Misguided Hearts

II

"What the hell, Li?!" Ika, Liam's best friend exclaimed beside me. She threw her napkin at Liam's face.

"What?" tatawa tawang sagot ni Liam. He tucked the napkin inside Ika's gorgeous navy blue gown. At the breast part, no less, which horrified me. "You know, you guys shouldn't have stopped me! That was like one of the best stories Ram has ever told me!"

Malakas na siniko ng babae si Liam at tinitigan nang masama. Mukha namang hindi iyon ininda ng huli at patuloy na pinagmamalaki ang best man speech niya para kay Ram, na siyang kakakasal lamang kay Charlie.

"Are you f*cking serious, Li? Gusto mo ba talagang ilabas na ng tatay ni Charlie yung shotgun at butasin ang bungo ni Ram? Cause if that happens, I just hope he draw a hole in yours, too. You really are one f*cked up dude." nakairap na salansa ni Ika dito, galit na ibinalik nito sa mesa ang napkin.

I chuckled. Yeah, Liam really is one f*cked up asshat. Napatunayan ko na yan sa mga iilang beses na pagkikita namin, yung mga time na kasama niya si Kuya. Damn! These people should learn to wash their mouths with soap! To think they kiss their mothers with that same mouth? Disgusting.

Parang balewala lang sa mga ito na galing kami sa simbahan kanina. Hindi na nahiya!

I don't know why my brother chose to be a part of this group. Most of them are manwhores. Specially, Liam. Siya siguro ang nanghawa sa kuya ko?

Well, who the hell am I kidding? Drae became the manwhore he is right now to cope up with all the f*ckedupness we grew up in. Alam kong hindi dapat excuse ang naging experience namin sa family namin para umasal siya na as if he wasn't raised properly. Pero ano bang magagawa namin? We both came up with ways to cope up and truth to be told, both are not socially acceptable. Not entirely, at least.

"Hey."

I rolled my eyes heavenwards before shifting my gaze towards Scor who's seated beside me. "What is it this time?" I hissed.

Kanina pa siya hey nang hey sa'kin pero wala namang sinasabi. Yung totoo? Hindi ko alam kung nagpapapansin ba siya o ano? I mean, hindi kami magkaibigan. Matagal na panahon na.

Simula nung nireject niya 'ko..

Not totally reject, but--Ah! Parehas lang 'yon!

Hinintay kong may sabihin siya nang hindi siya nililingon. Handa na sana 'kong sapukin siya nung wala siyang sinabi pero nung lingunin ko siya, he has this lopsided smile that--damn it--made my heart skip a beat. "W-what?"

"You look great." he quietly said.

"W-w-what?" I sputtered like an idiot. Scor's effect still manifests in me even after years of hating him. Nakakaasar! Bakit ba hanggang ngayon may ganito pa rin siyang epekto sa'kin? I don't like him anymore. Hindi ko na siya crush o anuman. This is impossible!

"I still make you blush." mapangasar na sabi niya. He even wiggled his eyebrows at me which took my blood into its boiling point.

"No you don't!" I seethed. "H'wag kang feeling!"

Hudyong 'to! Nuknukan talaga nang sama ng ugali at kapal ng mukha! Magpasalamat siya at kasal ngayon ng kaibigan nila kundi... What the hell, Phaedra? Why are you so affected? It's just Scor, you know?

Nung nalaman ko kanina sa kuya ko na makakahabol pa sa kasal ni Ram si Scor ay sobrang nadismaya ako. I wasn't expecting him here. Nung nakaraang pagdalaw niya kasi dito sa bansa, wala siyang ginawa kundi sirain ang araw ko sa pamamagitan ng pagpunta punta sa bahay. God! He's one hell of a self absorbed bastard! Akala mo kung sinong sobrang gwapo!

No wonder galit na galit sa kanya ang bride ni Ram. Napagalaman ko lang naman 'yun kay kuya. He said, Scor was being rough with Charlie. Typically him, my mind sneered. He likes hurting people. Women to be exact.

"That color looks good on your skin," patuloy na bulong sa'kin ni Scor.

