A Promise From My Heart

I pushed the door to the house gently. It hinged echoing through the dark living room. Taking silent steps, I stepped inside. The light from the corridor leading to the kitchen gave the living room a soft glow. Not a single noise eloped from any part of the house. With the lights in the living room out and the place empty, I knew everyone was in bed. Walking up the marble staircase, my shoes clicked the floor. I treaded the empty hallway down to my room with a soft smile on my face. Entering the room, small lines creased on my forehead followed by a curious frown. The bed was neatly laid just the way it had been in the morning. I had expected my wife to be in bed. I walked further into the room dropping my suit, tie and wristwatch on the bed quietly as my eyes darted around the room. My feet halted when my eyes fell on her frame. She stood by the entrance of the balcony her back against the room. The heavy breeze coming from the balcony blew her shoulder length hair and the hem of her night dress flapped to the back. The full moon casted a tender glow on her figure. She stood still, not moving. The corners of my lips stretched up into a smile. I walked gently up to her tip toeing preventing my shoes from making sounds but she turned immediately. I stopped moving, groaned and grimaced throwing my hands aimlessly in the air almost laughing at my fruitless attempt to hug her from behind. "Yusuf" her lips broke into a smile as she called my name. Her black eyes gleamed with joy. She ran up to me. Her dark hair swished to the movement of her body. I laughed. She threw her slim hands over my neck giving me a tight hug, her head buried at the crook of my neck. She smelt of rose. An intoxicating smell I had gotten used to. I hugged her back breathing in her scent as I twirled her around, her laughter muffled in my neck. I have missed her. "Why are you still awake?" I asked with my hands around her waist and her hands around my neck. "I was waiting for you" she answered cutely rolling her eyes. In return I kissed her forehead gently pulling her closer to me until our bodies touched each other. "Why?" I asked in a deep husky voice staring at her. "Because......." she started slowly a sly smile on her face before trailing off then she looked away breaking into a very feminine laugh. "Because......" I said raising an eyebrow, her pretty laughter vibrating through the room. "I want to tell you something" she laughed looking at me. The pair of dark eyes that stood away from her cute nose glimmered with joy. "Okay, what is it you want to tell me that you are taking so much time to say?" I asked curiously. She removed her hands from my neck and pulled me towards the bed. The way she jumped and wiggled her body gave away her excitement. I followed her no word escaping my lips. "Sit down" she tapped her side bouncing. I groaned. "Do you know curiosity is really killing me?" I asked rolling my eyes as I sat. "Our baby kicked today" she said moving her shoulders with a face that radiated happiness. She looked at me with a wide merry smile on her face and her dreamy eyes twinkled with joy. Bit by bit, I looked down at her flat stomach. She picked my hand and placed it on her stomach. "Ah" she gasped eyes wide and I looked at her. "It kicked again. Did you feel it?" she asked looking at me. No word found my lips. Words were frozen in my dry throat. I was tired of lying to her. I do not know what to say. With glassy eyes, I stared at her tummy not moving my eyes from it. "Yusuf, did you feel it kick?" she asked not moving her gleaming eyes from me. There was joy in her voice. "Amatullah, we need to sleep" I looked at her. She pouted her lips, disappointment written on her soft heart face. "You did not answer me" She folded her hands around her chest and looked away angrily. "I am sorry but we need to sleep. It is already late" I got up and kissed her cheek. She ran a hand through the spot I had caresses, her glare hard enough to make anyone tremble but it did nothing to me. I walked towards the bathroom. "I hate you" she shouted behind me as I entered the bathroom. I laughed at the way she said it childishly. A sad laugh. I could imagine her stomping her feet on the floor and ruining her hair. I leaned my back on the closed door then allowed the tears in my eyes flow, the liquid warm against my face. I wished she could just accept the truth. I wished she could see the truth and stop living in the dark. I am tired and we were all tired. I meant my family, her family and I were tired of lying to her. She shouts when we tell her she is not pregnant. She called us mad people. She says we are lairs. She cries and insults us. She goes wild after the sentence you are not pregnant. She creates ruckus until I calm her down and lie to her again. She lost her pregnancy in an accident that broke my family apart, an accident that stole our joy, an accident that turned us to lairs, and an accident that still left us in the dark. "Yusuf" I heard her soft voice from the door. I wiped my tears immediately. "I am waiting for you. I want to sleep" She whined. "I am almost done darling" I answered trying to sound normal. "Okay, I am waiting" she said in a singsong tone. After my cold bath which relieved the stress from my body, I changed into my pyjamas and joined her in bed. She came closer to me, wrapped a hand on my torso then rested her head on my chest. I wrapped my hand on her waist. The fragrance of her jasmine shampoo filled my nose. "I told you the baby moved and you said nothing" she sounded so sleepy. I stared at the ceiling not knowing what to say. "You are still not answering me" she yawned. I refused not to answer. There was silence in the room for a while. She said no word nor did I. "Amatullah" I called her name and received no answer from her. Soon, soft snores escaped from her. I chuckled and stared at her body. I have longed for hope for the past eight months. I have wished for salvation. I have prayed for her to recover. I have asked for light in our dark world but none came my way. Losing hope was not my thing because surely, Allah will answer my prayers. I closed my eyes hoping for a change tomorrow. She struggled against me. Her hold on my torso tighter. Tiny whimpers escaped from her. I tried pulling myself out of my deep slumber but drifted back again. Her familiar cry pulled me out of dream land and her constant movement prevented me from sleeping. I groaned running a hand over my eyes. The pyjamas I had on reduced the pain her fingernails inflicted on my skin. As my eyes flutter open, her whimpers came out with words. "Stop! Stop!!" she cried. I sat up. Her head fell back on the pillow beside her. Where she had placed her head on my chest was soaked with sweat. That was when I became alarmed and the feeling of terror began to course through my body. "Amy" I shook her. "Stop! You will hurt her" she cried her head sank deeper into the pillow. She raised her hands and caught my arms. "Please" she begged, her finger nails sank into my skin which was sure to have red marks the following morning. "Amy" my heart stumped in my chest, my breathing ragged as I shook her again to wake her up. "Don't" she fought in her sleep. "Stop!" she moved her head violently. "Wake up" I tapped her, my sweat glands dripping. "Stop!" she held my arm tighter. "Amatullah!" I shouted shaking her slim body like she was a piece of paper. Her eyes opened with a long gasp as she jolted up. She panted a hand on her damp forehead. Tears ran down her face as she trembled with fear. Her eyes moved around like she was searching for something until they fell on my face. Relief washed through her damp face. "Yusuf" She held onto me then buried her head into my damp chest. "It's okay" I wrapped a hand over her trembling body. "It was just a nightmare" I whispered into her ears. She clung to me then broke into a quiet sob.