Control

Sonnet 43

I heard a knock at the door and pulled myself up and out of bed. I knew it was the hair and makeup team coming up to make me presentable for tonight and I didn’t know if I was ready for this. Is it vain and shallow to have a beauty squad for your mother’s memorial? Though our pack believes in memorial’s being a celebration of life, I couldn’t help but feel vanity sink in. I opened the door, still wrapped in a towel to allow the women in. Across the hall, dressed in all black and leaned up against the wall with a half-smile on his face, was Dante. He gave me a knowing glance and I shut the door. Heat was radiating from my chest and up to my face. Our rooms are soundproofed, wolves are known for their s****l appetit.  There’s no way he could’ve heard me. Right? The women were set up in my bathroom, waiting for me.

We settled on big soft curls in my hair and a neutral look on my face. In case you cry, we don’t want your makeup to mess up. My makeup artist, Katarina, had said with tears in her eyes. I ushered both of the girls out to clean themselves up before the start of the ceremony. I could see cars pulling up the driveway, the other packs were arriving. I walked into my closet and pulled down and fit and flare black dress, it draped nicely over my curves but was still conservative for this event. I stood in front of the full length mirror in my closet, sizing myself up. My engagement was going to be announced tonight. Would my mother approve of the look I had chosen for such an announcement? Would it bring her joy? The zipper of the dress ran down the back and I was having a hard time pulling it up. I heard the door open again, maybe one of the girls left something.

“Katarina? Can you help me with this zipper?” In the blink of an eye, I looked up to see Dante standing behind me. His hands replaced mine and pulled the zipper up with ease. He paused at the top of the dress. My mind was racing, thinking only of my dream from that morning and how easily he could rip the entire dress off.

“Don’t you have to be invited in, or something?” Dante smiled at me through the mirror and removed his hands from the dress. I felt stupid as soon as I said it.

“No, Alpha Grey. You’ve already invited us in, but that’s really more of an urban legend to make the humans feel safe in their homes. Much like your kind and full moons.”

“Oh.” I said and sat on the bench next to me to put on the heels. I bent down to buckle the straps but Dante was down on one knee in front of me and doing it for me. “I’m perfectly capable of dressing myself.” This time my brows were furrowed together.

“Alpha Raphael has arrived, as well as Alpha Dominic, and a few other packs that I haven’t been introduced to yet. Your father insisted I come hurry you along,” he paused, “Youre not hiding out, are you?” I looked up at him incredulously, he had one eyebrow raised and that damn smile.

“No. Just lost track of time.”

“I see, very busy up here.” He looked out towards the wide windows in my room the faced the driveway… or was he looking at my bed.

“Well, lets go. Best to not keep anyone waiting.” Dante nodded and opened the door to my room and led me out. He kept close, maybe an step behind me. I wasn’t sure if I was making it up, but I felt his eyes on me all the way down the stairs.

The great room had been adorned with white flowers; hydrangeas, lilies, roses. A beautiful painted portrait of my mother on an easel greeted guests as they walked in the door, next to it was my father. He was dressed in a black suit with the right arm tailored up, a white shirt, and a grey silk tie. He was greeting guests as they came in and other pack members ushered them to the back yard where the bonfire and podium had been set up. When it seemed that everyone had entered and given their condolences, I faced my father. His normally stoic face had a small softness. Is he ready to say goodbye? I straightened his tie and gave him a small smile. He wrapped his left arm around me and pulled me into a hug.

“You need to be the one to announce your engagement, Jade. The pack needs this. Not only do they need something to look forward to, but they need to hear that our pack will live on. Show your strength to the neighboring packs.”

A pack member let us know that it was time before I could argue. We walked outside, him escorting me on his left. Placed around a large unlit bonfire, was a small stage and podium. There was a picture of my mother and other packs had taken seats that formed a half circle around the logs. My father escorted me to my seat in the front, next to Brodie and made his way up to the podium.

“Thank you all for joining us here tonight. My darling, Pearl,” he looked towards the portrait, “would have loved to have seen you all here. Her untimely death is just a reminder of how precious time really is. I’d like to read a poem that she was always fond of," He pulled out a small piece of paper from his pocket.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of being and ideal grace.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.”

His voice cracked a little with the last line, and Brodie reached over for my hand, “And so, my beloved Pearl, I don’t know how it possible, but I will love you even better now.” He walked off the podium and took his seat next to me. A woman from our pack, Jessica, stepped on stage and began singing.

“’Ave ye talked wit’ ye pa?” He leaned over and whispered in my ear. I turned to look at him and his eyes were incredible. A life with Brodie wouldn’t be a full true love, but we would be happy. Brodie was kind and honorable. I felt safe with him, and truly, what more do you need? I gave him a small nod.

“And?” I smiled again and gave him another small nod. Brodie’s face lit up. He squeezed my hand and leaned back towards my ear, “Aye. Ay will make yuh ‘appy, Jade. Ay promuse yuh that.” And I believed him.

Jessica was finishing up her song and that was my cue. I walked up to the podium.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so gracious for your presence as we celebrate the life of my mother, Luna Pearl Grey. An accomplished woman, my mother was born to the pack cooks. She grew up with my father and once they turned 18, destiny fell into place. My mother prided herself on being the most hospitable host and making the best biscuits in Tennessee.” A small chuckle came from the crowd. “She loved her pack fiercely, and even more so, she loved my father. We were struck by the hand of fate 10 years ago when we lost my brother, the man who was supposed to be your Alpha.” I glanced towards her coffin in the center of the pyre, “She was never quite the same after that. Tonight, we celebrate her life and her legacy. Alpha Luna Pearl will live on. Our family…”, I looked to Brodie, ”Our family will live on. I am proud to announce that myself and Brodie McTavish of Pack McKenzie are engaged.” Cheers erupted from the crowd. My father was right, our pack needed this. We all needed this.

A member of the pack walked up and handed me the torch. I stared at the flame in my hand. It was my responsibility to light the fire, to officially say good bye to my mother. I looked at my father who was now holding a handkerchief in his hand, a glisten in his eye. He nodded at me and I dropped the torch onto the logs. The bonfire lit and howls erupted, Brodie walked up to the podium and wrapped my in a big hug, behind him, behind the crowd, I can see Dante’s eyes. I see him turn to walk away and for some reason, I feel my heart sink.