I rolled my eyes, grabbed my fork and thrusted it on his thigh. "Hindi ka ba talaga titigil?" I asked him under my breath. My eyes lingered to a photographer. Nag-iikot ito at huminto sa mesa namin upang kunan kami ng litrato.

"Why so violent?" I was already prepared to give the photographer a fake smile as he aimed his camera to us when I felt Scor's hand over mine, slipping the fork off my slender fingers. He then put my hand on his thigh and let it rest there.

I disgustedly pulled my arm but he kept it under his, firmly. "What-"

"Smile." aniya na nakaharap na sa camera.

Napilitan akong ngumiti. Nang sa wakas ay matapos sa pagkuha ng litrato ang photographer ay muli kong sinubukang higitin ang kamay ko. Ngunit ayaw iyong pakawalan ng gago.

I smirked and raised my foot a bit and slammed my heels on his shoe. He grunted. That's right, you bastard. Kala ba niya kaya niya 'ko?

"Are you okay, man?" curious na tanong ni Zeve na kasama rin namin sa mesa.

Ngumisi lang si Scor sa kaibigan. Nagulat na lang ako nang maramdaman ang kamay niya sa ilalim ng tuhod ko. He was slowly hitching it up, taking the pressure of my four inch heel, off his foot. I was flabbergasted when from the hollow of my knee, his hand slowly slipped to my inner thigh, gently caressing it.

Napanganga ako. Out of instinct, I jerked my knee up, which bumped under the table that made a loud noise.

All eyes turned to us. I winced. Hayup ka talaga, Scorpio Ledesma! Manyak!

Liam leaned back on his seat and eyed us. His eyes glinted with playfulness. "What are you guys doing under the table, huh?"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Napansin kong siniko siya ni Ika habang nakatingin naman ang huli sa kuya ko. Napalunok akong bigla. Drae raised an eyebrow at me. But I wasn't about to be fazed. I shrugged. "I was just being clumsy." itinuon kong muli ang atensyon ko sa aking pagkain. I can still feel my brother's gaze on me, but I resisted the urge to look at him again. Bakit naman kasi ako magpapahalata?

I shouldn't be the one to feel guilty.

Dapat itong hayop na Scor na 'to. He's the one performing a perverted act under the table. To his best friend's sister, no less!

Kung bakit hindi ko na lamang siya isumbong sa kuya ko ay hindi ko alam. Siguro dahil natatakot akong isumbong din niya 'ko? But that happened almost seven years ago! Natatandaan pa kaya niya? I doubt it. I sighed heavily.

Maya maya ay lumapit samin si Ram. "Hey, guys!"

"Hi, pubeface!" maliksing bati ni Liam dito. Ram just gave him a slap on the back and ignored him.

Nagkwentuhan ang mga magkakabarkada habang ako naman ay inabala ang sarili ko sa pagkain. My mind wandered back to what transpired between us and Scor earlier. God! How could he do such thing? Hinipuan niya 'ko. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa tinidor. Kung noon siguro nangyari iyon ay malamang natuwa ako. But right now, I feel.. Uhg! Kung makatanggi siya sa'kin noon, ganun na lang, tapos ngayon? Badtrip!

"So, Scor, I heard you're getting married." si Ram.

Napaangat ako ng tingin mula sa pinggan ko at panandaling sinulyapan siya. Matagal ko nang alam na nakatakdang ikasal si Scor sa hindi pa kilalang babae. Even my kuya doesn't know who his fiancee is. They were engaged in the states a few years back at tanging si Kuya at ako ang pinagsabihan ni Scor noon.

I heard the fiancee went back here in the Philippines after being engaged to him, leaving Scor there.

They had a long distance relationship ever since. Kung kailan ang kasal mismo nila ay wala pang nakakaalam kundi ang hudyong ito.

"Matagal pa." he stole a lingering glance at me and went back to sipping his red wine.

Sinikap kong hindi mag-react sa pagsulyap niya sa'kin at itinuloy ang pagkain.

Noon tumunog ang cellphone ko. I unzipped my purse and fished my phone from there when Liam suddenly said, "Kailan mo ba ipapakilala sa'min yang mysterious girl mo, ha? We're all dying to meet the woman who managed to snag the elusive Scorpio Daniels Ledesma."

