After My Death Tomorrow

Episode 12

I wipe my tears to see clearly. Inalis na ni Marco ang pagkakayakap niya sa akin.

I steady my gaze to the three figures walking towards us.

It was really Magne, my best friend.

She is with the Security Guard and one officer from her club. Her name is Francine, I know her. Nakakasama ko siya minsan sa mga gala namin ni Magne.

But the thing is, bakit sila papalapit sa aming dalawa?

I blink.

Nalaman ba nila ang gulo sa pagitan nina Marco at Vaeden kanina? Nagsumbong ba si Vaeden?

That thoughts made a cave on my heart.

No.

That can't happen.

I swallowed hard. My jaw tenses.

Please, no.

That can never happen. Malaking gulo iyon kapag nangyari.

"Marco," Magne stood infront of us, which is why Marco obliged to stand up and level him up with her.

"Yes?" He wiped his tears for the last time.

"The Principal wants to see you," Magne tore her eyes aways as if guilty to a crime that she never did, "the Security Guard will escort you to the conference room."

I was about to ask why when Marco didn't say anything, wala siyang imik na lumapit sa Security Guard. Clearly, cooperating with Magne. Without a question. No suspicion.

But what pained me was when he turned his head at me, revealing me his genuine smile. It's as if telling me to chill. That he can manage. That he will be okay.

Wala akong nagawa. I just nod slowly. With full of doubts on my head. Clearing my throat, I look at him with too much emotions on my eyes. I can't help it. Today should be enough. Bakit kailangan pang madagdagan?

Naunang lumakad sina Marco at iyong Security Guard. Kasama nila si Francine. Hindi sumunod sa kanila ang best friend ko. She is now standing infront of me, staring at me with an emotion that I can't understand.

"Ano bang nangyayari? Bakit pinatawag siya ng Principal?"

She sighed, "Closed kayong dalawa?" Her tone is more of blaming rather than a question.

I don't have a god damn time to deal with her jelousy right now. This girl is territorial. Kapag best friend niya, best friend niya lang. Walang pwedeng maki-share. Walang pwedeng umagaw.

That's the side of her that I will never like.

"Iyong tanong ko ang sagutin mo." I steady my gaze on her eyes that is searching guilt on mine.

"Paano ka naging closed sa kanya?" Her tone is turning harsh. Para bang hindi niya narinig iyong tanong ko. Seriously, I don't like where this conversation is heading. "With the son of a rapist."

Napaawang ang bibig ko. But I was quick to recover. "You branding him as that idiotic term is problematic. We all know that he is more than just . . ." Nagsimulang tumaas ang boses ko, "just a son of a r****t for crying out loud!"

Magne, being Magne will always be firm with what she believed in.

"You know that your best friend is a huge advocate for r**e victims, yet you ended up supporting him? The son of a hideous r****t?"

She started pointing her forefinger at me. "How could you do that to me?"

Tila bang hindi niya narinig iyong mga sinabi ko. Para bang naglaho ang lahat ng mga iyon na para bang isang bula.

Ginulo ko ang buhok ko. Nagsisimula nang mairita. "Magne, can you just please be mindful, altleast right now? Just because I am siding with Marco doesn't mean I don't care about you," naglabas ako nang malalim na paghinga, "at all."

"Hindi naman si Marco ang may kasalanan. Hindi si Marco iyong nang-r**e. It is never fair to include him to a narrative that he doesn't fit in." I gesture my hand dramatically. "Kailan niyo ba iyon maiintindihan?"

This is just clearly not the right time for her immaturity!

"Remember Veronica? He forced her to send her nudes to him. She was forced by that rotten animal!" Suprisingly, I saw beads of tears on her eyes. "Katulad lang siya ng hayop niyang ama!"

"Paano mo naman na-verify na totoo iyan? Na hindi iyan fake news?"

Hanggang kailan ba matatapos ang mundo sa ganitong estado? Iyong kapag ikaw ang dehado, wala kang karapatang magkaroon ng benefits of a doubt. Kahit fake news pa ang pinagkakalat tungkol sa 'yo, wala silang time para i-verify ang totoo. They will instead use it as a medium to ruin you. To wreck you 'till you are left with nothing but yourself and their irrational thoughts about you.

These people with their immature choices in life is borderline problematic.

Tila bang hindi niya inaasahan ang tanong ko. "Just," she continued, obviously failing to find words, "I don't need to verify the truth! Anak siya ng r****t! That's what I know and that will prove the fact that demons are running on his blood!"

