Phoenix (Book Two of the Forbidden Trilogy)

Chapter Two: Dreams

Nikolai

            Once the sun had risen, the earth warmed up and Celeste wasn’t shivering anymore.  As much as I’d wanted to pull her into my warmth, I hadn’t been sure if she would be okay with such familiar contact.  If she would have accepted it and been comfortable with it.  From what I’d gathered earlier, physical contact wasn’t something she was particularly used to or fond of, and it broke my heart to think from birth to now she hadn’t received that kind of loving contact all children needed.  It, honestly, made me want to cuddle her more, to give her that physical contact she’d been denied of her whole life.

            I also realized, she would have to overcome that dislike and awkwardness of physical contact if she were to truly step into Constance’s shoes.  I mean, everyone knew Constance wasn’t herself anymore—even though Celeste didn’t know this—and would roll with the lack of contact.  But, if there was someone else who came to see Constance, someone not in our intimate circle, it would be seen as odd behavior.  So, it was best to practice and coach Celeste on those who knew and wouldn’t even bat an eye if she fumbled a bit in her attempts to blend in.

            It saddened me how physically awkward she was.  Even though it made perfect sense since she’d grown up alone, isolated from everyone except Victor for most of her life.  And those who had been brought into her life, her contact with them had been severely limited because of Victor’s fear.

            From the way Victor had treated her earlier this morning, she had been both mentally and physically abused.  Possibly even sexually abused.  He had brainwashed her into thinking that kind of behavior was acceptable in any relationship.  He had made her feel guilty, maybe even a burden, for having taken her into his home, for having ‘saved’ her.  And he wasn’t above using that as a means of controlling her.

            There was a lot of work to do if we were going to break through the emotional walls she had built, and break through the cycle of abuse she was used to.  At least we had more time than what Victor had planned for due to Constance’s pregnancy.

            Victor definitely hadn’t done Celeste any favors when he kept her isolated.  In fact, it had probably hurt himself and his plans more than he realized, because there was a lot of ground work left to do before she was deemed ‘ready’ to go to battle.  On the opposite side, it gave us a fighting chance to win her over.  If Victor had indeed been able to hone her skills to the point he’d hyped them up to be, then we would indeed have had a harder time convincing her that Constance, and most others, weren’t the problem. 

It irked me how those immortals like Ulysses and Victor could break the laws without reprimand because they were a part of the council. They believed they were above the laws. It was individuals like them who put a bad wrap on the Immortal Councilmen and women, because I knew not all of them were bad and corrupt. It just seemed that way when there were members like Victor and Ulysses.

            I could understand Victor’s fear and caution when it came to Celeste, though. She was an Erickson, and with each generation, their powers seemed to grow. If he would have allowed her to fully embrace her powers, she could have ultimately become too much for him to handle. 

Just like her sister, she had the potential to take control of anyone and anything and he hadn’t wanted her to do that to him.  He had never wanted to lose his control over her.  Nor, had he wanted any of the visitors he brought to be completely overtaken by her either because he was afraid she would somehow use them to escape. 

Handicapping her had been the only way to keep his own malicious secrets safe.

            I had to hand it to Victor, however. He was smart in how he played his hand.  Erroring on the side of caution—except for when it came to Constance.  He knew how to play the waiting game.  Over time, he’d built up an army of demons, werewolves and vampires. 

He had infiltrated nearly all the council members—both in the HIC and Continental Councils—by means of paying off or using his silvery coated venomous tongue to turn the others to his cause.  He’d possibly even gained access to their thoughts by using Celeste and had possibly even had her take over their actions by means of her controller powers. Others, he could have used the skeletons hiding in their closets, again by using Celeste to infiltrate their minds so he could have something to use against each and every one of them.  So, when it came down to it, he had them all dead to rights.

            He had also immersed himself in the half breed dilemma, in playing an advocate and spokesperson for them.  When, in reality, he’d been setting up their demise.  What better way to annihilate an entire group than to play on their side, to know everything that is going on, to know what treatments are being attempted to prevent the inevitable turn to darkness.  He could claim he’d done everything, but in the end—especially with his genetically enhanced drug—when it seemed there was no hope for them, he could turn his back on them.  So many others would follow his lead because they looked up to him, respected him.  He had been their advocate for so long that if he said there was no hope for the half breeds, then there wasn’t.  If he said all immortal half breeds had to be killed, then most would follow.  Those who didn’t comply could, and most likely would, be disposed of.

