After My Death Tomorrow

Episode 14

I am smiling from ear to ear since early this morning. I know, mukha na akong weird dahil parang hindi na ako 'yung Margot na laging may problema sa mundo. Iyong laging naka-poker face sa tuwing makikita mo.

Paano ba naman, I never thought that victor tastes like this. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasaya ang lasa ng tagumpay, lalong lalo na kung may buhay na nakasalalay sa tagumpay mo. Right now, I feel like a hero. A carefree hero who doesn't care at all but to save Marco.

When the break time came, I decided to spend an hour on the library. Hindi sumama si Magne, that girl seems to be allergic to books. Malapit na kasi ang exam. Palagi akong ahead sa lessons dati pero dahil sa mga nangyari nitong nakaraang araw, hindi ko maitatangging medyo naging pabaya nga ako. Kaya ngayong nagtagumpay ako, I have to atleast go back to my usual uptight self. Back to normal. Sa tingin ko naman, nabago na talaga ang future. Marco will stay alive even after ten years from now.

Bumuntong hininga ako. Going back to my smiling trip today, I busied myself with the books. Economics books to be specific. I first search for the table of contents. Doon ko hinanap kung saang page naroon ang Gross Domestic Product and as soon as I saw it, I was quick to flip the pages onto that.

Nang magsimula na akong magbasa ay naramdaman na lang akong biglang umupo harap ko. And I didn't mind it. Although ayoko ng may kasama sa isang table, I chose to just busy myself at the effin GDP rather than my uncomfortable feeling.

"Nerd." Told by the person sitting infront of me.

I blink.

Marco?

I was the quickest to turn my face on him. And there he is, smiling at me with his god-like smile. With his perfect face glowing eveytime he curved his lips upward genuinely.

I smile back at him. "Jerk."

He rolled his eyes and silently chuckle, "I am proud of it."

"Whatever," I joined him. I tilted my head as I rest my chin on my hand, "Himala yatang nasa library ka ngayon? For what I know, ikakamatay mo ang makakita ng mga libro. Is that a good sign that you are not strangulating?" I tried hard not to laugh loudly, the last thing I want is to see the old librarian directing me to get out.

Nailing siya, patuloy sa pag-ngiti at pag-tawa nang mahina, "You and your choices of words. Kailan ba ako masasanay sa 'yo, Ms. Liit na Masungit?"

I pokerface at him.

And he laughed loudly. And that awarded him a warning and a scowl from the librarian. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata at sinenyasan na tumahimik.

"Bakit ka ba kasi nandito?"

He faked his pain. Lifting a hand above his chest, he acted as if my words pained him. "Ay, hindi ba ako welcome dito?"

I rolled my eyes and just smile. "Wala kang practice?"

As fas as I know kasi, palaging may practice ang lalaking ito sa basketball. Kaya bihira ko na lang talaga siyang makita talaga. Lahat kasi ng break time ay inilalaan niya sa pagpapractice. Siya kasi iyong tipo ng tao na sobrang magbigay ng effort sa passion. He loves basketball so much that he is willing to sacrifice all of his time just for it. Kaya noong nalaman kong maaari itong mawala sa kanya, sobra akong naalarma.

He shook his head, "Wala na." He turned his gaze on the books I am holding, "I just found myself following you here. Para kasing ang sarap mong pag-tripan."

I narrow my eyes at him playfully, "Bakit naman?"

"Kanina ka pa kasi nakangiti."

Halos mabilaukan ako sa narinig. "Bakit? Masamang ngumiti?"

"No," he stiffled a laugh, "what I mean is that it's not the Margot I usually know. Maybe, na-miss ko lang iyong poker face mo."

I pointed a finger at him, and made a suspicious look, "Weird."

Napapailing na lang siyang tumawa. "Sige na, mag-aral ka na. Hindi na kikita guguluhin." He said between his laugh.

"Thank you." Smiling sarcastically, I focus myself to the book again. And to my surprise, walang pumapasok sa aking utak. My brain seems to leave me. Hindi ko ma-comprehend lahat ng binabasa ko.

What the f**k?

Jusko, dahil ba ito sa presence ni Marco?

I shook my head mentally. No! Bakit naman ako maiintimidate sa presence niya?!

I'm on the verge of giving up when my phone vibrated. And I discreetly gasp when Spero Futarae's name popped up on the screen.

Shit.

Bakit nagsesend pa rin siya sa akin?

Hindi ko pa rin ba nababago ang future?

As far as I know, nabago ko na 'to kahapon!

Agad kong isinalpak ang headset sa mga tainga ko. Hindi inalintana ang mapanuyang pagsulyap sa akin ni Marco habang nakaharap sa kanyang cell phone.

I clicked the play button.

And I must say, I am not ready to what I am about to hear.

