had hated my reaction and I vowed never to get upset over something so stupid again, I had gone to him when I was ready to work my way up to second in command and I made him teach me to be less emotional, to think more like a wolf and less like a human, it took months and months of hard work, but eventually, I had control over my emotions, I would always naturally be more empathetic, but I no longer broke down in tears or rushed to be a people pleaser, it wasn’t until now that I realised just how much I had embraced the wolf, how much like Grayson I had become in my way of thinking and being.

He could see me thinking, and he smiled, “you’re like me more than you realise Kai, Lara always says she doesn’t have the same excuse as me when she does something bad because she isn’t more wolf in the mind like I am, but you are, and you do have the same excuse, even back when you were still an omega I could see it there, when we were kids and teens you took in everything I taught you and embraced it, being an omega and feeling more than I do doesn’t make you any less wolf than I am, someone like Charlie doesn’t have the same excuse and I would have punished him severely if he had done this, but you, I get it Kai, so stop beating yourself up about it.”

“I love Natasha, she’s the one for me, and I’m not some f***k boy like you all think I am, I really love her and I can’t live without her.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for hurting you, I just lashed out in the moment, me and my f.ucking temper,” he rolled his eyes smiling and I smiled back.

“She had a dog with her, he’s still out there somewhere,” I said.

“Leave it, the dog will be fine, and it will make more sense as to why she was out in the woods at odd hours of the night.”

“Right, simply walking the dog,” I replied.

“Exactly, come on let’s go.”

In the car I looked at Grayson as he drove and said, “how did you know where to find me?”

He grinned at me, “I meant what I said about you being more wolf like me, maybe not quite as much as me but close enough, all I had to do was think ‘what would I do in his situation’ and it led me here.”

I nodded, I didn’t ask how he knew where she lived, if Grayson wanted to find something out he always found a way, we had Joey too who used to work in the police force, it wouldn’t be hard to find Claire’s address if Grayson had wanted it. I wasn’t surprised he had walked here either, if he could get away with not using a car, then he did.

I was covered in blood, Grayson had found my clothes and given them to me when he found me with Claire’s body, the clothes were covered in blood too now, when we got home we said goodnight and I went and cleaned myself up, I fell asleep and had awful nightmares about Claire all that night, but maybe Grayson was right about me because after that one night, I never dreamt of her again.

Grayson knew a wolf when he saw one, so if he said I was more like him than I knew then I believed him. At first, I tried to feel bad and guilty, I didn’t want to be so callous and cold as Grayson could be, but eventually, I just gave up, I didn’t care about Claire, no matter how hard I tried, I had broken down during the initial shock of what I had done and what I was capable of but since then, nothing, all I felt was that I had protected both myself and my mate from a threat and I knew that was not a human thing to think, but Grayson was right, we weren’t human, and I stopped trying to be like one, the only concern I had was Natasha, like her mother she was more human than the rest of us, how would she react if she found out?