I took a deep breath harshly. Napapikit sa lumalaking pagkairita, patuloy akong sumabog. "Kailan niyo ba maiintindihan na napaka-toxic na ng galit niyo towards him? Kasalanan ba niyang maging anak ng tatay niya? May choice ba siyang pumili ng tatay?" Nagsisimula na akong panlakihan siya ng mga mata. "Wake up! Just f*****g wake up!"

Magne is about to say something when I snap again, "If something happen to Marco because of this s**t of yours, we can never be friends anymore." I balled my fist. "I can never be friends with an unreasonable b***h like you again."

Tumalikod ako sa kanya.

Kasabay ng pagtulo ng pinipigil na luha sa mga mata ko.

I walked away with a heavy heart.

Leaving Magne there, with her jaw on the floor and her eyes flooding with tears.

***

I broke down when I halted my feet. Naglakad lang ako nang naglakad. Hindi inaalinta ang mapanuyang tingin ng mga tao sa akin. I kept on walking until my feet drag me here . . . sa likod ng school.

Napakapit ako sa puno. Napaupo. Then I hug myself. Sobbing hard, I can't fathom how can I last this painful battle of mine against the guilt from what I have said to my best friend earlier.

I didn't mean it.

God knows I don't really mean it.

She is my best friend and no matter how toxic she is, I will always accept her. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko iyon nasabi. Hindi ko na talaga gusto ang tabas ng dila ko sa tuwing ako ay nasasaktan. Dire-diretso. Walang preno.

Nakakainis.

Ginulo ko ang buhok ko sa pagkairita.

Then all of a sudden, my phone vibrated. Without thinking about it, I reach it from my pocket.

It was a message.

From Spero Futurae.

A voice message.

Napalunok ako ng laway. Isinama ko na rin sa paglunok ang tila bang walang katapusang paghikbi ko. Wala na akong hinintay pa, I started to click the play button.

Malakas ang pagdagundong ng puso ko.

Nakarinig muna ako ng mahinang paghikab bago siya magsalita. It was a moment of just silence. Nothing but silence.

It's already two in the afternoon now. Kagigising ko lang from a . . . I think, an hour nap? I really don't know.

So, nasaan na nga uli tayo?

I blink, napuno na naman ng katahimikan ang aking tainga.

Pero matiyaga pa rin akong naghintay habang naka-focus ang mga mata sa malayo. Doon sa mga estudyanteng naglalakad malayo mula sa kinauupuan ko.

And there I saw Cygny, our School President. Walking towards my direction with that guy. For what I remember, Lucan is his name. Siya iyong Captain Ball nina Marco sa Basketball. Well, I heard it from Magne.

Magne.

Sumikip na naman ang dibdib ko.

I heave a deep sigh as my eyes followed Cygny and Lucan. They are directing their way on the other side of from where I am. Maybe they are doing some school work like testing the mosquito or something. I really don't know and I am too apalled to care.

Yes . . . third part.

His voice is husky. Halata ngang bagong gising lang siya. Pero para bang pagod na pagod siya? Iyong parang buong araw siyang nagtrabaho nang walang pahinga?

Paano ko ba 'to sisimulan?

Hindi ko rin alam.

Kasi hindi ko alam kung bakit nagsimula.

Noong una pa lang, hindi ko na talaga alam kung bakit ito nangyari. I really thought she won't turn out as the worst monster of my life. I once believed that she will be my angel in disguise.

She.

Ito na ba ang part ko?

Oh . . .

H'wag, hindi ko pa kayang marinig kung ano ba ang ginawa ng future self ko. Sa mga nangyari ngayong araw, hindi ko pa talaga kakayanin.

Gusto ko munang magpahinga sa kirot ng dibdib ko. Kasi, baka hindi ko na kayanin pa. Nakakamatay na kasi iyong sakit. Nakakaubos ng pagkatao. Nakakapanghina.

But as expected, my expectations failed me again. My expectations always fail me and it's feel like s**t wrapped on your clean body.

From the very beginning, she was always loved by many. With her face that fits the heaven, I am sure that everyone will love her. Alongside with her jolly personality, she is a hundred percent to all of the guys on my school.

I heave a sigh of relief. It's not me. Sigurado ako.

Karamihan yata sa amin ay may gusto sa kanya.

Well, I can't really blame them. This girl is something to be proud if ever she is your girfriend.

I remember when I protected him from my Captain Ball.

It's Lucan.

Sino ba 'tong tinutukoy niya?

Si Cygny ba?

Wait, why would she fit in this narrative?

Lucan wants her. Well, mostly because of his reputation. Lahat kasi ng nagiging girlfriend niya ay magaganda. Lahat, makikinis. Lahat, sexy. Lahat, pang-model ang datingan. She fits all of his qualifications. And as you all know, dahil sa pagiging Team Captain niya, mga babae ang naghahabol sa kanya. Except . . . this girl.