Domino effect.

Everything that happened on my life was brought by damn domino effect. My father's crime brought a gigantic and unexpected events to me. Hindi ako ready. I was never ready. Because of it, Vaeden ruined our friendship by posting my private video. And congrats, Vaeden. Your s**t created a huge hole in my heart as it was the main reason why Magne deleted a huge part of me. Basketball.

I swallowed hard as I listen intently. Good thing, the place is too quiet for my anxiousness to fill in. Somehow, the silence is creating a relaxing haven on my mind.

Patuloy pa rin sa pagsulyap sa akin si Marco. Ramdam ko iyon kahit na hindi ako tumingin sa kanya. Pinili ko na lang hindi siya pansinin.

But the part I am about to discuss now is not a member of domino effect.

It's just . . . a thing that I regret the most. The most important thing that I never thought I'd feel.

This time, I know that I am at fault. Na ako iyong mali. Na ako iyong may kasalanan. Kasi if it wasn't for me and my destiny, I would've been so close to her that I might just fall for her.

I blink.

On cue, I steady my gaze at Marco.

Sino 'to?!

Nang magtama ang paningin namin, agad akong napa-iwas ng mga mata mula sa kanya. Lumunok muna ako bago mag-peke ng ubo.

If it wasn't for my destiny, masaya sana ako. I can choose my friends. I can be with someone I want to be closed with. I can be that someone that others want to be with.

Just like before.

Before . . . this major detour of my life happened. This explosive detour that changed my life forever.

Margot,

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko noong kasabay ng voice message ay tinawag din ni Marco ang pangalan ko.

My heart jumps against my ribs.

Shit. Holy crap.

"Okay ka lang?" He asked and I am too stunned to mumble a word.

This one's for you.

Margot, alam mo bang gusto na kitang maging kaibigan simula pa noong Elementary pa tayo? I really don't know why but maybe, just maybe, I just admire you and your scientific s**t. You are so cool. Lalong lalo na kapag nirerecite mo ang periodic table without even stuttering.

You are always that someone I am longing to be friends with.

Pero bakit hindi tayo naging magka-close?

Hindi ko alam.

Maybe, because we are destined to share our future differently. Maybe, you are meant for something bigger; more worthy than me. And I understand it. Hindi naman madaling intindihin. Sa tingin sa akin ng mga tao ngayon, hindi ako tanga para hindi maintindihan na I am a lost cause. That no matter how I strive to be great, my past will always crawl at me and drag me to where I should be. To hell. To where I was destined to be in.

I gasp.

I stare right at Marco's eyes, straight to his soul. Natigilan siya. Nakita ko na lang na umawang ang kanyang labi.

Marco, you never deserve this . . . this s**t of your life. You don't deserve it all.

Margot, I know that you are always there. You were there on my first day in school after my father's funeral. I know that you waited for me at the waiting shed.

So that explains my unreasonable act on that day. Ito pala ang dahilan kung bakit ako huminto sa waiting shed noong araw na iyon. Para hintayin siya. Para suportahan siya.

But you are too afraid to the world to support me. But in a way, you thinking of me discreetly made a heaven out of me. Kasi atleast, atleast . . . someone is looking out for me.

I know that you were there too when I had a mental break down when Vaeden confessed his s**t to me. You were there as I cry my painful tears. You were there but you stayed silent. And again, I don't blame you.

You are always there, at the corner . . . behind something as you watch me break into pieces. You were looking out for me.

Margot, lagi kang nandiyan. Pero bakit parang ang layo-layo mo para abutin? Bakit ang hirap mong abutin?

Ever since I can remember, gusto na kitang maging kaibigan. That explains my seems to be forever prank on you. Those weird endearment and all, I did it all to my hopes of being close with you.

Actually, before my father did the crime, we had our little scene that morning. I was so thankful for that tiny event. And I hoped for it to continue. I wished for it not to end. But it still does.

Right now, we continued to be strangers with each other.

And it pained me, big time.

I never left Marco's eyes. We continue to stare at each other for a moment. And I am afraid, I might not last it.

Ito ba talaga ang nararamdan ni Marco dati pa?

Gusto niya akong maging kaibigan?

Pero . . . bakit ako? Of all people, bakit ako?

Margot, I am sorry that we met at the wrong universe. I am regretful that we met at the wrong lifetime.

Masakit.

Sobrang sakit.

Pero kailangang tanggapin.

Destiny chose me to suffer with this . . . this painful lifetime.

Walang akong magagawa. Tadhana na ang kalaban ko.

Silence began to welcome my ears as the voice message ends.

Kasabay noon ang pagbuka ng aking bibig. Without thinking about it, I mumbled, "Marco, I want you to be my friend," widening his eyes, I continue, "until forever."