You All Along

Because I Hate You

If looks could only kill, he would already have been dead on the spot by how intent you were staring at him — as if sending daggers on his way although he was unbothered. He shrugged your contempt like a speck of dust on his shoulders and displayed a playful smirk on his lips, making your blood boil even more.

"Keep staring at me and I'll melt" his tone was a little lower, almost enticing.

"What are you up to Gregory?" You asked him without any hesitation. The two of you are in the school's parking lot now.

He slumps his back against the wall. "I already told you, I like Claire. That's all there is to it, honestly."

"You? Genuinely liking someone?" you scoffed "Don't make me laugh Gregory. The only person you'll ever love is yourself, so drop the act already and leave Claire out of this." You bolden your stance.

He straights up once again and faces you directly "Oh really? You don't even know me well, Clemmings, so how would you know if I truly love someone else?" It wasn't a question but a challenge.

"I swear if you ever think about breaking Claire's heart..." You closed the distance between the both of you and grabbed him by the collar. "I'll make you pay for it."

He chuckled. "Oh come on Clemmings, the only thing I'll be breaking is the wall you've put up between us" he said that as-a-matter-of-fact, and you let go of him in an instant.

"And who's fault is that?" your voice came out louder and he was taken aback.

"Listen, I didn't mean for things to turn out that way..." he shifts closer, his hand seemingly reaching out to you but you stepped back "I'm sorry, Rhine. Please believe me."

You turn your back away from him. "You already missed your chance eight years ago to explain yourself, Gregory, so don't try to apologize if you don't mean it and don't ever call me by my name again."

You left him standing all alone there because there was no reason for you to continue talking any longer. Although it was you who carelessly blurted out the past, him apologizing about it was pointless even to the point of infuriating. It was certain to you that there was nothing he could do to amend the mistakes he'd made in your scarred past. What's been done has been done anyway and dealing with it would only mean removing the bandages from old wounds that never healed. By the time you got home that evening, your mom's widowed sister, Aunt Evelyn, left you some food on the table which had a note that said she couldn't come home because of some work she still had to take care of. It's not like it's the first time she's done this, because after all, she worked hard to sustain both of you. It was a promise she made with your mom when she died and, with her husband also being gone, she devoted herself to work so you could hardly ever see her. But it wasn't a bad thing though. In fact, she treated you like her own son and you were grateful to her as much as she was to you — it's just that coming to an empty house almost everyday with just "Soju", your aunt's golden retriever, greeting you in the doorway has made you feel used to being alone.

"Soju, come here bud!" you called out to the big fellow to feed him his food. He runs to you in full spirits and topples over to lick your face. You laugh heartily as you try to shove his face away from you until your phone suddenly rang from the table where you placed it. You weren't expecting any calls from anyone tonight but, without any hesitation, you immediately got up from the floor and went to pick up the call.

You look at the screen and the ID caller was your friend, Luke. "What's up?"

"Hey rhy, are you at home?"

"Uh.... yeah why? is there something wrong?"

"Actually" he pauses and you could hear him shuffling on the other line "I have something I wanna ask you, so is it alright if I come over to your place?"

"Oh yeah sure. You always come by anyway", you roll your eyes and he laughs.

"Wow and you made it sound like it's a bad thing."

"Yeah, yeah whatever."

"Open me up" he said.

"Wait what? You're here already?" you asked as you made your way towards the door. You open it and there he was, holding up a few cans of beer and chips to go with it.

"Surprise! I told you I'd come over" Geez. What's up with these surprises today? Am I cursed?

You took a few cans from him. "Yeah, but not with this, duh."

"Aw come on, what's wrong with having a little bit of fun? Besides, I know your aunt isn't here tonight anyway, so you can thank me later." He winks and barges into your house like it was his in the first place. Well, he wasn't wrong though, so you closed the door behind and followed him to the kitchen.

"So, Mr. You-Only-Come-Here-To-Ask-For-Advice what can I do for you tonight" you said in a sarcastic tone, opening two cans of beer - you handed him the other one.

"Tch. I didn't come here for that. Plus, I told you I wanted to ask you about something", he tried to deny it as he took a sip of his beer.

"Exactly. And the thing you wanna ask is about Claire and Colin", you said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but he even choked on his beer when he heard the words that came out of your mouth. Oops, I guess he doesn't know yet.