This girl is remarkably intimidating.

Kapag ayaw niya, ayaw niya.

Kaya walang nagawa si Lucan noong hinindian siya nito. At dahil ungas siya, nauna ang pride sa kanya. She is the very first girl to say no to him and it f*****g hurt his god damn ego.

That was the reason why he . . . tried to molest her. He tried to r**e her.

At the gymnasium, iyong CR para sa mga lalaki. He brought her there. Malakas siya kaya walang nagawa ang taong tinutukoy ko nang bigla na lang siyang kaladkarin ni Lucan patungo doon.

And it was near evening. Wala nang mga estudyante. Wala nang mga tao sa buong school.

I blinked for a multiple times that I am afraid, my eyeballs will just shrink from my skull.

Good thing, I was there. I just got woke up from a two jour nap at the oval when I heard a scream from a girl. Nanggagaling iyon sa gymnasium. Kaya nagtaka ako. As far as I know, lock na ang gymnasium tuwing alas-kwatro ng hapon. Pwera na lang kung may practice ang basketball team. Pero wala naman kaming peactice noong araw na iyon, eh.

One moment, akala ko ay minumulto na ako. But when she screamed again, I confirmed that someone needs my help. A girl needs my help.

I was the only one who was there to save her from him.

I saved her.

But when I was the one who needs saving, nakalimutan na niya lahat.

Bura.

Burado na lahat ng nagawa ko sa kanya just because of my father's crime. Just because I'm a son of a r****t.

I swallowed hard. This can't be her.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko pa bang sabihin kung sino ba siya. Ayokong mamantyahan ang pangalan niya. Kasi alam ko, gusto niyang itago iyong nangyari sa pagitan nila ni Lucan.

To be honest, I instigated her to be strong. To speak up. Kailangang pagbayaran ni Lucan ang ginawa niya sa kanya. But she said no. Without saying a word, I know her reason.

Re . . . pu . . . ta . . . tion.

Ayaw niyang mag-iba ang tingin ng mga tao sa kanya. She just want others to see her as that jolly and sweet little girl who knows nothing but to be attractive.

Well, sorry to end your fairytale.

Magne,

Fuck.

Fuck!

No! s**t. Magne, this can't be you!

This part is dedicated to you.

Sana, matapos ito, you find the courage to speak up. With your loud advocacy against s****l harassment, I hope you find the power to speak up.

Pumatak ang luha sa mga mata ko.

Bakit hindi ko ito alam?

Bakit hindi niya ito sinabi sa akin?

Bakit itinago niya ito?

You are brave with instigating other r**e victims to be strong but when it comes to you, you are the weakest. A walking irony.

Yes, you are a walking irony.

God, Magne.

You are always using your voice for other r**e victims' voiceless cry, pero bakit noong sarili mo nang sitwasyon, hindi ka manlang nagsalita?

Bakit ang tapang mong i-paglaban ang iba, pero ang duwag duwag mo pagdating sa sarili mo?

Not just a walking irony, you are also the worst representation of a strong and empowered teenager.

Want to know why?

It's because you killed me.

You killed me by ending the thing that I love the most.

You are the main reason why I was pulled out from the varsity team. From my deceased father's circumstances to the false rumor that Vaeden revealed-- that one with me forcing my ex to send nudes to me-- you began to have the higher card, a power to stop me from going.

And you used it as your unbeatable advantage.

You used it with no mercy. With no mercy to the person who saved you.

You are really dumb, Magne!

Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ko. Pinipigilan ang mapahikbi nang malakas.

When you ended up my basketball career, you also put an end to my life. You know that basketball has been my life since I can remember. Alam mong iyan lang ang natitirang rason ko para magpatuloy kasabay ng mga masasakit na nangyayari sa buhay ko.

Pero bakit mo 'yon nagawa?

Bakit mo itinuloy?

Because it will boost up your sweet reputation?

You chose to gain your reputation than to the one who saved you from losing it?

Well, I can't blame you. It's High School. We live for our reputation. For our schoolmate's attention. Masaya nga naman iyong maraming nagmamahal sa iyo. Iyong madaming may gusto sa iyo.

Maybe . . . that's it.

Kaya nga ngayon, kahit hindi ka pa mag-sorry sa akin, napatawad na kita. Kasi naiintindihan naman kita.

I just really hope that you stand your ground. When I leave-- finally leave without turning back-- I want you to be brave.

That's my one last wish for you.

Be brave, Magne.

I stood up. Kasabay ng pagtatapos ng voice message. With my eyes cascading my endless tears, I want to find Magne. I need to see her as soon as possible.