            It was something he didn’t necessarily need Celeste for.  Or Constance.  In my opinion, it was just a form of revenge.  He’d wanted to hurt Ulysses.  And what better way to do that, than have Celeste pretend to be Constance? What better way to bring down such a powerful name than to have ‘Constance’ go AWOL.  Then, right before the final blow, Ulysses would find out it wasn’t Constance at all who was wreaking so much havoc. It was Celeste. He would learn Constance had perished at the hands of Celeste.  That he, and so many others, would be killed by the very one he had given up.

            I guess I could understand why Victor also hadn’t reached out to any other controllers to help Celeste train.  There were only so few in the world, because the gene was such a rare and unique gift.  Each individual who had it, expressed it differently too.  If he would have brought one into his dwelling to train Celeste, the immortal would have known immediately Celeste was an Erickson and would have questioned Victor as to why she was in his custody.  There could have been a rather nasty outcome had that happened.

            But, to ever think, to even have the audacity to believe Celeste was ready to face Constance, had been foolish on his part.

            It had all played out better than I’d expected, though.  Constance had set the stage for me to ultimately betray her when she’d had the swords at Celeste’s neck.  It had been a brilliant move, one I hadn’t taken for granted.  One that solidified my intentions and place within Victor’s ranks. If I could have, I would have kissed her for that amazing opportunity.

And it was here I paused and wondered if she had survived the transition from her talisman into Celeste’s body…

            “Nikolai,” Celeste’s quite voice drew me out of my thoughts.  I felt a bit guilty for losing myself in them and ignoring her.  “Why did you bring me here?  It’s not like this is necessary.”

            “What do you mean it is unnecessary?” I scoffed.  Hell!  I understood why she felt it was unnecessary.  Victor had only ever treated her as an object.  He had raised her to believe dreams were only for the weak minded.  I was here to help disprove those thoughts. “Has Victor never allowed you the space to have fun?  To dream?  And to make some of those dreams become reality?”  I knew the answers already, but I had to voice them, to plant just another seed of doubt in Celeste’s head about Victor’s true motives and feelings.

            She hung her head.  “I know what dreams are. I had to give them up. I had to give up on all of them because they breed weakness.  As for fun, I don’t know what that really is.  Both only happen in fairy tales.”

            “Is that so?  Then pray tell me what this is!?” I motioned around us.  “This is no fairy tale.  It is real.  This is something you have dreamed about for years, something you have longed for, and I’m sure something you’ve begged Victor to let you see time and again.” By the way she shifted, I could tell her attempts to convince him had ended up being fruitless. “Do you feel weak after seeing this?”

            “Dreams are only for the weak.  They make you vulnerable,” she recited, ignoring my last question.

            “Certain dreams, may make you vulnerable.”  I agreed. Like the one Constance was pursuing now for her and Gabriel.  “But, little one, dreams are meant to come true because, when they are given, they become the memories we rely on to draw strength and courage from.” I explained gently. “They are the light in the darkness.  They are what we survive on when everything else crumbles around us.  You need dreams.  And once one of them becomes reality, you find another dream to chase.  They drive you to better places.  They keep you from having an empty soul, because emptiness is far weaker than happiness.  Trust me.  You’ll see the difference it makes, especially when it comes to relying on yourself and your powers to save you.”

            “Victor always preached that emptiness was stronger because it doesn’t allow your enemy anything to hold over you.  You can, therefore, remain emotionless, impassive.”

            “Well, Victor and I have different views on the matter,” I stated, not wanting to argue or drill my own ideals into her susceptible mind.  “I’ll let you decide which is the stronger of the two.  By the end of your nine months, I’m sure you’ll have learned enough to determine which best suits you and your needs.  My only requirement is that you tell me your thoughts and why.  And don’t choose them because ‘Victor said’, or ‘I said’, or ‘someone else said something’.  I want to know what you think.”

            That seemed to take her off guard.  She looked confused.  “No one has ever asked me what I thought before.”

            Because Victor had treated her like a weapon, just an item. Her opinions had never mattered. Her voice and body had meant nothing to him.

            I was kind of surprised she was being so open and honest with me, but I wasn’t about to point it out to her, afraid I’d break whatever little bit of truce was between us.

            “Why wouldn’t Victor take my opinions into account?” she asked quietly, probably more to herself but I felt compelled to answer anyway.

            “I don’t know.  I am not him.”

            “But you have an opinion,” she stated.

            “Yes.  I do.”

            “Well?”

            I smiled at her sadly.  “I am going to keep my own opinions of Victor to myself, little one.  I am not here to change your opinion of the only father figure you’ve had.  My approval of what he has or hasn’t done doesn’t matter—

            “What if it matters to me?” she whispered on a breath that I barely caught, her gaze intent on mine. It was tempting to tell her.

