Control

Ready

    My body jumped as I gasped for breath. I was on my back, surrounded by satin sheets, I was safe. ‘Just the same dream again’ I thought, trying to steady my breath and wiping a tear from my eye. Its been nearly 10 years since that battle. 10 years since my life was changed forever. With Luke gone and my father suffering from permanent injuries, I was the natural fit for Alpha. I had assumed the title when I turned 21 and Noah’s younger brother, Jason, filled the role as my Beta. Not long after Luke and Noah were lost to us, we underwent intensive education on shifter laws and how to maintain balance between packs. We had a limited amount of time to learn everything that Luke and Noah had been learning their whole lives.

                I could see the sun coming up through the blinds of the hotel window. I tried to lift my body from the bed only to be met with force. I looked down and draped over my waist from the left was a hairy arm with a well-manicured hand at the end, to my right there was a clean shaven and smooth leg on top of my hip and curling over my right leg. ‘Oh, right’. I had suddenly remembered my adventures from the night before.

                We were at a hotel in New Orleans, LA. While getting a night cap in the hotel lobby, there was a beautiful blonde who was maybe trying a little too hard to garner some attention. Her eyes flicked to me and I motioned for her to come my way. After chatting for a little while, I learned her name was Abby and she lived just outside the city. Abby wore a low cut, high slit cherry red dress. It fit her well, but I could tell by how she kept adjusting the straps, she didn’t wear things like this often. Her feet adorned some silver strappy heels and had a fresh pedicure. Her face was pretty, but she had worn far too much makeup and her uneasiness told me she was out of her element. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear, “Would you like to move this upstairs.” Abby smiled and gently nodded.

                “Only, I’m not here alone, you see. Can my husband come with us?” She turned over her shoulder and there I saw a man with a slightly too-tight suit. He lifted his glass to me, gave me a cheesy smile, and I understood. Abby seemed like the type of girl to make her husband think this was his idea. Make him think that he satisfies her, but wouldn’t it be fun to do something ‘impulsive’? This wasn’t impulsive for Abby; she was living out her fantasies. She either didn’t go to college or didn’t get a chance to experiment. Maybe she got pregnant young or maybe met him too early. I studied Abby’s husband and gestured for him to come over. His jaunt over had a pseudo-confidence, reminiscent of that of a car salesman.

I removed their limbs from me and climbed out of bed. My custom Chanel suit thrown on the floor, the only thing on my body was smear of her cherry red lipstick. There were empty liquor bottles and glasses on the table. The room smelled of tequila and s*x… and human. God the smell was something awful.

                Jason.

                Ma’am.

                I believe my guests have overstayed their welcome.

                Understood ma’am.

I walked toward the shower in an attempt to rid my body of this smell when Abby stirred.

“Hey, do you want some company?” She almost whispered, maybe she didn’t want her husband to hear. I stopped in the doorway but didn’t turn around.

                “No.”

                “Oh, okay. Well maybe we can get your name and phone number and we can do this next time you’re in town?” I could here the disappointment in her voice. I had nearly forgotten that I had never even told her my name, just politely moved the conversation in a different direction. I turned my head to the right where I could almost see her in my peripheral. I half smiled and I heard her soft inhale.

                “No.”

There was a key card on the door, Jason must be coming in. I went into the bathroom, locked the door, and started my shower. As I stepped in under the steaming water, I heard sounds of protests as Jason ushered the couple out of my hotel room. After a few moments everything was silent. I turned to let the water hit my back, it was almost a boiling temperature. I needed the heat, I needed the slight pain that numbed my senses.

                It was assumed that Noah was to be my mate, that was what he had wanted to talk to me about. Even though I hadn’t turned 18 yet, his inner wolf drew him to me and he knew it to be true. ‘How sad’, the whispers at the memorial service were deafening. ‘To have lost her mate before they even got to have a life together’. Condolences I could handle, pity I could not. I learned quickly how to reign my emotions in, especially as head of the pack. A female Alpha wasn’t unheard of, there were plenty in the United States, but none of them were unmated. The only way to have the full confidence of my pack and avoid conflict with the others around us was always to remain in control. I had my moments of freedom, with whichever man or woman I was in the mood for, but never within the pack. While I knew plenty of male Alphas to had slept with half their unmated pack, if I were to do the same it would tarnish the reputation my father had worked so hard to achieve.

