I Am With You, Always

Digital Butterflies

Jana froze, staring at her phone. She quickly replied, "Hey! Yeah, I’m new. I’m Jana! How are you?" BiggDude was talking to her. Why? Had he gotten curious about her, too? Was it because of her profile picture?

She took two more sips of wine to gather courage and sat up straighter on the couch. She knew her conversation with him wasn’t going to be trivial—she didn’t want it to be trivial. She wanted him to get to know her, to see how wonderful she was, to learn about her qualities, her interests, her passions. Jana was special—a person who broke things while opening bottles of wine, but that was irrelevant. She had many talents, and this opportunity to talk to the cute guy felt like a much-needed boost to her confidence and self-esteem.

"My name is Benjamin," BiggDude said, “nice to meet you! Where are you from?" Jana told him she lived in Lima, Peru, to which Benjamin responded, "Interesting! So you're Latina, but you don’t look Latina. Are you the daughter of immigrants?" Jana nodded and quickly asked where he was from—probably the U.S., like most people in the gaming community. Benjamin was American, and since he had just called her Latina, maybe that meant he was into Latinas—the ones with golden skin, dark hair, and perfect bodies.

"Damn it, Americans love Latinas. He’s probably not even interested in me now."

Once again, Jana sank into her pessimistic thoughts, despite being a beautiful red-haired woman, the daughter of Croatian immigrants. But none of that mattered if she didn’t have the approval of this guy she had just met online. "He’s just some cute internet guy I can chat with and pass the time. Nothing serious". Jana felt so stupid. Was it the wine kicking in, or was she actually just this stupid? A 37-year-old woman fantasizing about some guy on the internet. Why did she even need to be liked by him? This is not even the real world! She took two more sips of the wine and grabbed her belly. "This is the result of seven years of a sedentary lifestyle, damn it." Jana had gained nearly twenty kilos, and at that moment, she felt utterly depressed.

She remembered Mary’s words: "Your life is about to change."

For seven years, she had only aged, gained weight, and ruined her neck with two herniated discs from working overtime—all so that, in the end, her own company, the love of her life, would kick her in the ass like this. BiggDude kept writing to her and asked what she did for a living.

"I’m not going to tell him I’m unemployed—that’s not attractive at all. But why do I have to be so open about my life in an online conversation?" Without overthinking it, Jana decided to say, "I work at a corporate office." She immediately regretted saying that, because she has to be transparent, but maybe she could tell him one day after she has processed all the drama. "I currently don't have a job and no money. That’s not attractive at all, right? But I occasionally write political articles."

After her last relationship, Jana vowed never to date someone without ambition or a job. Her ex, a lazy man who spent his time playing online and buying Dragon Ball figurines, had drained her. Their six-year relationship was over, and she felt more like his caretaker than a partner. She wasn’t going to repeat that. Plus, he wasn’t even attractive. "I don’t know how I put up with it." She thought, noticing the wine bottle was nearly empty and deciding to open another.

Her world had crashed down, and she sought comfort from this stranger online. She wanted BiggDude to tell her everything would be okay, that he had fallen in love with her, and would never abandon her like her exes or father. She decided to keep talking to him, feeling genuinely heard. They discussed everything—music, movies, games, food, personality traits, dislikes, and things they'd never do to anyone.

After 90 minutes of conversation with pauses for bathroom breaks and snacks, Jana felt a deep connection with this person. She couldn’t believe how compatible she felt with a stranger online and how strongly she was drawn to him. Was it just attraction, or was she fooling herself? She remembered rushing into relationships before but now wanted to truly get to know someone. What was different this time?

Benjamin said directly, "I’d love to hear your voice. Would you mind doing a video call with me? I know it’s late, but I can stream music videos for you and have fun."

Jana's heart skipped a beat as she stared at the text on her phone, fixated on "video call." She hated phone calls—they drained her. Deep down, she was antisocial, pretending to be sociable at work to succeed and appear like a role model. She found video calls with coworkers incredibly exhausting, but this felt different. She had to get on a call with Benjamin.

Jana bolted upright and hurried into the bathroom. She leaned into the mirror, letting her shiny red hair tumble down—still sleek from the day before. With quick, practiced strokes, she touched up her mascara, dusted blush over her cheeks, and swiped on a soft rose lipstick. She frowned. “This shirt is awful.” Spinning on her heel, she rushed back to her room, yanking off the top and grabbing something that hugged her just right. The new one framed her curves perfectly. She adjusted the neckline, tilting her head as she admired the view. "Perfect. Titties look great!" A laugh bubbled up in her chest. “God, I’m ridiculous.” But she wasn’t changing a thing.

She told Benjamin to give her a moment, then installed Discord. Ready to talk to the stranger who had mesmerized her, she logged in.

"What am I doing, my God!" Jana couldn’t believe it—this was the first time she had ever decided to talk to a stranger on a video call.

"I’m ready!"

Just then, Benjamin called.