I paused. Hindi sa dahil kong marinig ang sagot niya-- alright, fine! What the heck? I wanted to hear him answer! Gusto ko ring malaman kung sino ang babaeng pakakasalan niya. Bakit na-engage sila agad? He was too young to get married back then. Bakit hindi niya pinapakilala sa'min? Kahit kay Drae.

"Why, Li?" nakangisi si Drae sa kanya. "Di ko alam na ulupong ka na pala ngayon?"

"Ulol." tinapunan ni Liam si Drae ng nilamukos na tissue. "Curious lang! What is she like? Cause I'm pretty much sure she's gorgeous, why else would Scor marry her for?"

"Cause she's different."

I almost dropped my phone after hearing that. Noon ko lang naalala na nagri-ring nga pala ang telepono ko.

I sighed. Different different pa siyang nalalaman! Gaano ba ka-different ang babaeng 'yon? Willing din naman ako maging different, bakit di ako ang pinili niya?!

Inis na sinaway ko ang sarili ko sa internal monologue ko. Hindi ko na gusto si Scor. I have long moved on from that stupid crush! I looked down on my phone and when I saw who's calling I immediately smiled.

---

Huminga ako nang malalim habang nakatingin ako sa harap ng salamin. I clutched the knot of my bathrobe tightly in my hands and examined myself in the mirror. I'm wearing this robe and nothing else. Tonight, I plan on offering myself to Scorpio Ledesma.

Hindi ako papayag na matuloy ang kasal niya sa kung sino mang babaeng iyon!

Hinayaan kong umalis siya papuntang US para magaral, hindi para humanap ng mapapangasawa!

Pinahid ko ang luhang naglandas na lang bigla sa mga pisngi ko. I already lost my mom, and I'm not going to let God take Scor away from me, too.

I turned my back and took a seat on the edge of the bed. My mom died because of my father. Bumangga ang sasakyan nila sa isang poste. Bystanders tried to save her but the car exploded. Mabuti na lang at hindi nakasama ang kuya ko sa pagsabaog. Ang sabi ni Drae, may kabit daw si Daddy at balak na niyang iwan ang pamilya namin para sa babaeng 'yon. I ground my teeth together until my jaw hurts. How could he?! Mom is the epitome of a good wife and a good mother! Paanong magagawa ng isang lalaki ang talikuran at saktan ang ganoong klase ng babae? My mother's perfect!

Gusto ko nanamang humagulgol ng iyak ngunit pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. I already cried enough during her funeral. Huli na iyon.

Besides, that might ruin everything.

Tonight is all about Scor and I.

Tonight, I will make him mine.

Nakarinig ako ng tawanan sa labas ng kwarto. Mabuti na lang at sigurado akong nai-lock ko ang pinto para si Scor lang ang makapasok.

I am at my brother's frat house. Itong kwartong ito ay nakalaan lang oay Scor kahit pa madalas na wala naman siya sa bansa.

Alam kong may party na nagaganap sa baba. Halod araw-araw naman. And all of them will be drunk and wasted. Including Scorpio. Sasamantalahin ko naman ang pagkakataon na iyon para akitin siya. Oo, pipikutin ko siya.

I gasped and held on tight to the knot in front of me when I heard the rustling of the knob. Kasunod niyon ang pagkalansing ng susi at ang pag-ikot ng seradura. Napalunok ako nang makita ko ang malaking bulto ni Scor na pumasok sa loob ng madilim na kwarto.

Natamaan ako ng ilaw na nagmumula sa bukas na pinto at ganoon na lang ang gulat ni Scor. Mabilis niyang isinara ang pinto. He flipped on the lights and stood there flabbergasted as he took in my appearance. It took him almost a minute to take everything in and understood what's in front of him. Makailang ulit siyang napalunok habang titig na titig sa akin. I took the opportunity to untie the knot, stand before him and shrug the satin material of my robe off, revealing my nakedness.

Matagal siyang tumitig sa hubad kong katawan. I saw how his eyes darkened with lust and desire. I felt the walls of my girl parts clenched as his eyes settled on the apex of my thighs. Nahigit ko ang hininga ko at napalunok naman ulit si Scor. Hindi ko yata kaya ang init na dala ng intensidad ng mga mata niya. He looked like he wanted devour my body. And that's exactly what I want him to do.

