Almost Rejected

17 | Bellona

I heard her shout behind me as I walked away towards the door, "Wait!" I ignored her and kept going but as I made it outside her footsteps started nearing behind me, "Wait!" she repeated.

I stopped to look up at the star filled sky, frowning when I noticed it was already dark out, “I don’t want to talk.” I said, my eyes never leaving the sky as I heard her footsteps come closer to my slightly swaying body.

She remained quiet as I continued my stargazing, I almost forgot she was there as I got lost in the beauty of the sparkling balls of gas that seemed to light up the dark sky.

“You’re his mate aren’t you?” She questioned knowingly, causing me to flinch from both the question and the sudden sound of her voice behind me. Her voice was quiet as if the question scared her but her tone was blank and emotionless, a tone that could have easily been mistaken for cold.

I almost scoffed at the question, I wanted to answer her sarcastically. I wanted to show my disgust towards her not knowing, not knowing I'm his mate, not knowing he's mine, not knowing her place. But the only thing that came out was a hum.

"Mhm." The sound rang in the air, thickening it as if a big secret had just been revealed and she once again went silent at the revelation. I could tell the news came as a shock and that she was thinking hard on what to say back, I wish she’d just say nothing and just go back inside.

“Ade and I… we’re not a thing.” She spoke slowly, as if I was a ticking time bomb that could explode at any given time and in a way. I am.

A glare settled on my face as I turned around to face her, “So you’ve never had any type of relationship past you being friends?” I questioned, my face neutral as I looked over her now silent figure. I sighed when she didn’t reply, once again turning back around.

“It’s not like that.” She tried to explain as she came closer and I turned back to face her, backing away with my hands raised.

“Is this why you stopped me? To explain yourself?” I questioned through squinted eyes, titling my head in disbelief. Each word came out as a hiss as my voice took on a defensive tone. “Just let me leave.” I quietly grumbled, hoping she would do as I asked. “I’ve come to terms with Ade’s rejections and I’ll come to terms with this as well.” There were no tears in my eyes or tremble in my voice as I spoke, just tiredness. I’m so tired of this, all of it.

I never wanted to be here in the first place. No, actually, the truth is I did want to be here, But I don't belong here. I don’t deserve to be here.

I don't deserve to be in this loving pack, I don't deserve to be a part of Ade's family because I'm not a part of him.

I tried so hard to pretend like I was okay with coming here but the truth is I'm not. I'm not okay with being ignored and s**t on by the man who's meant to be my other half, it makes me feel unwanted. It makes me feel unworthy.

"He... rejected you?" I look up at the voice that interrupted my thoughts. The voice was cold and full of disbelief, chills went down my spine as her cold eyes started to show a stumble glow to them.

The air around us turned cold as she stared at nothing in particular, it was suffocating. My eyes widened in horror as I watched the wind steadily pick up and a small bit of smoking starting to form around her small body, I flinched as she looked up at me, “What are you?” I whispered, looking her up and down.

She furrowed her brows at my question before looking around her, she blinked a few times as if she was just now taking in her surroundings; In a matter of seconds everything was back to normal and we were left staring at each other with nothing to say.

“An experiment gone wrong.” She finally answered jokingly, I squinted my eyes as she let out a small laugh before stopping at my stare. She glanced to the ground with a heavy sigh, “I.. don’t know what I am.” She answered truthfully.

“Technically I am an experiment gone wrong but logically you could say I’m a half-wolf half-witch hybrid of sorts.” She explained.

“That’s against code.” I answered back before I could stop myself, when I was younger Savannah taught me about the werewolves code, which is basically a bunch of rules we all have to follow.

“You’re right, but not for the reasons you think.” She said, confusing me even more than I already was. I watched as she closed her eyes and tilted her head to the sky, she took in a deep breath of air and as she slowly let it out an image started to play above us.

I stared in awe at larger movie-like images that moved as she spoke, following her words. "For the first six years of my life, I was raised by witches." The image started to show an injured little girl with white hair and violet eyes sitting teary eyed on a broken down moldy bed; It was clear the little girl being shown was her, and as she continued on I realized these were her memories.

She gave a sorrowful chuckle, causing me to look down at her tight lipped smile. Her eyes were peeking open, glowing a bright purple under the night sky; Her eyes traced the image of the little girl as if she herself were reliving it again. “I.. I say raised but, I think a better word for it would be trained. I was.. created by them, an experiment they wanted to perfect through extensive training.”

