After My Death Tomorrow

Episode 13

I drag my feet somewhere. Somewhere I am sure Magne will be. I first searched for her at the Office of the Principal. Doon kasi matatagpuan ang conference room. I just thought na baka nandoon siya dahil sa nakatadhanang mangyari ngayong araw. Ang iharap si Marco sa Principal at miyembro ng club ni Magne para ipatanggal sa basketball varsity team.

Pero wala siya doon.

The conference room was empty when I arrived there.

Natapos na ba ang meeting?

Ano kaya ang nangyari?

Natanggal pa rin kaya sa varsity si Marco?

I shook my head. No. Hindi iyon ang dapat na pagtuunan ko ng pansin ngayon. I have to find my best friend first. She needs me. It must've hurt her really bad. Iyong hindi ko siya kinampian when all this time, kaya niya pala iyon nagawa ay dahil may mabigat siyang pinapasan. Iyong bagay na konektado sa kaso ni Marco.

But, I am not verifying that what she did was right. It will never be right. She is still on the wrong path. Ang gusto ko lang gawin ngayon ay ang suportahan siya. Iyong iparamdam sa kanya na nandito lang ako para sa kanya. Handang intindihin at tulungan siyang pagaanin ang mabigat na pasanin na pinapatay siya ilang buwan na ang nakakaraan.

I was about to drag my feet outside the conference room when I was halted by a sudden voice.

It was Magne's.

"Marco is cleared now." She mumbled, with stoic tone and weak sweet little voice. "Itinigil ko na ang apila ng club namin."

Nanlalaki ang mata, I faced her and there, I saw beads of tears from her eyes. Her lips is curling downward. An obvious sign that she was preventing herself from sobbing.

Wala akong masabi.

Wala akong mapiling sabihin.

"With what I did, I was impeached by my own club members. I am no longer the President nor a member of Women's Rights Club." Lumunok siya ng laway. Tila bang sinusubukang lunukin rin ang masakit niyang paghikbi. "And I don't regret it if it means not losing you as my best friend."

Napaawang ang labi ko.

This selfless b***h.

She has been always like this. She always sacrifice for me. Siya iyong laging nagbibigay nang walang hinihintay na kapalit.

Now, I wonder, what did I do on my past life to deserve her as my best friend?

On cue, I run towards her. I hug her real tight as my sobs began to arrive. Narinig ko na rin ang kanyang paghikbi, bagay na lalong nagpalakas ng sa akin.

Ngayon, ang tanging maririnig na lang sa corridor ay walang iba kundi ang aming paghikbi. It was filled by our sobs that I am afraid guards will be arriving soon just to halt us from this painful moment.

"Alam mo namang ikaw lagi ang pipiliin ko, eh." Pagpapatuloy niya habang patuloy ang paghikbi. "Best friend kaya kita. Kahit na napakasungit mo, kahit napaka-anti social mo, at kahit na napaka-KJ mo, best friend pa rin kita. Best friend should always come first. Best friend will always be the one I'll choose if ever God gave me the hardest bargain of my life."

Wala akong nasabi. I just cry and cry and cry as she joined me. That was, for the record, the longest time I cried on my entire life. That moment made my fragile side to show up. Bihira lang talaga akong umiyak. And that moment surely is the rarest event of my life.

After that moment, Magne and I got out of the facility with swollen eyes. Guards are staring at us with curiosity on their eyes. Naguguluhan siguro sila kung bakit parehong maga ang mga mata namin. But, Magne and I don't care about how mess we look at the moment. Because as far as we know, we were already a mess even before this event, a sweet massive mess that I'll never regret of having.

"You have to tell me something," I started as soon as we sat on the bench. It was situated beside the canteen. Maraming estudyante ang naglalakad sa paligid dahil break time ngayon.

"Tell you what?" Naguguluhan niyang sambit.

I heave a sigh.

Should I demand for her to share her problem to me? Or should I just wait for it to be unravelled?

But, I don't have the energy to wait. Gusto kong gumaan na ang kanyang loob. Gusto kong tulungan na siya sa problema niya.

"About Lucan," I said painstakingly. Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata but it doesn't bother me at all. I still continue, "he tried to r**e you."

Nanlalaki ang mga mata, inilibot niya muna ang kanyang tingin sa paligid bago niya ako pinanlakihan ng kanyang mga mata. She never saw it coming, I bet.