I flinched when his fist suddenly landed on the wooden door and created a loud banging sound. Kulang na lang ay mangalaglag ang isang painting na nakasabit sa dingding ng kwarto niya sa lakas ng kalabog.

"What the f*ck are you doing, Phaedra?!" he hissed. Mahina ang boses niya ngunit dama ko ang diin ng bawat salita. He seemed to have already recovered himself.

I braved myself and walked a few steps towards him. He took a step back simultaneously. Huminga ako nang malalim. "I'm offering myself to you." I blurted out.

"What?!" he sounded so angry. "Lasing ka ba, Phae? How did you get in here?" he brushed his hair back and looked around nervously. "Are you f*cking drunk?!" he repeated.

"I don't have an ounce of alcohol in me." humakbang akong muli papalapit sa kanya.

"Sh*t!" he dodged me and went almost running towards his bed. Kumuha siya ng kumot mula roon saka bumaling sa akin at ibinalot ang kumot sa katawan ko.

Pumiksi ako. "What are you doing?"

"No, Phaedra! What are you doing?! Alam ba ng kuya mo ang ginagawa mo? He'll kill me when he finds out!" muli ay hinagod ng mga mata niya ang katawan ko. I was not completely naked anymore. Ngunit manipis lamang ang kumot na ibinalot niya sa'kin. I'm pretty sure na bakat pa sa mga iyon ang n*****s ko. My n*****s which are hard as of the moment under his lust-glazed eyes.

"You're afraid of Drae?" I said, trying to mock him.

He looked at me, disgusted. "Hell no!" he dragged his fingers into his hair again and looks at me as if he doesn't know if he's gonna wring my neck or f*ck the life out of me. "Jesus, Phae! What made you think of this? Why would you offer yourself to me like this? Have you no shame?!"

I had to wince at that. It actually stung as if he slapped me with his words.

Wala na ba talaga akong kahihiyan? Maghuhubad ako sa harap ng isang lalaki para lang hindi niya ako iwan?

Why am I stooping this low?

Because I don't wanna lose Scor. I don't want to lose him like I lost my mother. Like I lost my family and everything that I believed was real.

"Phae.." sabi niya na tila may sumasakal sa kanya. "I-I don't mean that.."

The high and mighty Scor stuttered. Because he thought he'd hurt me.

But he didn't just hurt me. He impaled me.

"Of course you do." napatiim bagang ako. Pumiksi ako at sa wakas ay nakawala ako sa pagkakahawak niya. Lumayo ako nang kaunti bago ko siya hinarap at tiningnan nang masama. "Bakit Scor? Bakit di mo 'ko magustuhan? Bakit?!"

"Phaedra-" he reached out for me but I slapped his hand away.

"No!" I shreaked. "Ano bang gusto mong gawin ko? Ano bang pwede kong gawin para gustuhin mo ako? Para hindi ka magpakasal sa iba! Para ako ang piliin mo! Para ako ang mahalin mo?!"

Napatiim bagang siya. Matagal bago siya sumagot. I held my breath.

Something I shouldn't have done. Dahil kung hihintayin ko na sabihin niya sa'kin na gusto niya ako bago ako humigit ng hangin ay baka sumabog ang baga ko!

"There's nothing you can do, Phae. Nothing."

Napatawa ako ng pagak. I knew it! Kagaguhan lamang 'tong ginawa ko. I was bound to lose everything. I was bound to lose Scor. Natawa pa 'ko nang mapagtanto kong he was never mine to begin with. He wasn't mine to lose.

The next thing I knew, I was crying. Sobbing to be exact and Scor was hugging me, telling me to calm down.

Binihisan niya ako nang mahanap niya ang pinaghubaran ko. He let me sleep in his bed that night. Kung sa ibang pagkakataon, baka natuwa pa 'ko dahil nasa kama niya ako. Kung hindi lang sana parang pinipiga ang puso ko nang mga panahon na 'yon.

He watched me sleep and then took me home the next day.

Nang araw din na iyon, pinilit kong patayin ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.