My eyes slightly widened as different images flashed above us; I was expecting to see her being taught to fight or use her powers but instead I watched as a little girl got beaten, whipped, and starved. “I’m sure you can tell by my memories that their training wasn’t just any type of training. It was torture.”

“Abuse, manipulation, and deception were just three of their favorite ‘training tactics’. And all in hopes of creating a perfect weapon they could use to put witches back on top like they once were.” Images of the same broken little girl with white hair continued to come and go as she continued, "They tore me apart and put me back together over and over again in order to rid me of any possible flaws and then.."

Suddenly the harsh images became sunny and joyous, "At the age of six I was found by Alpha Koje. After being found the witches made a deal with him; In exchange for the sparing of their lives they'd wipe everything from my memories. He accepted it because he wanted me to have a normal childhood.” I noticed a small smile slip onto her face as the image changed to three hooded figures standing in front of a young alpha Koje.

“Once they finished wiping my memory, Alpha Koje killed them. All of them." Her memories didn’t show the alpha killing them but just by her tone I could tell she wasn’t lying, he really did kill them.

“After being rescued I was adopted by my now mom and dad, and former gammas of our pack with no recollection of anything past me being brought to the pack house .”

“I didn’t question them?” I asked. “Who? The alpha and Luna or my parents?” She questioned back, “Either of them.”

She sighed at my question, “I did, all they’d say was that I was found out in the woods; probably abandoned by my ‘rouge’ parents.”

“My parents raised me well, and at the age of fourteen.. I started dating Ade who was sixteen at the time, with the promise that we’d let one another go if we weren’t mates.” A fond smile made its way onto her face despite there still being a sad glint in her eyes.

“Well when I turned sixteen we found out we weren’t mates and since Ade was eighteen it was time for him to go on his sielsoekend. He promised me that if he hadn’t found his mate during the trip that we’d be together, I told him that was dumb.”

My heart hurts thinking of the expression he may have made while making her that promise and despite feeling relieved that she refused to agree with him, I still can’t help but feel.. jealous.

“It caused a pretty big argument between us, in the end he left when we weren’t on good terms. We didn’t try to talk anything through because, I guess, we both assumed I’d still be here when he got back.” She gulped as I watched the images morph into a scene of a younger version of Ade and a younger version of her in a deep argument “But that wasn’t the case.”

“When I turned sixteen I didn’t receive a wolf, just the voice of one that would never be able to shift. That’s probably why I was so bitter and.. why looking at him hurt so much.” She confessed guiltily.

She sighed as she shook it off before continuing on with whatever this story was leading up to. "As the months went on I slowly became unstable, my memories were coming back and not small bits at a time, no huge scenes constantly played out in front of me, haunting my dreams and crowding my mind.”

“They were so real and yet so fake at the same time. My powers.. my powers were uncontrollable and the worst part is, they were reacting to my emotions; They caused freak-outs, break downs, and blackouts, most of which ended in the destruction of dozens of structures.”

“Eventually, I locked myself in my room; Away from the pack, away from my family. I convinced everyone it was because I was still upset with me and Ades last conversation but the truth is.. I was scared.” I squinted my eyes at her confession.

“All that brainwashing.. all the manipulation.. it was all suddenly coming back and at full force. All I could remember was being told that I was made to kill every living thing that stood in my way.. especially werewolves.”

“..One night I had a nightmare, or a memory I guess." As she spoke the memory of that dream played above me, the image caused a small but still audible gasp to leave my throat.

“I was chained to a dirty wall, forcefully hanging by thick metal chains that were hooked around both my wrist and ankles. I was small, tiny, maybe four at the oldest, and yet they were treating me so horribly.”

“There were three hooded figures, each of them seemed so tall and scary in the memory, especially as they took turns slicing and peeling at my skin.” She took a gulp and I glanced at her hands as they slightly started to shake, her eyes were closed and yet still continued to clench in on themselves.

“They wanted me to use my powers to break myself out the chains but I couldn’t, I was weak from the torture and it didn’t help that I had to also heal my own wounds. Eventually their cuts came faster and went deeper, it was impossible for me to continue to heal myself, all I could do was cry and beg for them to stop as the left layers of cuts on my skin.”