He coughed a little "WHAT?". He looked at you wide-eyed and, judging from his expression, it seems that he only just found out recently when you thought he should have already known by now, since everyone was talking about it at school.

"Hold on. Colin? As in 'the' Colin John Gregory? like your next-block neighbor Colin?" at this point, he was starting to sound like a broken record.

"Yup. The one and only" you confirmed, slightly holding up the beer with your hand as if to teasingly congratulate him that he got the right answer.

"But how? why? and since when?"

"Okay, I don't know about you, but I'm certainly not Google or Quora who have all the answers to your questions". You took a sip of your beer.

"Well, are they already dating?" you spurt out the beer from your mouth.

"God, NO."

"Then why are you telling me this?"

You place your beer down and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. "Because at this point he's obviously your love rival and if you don't help me get Claire away from him then she's just gonna get hurt"

He let out a heavy sigh "What about Claire then, does she also have any feelings for Colin?" at first, you honestly thought that he was gonna get angry like you did when Claire told you, but instead there was this certain look in his eyes that almost seemed like he ran out of hope and in the middle of it all was a hint of acceptance. This was the type of person Luke was. This is love.

"Well... she told me she's not too sure yet because she thinks Colin's just making fun of her" you reiterate "But look, that's not the point here. The point is, I'm telling you to step up your game and tell Claire how you really feel or else that jerk's gonna have it his way again."

"But what do I have against Colin, anyway? His family's rich, he's a varsity football player and girls love him". He flops against the seat. As much as you hated Colin's gut, you can't help but admit that all of it was true and that he was indeed likeable only if it weren't for his rotten lying attitude.

"First of all, you're not a jerk. Second, you're pretty amazing and good looking" you paused to rest your hand on his shoulder "and third, you're you. So what's not to like about you?" you refuted and he smiled in return.

He placed his beer down. "I never got to ask you this, but why do you hate him anyway?"

Yeah, why do you hate him in the first place? It's not like you simply hated him for the way that he is or just utterly disliked his existence for no reason at all because, in fact, there was a reason — something in the past that happened that you chose to forget and not to mention because you were afraid. Although it wasn't always like this with Colin because, as far as you allow yourself to remember, you two have been childhood friends since you grew up together in the same neighborhood. Both of your parents were also close enough and when your mom was still alive, you remember hanging out with him almost everyday. However, all of those memories you once had with him seem to be of no importance to you now — they're like these little shards of glass that pricks you whenever you try to pick them up, painful and lonely. The question as to why you hated him was that of a missing piece in a puzzle you never bothered looking for.

"He's annoying." You bluntly put.

"Yeah. I mean that's for sure, but why? Why are you so against him?"

"Oh, so we're taking sides now? I thought I was supposed to help you win over your love rival?"

"But at least I'm not holding any grudge." He shrugged.

That caught you off guard and you removed your hand from his shoulder. "Well... I just hate him for no reason, that's all" you simply said. Luke gave you a disapproving look that said nothing about what you said he believes is true, but you just rolled your eyes at him.

"Anyways, why was this suddenly about me when I clearly told you to confess your feelings already because it's been what" you pause to mentally count in your head "Three! its been three f*****g years since you started liking her and what? All of that gone in an instant because you had her believing you're gay!" Both of your hands were placed on your hips.

"Then what was I supposed to do when he mistakenly thought of me as your boyfriend?"

"Tell her you don't like d***s, duh."

"It's not as easy as you think it is." He let out a frustrating sigh.

"Yeah, I know that. But if you only shot your chance to be with her, then things wouldn't go haywire like they are now."

"Then what? only to be pushed away when we've just started getting close? Look, I have always liked her, even before, and risking throwing it all away now would mean that I'd go back to square one again."

You let out a long sigh "Listen Luke, what you need is to be yourself and have the courage to tell her your true feelings. Not pretending to be some kind of person you're not. And you know what, if it turns out like what you said, then so be it, because it's better to risk it all than to be a coward forever. Love is always worth the risk." Your words seem to knock some sense into that thick skull of his when he relents and gives you a nod — you knew he would somehow think about what you said and that eased you a little. A few hours later, you carried him all the way to your room after he got wasted from drinking the rest of the beer he bought while you went to bed much later on. Just as you were about to close your eyes, a thought lingered once again in your head.

Why do I hate him, huh? Well... I guess it's just because I hate you.

Colin.