It wasn’t long after I had assumed the title of Alpha that my mother ushered in suitor after suitor. She held large parties that attracted packs from all over the world, hoping to find me a second-chance mate. Much to her chagrin, there was none to be found. So now here I am, traveling the country on a “diplomacy mission” from pack to pack. My mother was sneaky, but not that sneaky.

                I turned the water off after everything was washed and stepped out of the shower and into the thick steam. I wiped off the mirror so I could see myself. I had filled out more in the last few years, my body preparing itself for a chance at childbirth. My dark brown hair fell just passed my chest as I wrapped it up in a towel. My eyes were a deep green with flecks of brown, I had a birthmark just off my right eye. My nose was neither big nor small, and my lips were proportionate. Nothing about me screamed beauty, but my position and power were enough to draw a man in.

                I heard the door outside open again and I wrapped myself in one of the hotel robes. When I walked out, Jason was tipping the room service attendant and directing him out of the room. Before us was coffee, orange juice, a selection of breakfast meats, eggs, and pastries. He certainly was trying to be on my good side.

                “Good morning”, I said as he came back into the room and I poured two cups of coffee.

                “Good morning, Jade.” His voice was solemn. Jason was Noah’s little brother. He was a year younger than me and had many of Noah’s same features. His jet black hair was always cut in a perfect fade, he had darker blue eyes, but the same square jawline. He had broad shoulders and certainly cleaned up well in a suit, like the grey one he had on today.

“I’m sorry, is something bothering you?” I took a bite of a sausage link and met his gaze. He let out an exacerbated sigh.

                “You don’t have to sleep around with people like that, Jade. We are looking for another mate for you. You could just wait…” He paused to consider his word choice while I stared him down, chewingly slowly with my eyebrow c****d at him. “I just want you to be happy.” He finally finished.

“Happy?” I threw the sausage back onto the plate, suddenly losing my appetite. “Happy like what? You and Isbell?” He winced at the last jab. It was a low blow, I knew it before it even came out of my mouth.

Months after we lost Luke and Noah, Jason and I found comfort in each other. We were quite literally thrown together everyday for trained, in hopes that we could form the Alpha and Beta bond we needed to run the pack, but there was something more than that. On the first anniversary of their deaths, Jason was the only one to remember it to be my birthday. I certainly didn’t want to take away from the mourners and genuinely almost forgot the day myself. It was raining again and I was wrapped up in a blanket on the bay window of my room. Watching over the horizon, hoping all of it was just a dream. I just wanted to see them come over the ridge one more time, soccer ball in tow, laughing and cutting up like they always had. I hadn’t even noticed the tears that had welled in my eyes and overflowed down my cheeks.

                “J-Jade?” I turned suddenly to see Jason standing in the door way with a cupcake he had gotten from the kitchen. I wiped my cheeks, but my red and blotchy face held no secrets. He came over to the window and sat next to me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and wiped the stray tears from my face. His presence was comforting to me. The warmth of his hand on my cheek was more kindness and love than I had felt in a year. I turned to look at him and our faces were only inches away. His face, that held so much of Noah, was so close. I reached a hand up and caressed his cheek, landing with my thumb on his bottom lip. He opened his mouth like he was going to speak but I put a finger on his lips.

                “Shh.” I ran my fingers through his hair and ushered his lips to me. The kiss was frantic, needy, and rushed. When we broke away he just stared at me in confusion, but I could tell he needed this too. He needed me and we needed each other. He initiated the second kiss and it wasn’t long before his hand was under my shirt and goosebumps enveloped my whole body. Jason was my first kiss, my first everything. We continued this affair for a few years. Which was why him meeting Isbell was such a dig. The night of my Alpha ceremony, many neighboring packs had joined us; the first of my mother’s rouses to find me a second-chance mate. After things had settled down a little, I stole a bottle of champagne and was off to find Jason. I hadn’t seen him since the ceremony and he is usually by my side. I found him in the hallway that lead to my father’s… to my office. He was murmuring about something and pacing back and forth.

                “Jason! Where have you been? You missed everything, my mom is now trying to see if I’ll match with a 50 year-old widower.” He turn to me and stood still, almost as if he was debating running the opposite direction. “Wh-What are you do—”, before I could finish my sentence he had marched up to me, put hands on either side of my face, and kissed me. I backed up quickly.

“Jason!” I hissed, looking around for any nosey onlookers. “What if someone saw you?”