            “I don’t want my opinion of Victor to sway your own decisions and feelings.  I want you to determine for yourself why Victor hasn’t taken your opinions, feelings and values into account.”

            We sat in silence for a while as she turned back to the sunrise. “You know, before Constance I would never have questioned Victor’s love for me.  But…”

            When her voice trailed off, I pressed, “Did she show or say something to you?”

            She contemplated my question.  As much as I’d tried to stay connected with Constance, to lend her as much support as I could in her final hours and moments, she had effectively blocked me from her mind.  Which meant she had been up to something.  “She told me I could trust you.”

            “Do you trust me?”

            “Surprisingly, yes.  For some reason I feel safe with you.  And I’m not sure if that’s because you’re the first being I’ve really been able to communicate with freely and I’m drawn to you because of that, or if you really are just a good-hearted individual.” That was a fair statement and rational. She was rather sharp and analytical.

            I’d take it.  “What else did she say?”

            “Why are you so good at this!?”

            “Good at what?”

            “Talking!  Listening!  Reading between the lines!  Just this!” she motioned between us.  “Just being able to know!”

            She was having a hard time understanding how easy it was for me to understand her, both verbally and non-verbally.  “Because talking and listening are part of good communication skills.  It shows an individual’s compassion in how they communicate with others.  It can show someone you care.  And, over time, you learn when someone isn’t saying everything.”

            Celeste nodded as she absorbed my explanation.  “I’m scared to tell you this, because I don’t know who’s side you’re really on, but my gut is telling me I can trust you.  Please, don’t make me regret being so honest and open with you.”

            Her confession broke my heart even more.  I didn’t want her to ever feel like she couldn’t come to me.  Just like Constance, I wanted her to be able to come to me, to lay her problems, sorrows, anything at my feet and know she was safe.

            She was looking down at her hands, nervously fidgeting.  Reaching over, I caught her chin and turned her face so I could look her in the eyes.  “I am on your side Celeste.  That’s who’s side I am on.  As for betrayal, I’m here to protect you.  This—whatever Victor is planning—isn’t my battle or my priority.  You, Constance, and now those two littles growing inside you, are my priority.”

            “But, why?”  She looked so confused.  “Constance isn’t your mate.  She rejected you and chose a demon half breed instead!” A fair enough question.

            “The why I will answer now.  As for the other half, that’s a different conversation for a different time.”  It had hurt when Constance and Gabriel first met, but as I’d told Constance, I would want her to be happy.  And, if the roles had been reversed—which at one point in time they had been—I would have wanted her to let me go, to live my life.  “The why is easy.  It is because I love her.  Our relationship goes deeper than any kind of bond—real or fake—we could have made.  And, it is because of her, I love you.”

            Tears formed in the corners of her eyes and she quickly looked away.  “Constance basically said the same thing to me.  I never had her beat, Nikolai.  She had me dead to rights and she … She told me because she loved me, she would give herself up to me willingly.  She would give me her body because I deserved to know what love was. I deserved a chance at life. I want to call her crazy. I want to call her stupid for doing such a thing! But, I can’t!.”

            “You’re having a hard time accepting her sacrifice?”

            “Yes.  I’ve been told my whole life I was unloved and unwanted by my blood family.  Yet, Constance came in and blew that all away when she willingly gave herself to me. Is it some kind of trick? I’m so confused by everything she said and did last night.”

            “You don’t have to understand it, comprehend it or even figure out your feelings all in one day.  She gave you a gift and she gave you time to figure all of this out.  Right now, you don’t have to know the why’s, the how’s or the what ifs.  All’s you have to do is believe in her and the gift she gave you.  The rest will fall into place if you don’t fight it.  It’s going to be confusing and overwhelming at times, but that is okay.  You’ll always have me to fall back on. To talk to.”

            “Thank you, Nikolai.”

            I was glad I was the one Victor had ultimately entrusted her to.  Otherwise, who knew what kind of monster would have been bred from Celeste’s pain, confusion and betrayal.  I would have to tell the others to handle her gently because one wrong more, one wrong word could send her running.  The best-case scenario if that happened would be all of us starting back at square one, the worst, we could lose her to Victor.

            “We have some work to do, little one.  You’ve got Constance’s looks but now it’s time to work on her personality and attitude.”

            “Because no one else knows I’m not her.”

            I nodded. She didn’t need to know that everyone knew she wasn’t Constance. Not yet, anyway. She was still too fresh from Victor’s. We didn’t want to give him any reason to doubt Constance’s death, or my loyalty. “Yes.  This is going to take a lot of work and you are going to be put into a lot of situations you won’t be comfortable with.  However, first, let’s just start with how you’re going to get through today.”