TWO-EDGED SWORD

Wrapped in disguise

Episode 2

I laid beside him that night watching the steady rise and fall of his breath. Something inside me stirred, something I couldn’t name. There was question whispered in my mind, what if I didn’t know him at all?

The truth was staring into my eyes, but I ignored it, I saw only what I wanted to see. How could I not believe a man who made me feel so deeply loved? How could I have known that all the affection and the show of love was just an act.

If anyone had asked me what love was, I would have told them, that Daniel was love. Besides the fact that he kisses my forehead and the back of my hand like I was sacred.

He pulled me into his chest every night like I was his only shelter. Love wrapped itself around us like vine. Anytime I was in his hands, he whispered let just stay like this forever and I so much believed we could.

We use to cook together, we use to get the food burnt while playing and we laugh over our mistakes. I remembered the way he always hold me like loosing me was not an option.

Few days before the day he left for the business trip he never came back from, he changed his tactics, there was no occasion, no anniversary, no celebration, but he comes back every night with bouquet, this he did everything night.

The night before he left, after the dinner, it started with soft music, we did not talk much, but the way he looked at me, it was different, like he was memorizing my face. Trying to carve me into his memory, like he knew something I didn’t.

His hands moved slower that night, lingering like he was afraid to let me go. Every kiss held weight, every whisper held meaning, every sign felt like it meant more. And when he said he loved me, he said it as if it was both confession and a goodbye.

We made love like strangers discovering each other. It was so romantic, so desperate. It wasn’t just physical, it was spiritual. He held me like he was afraid I might disappear, but it was him who vanished.

He left with no warning, no reason, no goodbye. I asked myself, why he held me so close only to let go without a word. Was all the activities before he left his farewell? Was it his final performance?

I can still feel the warmth of his skin. I can still hear the way he breathe my name. I can still remember the way he looked into my soul right before he left for the trip.

He left me with the illusion of forever, the silence of never again. He left and the bed became cold. His clothes untouched, his phone unreached. The man who has treated me like I was everything just disappeared.

I waited for hours, then days, I told myself that maybe something inevitable came up, may be he will call, but the days turned to weeks. Then reality settled in like dust on untouched furniture when his lawyer came with divorce papers.

What hurt most was not just the leaving, but it was how he left as if I didn’t deserve an explanation. As if everything we had , everything we built meant nothing. As if I had imagined all the love we shared. As if all the show of love and affection was nothing.

He left without letting me close the chapter, without giving me the final word. Without the decency to say I no longer mattered.

I replayed the last moment every night trying to find clues. Was he already drifting away and I just didn’t see it because of the love I had for him.

I think the worst kind of heartbreak is when someone walks away while your hand was still reaching for them, when your heart is still wide open. I loved him in full and he left me in fragments.

I couldn’t sleep any more, sleep became my enemy. Night was no longer peaceful, I was having dreams caused by rejection and betrayal. I dreamt of whispering of mockery. I became lonely and depressed.

Now in a dilemma of what to do. My heart has been shattered into thousand pieces. I became withdrawn, not picking any calls. I looked unkept, I was beginning to loose my mind.

My friend Jenny came on a certain afternoon and she discovered the situation I was in. I couldn’t inform any one of his rejection and betrayal, I kept all to myself. And it was messing with my mind.

Jenny was shocked to see my condition, she took me to her home and she insisted I saw a therapist.