                “I don’t care”, he declared, “I want to be with you, Jade, and its time for people to know.”  

                “You’re being ridiculous. And what if you meet your mate? You think she’d be fond of everyone knowing you’ve had s*x with your Alpha? Don’t be pathetic.” His gaze was serious, almost unblinking. I continued, “Oh my Goddess. You’ve found her, haven’t you? Your mate? Is she here from a neighboring pack?”

                “It doesn’t matter. I want to be with you. I’ll… I’ll reject her.”

                “What?! Why would you do that?”

                “Jad—”

                “No. I’ve heard enough. Live your life Jason. What we had was fun, but—” I couldn’t even finish before he kissed me again, his tongue hungry for mine and almost desperate. I accepted his kiss and let his arms wrap around my waist. He settled with his forehead against mine. I had to admit, it felt nice to be wanted. Suddenly the option was in front of me to live a life with Jason. It would be unorthodox, it wouldn’t be true love, but we’d have each other.

                “I love you, Jade.” It would’ve been romantic, if not just utterly tragic. I moved away from him I let out a loud sigh and set down the bottle of champagne that I had forgotten was in my hand.

                “Why are you doing this? Why are you messing everything up?” I said with tears welling up in my eyes.

                “Doing what?” He reached out to touch my face, but I moved away again.

                “This!” I gestured to everything around us. “Do you genuinely think that I would want you to reject your mate? My truest love was taken from me before I even really got to know him. Do you think I would want that to happen to someone else?” Now the tears were falling and my chest felt heavy, remembering the pain I felt when Noah died. Jason tried to speak but I cut him off again, “For what? For a half love? You could never truly love me as much as you loved your mate, anyway!”

                “I could, I would, Jade. Just say the word. Tell me to reject her and it will be just you and me.” My eyes studied his face. How could he think this is what I wanted? How could he think that I’d want this?

“No.”

                “Jad—”

“No!” This time I was yelling, using my Alpha tone to force him into submission. “You will go to your mate, Jason.” I turned and ran out the back door of the house, heading to the woods. My bones snapped and reformed as my body shifted to my wolf form and ripped my dress to shreds. I ran until I could run anymore and I found myself at the top of the mountain. I howled a painful cry, knowing that I would never really allow anyone that close to me again.

Now in present day, the concern in his voice was more aggravating than loving. I didn’t want to be with him, he was happy with Isbell, but he wanted me to wait for some imaginary second chance. He was hanging on to this thread of hope just like my mother and I had had enough. There was no second-chance mate for me. I sat in the large decorative chair in the corner of the hotel room by the window, looking out over the bustling city. I looked at him, an apology sitting in the back of my throat, but unmoving. I sighed and grabbed a bottle of lotion off the adjoining table.

                “What is on the itinerary today?” He must’ve taken my dismissal of the conversation as an apology and his face brightened. He pulled out his phone to check my schedule.

                “You have a meeting at Pack de Pleine Lune in 2 hours.” Jason never did well with foreign languages and his accent certainly left something to be desired. Pack de Pleine Lune was the largest pack in the region, and the Alpha here, Raphael, was the governing authority over the entire Gulf Coast. Because of an outbreak in murders be vampires, many of the coastal packs are low on female numbers. The murders stopped when a peace treaty was reached between Raphael and the vampire authority. I stood and looked at Jason.

                “Well, I guess its time we get to work. You can send the stylists in. I need a few choices for today, if we’re going to make a good impression.” My job was to meet with the Alpha’s council and Vampire Authority to try to extend the treaty to the north, to my territory. In my few years of Alpha, I ran my pack and was also chosen by surrounding packs to be our governing authority. Vampire crime was high in Nashville, and I was here to end it.

                Jason left and soon returned with a hairstylist, makeup artist, and stylist. I had met Raphael a few times, he expects a woman to stay in the pack. Hair and makeup done but waiting to mate at her man’s command. His sexism disgusts me, but we must play nice. The hairstylist gave me big bouncy curls that settled and had an old Hollywood look of finger waves. My makeup artist gave me a sultry smokey eye and we opted for a nude look, while the stylist showed me a variety of custom power suits. I settled on a black pinstripe pantsuit. The legs of the pants were tailored tight against my skin and the buttons on the blazer started just below my chest. I wore a white shell under the blazer and put on some 4 inch black heels. I was ready to face misogyny.