A Promise From My Heart

Chapter Eleven

Amatullah collected the plastic baby from grandma and smiled affectionately at it. My heart bled with pain at the sight.

"Grandma, thank you so much. You have done a great job taking care of him for the night. I was not at peace without him" She said happily as she tucked the baby in her arm.

It was true. She was not at peace without the thing with her. It was tonight I realised how much the miscarriage had affected her.

Our outing was amazing just that she couldn't stop talking about the baby she kept at home. We had great fun and she was very happy. For a moment, she forgot about the baby and I was glad but for how long will she forget? When we had arrived home, she rushed out of the car to grandmother's room to get the baby. Everything happening tore me inside. My heart ripped into pieces. It broke into thousand pieces that can't be gathered any more. I tried my best to give her my best fake smile that looked real.

"Grandmother Goodnight" I said and turn to leave but grandmother called me back.

"Adeniyi" her voice was so weak. I turned back to look at her. "Please come and seat" she tapped her side.

I sat beside her and she held me. Her hands were shaking. I laid my hand on top of hers affectionately.

"Niyi, you need to act fast. You need to do something. Our family is falling apart. I am not at peace. My days are numbered. I don't want to leave a broken home. Amatullah has gotten so worse. She needs to be taken to the hospital. You need to see her doctor and I think whatever her doctor says is the best for her. Noor is not talking to anybody. She has locked herself up. She uses all her days to cry. Yusuf, I want my family back. I want the family I used to have" her gentle voice cracked. Her eyes became teary making mine teary. "Do you know Kehinde has begun to take drugs?" She referred to Raihan by his Yoruba name.

"What...what do you mean?" I knitted my eyebrows.

"You are so buried in your sorrow that you did not notice he has begun to smoke. He is taking alcohol"

I felt like I was hit by another big rock. The news turned my head a bit. It can't be true. Raihan will never do that. How did I not know? The reason he shut everybody out is because he has started taking drugs. "Noor needs a psychiatrist like Amatullah. I think it will help her. Aborting a child is not easy. The guilt is eating her up. She needs someone to pour out her pain to but that person is neither you nor me. It is not a family member. She is scared so she won't tell us. Yusuf, do something please" She broke into tears.

"Grandmother" I called in a low shaky voice and pulled her into a hug.

"You mother left and things turned out this way. Our family is broken. I know Allah is listening to us but we have to help ourselves" She buried her head in my chest and wept.

Everything made me sob silently. I felt like a flame was burning through everything I believed in. The world around me collapsed. I felt like I was in a nightmare that will never end. I wanted it to be a dream I will wake up from. I stared at the wall ahead of me like my answers were written on it as I got lost in my pain.

I knocked on Raihan's door. It opened revealing Raihan. He was fully awake. From his look, someone could detect he was not sleeping.

"Can I come in?" I asked with a small smile.

"Sure" he answered and opened the door wider for me to enter.

My eyes darted around his room. There were clothes scattered on the bed and chair, shoes playing on the floor, books flung around the room, his wardrobe was opened with clothes pouring out of it, the poster of Messi on the wall. It was a typical boy's room. I smiled at the way the room looked. There was barely a place I could place a leg.

"I am sorry my room looks like this" he said looking embarrassed. He began to use his legs to push away things to one side of the room and he packed the clothes on the chair and squeezed then into his wardrobe.

"You should arrange it" I said as I sat down.

"I will do that In Sha Allah"

I looked at him and there was no change in him. He still looks like the innocent little brother I always had. There was no sign that he smokes or drinks. He looked pure.

"Raihan" I cleared my throat and moved uncomfortably on the chair. "There is something I need to tell you" I hesitated. "It is about you" something flashed in his eyes maybe fear. He began to shake and looked everywhere except me. "I know things have not been good. Everything just seems so bad for us here. The problem is too much for anyone to take. Few months ago, we were one happy family then everything just changed in a night. Why did you not tell me? Why do you have to do Haram stuffs? You should have come to me and tell me how you feel. I would have spoken to you. We would have sorted things out but why do you have to do bad things?" I said almost shouting and he already knew what I was saying.

"Brother Yusuf, I was scared. I was lost and did not know what to do. Everybody is not happy. We are all sad and lost" He hugged me and sobbed.

"Drinking, smoking and taking drugs won't solve anything" my voice cracked.

"I am sorry. I am very sorry. I did not take any. I was thinking about doing that but I changed my mind. Grandma saw them with me accidentally when I wanted to throw them away" he held unto me tighter.

"I am sorry" I said after we pull away. "I am sorry for not being there for you even when you needed someone"

"Hey bro, don't say that" he said sniffling which made me smile at him.

"Kai, you dey cry like say you be woman" I said with a laugh giving him a friendly bump in his shoulder.

For the first time in eight months, I felt closer to him. I felt the space between us fill up. Maybe the problem was not just from my siblings. I thought it was also from me. I had grown distant from them. I thought I needed to mend my relationship with them. I needed to understand them especially Noor. I can't remember the last time we had an outing as a family. It was high time I begin to do something. Maybe this was just the beginning of the miracle I have always wanted, to understand them.