“I.. don’t really remember what happened after that, even now after regaining most of my memories this one seems like the hardest one to completely recover.” Her eyes were distant as she tried her best to explain why nothing was playing in the sky.

“When I woke up everything in my room was destroyed, dissolved into nothing but piles of dust. My parents came after hearing me scream and as my mother tried to comfort me, my father called Alpha Koje.”

“I was inconsolable for hours, not even my mother or Luna Esther’s words could calm me down; They spent all night with me in my parents room, until I was finally able to fall back to sleep.”

“While I was asleep, Alpha Koje called a friend of his, the only witch he trusted; And the next morning I was sent away for training on how to control my powers.. and to learn the truth about my past.” she finished, the images disappeared as she opened her eyes revealing the slowly fading glow that seemed to fill them.

“And that’s where you’ve been?” I questioned, not really caring but trying to buy myself time as everything she said ran through my head. She answered with a nod as I cautiously watched her take slow steps towards me “My full name is Bellona.” She greeted me with her hand held out.

“Egyptian goddess of destructive warfare.” I mumbled to myself, she seemed shocked at me words as she tilted her head in a questioning manner.

“How do you know that?” She questioned giving me a curious look. “I took a class on the gods and goddesses of different cultures and their influences on different religions.”

“What type of class is that?” She asked, c****d a brow in disbelief. I shook my head with a sigh “The easy kind, I’m assuming they named you that for a reason?”

“I mean the meaning has ‘destructive welfare’ in it, that is quite literally what they created me for.” I hummed as she spoke, going quiet for a few times as she gazed behind me at the pack house. “I don’t want to be destructive..”

I furrowed my brows as she continued to look past me “I’ve tried so f*****g hard to prove those bastards wrong, to prove that I’m not just some experiment they can mold anyway they want. I’m good and I’m good because I'm choosing to be, not because they made me, but because I really do want to be.”

“I love this pack, this land and these people, they mean more to me than anyone will ever know. All I’ve ever wished for is their happiness, even if it came at the expense of my own I still would continue to pray for theirs.” A close-lipped grin spread across her face as some type of emotion flashed her eyes, leaving nothing but a bright glint in its wake.

“Me and Ade are done, for good. Because I decided long before you showed up that our relationship was wrong. I want him to be happy because even now I still love him.” Her voice took on a tender tone as she confessed her feelings to the sky, yet for some reason I wasn’t jealous and my heart held no resentment towards her loving expression.

She let out a deep breath, as if a large weight had been lifted off her “You have nothing to worry about, he’s yours.” She smiled, the kind of smile that’s large and beautiful, that’s meant to be comforting and yet all it did was make me feel more uneasy.

I swallowed nothing as the walls of my dry throat seemed to close in on themselves, turning around without a word and running towards the dark woods. As I ran I began to shift into my wolf and once I was completely done, I turned to face her; my purple eyes bore into her own as she stared at me in both awe and confusion.

She tilted her head and furrowed her brows. She was about to speak but I ran off before she could. My heart painfully beat against my chest as I ran through the trees, both hating and loving the cold breeze that pushed its way through my thick fur.

"You're upset." my wolf commented, his voice coming off as a soothing whisper even in its mocking tone, "Is it because she slept with our mate?" He questioned, but I remained silent, trying my best to ignore is aggrivating words, "No?" he mused when I didn't reply.

"Maybe you're mad at the witches who tortured her as a child?" I still didn't reply. "Or maybe your mad at-"

"Ade." I finally said, cutting him off with an annoyed growl "I'm mad at Ade."

"Why?"

“You know why.” I huffed out. “What’s wrong with wanting to be sure?” He bit back.

"He.. he purposefully wanted me to believe that they had something going on, so that I'd leave. He wanted me to leave." I growled.

"Didn't we already know this?" he questions further, "Didn't you want to leave?" I growled at his words as I pushed myself to run faster, I know what he’s trying to do, he’s trying to piss me off because he’s mad.

Mad at me for not trying hard enough with our mate and mad at me for not fighting for him when I thought he and Bellona might've been together. I told Kyle I wanted to fight and yet I gave up so easily. I don’t want to fight for someone who doesn’t want us, I want to leave.

But if my wolf hasn’t given up then who am I to run and take him away from his mate as well? I at least want him to meet his mate and then..

And then I’ll leave.