"Kanino mo naman iyan nalaman?" Natitigalgalan niyang bulalas. She is trying to deny the truth about what I said.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Magne. What matters right now is you. You need help. And I will help you. Tutulungan kita para mapagbayaran na ni Lucan ang ginawa niya sa 'yo--"

"But I don't need help." Magne snapped. For a moment, I thought she is mad. Pero hindi, nasigurado ko iyon dahil sa pagbalot ng kalungkutan sa kanyang mga mata. She is not raging, she is feeling blue.

"Pero Magne--"

"Margot, I told you, I don't need help from anyone." She smiled painfully, "Kaya ko 'to. Kakayanin ko 'to."

Napalunok ako.

Hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin sa kanya.

"Margot, I already found solace in silence. Silence has been my safe haven for months now. Ayoko nang lumaki pa itong gulo sa pagitan namin ni Lucan." Bumuga siya ng hangin at ipinaling ang tingin sa langit.

"Pagod na pagod na kasi ako. Gusto kong matapos na lang 'to kasi ang hirap nang buhatin, eh. Gusto kong tapusin na lang ito sa pananahimik. Gusto kong ipagpasa-Diyos na lang ang lahat kasi," her gaze turned to me again, "hindi ko na kaya, Margot. Hindi ko na kakayanin pa kapag lumaki pa 'to."

I tried swallowing the rising bile on my throat, but I failed to.

I nod as my eyes produced my painful tears.

I should respect her decision. I should be happy with that. At the end of the day, we all have different way of finding strengths. Some may find it through speaking up and ranting, but Magne is different. She wants to deal with this problem while using silence as a medium for her strength.

Hindi ko siya masisisi.

Mas mainam nga talaga ang manahimik na lang kaysa palakihin pa ang gulo.

Siguro, sa gitna ng pananahimik niya, itinuon niya na lang ang sarili para sa mga kagaya niya. She became the voice for other victims. She may fail on voicing her own problem, hindi pa rin siya natalo at all kasi sa pamamagitan ng takot niya, naging daan siya para maging lakas ng ibang tao. In a way, she is still as brave as what she should be.

And with that, I will forever be proud of her.

***

When I got home, agad akong dumiretso sa kwarto ko. That was my usual routine. Papasok. Uuwi. Magtitigil sa kwarto. Maliban na lang talaga kapag napilit ako ni Magne gumala. Pero kung hindi, nagkukulong lang talaga ako sa aking kwarto.

Well, call me anti-social or whatever, I am satisfied with just staying on my room.

Noong makapasok na ako sa kwarto, agad na bumungad sa akin ang pink at maliit na envelope.

Spero Futurae.

Sino ka ba talaga?

At papaano mo ito nagagawa nang hindi manlang nakikilala?

Before I confused myself on figuring out how he entered my room, I just busied myself with the letter of my future self.

To Margot,

Magne stayed silent.

It was late already when I found out what burden she's been lifting for a long time. It was when Marco decided to end his life when she began to find the courage to speak up. To be brave. To be someone that Marco wants her to be.

Today, Lucan was expelled from my school.

Magne won. Alongside her victory is her fame. She became a vlogger and an influencer for s****l harrasment victims.

Pero hindi siya masaya.

It's been ten years already but the pain of Marco's death still hunts her.

She is one of the reason why Marco gave up.

What she did made a shallow hole on his life.

Huli na ang lahat bago niya pa iyon marealize. And that's why I want you to do now, I want you to stop Magne from what she's about to do with Marco.

Marco needs to stay on the varsity team because that was his only lifeline. Iyon na lang ang natitira sa kanya. It will really kill him if ever it still happens.

I am smiling widely. Sa lawak nga nito ay natatakot akong baka mapunit na ang mukha ko.

Future Margot, nagtagumpay ako ngayon.

I prevented Marco from losing something important for him. It was me who instigated Magne to stop herself from her irrational wrath towards him. It was me who stopped the destiny from what it is about to destroy.

Right now, as I continue smiling the widest of my smiling history, I started to picture Marco as he smiles on my mind. He is looking carefree and all and I want it to continue. I want to see his damn smile even after ten years from now.

I want to keep him breathing.

I will make him stay alive.