the ribbon of royalty

I will miss you forever

it has been two months since I moved in with my dad and every day, brayden has given me a ride to and from school. we are now the best of friends. which really makes ferrah angry, but I don't care.

visits to my grandma havent happened in a couple weeks. she hasnt been feeling well and said she had a lot to do to make things happen. she wouldnt say anything else on the matter. I miss her a lot but she calls every day so I know she is okay.

its been four days since I last spoke to grandma, and I am a little panicked. she has never gone so long without talking to me. I decided that after school today, i was going to ask if I could go visit. since its friday, i would be able to spend the whole weekend with her.

"Seda! want a ride home, again?" I hear brayden call to me.

"sure. let me get my things from my locker!" I shout back as I run down the hall. when I reach my locker, ferrah pops up out of no where with a smirk. I know something is up.

"what do you want?" i ask her as I open my locker.

"are you going straight home?" she asked, uncharacteristically polite.

"yes, as always.why?" I ask not trusting her intentions.

"nothing special. just mom and dad want to talk to you." she says, eyes glinting as she chuckles.

"okay then. bye" I say and go find brayden.

I find brayden quickly, already in his car and waiting at the door for me.

"hey. ready to go?" he asks.

"sure thing!"

"do you want to hang out this weekend?"

"I'm not sure yet. I am hoping to go see my grandma this weekend."

oh, cool. I know you really miss her so that'll be great for you." I can tell he is disappointed.

"how about this. if I cant go, then i will call you and we can do something. deal?" I say. he smiles, enthusiasm radiating off of him.

"deal."

I get home in a great mood, excites to hopefully go see my grandma. as I walk into the livingroom however, confussion trumps my excitement.

"dad." my dad looks at me. I am instantly aware that something is wrong. he doesnt usually get home til around 6pm. the saddness in his eyes worries me as well.

"dad, whats wrong? are you okay? why are you home so early?"

"hey pumpkin. we need to talk about something." I dont like the sound of his voice and the look in his eyes have switched from saddness to worry and pitty.

"okay. um, first, I was hoping I could go see grandma this weekend? its been a while and I am a little worried. plus, I miss her."

my dad and step mom look at each other. my step mom and I never get along but even her look is making me feel dread.

"honey, it looks like we will all be going to see your grandma this weekend. I am so sorry, dear, but she passed away a couple days ago."

my heart stopped. I couldnt breath, or think, or hear anything else he said. he noticed I shut down, so he stopped talking and waited for me to come back. after what felt like several hours, I look back up.

"no. no, you cant be right. grandma would have called me and told me if things were worse." I couldnt belive it. i wouldnt believe it. grandma would have let me know some how, I just know it. he was wrong.

"I am sorry baby girl. we leave tonight to go to the funeral. I understand that you were a lot closer to her than I was, but I understand what you are feeling right now. I may not have been very attentive the last couple years, but she was my mother. I do love her deeply."

I broke completely. tears streamed from my face and my knees hit the ground. after a while I began to hyperventilate into unconsciousness.

when I came to, several hours had passed. a suitcase was by my dresser with a note from my dad.

'we leave at 7pm. I know you are hurting, but this is your chance to say goodbye.'

I cried more, as I remembered everything, and began to pack. he was right that i want to say goodbye. after I was fully packed, I grabbed my luggage, and went downstairs. everyone was already waiting for me. even though they didnt care to get to know her, even my step mom and Ferrah looked sad.

"hey, sugar. you ready to go?" my dad asked. with a nod, I hand him my things. I say nothing but he seems to understand. we load up into the car to leave. I curl into a ball and wait out the ride.

'grandma, i am going to miss you so much.' I think. then I fall into an uneasy sleep.