TWO-EDGED SWORD

Episode 1 Daniel had not returned since he left the house two weeks ago. I had called his number several times, sent him numbers of emails I couldn’t count. He was not responding nor answering any of my calls. I have left series of voice messages for him, it doesn’t make any difference. I had been disturbed, because he had never left for this long. He has been on different business trips, but none has taking this long. I was just hoping he was okay. I couldn’t sleep because, I had not slept alone for this long since I got married to him. I could not call my parents because, since I refused them of what they intended, they wanted me to get married to their friend’s son. I called his parents, but they had no ideas of his whereabouts. How do I explain his disappearance, no call, no message, I felt lonely without him. After three weeks of waiting, I was in the kitchen when someone came into our home to drop a letter for me, letter from my husband. Why is he sending letter? Why sending a lawyer? I opened the envelope, my knees gave way because it could no longer hold my body, I lost all the strength in me. I was looking for support, my heart raced as if I have been in a marathon. Who do I turn to? How could he do this to me? I picked up a pen and signed the divorce papers. After the lawyer left, tears were dripping uncontrollably. If he didn’t want to be with me, then I have to let him go. I remembered how I met Daniel. We met in college, I met him in my first year and Daniel was in his third year. He was very fond of me, ready to listen, laugh at every of my jokes. I became fond of him. When I told my parents about our marriage, they refused and I got married to him against their wish. They say the heart knows, that it can feel and see what eyes could not see. But I didn’t feel it, I was busy loving him. Busy memorizing the way he smiles, the way his hands lingered on my lower back when we crossed the street, like he was telling other men to back off. Daniel was calm, stable and loving. Since I had been married to him, he had never shown any sign that will make me distrust him. I started noticing a cracking in our relationship and it wasn’t dramatic, not in the beginning. Just missing few dinners, to call later to say he was working late at the office. The first time it happened, it didn’t sound like himself, but I told myself that, I was just overthinking. The next day, he came home with flowers, he knew I hated flowers most especially white roses. I collected them, I thanked him and placed the flowers in a vase. Then made him his favorite tea. I was busy making excuses for him, every time I noticed something different or unusual in his behaviour. There is something about love, it teaches you to lie to yourself before anyone else has the chance. I ignored all the signs. A shirt I had never seen nor recognized at the bottom of his bag after returning from a business trip. Receipt tucked in his coat for a restaurant we had never visited together. A cologne I didn’t recognize, faint on his collar and each time I asked, he swore he hadn’t been out with anyone. He still kiss me every morning, he holds my hand when we walked along, he laughs at my jokes, he never raised his voice at me. With all these, there were words unspoken. There was a night I woke up and he wasn’t beside me, I checked everywhere, he was no where to be found, he had left without a word about where he was going. His phone was off, I wonder where he had left to. I mentioned it to my friend once, I said it casually as if, it was nothing. I told Jenny that Daniel’s phone is always on silent when he’s home, Jenny gave me a look and said nothing. What would she say to a woman, living in the warmth of a house with no fire. One night, he left as usual, I found the key to the locked drawer, I found a phone I never knew he had. The phone was off, after charging it, the kind of messages, photos, names I could not recognized, appointments and a whole of other things I could not imagine. My husband is someone else when he left the house. Most of the business trips were not real. I suddenly felt, every moment we had shared belong to someone else. I didn’t confront him that night, instead I placed the phone back where I found it, brewed his favorite tea as usual and sat at the table like I always did.